The Banned Game
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The Assistant Manager opened the fancy letter which had been delivered by the local delivery company. It was addressed to “Empress Jenny”. The handwriting suggested that a man was the sender and that he usually used a keyboard for his letters. The spelling and the grammar indicated that the sender was not American or Canadian. The letter roughly threatened her with a lawsuit filed unless she apologized for the infamous commercial for pizza which had caused unrest between five countries she’d never before heard of. A lawsuit also could be avoided if she accepted a proposal of marriage from the sender. Or else he would marry her coworker Ruby. The letter was sent from Antarctica.
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She thought about his proposal, long and hard. Should she say yes, can she marry a man with frost bite? lol.
The question was asked on the letter "will you marry me" with two check boxes marked yes and no.
She thought about her ex, Mr Band for less than two seconds and ticked the yes box.
It was official, she accepted his marriage proposal. She returned the letter to the wicked leader.
They were now engaged with the wedding date of next month.
The question was asked on the letter "will you marry me" with two check boxes marked yes and no.
She thought about her ex, Mr Band for less than two seconds and ticked the yes box.
It was official, she accepted his marriage proposal. She returned the letter to the wicked leader.
They were now engaged with the wedding date of next month.
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President Lanolin had finished reading Neighbours which turned out quite predictable in the end after all even though one of the characters was killed off early in the book in a dubious car crash involving banana peels. But that was typical Danielle Steel. Poor Moses.
Her beautiful heroine Ruby who lived next door then had to look after his pet goat that he left behind, named Moses junior, because she was so kind hearted that she could not resist. The goat ate everything in the house, but she learned to love the little kid.
There was a doorbell rang, and Lanolin heard dull thud. She opened the door and there was a box of pizza sitting on the doorstep, still hot.
Mushroom pizza? My favourite! But I only read 3 books! I thought I needed to read 7. What is going on?
There was note saying 'from your secret admirer'
well thank you secret admirer! She said out loud.
It was possibly one of those juvenile pranks to stop her from reading and get back to work. Nice one He who must not be named! But you dont fool me.
Her beautiful heroine Ruby who lived next door then had to look after his pet goat that he left behind, named Moses junior, because she was so kind hearted that she could not resist. The goat ate everything in the house, but she learned to love the little kid.
There was a doorbell rang, and Lanolin heard dull thud. She opened the door and there was a box of pizza sitting on the doorstep, still hot.
Mushroom pizza? My favourite! But I only read 3 books! I thought I needed to read 7. What is going on?
There was note saying 'from your secret admirer'
well thank you secret admirer! She said out loud.
It was possibly one of those juvenile pranks to stop her from reading and get back to work. Nice one He who must not be named! But you dont fool me.
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Oh no Empress Lanolin has received a free pizza from secret admirer "wicked one" who is also engaged to Empress Jenny. Seems like he did not think this through properly. He cannot romance them both at the same time, he'll go broke. Has he got a wicked twin? Seems like that may solve the problem.
Meanwhile Empress Ruby was updating the books on her eyelash empire. Her business was doing so well. She planned her next holiday. Yachting around the world sounded good.
Meanwhile Empress Ruby was updating the books on her eyelash empire. Her business was doing so well. She planned her next holiday. Yachting around the world sounded good.
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Reunited with Mordecai at last, after his long stint as an icecube and the demeaning treatment he'd been forced to endure from the now-Empress of Rubyland, a little tired from his brief episode of heroics with saving the life of the Jennymaesian Empress, and then more tired after numerous unsuccessful attempts at taking vengeance upon the incompetent-yet-cheerful Pizza Hut worker also coincidentally named Ruby, Moses the Younger had retired to his secret-underground bunker in Antarctica for a break.
Mordecai had not been idle in the Chieftain's absence. Not only was the secret-underground bunker repaired and fully functional, it had been relocated to an even-more-secret location after its previous unfortunate discovery by the two Empresses parachuting in, and the poor Shittimistanian guards receiving some kicked ***es.
As Moses the Younger entered his Inner Sanctum, his mouth dropped open in surprise. Standing nobly to attention, were three men who looked almost exactly like himself.
"Who are these?" Moses asked incredulously.
"Why, sir, they are you!" Mordecai beamed at the Chieftain.
"I was unsure whether you would ever return at all, so I took the liberty of creating some clones with which to carry on your legacy. Given our enemies have not refrained from utilising prohibited lipsticks, I thought it was only fair for Mosestaria to unsubscribe from the ban on cloning we committed to while GG was still with us."
"They are... beautiful..." the Chieftain murmured, as he thoughtfully stroked the beard of the clone closest to him, much to its annoyance.
"Handsome, actually..." a female voice corrected him, before the nearest clone's annoyance could turn into a snarl.
Moses the Younger spun around to be surprised for the second time that afternoon. A beautiful, smiling Japovian warrioress approached him. It took Moses several seconds to realise this was the same warrioress who had been left frozen all that time ago. Moses tried not to look at her for very long. He'd realised that all the beautiful females he encountered seemed to spontaneously become either hideously ugly and hairy, or if not, a mortal enemy-in-disguise, in a follow-up episode.
