Why are you single?

zeroturbulence · Dec 27, 2019

Who can say
where the road goes
where the day flows
only time

And who can say
if your love grows
as your heart chose
only time

Who can say
why your heart sighs
as your love flies
only time

And who can say
why your heart cries
when your love lies
only time

Who can say
when the roads meet
that love might be
in your heart

And who can say
when the day sleeps
if the night keeps
all your heart..

(Enya - Only Time)

BrotherMike · Dec 27, 2019

laughingheart said:

Thank you for your heart felt reply. The one family member literally destroyed all the relationships in the family on my moms side. My dads side are not Christians and were much nicer to be with. It feels very suffocating and hard to process. I’ve learned to let it go and forgive. I’m just glad I have a choice to remove them from my life.

kinda · Dec 27, 2019

KhedetOrthos said:

Glad all is well. Leaving a couple of Bible verses for encouragement.

Revelation 21:4

‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’[a] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Matthew 22:30

At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.

BrotherMike · Dec 27, 2019

kinda said:

What’s done is done, but makes me wonder what if he didn’t eat it. What if she didn’t eat it? What if he ate it and she didn’t? God is the beginning and the end, He knew what would happen. It was both of their faults. We all fall short... we ate it.

kinda · Dec 27, 2019

BrotherMike said:

Being like the angels of heaven sounds good to me!

Matthew 22:30

At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.

BrotherMike · Dec 27, 2019

kinda said:

Amen! I can only imagine...

No married people in heaven... be like angels... what an amazing deep thought to dream about.

Mak33 · Dec 27, 2019

maribm4 said:

I’ve thought about this too, that there’s not much decent christian guys out there... but as I ponder through... I thought, It can not be, right? Because it would mean that there are no guys who loves God to be godly enough, enough not to compromise or loose integrity and morality. If So, then christianity fails us, our ancestors fail to convert generations of men to progress into a full grown christian men... thinking about it made me hopeful that there are still out there. This might not be the reason, although I thought about it too all the time...

To answer the thread question personally:
1. I always felt that I might end up with the wrong person.
2. I don’t entertain or give guy friends a chance or even a hint of probability, WHEN i don’t “like” the guy (not even getting to know them) so this is me really, setting up barrier.
3. And when I do like a guy it’s always the wrong ones, as I believe or perceive it to be.
4. I might be looking for someone that doesn’t exist, but I believe all things are possible.
5. I am an introvert, it’s hard to socialize or mingle and meet people
6. There might be something wrong with me, I’m matured enough to consider this, it’s a probability, so I’m open to it.

Comments, suggestions, violent reactions are welcome.
😂

But With all these taken into consideration, I’ve also consulted God in all my dealings with guys and relationships (I know God want’s the best for me and I want what God want’s for me, not just what I want) so I guess I just haven’t really found the right person yet...

Mak33 · Dec 27, 2019

maribm4 said:

I don’t think God would want to put a “non-christian guy” in your life, you have to remind yourself that God is a good God who want’s what is best and good for you, we can question or doubt situations and circumstances but God will always want’s the best and good for you. Even if we can’t seem to see or don’t know his plan in plain sight.

Mak33 · Dec 27, 2019

Jo2016 said:

Nuns and monks united 🤚🏼

3angelsmsg · Dec 27, 2019

Mak33 said:

I like the point where you are asking if there isnt full grown godly men around. It reminds me of the time where the sons of God took them daughters of men when they saw that they were beautiful. That is the problem coming along for centuries or for 6000 years now. Intermarriage with unbelievers. It resulted in the Flood in Noah's day. And today we stand on the border of the heavenly Canaan and sadly history repeats itself.

Sadly, we sacrifice our integrity, values, belief for ungodly unions. Reminds me of Ezra and Nehemiah's days. Where the Israelites also married women from other nations. And stern action was taken by Ezra and Nehemiah to let the women and children leave for their land. They had to do it because the children was taught in foreign language and couldn't understand the language of their fathers whom was hebrew a loss of whole generation very sad.

What can we learn from that?

cinder · Dec 27, 2019

BrotherMike said:

Which leads me to what may be the best answer to give when someone asks why you're single:

Well there's no more getting married in heaven, I just thought I'd get a head start.

