Why Do We Seem to Think that the Desire for Love/Companionship Ends at Age 35?

[Magenta]

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[seoulsearch]

Oh my goodness, Lady M!!!

Thank you so very much!!!!

I LOVE this--the colors, the characters, the flowers, and even a hummingbird!!! <3

Your artwork very much reminds me of the movie Legend (1986) with Tom Cruise:

Back in the day, I watched that movie several times not because it had the greatest story or acting, but because they entire movie was like a running frame of visual fantasy art (which I LOVE), and that's what I think of when I see your posts around the forum.

I have always been drawn to scenes of whimsy, fantasy, and a time long, long ago, and your artwork always gives me a warm, secure feeling. In fact, this is why I often call you Lady M--because your art makes me think of a times of lords and ladies, and that old-fashioned notion that "True Love Conquers All."

Thank you very much for lighting up my day (and those of many others, I'm sure) with your amazing talent! <3 <3 <3 (As you can see, I can't even create a "real" heart, let alone fantastic images like yours!)

 

[theanointedsinner]

if it ends at 35 and after, hey, you will never have the desire that makes you "covet"
or, on second thought, who told you that it will end on 35 instead of "never ending"?

 

[Adstar]

Hey Everyone,

I admit that when I found myself very unwillingly divorced around 25 years old, I was in panic mode and thought that if I didn't find another possibility very, very soon, my life would be over. At that time, I couldn't fathom waiting until I was 30... and then 35... and somewhere along the line, 40 blasted right past me and here I am... still searching.

I suppose the biggest thing for me was the good old biological clock--the time frame for having a family was slowing ticking away, and even at 38, I thought there still might be a possibility. However, when I look at things realistically... Even if I met someone today, we'd probably date for a year or two... then hopefully be married for at least 3 years (that's what my Mom always advised me to do, so that you have time to get to know each other), and that would mean I would right around 50 years old--and supposedly looking at having my first baby, if at all possible.

I'm sorry, but I'm not a Hollywood celebrity--I don't have a fortune and an entourage with which to raise my kids, and I really can't see myself chasing after toddlers full-time at that age. If God has other plans, so be it, but I also think it's important to stay grounded in reality.

This has led me to really pay attention when some of our more experienced single peers here on the forum express a desire to meet someone special--people in their 40's, 50's, 60's, and even 70's. I have noticed that sometimes, the younger members (and I fall into this trap, too) seem to be surprised that anyone "at that age" might still have the desire to find love and someone to share their life with.

* Why is that so surprising?

* Why does there seem to be this belief that if you don't find someone by, let's say age 35 (I just used that as an arbitrary example), that a person's potential and longing withers and dies, and anyone past a certain age should just give up on romantic love?

I certainly don't ascribe to the belief that people cease desiring to be married once they past the age of 35.. But what i will scribe to is that most men who want to get married have the desire to become dads as their main motivation.. Men get married to have a family.. They generally do not get married just to gain a wife..

So the biological clock ticking in a woman plays an extremely important factor in whether that woman is looked upon my men as being a desirable candidate for being their wife.. Once a man perceives that a woman is past her fertile ability to bare a child then he will no longer look upon her as being a candidate for marriage..

The difference between men and woman is the age where fertility ceases.. Most men can father a child well into their 50's if they are half healthy and if they are healthy past their 60's .. Most woman start to have fertility problems as they past 35..

* Is it because they are at an age that's nearly, or well past the biological prime of having children, and that's what most people see marriage as being geared for?

Yep.. That's it..

 

[HHIFUN]

That’s an interesting thought. I’m 48 and I’ve been single for seven years. My marriage was not good. I took five years to heal from it and I still have days.
But I still very much have the desire to be in a relationship and get married again. But I’m finding not a lot of men are in search of that.

 

[DianeM1965]

Here's some wisdom which helped me. Take it or leave it :

Isaiah 55 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Deuteronomy 31 Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.

Matthew 6 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Philippians 4 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

I'm going through the same thing right now. I have always loved that scripture, Philippians 4. It really grounds a person when struggles come your way and you dwell on that scripture.

 

[Faith-n-Christ]

Lol!! It's awesome that you have such a heart for people, Tommy.

Actually, this raises an excellent point--I've heard many times that older couples don't get married because they will lose certain benefits or would have to pay more in taxes, etc., than they could afford. They literally don't have enough to survive in order to get married, and it's not like they can just go out and find jobs.

I don't know what the solution would be for that. I know everyone would say, "Just trust God to provide," but I can't judge anyone because I'm not facing that dilemma (at least not yet.)

I know it would certainly be a heartbreaker if I wanted to get married--but would lose my means of survival if I did so.

My Aunt and Uncle had to get a divorce. Just so S.S. didn't take away what they paid for. I don't know the details. But I have heard this story from several couples as well. They all remained together and to each couple still married to each other. Only divorced on paper in their eyes. Rather sad.