"Moses, meet Tzipora..." Mordecai introduced the newcomer. "I collected her from Japovia and dethawed her when I realised something had happened to you. It was her idea to create the clones..."
Moses nodded his affirmation.
"Our plan is to marry these off to both of the Empresses, and the President of Lanolinland," Tzipora continued. "We intend to tailor each of them to the exact tastes and preferences of each of the respective leaders of Rubyland, Jennymaesia and Lanolinland..."
Moses raised his eyebrows at the audacity of the plan.
"When these leaders eventually give birth to sons..." Tzipora continued.
Moses nodded again. "Their heirs shall be Mosestarian, and their countries shall become ours," she finished.
"But what about Shittimistan? I'm not sure... Let's just say, Mrs Hairy has different tastes to most..." Moses asked.
"We did consider Shittimistan, sir, but in the end, we thought when Rubyland, Jennymaesia and Lanolinland finally become part of the Greater Mosestaria, we really would need somewhere else to dump all the tyres..."
Moses nodded a third time. This really did seem like a well-thought-out plan...
Mordecai had not been idle in the Chieftain's absence. Not only was the secret-underground bunker repaired and fully functional, it had been relocated to an even-more-secret location after its previous unfortunate discovery by the two Empresses parachuting in, and the poor Shittimistanian guards receiving some kicked ***es.
As Moses the Younger entered his Inner Sanctum, his mouth dropped open in surprise. Standing nobly to attention, were three men who looked almost exactly like himself.
"Who are these?" Moses asked incredulously.
"Why, sir, they are you!" Mordecai beamed at the Chieftain.
"I was unsure whether you would ever return at all, so I took the liberty of creating some clones with which to carry on your legacy. Given our enemies have not refrained from utilising prohibited lipsticks, I thought it was only fair for Mosestaria to unsubscribe from the ban on cloning we committed to while GG was still with us."
"They are... beautiful..." the Chieftain murmured, as he thoughtfully stroked the beard of the clone closest to him, much to its annoyance.
"Handsome, actually..." a female voice corrected him, before the nearest clone's annoyance could turn into a snarl.
Moses the Younger spun around to be surprised for the second time that afternoon. A beautiful, smiling Japovian warrioress approached him. It took Moses several seconds to realise this was the same warrioress who had been left frozen all that time ago. Moses tried not to look at her for very long. He'd realised that all the beautiful females he encountered seemed to spontaneously become either hideously ugly and hairy, or if not, a mortal enemy-in-disguise, in a follow-up episode.
"Moses, meet Tzipora..." Mordecai introduced the newcomer. "I collected her from Japovia and dethawed her when I realised something had happened to you. It was her idea to create the clones..."
Moses nodded his affirmation.
"Our plan is to marry these off to both of the Empresses, and the President of Lanolinland," Tzipora continued. "We intend to tailor each of them to the exact tastes and preferences of each of the respective leaders of Rubyland, Jennymaesia and Lanolinland..."
Moses raised his eyebrows at the audacity of the plan.
"When these leaders eventually give birth to sons..." Tzipora continued.
Moses nodded again. "Their heirs shall be Mosestarian, and their countries shall become ours," she finished.
"But what about Shittimistan? I'm not sure... Let's just say, Mrs Hairy has different tastes to most..." Moses asked.
"We did consider Shittimistan, sir, but in the end, we thought when Rubyland, Jennymaesia and Lanolinland finally become part of the Greater Mosestaria, we really would need somewhere else to dump all the tyres..."
Moses nodded a third time. This really did seem like a well-thought-out plan...
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The Assistant Manager read the note from her coworker Ruby.
“Jenny, I have accepted a proposal on your behalf. Wedding scheduled next month. You’ll tie the knot with a proven dictator. Ought to suit an assistant manager as yourself well.”
Jenny was familiar with her coworker’s pranks, so she didn’t take it seriously. Until a limousine pulled up outside the diner. A man who looked like Al Capone’s personal assistant told her to get ready an come with him. The fact that he was packing made her willingly go along.
The man in the backseat was upset when he saw her. “You’re not the Empress! You’re a conwoman!”
He pushed her out of the car and left a ton of rubber on the asphalt.
“Jenny, I have accepted a proposal on your behalf. Wedding scheduled next month. You’ll tie the knot with a proven dictator. Ought to suit an assistant manager as yourself well.”
Jenny was familiar with her coworker’s pranks, so she didn’t take it seriously. Until a limousine pulled up outside the diner. A man who looked like Al Capone’s personal assistant told her to get ready an come with him. The fact that he was packing made her willingly go along.
The man in the backseat was upset when he saw her. “You’re not the Empress! You’re a conwoman!”
He pushed her out of the car and left a ton of rubber on the asphalt.
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The Baroness Barry was lonely despite her fabulous lifestyle and adoring possums. She was running for office but she felt she needed something more, and was missing her late husband terribly who had left her a widow after being in a diabetes induced coma for twenty years, till she had had enough and switched him off.
