Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

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Raine

Guest
I missed you. Welcome back ! Have fun ???
I had fun... Moments lol. Never gonna be stuck in a car for 20 hours again though just to get somewhere lol.

Do I get a cupcake? :)
 
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MissCris

Guest
You know, I'm pretty self aware... I think I know what a jerk looks like. What one acts like. I'm not as openly caring as some. Not so... loving or tender as others. I tried to be at one point. But you know? People walked all over me. Used me. This just didn't help with the bitterness I tried to let go of.
I'm not arguing your self-awareness, nor your intelligence or ability to recognize the truth of a situation. All I really know about you is what I've seen you post here...and I have a theory about you. Just a theory. You can blow it off, ignore it, tell me I'm crazy and don't know what I'm talking about...totally up to you what you do with it, and it's not going to hurt my feelings if you think I'm full of it.

I think you're a very caring person. That you care about the people in your life so much that when they hurt you somehow, or reject you in some way, or take advantage of the loving person you can be...it hurts like hell and you don't know what to do with that. So you strike back, or you put up defenses, and you try to harden the beautiful heart we've seen glimpses of here. I think you're afraid of being seen as sensitive because yeah, there are people who absolutely will take advantage of that. I think you want to trust people, but push them away before they have the chance to hurt you. I think you're clever enough and perceptive enough to know how to "get them before they get you". I've seen cries for help from you- I've seen you briefly bare your soul- I've seen you retreat back into your fortress- and I've seen you tentatively reach out here, maybe unsure of how we'd respond, and I've seen you shut down just as suddenly as you opened up.

That's my theory- that you're hurting and angry that you've been hurt, but that you still have that spark of hope that maybe eventually, taking the risk of letting your guard down won't result in getting burned. I think you act like a jerk to protect yourself.

You're not unique in this way, but you know that already.
You also know that there are people here who care about you, or you wouldn't keep coming back.

Anyway, there's some uninvited and unwelcome opinions. Do what you like with them. I'm still willing to share my coffee. If you don't want coffee, I've got lukewarm tap water or milk that might've reached its expiration date. I'll leave the hug you appear to need to the experts.
 
Jul 25, 2012
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Yeah, that sounds like me. Pushing people away just seems like the most logical way to avoid feeling worse then I usually do.
 
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MissCris

Guest
Yeah, that sounds like me. Pushing people away just seems like the most logical way to avoid feeling worse then I usually do.
Would somebody give this guy a hug or...or a cupcake or...I dunno. *sigh*

There's something about the way you express sadness and pain that tugs at my heart. I'm gonna be praying for you (did that come across like a threat? I dunno, I'm sleepy and weird).
 
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Raine

Guest
*Hugsss Searching4truth*

*Sings*. Don't fight it! You know you needed theeee huuugggg!
 
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iTOREtheSKY

Guest
Does what...?? Homer Simpson & Ugly look alike or something? I don't see it. Or is this some sort of inside joke between you two crazy kids?
 
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Raine

Guest
Does what...?? Homer Simpson & Ugly look alike or something? I don't see it. Or is this some sort of inside joke between you two crazy kids?
He's always text/chat poking people! O:
I feel like I have to run away from his giant finger or something at times. XD
 
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iTOREtheSKY

Guest
Ohhhhhhhh lol ,Ok yeah. I was gonna say..like the a giant scornful finger of God sent from above to poke humanity. I think it's his way of flirting,actually.lol
 
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Raine

Guest
I think it's his way of bugging me or filling in the awkward silences lol.
 
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MissCris

Guest
​I'm not entirely sure if I'm awake or just having a really weird dream right now.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,411
2,405
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I must learn not to try to find shortcuts through areas of town I don't know well, especially on a bicycle. Also, I need to become a better liar so I can tell people I'm busy when really I just don't want to hang out but don't want to hurt their feelings either. Not that it wasn't good to see what God had done in an old acquaintances life, but I want my Sunday back.
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,125
357
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Setting standards is very good. But the thing is the friends keeping those standards. Otherwise it does not really matter. In fact, I just lost my gf and good friend because she did not hold to what she said she would do.

Good morning everyone.

Just a side thought I wanted to talk about and see what you all think. I have a heart full of love, like I literally cannot hate people even if they hate me. I just can't, I love haha.
But.. I love with this feeling that I will be hurt. Everyone in my life I have loved has hurt me. And now I love knowing I will be hurt. I have been like this a long time. But after this break up, it seems to be even worse. Does anyone else ever feel like this?
It almost feels like a fake love, like "I love you, but you will hurt me and this love will not matter" Of course its real love, but not full love.
Its confusing me, and I really don't know what to do..
Taith, Brother, take a look at what Christ did, all the way kept his love given to him all the way to the cross for us, which you have received, and is why you can't hate, and put out love in sincerity. you can get angry just like the rest of us, and you can't see others doing what they do, for that is not you.
I could start with when I was young I had this same thing go on, but it is not about me, for I know not only I have gone through this, as you are right now, everyone has to some extent or another.
especially if all you seem to know is about the love of God.
theses things that are coming your way are coming to stop you on your trek in knowing God and loving as God does in 1 Cor 13:4-7
John 16:33
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

Now this next verse is for humility at the same time victory in humility

1 John 4:4
Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,125
357
83
You know I often feel a bit under achieved when I work the Sunday School kids. The woman before me is an actual teacher, teacher. She was very organized and really good. She taught SS for years. Not me, I got thrown in. It was like,, oh great you're human, you breath, you're not to scary, you can teach Sunday school. In other words, it's very hard to find volunteers. So I go, and I do my best. It's not even a big class, but I still feel like, how will I keep there attention?

One week I was feeling pretty crappy about it because I had a bad day, but then one of the kids hugged me and said, thanks for the rice crispy treats and letting us throw balls at you and each other.

OK, so I'm not perfect, but heck I'm the one who brings good food and doesn't mind being whacked with a ball. So I'm good with them and God. :)
Love God's type always triumphs in the end of the day, so ask God as I know you do and trust for God to work through you so yuo can actually realax and be surprised what comes through your mouth as in the day of Pentecost when they spoke truth, God did this through them and does through you
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,125
357
83
So...it's time to stop the junk food kick I've been on. I feel 10 different kinds of craptastical, and now this swollen ankles/feet thing...yeah. I let myself get stuck in this rut of "convenience" meals, i.e, frozen pizzas and other effortless junk because I was having issues giving a hoot about anything at all, let alone what I ate. I mean, under normal circumstances, I'm not exactly a health nut (no offense to those here who eat healthy!) but the last 3 or so weeks have been too much even for me.

I have no idea how I've stayed right at 210 through all this. I don't honestly care what the scale says but ugh, I've got to get my energy back.

Dang, this means I'll have to like...COOK. Woe is me!
Awesome Sis you see the problem, too much can kill as too little can as well. Was a pepsi-aholic, and couldn't put down the reeses peanut butter cups at one time, and ate, ate , ate wrong foods for years, was at 2501bs, was and am somewhat still diabetic, all these things slowly slip sliding away
Eating in abundance is too easy and an escape from troubles, that are not easy to handle as I found out