 

[Tommy379]

My Aunt and Uncle had to get a divorce. Just so S.S. didn't take away what they paid for. I don't know the details. But I have heard this story from several couples as well. They all remained together and to each couple still married to each other. Only divorced on paper in their eyes. Rather sad.

That's what happens with progressive income taxation, and government involvement in social welfare and other programs.

 

[Faith-n-Christ]

I am unsure about the age "idea" or how it even came about. I learned young (16) I was a CNA at a nursing home. I was doing my rounds. Knocked on a couples door twice, no answer. Opened door to check on them or see if they were even in the room. To my surprise they were quite busy. I quickly shut the door ( beet red) and moved down the hall. Later my charge nurse heard about it and talked to me. She informed me I did right and to not be to concerned. It is normal and healthy. That we might even come across unmarried couples. Just be respectful.

As you can imagine at 16, we don't think about our parents, let-a-lone our grandparents sexually active. And as writer states all we see on TV is young love. There have been a few movies of late with older couples. I remember one trailer Jack Nicholas. I never seen the show. But they are 50+ lovers.

I was married and had my children. Now divorced, and content with who I am. I could not imagine what it must be like for a woman desiring children and not having the chance. Maybe like the story above. The Lord can fill that desire a different way.

I'm 42 physically I can no longer have children w/o a surgical procedure. And honestly have no desire to. I have also heard from some men in their late 30s early 40s never married still hoping for children themselves. It does make you wonder. But as with a few married friends marriage and consummation, does not always insure children.

What a world we live in.

 

[Faith-n-Christ]

That's what happens with progressive income taxation, and government involvement in social welfare and other programs.

true, and agreed. However, how many do you know who would care for their aged family and loved ones?. I don't know many. In fact why I can't work in a nursing home. Once an aged one is placed in a facility, very few come to visit the family member. I heard so many stories working there. I enjoyed my elders and their stories ( raised by my great-grandma) it came natural to me. But seeing their pain when no one showed up. Not even on holidays.
And how most staff are there for a check and treat them poorly. Again a sad situation all the way around.

 

[Tommy379]

true, and agreed. However, how many do you know who would care for their aged family and loved ones?. I don't know many. In fact why I can't work in a nursing home. Once an aged one is placed in a facility, very few come to visit the family member. I heard so many stories working there. I enjoyed my elders and their stories ( raised by my great-grandma) it came natural to me. But seeing their pain when no one showed up. Not even on holidays.
And how most staff are there for a check and treat them poorly. Again a sad situation all the way around.

That's wy people need to stop being in perpetual debt. Get the government out the way, it could happen. Ever notice how as government debt rises, so does personal debt? We have 80 years of people just expecting someone else or the government to take care of everything.

 

[Faith-n-Christ]

That's wy people need to stop being in perpetual debt. Get the government out the way, it could happen. Ever notice how as government debt rises, so does personal debt? We have 80 years of people just expecting someone else or the government to take care of everything.

Taxes won't go away. They've been around thousands of years. As far as retirement sure I get what you are saying. But if one becomes weak and frail in their old age. Then what? Do you trust that you can pay someone to do you right? If you become senial then what? Not to many are so blessed in their later years that they don't need anyone to help them. I've personally only known 2. My great-grandmother and a neighbor we all called pops. But even he had to care for his wife who could not care for her self.

If you are only speaking of big government. Again agreed, but how many obey and follow what we are told to do in the bible. It goes in great detail about who cares for a widow. (1 Tim 5: ) if I recall correctly is one.

 

[Tommy379]

Taxes won't go away. They've been around thousands of years. As far as retirement sure I get what you are saying. But if one becomes weak and frail in their old age. Then what? Do you trust that you can pay someone to do you right? If you become senial then what? Not to many are so blessed in their later years that they don't need anyone to help them. I've personally only known 2. My great-grandmother and a neighbor we all called pops. But even he had to care for his wife who could not care for her self.

If you are only speaking of big government. Again agreed, but how many obey and follow what we are told to do in the bible. It goes in great detail about who cares for a widow. (1 Tim 5: ) if I recall correctly is one.

Progressive income taxation has only existed since 1913 in the United States.

If people saved their money.......

 

[Jewel5712]

Lol..GOOD THREAD SEOUL..LIKE USUAL...been married..divorced..married..divorced..and spent 30 years as a single parent to 4 kids..needless to say..telling a perspective date you have 4 kids usually made them run for the hills (when what i was looking for was a man to say "hey..the more the merrier) didnt happen..now at 51 and pretty much an empty nester and have time and energy for a real relationship..i feel the pressure of getting older and not having the health etc for the things id like to share with someone..you know..bedore all the "doctors visits stage) ..i have so much love to give yet but no "perspectives" that i know of..not even close. Theres so many "firsts" i havent even experienced at my age..honeymoon where e groom wasnt drunk or i wasnt pregnant..trips or vacations.buying our first house together...and other than the matchmakers here on CC people dont "match" or even have the MINDSET that i might still WANT love in my life..maybe been there and done that too many times..or undeserving..Lord KNOWS i still have to work on my submissiveness (dont judge ) lol but the possible thought of being single the rest of my life doesnt thrill me either..

