Husband would rather masturbate than have sex with me

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#21
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#21
He has issues. He is not interested in love or intimacy only gratification. I venture to say that the issue is not with you but with his own low self esteem. There are depression issues that may be involved. Likely complex situation that would benefit from professional intervention. A good Christian pastor or counselor would be ideal. Continue to pray for him and trust the Lord to resolve the matter in your family.

You have a young child that is depending on both of you. You need to depend on the Lord.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#22
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#22
notuptome said:
He has issues. He is not interested in love or intimacy only gratification. (...) Continue to pray for him and trust the Lord to resolve the matter in your family.

You have a young child that is depending on both of you. You need to depend on the Lord.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
Click to expand...
Here is the hit nail!

Self-gratification, egotism.

That is NOT team work, for sure.
 
N

nimbus3852

Guest
#23
#23
Is alienating the wife going to change the husband?
 
3

38miles

Guest
#24
#24
The fact that sometimes it is with the visual sin of porn and sometimes without makes me think that the problem is MB. That is the "gateway" drug so to speak. I cannot speak for all, but I think the MB is the root of the problem for boys/men and I think that has a lot to do with fathers not intervening in the adolescent years. That was my experience. As men we all carry different parts of us that never matured: extreme laziness, sexual secrecy, lack of self control/temperament, disrespect for authority, etc.

I actually liken porn to a certain something in Revelation...

Seek Christian counseling. Support group for him and her, and both.
 
S

shirl1

Guest
#26
#26
I am sorry you are hurting but before you take any advice talk to God in prayer I know what you are going through God bless
 
S

ServantStrike

Guest
#27
#27
Fenner said:
He's already alienated his wife. Intimacy is a big part of marriage, he'd rather be intimate with pornography.
Click to expand...

Right, and the fact of the matter is, even if he doesn't have it on him when he's doing what he's doing, he's thinking about it when he's alone in the bathroom doing his misdeeds.

I second the suggestion for counseling. Either a counselor, or a pastor needs to be involved here.

When a guy is going for the cheap imitation instead of spending intimate time with his wife, there's a serious problem there.



Is he a Christian? Is he familiar with Matthew 5:27-28?
[SUP]27 [/SUP]Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
[SUP]28 [/SUP]But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Yeah Jesus really said that. No lusting, no excuses.
 
N

nimbus3852

Guest
#28
#28
ServantStrike said:
Right, and the fact of the matter is, even if he doesn't have it on him when he's doing what he's doing, he's thinking about it when he's alone in the bathroom doing his misdeeds.

I second the suggestion for counseling. Either a counselor, or a pastor needs to be involved here.

When a guy is going for the cheap imitation instead of spending intimate time with his wife, there's a serious problem there.



Is he a Christian? Is he familiar with Matthew 5:27-28?
[SUP]27 [/SUP]Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
[SUP]28 [/SUP]But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Yeah Jesus really said that. No lusting, no excuses.
Click to expand...
Jesus teaches the OT law, as well as the NT redemption.
 
N

nimbus3852

Guest
#29
#29
ServantStrike said:
Right, and the fact of the matter is, even if he doesn't have it on him when he's doing what he's doing, he's thinking about it when he's alone in the bathroom doing his misdeeds.

I second the suggestion for counseling. Either a counselor, or a pastor needs to be involved here.

When a guy is going for the cheap imitation instead of spending intimate time with his wife, there's a serious problem there.



Is he a Christian? Is he familiar with Matthew 5:27-28?
[SUP]27 [/SUP]Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
[SUP]28 [/SUP]But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Yeah Jesus really said that. No lusting, no excuses.
Click to expand...
You're prooftexting. I'm sure if you keep reading the context of this verse, you would be preaching the gospel of self-mutilation.

Great news everybody! You get to poke your eyes out! Because ServantStrike is reading the bible literally!
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#30
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#30
nimbus3852 said:
You're prooftexting. I'm sure if you keep reading the context of this verse, you would be preaching the gospel of self-mutilation.

Great news everybody! You get to poke your eyes out! Because ServantStrike is reading the bible literally!
Click to expand...


What his point is, Jesus said it's wrong. I'm not sure if you're OK with the original poster's husband choosing pornography over his wife, are you saying that's OK? I'm confused.
 
N

nimbus3852

Guest
#31
#31
What is the law regarding porn? 18+ only. That's about all.