Ok maybe not the best answer, but sure not something anyone can argue with.

cinder · Dec 27, 2019

Mak33 said:

Probably also worth asking if our mental image of a decent christian guy is a realistic expectation of guys. With so many guys who complain about nice guys finish last and women only go for the bad boys, well maybe we should ask ourselves if the standard we set up as "decent christian guy" is one that ends up making a man seem less masculine and desirable when the guy tries to live it out.

Can a decent Christian guy go out with his co-workers for happy hour occasionally? How much swearing can he do? Is he allowed to get angry, how angry and what's a godly way to respond to that anger? What happens when he fails to live up to his high ideals? How emotional and sensitive does he need to be to be a "decent Christian guy"? etc. While there are plenty of no good guys out there ( and as you get older it can seem that the good ones were taken and the not so good ones are all that's left), I think there's a huge swath of guys who aren't rated as no good, but are rated as not good enough to be God's best?

If you don't believe me, think of all the behaviors that might make a guy fall out of the category of "decent Christian guy" in general popular opinion now think of all the behaviors that might make a woman fall out of the category of "good Christian woman". My own impression is that a woman pretty much has to be promiscuous or rebellious towards the "wrong people" to stop being a good Christian woman. A guy can fail to be a decent Christian guy because he smokes, doesn't pay enough attention to his lady, or occasionally loses his temper. So I think we might have a double standard (or possibly have exactly the same standard that makes the vices men are more prone to the really bad ones) when it comes to evaluating who the good Christians are.

Mak33 · Dec 27, 2019

cinder said:

Probably also worth asking if our mental image of a decent christian guy is a realistic expectation of guys. With so many guys who complain about nice guys finish last and women only go for the bad boys, well maybe we should ask ourselves if the standard we set up as "decent christian guy" is one that ends up making a man seem less masculine and desirable when the guy tries to live it out.

Can a decent Christian guy go out with his co-workers for happy hour occasionally? How much swearing can he do? Is he allowed to get angry, how angry and what's a godly way to respond to that anger? What happens when he fails to live up to his high ideals? How emotional and sensitive does he need to be to be a "decent Christian guy"? etc. While there are plenty of no good guys out there ( and as you get older it can seem that the good ones were taken and the not so good ones are all that's left), I think there's a huge swath of guys who aren't rated as no good, but are rated as not good enough to be God's best?

If you don't believe me, think of all the behaviors that might make a guy fall out of the category of "decent Christian guy" in general popular opinion now think of all the behaviors that might make a woman fall out of the category of "good Christian woman". My own impression is that a woman pretty much has to be promiscuous or rebellious towards the "wrong people" to stop being a good Christian woman. A guy can fail to be a decent Christian guy because he smokes, doesn't pay enough attention to his lady, or occasionally loses his temper. So I think we might have a double standard (or possibly have exactly the same standard that makes the vices men are more prone to the really bad ones) when it comes to evaluating who the good Christians are.

Yes I agree the scope of being “decent christian” is very broad, and also vice versa it relates to women too.

Mak33 · Dec 27, 2019

3angelsmsg said:

I like the point where you are asking if there isnt full grown godly men around. It reminds me of the time where the sons of God took them daughters of men when they saw that they were beautiful. That is the problem coming along for centuries or for 6000 years now. Intermarriage with unbelievers. It resulted in the Flood in Noah's day. And today we stand on the border of the heavenly Canaan and sadly history repeats itself.

Sadly, we sacrifice our integrity, values, belief for ungodly unions. Reminds me of Ezra and Nehemiah's days. Where the Israelites also married women from other nations. And stern action was taken by Ezra and Nehemiah to let the women and children leave for their land. They had to do it because the children was taught in foreign language and couldn't understand the language of their fathers whom was hebrew a loss of whole generation very sad.

What can we learn from that?

Hi, thanks, just to clarify, I was stating that there are still decent christians men, that I refuse to believe there are none because christianity is still widespread, wideout and unrestricted. 😊

GaryA · Dec 27, 2019

Tay35 said:

Hey - I wouldn't bother looking for someone who is already a wife...

Just kidding - I know what you mean.

3angelsmsg · Dec 27, 2019

Mak33 said:

I don't fully agree with you, on that. We are living on the edge of eternity. And according to the bible many will give up the faith. Meaning there will not be many truly converted souls.