 

[Jewel5712]

What makes a marriage to God?

I know we must obey the governments, but the state being involved in marriage is a new thing. Virginia didn't have marriage licenses until reconstruction, to keep whites and blacks from marrying. Before that, any question about two being married involved the questions of:

Did they affirm an oath in accordance with their faith?

Did they lay together?

Do they cohabitate?

Alabama is floating a law to get rid of marriage licenses. Will God see a marriage made in Alabama as invalid?

Im going to end up paying way more in taxes not being married.

What makes a marriage to God..interesting question..id say the CONSUMATION does..the "spilling of blood..like we are SUPPOSED to be vigins on our wedding night..the changing of names and the covenant under God were all things talked bout in the bible..God did this many times in the Bible..when a covenant was made between God and man..shedding of blood like a sacrifice etc and name change...question is..in THIS day and age..if consumation represents marriage..how any people are WE "married" to because of sexual partners?

 

[Jewel5712]

The family isn't looking like what it use to. I never thought I'd be divorced, let alone, looking for a Mrs. Tommy.

We still have this romanticized image of young love in our society. It was great, but time stands still for no one.

I never thought it was strange for the older folk to pair up. When I say older, I mean well into the medicare years. Everything else is still pretty youthful.

I remember when I was really new to my job, I got a call for a sex offense at the nursing home. This actually kinda funny. I go down there, told by staff, they found two residents in bed together. Oh no, the humanity. The director of the facility was beside herself. It was a man and woman, both widowed, in their 90s. He said she was his girlfriend, she said he was a stud. I told the director I wasn't going to charge people in their 90s with fornication. She wasn't happy. Apparently, I'm supposed to do something about everything. I disagree. I'm not going to get in the way of old love.

I was 21 back then. It clicked with me, it's always going to be this way. Never wanting to be alone for too long.

I always feel like time is ticking away, but I'm not too old. I'm still looking for a prayer ninja to fight back to back with, against the forces of evil. Plus my cat doesn't talk back.

Amen!

 

[Jewel5712]

I certainly don't ascribe to the belief that people cease desiring to be married once they past the age of 35.. But what i will scribe to is that most men who want to get married have the desire to become dads as their main motivation.. Men get married to have a family.. They generally do not get married just to gain a wife..

So the biological clock ticking in a woman plays an extremely important factor in whether that woman is looked upon my men as being a desirable candidate for being their wife.. Once a man perceives that a woman is past her fertile ability to bare a child then he will no longer look upon her as being a candidate for marriage..

The difference between men and woman is the age where fertility ceases.. Most men can father a child well into their 50's if they are half healthy and if they are healthy past their 60's .. Most woman start to have fertility problems as they past 35..



Yep.. That's it..

Well..they might be looking for family in thier 20+ yrs..but in thier 50s after a sexless martiage and divorce..theyre looking for a midlife crisis "play thing" ..no commitment..in thier 65+ theyre looking for a companion and to not die alone...lol

 

[Jewel5712]

The family isn't looking like what it use to. I never thought I'd be divorced, let alone, looking for a Mrs. Tommy.

We still have this romanticized image of young love in our society. It was great, but time stands still for no one.

I never thought it was strange for the older folk to pair up. When I say older, I mean well into the medicare years. Everything else is still pretty youthful.

I remember when I was really new to my job, I got a call for a sex offense at the nursing home. This actually kinda funny. I go down there, told by staff, they found two residents in bed together. Oh no, the humanity. The director of the facility was beside herself. It was a man and woman, both widowed, in their 90s. He said she was his girlfriend, she said he was a stud. I told the director I wasn't going to charge people in their 90s with fornication. She wasn't happy. Apparently, I'm supposed to do something about everything. I disagree. I'm not going to get in the way of old love.

I was 21 back then. It clicked with me, it's always going to be this way. Never wanting to be alone for too long.

I always feel like time is ticking away, but I'm not too old. I'm still looking for a prayer ninja to fight back to back with, against the forces of evil. Plus my cat doesn't talk back.

Btw..the lady at the home shouldnt get UPSET bout it..she shouldve been HAPPY that at THIER age everything still "worked" so they COULD fornicate

 

[Faith-n-Christ]

Progressive income taxation has only existed since 1913 in the United States.

If people saved their money.......

I gotcha you are only speaking of social security and the wel-fare systems. You are correct in the fact ( the people ) most are now dependent on the government. I just read an article about that not to long ago. I brought up how the Israelites became dependent on the Egyptains and had a hard time adjusting after Moses brought them out. It went into alot more detail. true back then and true today.