The modern legal system includes many advantages over Jewish law, including more moderate application of the death penalty. Did you know that you're supposed to die for working on the Sabbath? And if you're raped, you just found your "true love" and a wedding would follow?
 
S

ServantStrike

Guest
#32
#32
nimbus3852 said:
You're prooftexting. I'm sure if you keep reading the context of this verse, you would be preaching the gospel of self-mutilation.

Great news everybody! You get to poke your eyes out! Because ServantStrike is reading the bible literally!
Click to expand...
What's your beef?

Obviously if we took the words that follow those verses literally, there would be a lot of people walking around without eyes (or hands). That wouldn't change the lust problem though, since the images are still burned into the mind of the person who gouged their eyes out.

Is your combative posting style supposed to prove something?
 
N

nimbus3852

Guest
#33
#33
Fenner said:
What his point is, Jesus said it's wrong. I'm not sure if you're OK with the original poster's husband choosing pornography over his wife, are you saying that's OK? I'm confused.
Click to expand...
You can't pick and choose with the Law of Moses. It's either binding in it's entirety, or it's not.

Christians should know that there are 613 commandments, not just 10.

613 commandments - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
 
N

nimbus3852

Guest
#34
#34
ServantStrike said:
What's your beef?

Obviously if we took the words that follow those verses literally, there would be a lot of people walking around without eyes (or hands). That wouldn't change the lust problem though, since the images are still burned into the mind of the person who gouged their eyes out.

Is your combative posting style supposed to prove something?
Click to expand...
You can make the bible say anything you want to.

I strongly oppose bad hermenutics, including prooftexting, as you have done.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#35
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#35
nimbus3852 said:
You can't pick and choose with the Law of Moses. It's either binding in it's entirety, or it's not.

Christians should know that there are 613 commandments, not just 10.

613 commandments - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Click to expand...


But she was asking about a specific problem she's having in her marriage. I'm sure she doesn't claim to be perfect either, but she has a specific concern.

I've never seen anyone come on here and ask, "How do I handle my husband's porn addiction?" And then say, "Oh but I stole a dollar from my neighbor."

She wants guidance with that problem.
 
N

nimbus3852

Guest
#36
#36
ServantStrike said:
That wouldn't change the lust problem though, since the images are still burned into the mind of the person who gouged their eyes out.
Click to expand...
So now you're saying that Jesus was wrong? If the comment about gouging the eye out is incorrect, would it not follow that what preceded was not correct?

Further. Are we saved by grace, or by works. This passage states salvation is by works. How do you deal with that, in your system of theology?
 
N

nimbus3852

Guest
#37
#37
Fenner said:
But she was asking about a specific problem she's having in her marriage. I'm sure she doesn't claim to be perfect either, but she has a specific concern.

I've never seen anyone come on here and ask, "How do I handle my husband's porn addiction?" And then say, "Oh but I stole a dollar from my neighbor."

She wants guidance with that problem.
Click to expand...
She is getting wrong advice based on Jewish Law. So Jewish Law should be understood, so the wrong advice can be discarded.
 
S

ServantStrike

Guest
#38
#38
nimbus3852 said:
So now you're saying that Jesus was wrong? If the comment about gouging the eye out is incorrect, would it not follow that what preceded was not correct?

Further. Are we saved by grace, or by works. This passage states salvation is by works. How do you deal with that, in your system of theology?
Click to expand...
No, it doesn't state salvation by works.

In all the years I've been a Christian I don't think I've ever seen someone argue against that passage.


I'm not a hebrew roots type, I don't advocate salvation by works, and I'd appreciate it if you would stop and think before posting next time.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#39
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#39
nimbus3852 said:
She is getting wrong advice based on Jewish Law. So Jewish Law should be understood, so the wrong advice can be discarded.
Click to expand...

This isn't the Bible discussion forum. You haven't answered my question, do you think it's OK for her husband to be intimate with pornography rather than his wife?
 
N

nimbus3852

Guest
#40
#40
Fenner said:
This isn't the Bible discussion forum. You haven't answered my question, do you think it's OK for her husband to be intimate with pornography rather than his wife?
Click to expand...
I would not think it would be an either/or situation.

I enjoy porn with my wife on occasion. We are both okay with it.

And one's interpretation of the bible is quite relevant, I should think. Because that is where a lot of Christians find their value system.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.