And Jesus said, as it were in the days of Noah so shall it be at His coming. There are many professing christians but how many are doers of the word. Many are born into christian family and take the name of christianity without living the life.

Lynx · Jan 30, 2020

Time is like a living thing. Easy to kill, but impossible to resurrect. That's why I like to be early if I can, because it is so easy to kill time and so stressful to scramble if you have killed too much.

Lynx · Jan 30, 2020

Now how did this post get here? This was supposed to go in potentially profound thoughts.

Oh well, far too late to fix it now.

Princesse · Feb 22, 2020

There’s a line in the Hobbit trilogy which comes to mind. Thorin approaches the dwarves and poses a question. He says, “I have no right to ask this of any of you. Will you follow me one last time?”

In that simple statement lies the heart of my dilemma. I’m not looking for Gandalf. The super human person devoid of imperfections. I’m seeking the man who’s willing to face his fears and shortcomings. One who realizes his failures and disappointments won’t free him from the necessity of continuing and asking the same.

I can’t follow someone who desires a crown based on what he’s read or heard. I won’t entrust my welfare to a man whose made no effort to increase his aptitude. Belief is not the same as charting a path and bringing it to fruition. I’m not a guinea pig.

The person who desires to be an exemplary keeper will take steps to prepare for the role. He’ll develop competency through firsthand experiences in his work, church, or extracurricular pursuits. And solicit feedback on his performance and areas of improvement. He doesn’t expect the mantle to be handed to him. He wants to prove he’s the right man for the job.

Many years ago, I drafted a plan for self-improvement. It covered multiple spheres of the mind, body, heart and spirit. I was motivated by a question that was never posed I needed to answer. What have I done while waiting for the one I sought? How has my time been spent in the interim?

I wanted to answer that question to the best of my ability. I wanted to present my spouse with a companion who merited his pride and esteem. Because he’s worth it and I require the same. The bible tells us to count our days. I raise this subject in my engagements early on.

I’m looking for evidence of industry and its related fruits. I’m determining his measure of discipline and self-control. And the best way to gauge someone’s fitness for leadership is to observe how they manage themselves when no one’s watching.

We invest time and attention to things that matter. I gauge my suitor’s commitments according to their investments. Whatever he earnestly regards will always have experiences that corroborate its value. Whether its his career, health, or personal interests. If it’s important to him he’ll assign time and resources for its engagement and improvement.

Those who desire to become exceptional leaders place themselves in situations which enable them to develop their skills, make mistakes, receive feedback and correction. That’s how great leaders are formed. You can’t read or study your way to that place. Or stake your proficiency on someone’s words or naïveté. You have to do the work.

I was fortunate to forge alliances with gentlemen well adept in this area. My conundrum is finding the same in Christian circles. Many know the scriptures. They have bible studies under their belt and that’s good. But in the words of an IT director I know, “I don’t care about your certifications. What I want to know is can you troubleshoot?” And I’m asking the same.

Belief doesn’t tell me how you handle adversity. Or your ability to see a project from start to finish. It doesn’t reveal your response to criticism and setbacks. Or how you deal with disappointments and those you’ve failed. It doesn’t speak for your willingness to pick yourself up when you’ve fallen. Or the necessity of acknowledging your limitations and seeking help.

Experience is our truth serum. It’s the difference between the armchair golfer and the one on the tee who realizes it’s a lot of work. In like fashion, when you’ve led others or shaped a soul (I’ve done both), you see beyond the cliches. You’re looking for substance. Something you can take hold of that won’t run out of steam or bolt.

I began with Thorin for a reason. We are promised sunshine and rain. There will be numerous opportunities when quitting is easier than staying the course. Sometimes you don’t know the way forward. But you have enough in your tool belt to see you through.

I can’t stake my future on wishful thinking and wouldn’t expect my companion to do the same. We’re mutually responsible for using the time allotted to address our person. We should be committed to growth on all levels. That doesn’t mean perfection. But it does imply maturity and sacrifice. Two elements marriage demands.

For me, it’s a question of self-love and regard. I value myself too much to permit mismanagement. I’ve seen the perils of both. And the cleanup is always more involved than the mess that caused the wreck. I won’t suffer the same.

Adstar · Feb 22, 2020

zeroturbulence said:

One of my top 3 favorite female Singers.

What a dreamy voice

Why are you single?

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