Her possum advisory advised her to go on eHarmoney to find a new companion
After making a profile and gallery of 1000 professionally done selfies, the Baroness Barry inbox was full of potential suitors all asking her out. One in particular caught her rhinestone eyeglasses...
Baroness Barry I cannot stop thinking about you.
We have a lot in common, especially our desire to be the top dog
I like meatlovers pizza and cheese on cold wintry nights, and I have a violent temper which needs to be quelled by your soothing words. We would make a great team.
Would you like dinner with me in my ice hotel?
I can make it worth your while
I await your reply
Chieftain Moses
Her possum advisory advised her to go on eHarmoney to find a new companion
After making a profile and gallery of 1000 professionally done selfies, the Baroness Barry inbox was full of potential suitors all asking her out. One in particular caught her rhinestone eyeglasses...
Baroness Barry I cannot stop thinking about you.
We have a lot in common, especially our desire to be the top dog
I like meatlovers pizza and cheese on cold wintry nights, and I have a violent temper which needs to be quelled by your soothing words. We would make a great team.
Would you like dinner with me in my ice hotel?
I can make it worth your while
I await your reply
Chieftain Moses
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The chief of espionage had a most serious look on his face. “Mylady, the Mosestarians have figured out a cunning plan to annex Jennymaesia. Problem is, we don’t know the full extent of the plan.”
“So you are not up to the task, is what you’re saying?” The Empress loathed a servant who couldn’t be of any help. Perhaps the alligator pond would be suitable for him? That would clearly send a message to the rest of the group.
She sent a vicious glare at the chief of espionage. “You and me will parachute behind enemy lines this evening. Get our gear!”
Two hours later the odd couple was descending down towards Mosestarian soil. The chief of espionage was worried, but knew better than questioning the Empress’s fits. His wife was a tough one, but the Empress was unprecedented in that regard.
He thought about the troubles and ordeals ahead, and could vividly imagine being tortured in a Mosestarian prison. Those facilities were even worse than the ones in Jennymaesia. The Empress was clearly crazy. Two persons, where one of them was a tiny woman, and the other one a seasoned office clerk, was up against the barbaric Mosestarians. He wasn’t even sure how to reload the metal piece he was carrying in his hands. Not to mention discharging it. If he delivered the Empress to the Mosestarians, maybe they’d let him off the hook? Yes! That’s the solution! Once I’m down I’ll take her prisoner and I’m scot free.
On the ground he took action. “Mylady, I’m so sorry, but I’m letting the Mosestarians take you in. She turned slowly around. No good time for negotiations, she pondered, and gave him her entire round. “I’m sorry, but you know the consequences of high treason, Mr Late Chief of Espionage.”
She sneaked her way to the Mosestarian HQ. Should she do it?
“So you are not up to the task, is what you’re saying?” The Empress loathed a servant who couldn’t be of any help. Perhaps the alligator pond would be suitable for him? That would clearly send a message to the rest of the group.
She sent a vicious glare at the chief of espionage. “You and me will parachute behind enemy lines this evening. Get our gear!”
Two hours later the odd couple was descending down towards Mosestarian soil. The chief of espionage was worried, but knew better than questioning the Empress’s fits. His wife was a tough one, but the Empress was unprecedented in that regard.
He thought about the troubles and ordeals ahead, and could vividly imagine being tortured in a Mosestarian prison. Those facilities were even worse than the ones in Jennymaesia. The Empress was clearly crazy. Two persons, where one of them was a tiny woman, and the other one a seasoned office clerk, was up against the barbaric Mosestarians. He wasn’t even sure how to reload the metal piece he was carrying in his hands. Not to mention discharging it. If he delivered the Empress to the Mosestarians, maybe they’d let him off the hook? Yes! That’s the solution! Once I’m down I’ll take her prisoner and I’m scot free.
On the ground he took action. “Mylady, I’m so sorry, but I’m letting the Mosestarians take you in. She turned slowly around. No good time for negotiations, she pondered, and gave him her entire round. “I’m sorry, but you know the consequences of high treason, Mr Late Chief of Espionage.”
She sneaked her way to the Mosestarian HQ. Should she do it?
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Outside of the Mosterian HQ the Empress managed to peek a look through the window.
She saw the wicked Chieftan, smoking a pipe and walking up and down the lounge.
Next to him was a rather beautiful woman following his every step. The Empress did not recognise the woman. It must be the mistress. She was rather clingy but listening to his every word. They seemed to be discussing something important as the looks on their face were quite serious. The Chieftan had finished saying something and the mistress laughed uncontrollably. It was a rather high pitched cackling laugh and unbelievably loud almost like a witch. The laugh and her looks did not match. The Empress shuddered. Eeeek what a sinister laugh.
The Chieftan continued to talk and another males voice was heard. The Empress looked harder through the window and saw another man. She could not believe her eyes. He looked exactly like the wicked Chieftain. She never knew he had a twin. In walked another man. To her surprise he also looked identical to the Chieftan. Triplets the Empress thought. Who would think. In walked yet another man. He too was identical to the Chieftan. "What four in total" the Empress thought. This is too much for me. She could feel herself go faint. She had to get away from the window. It was too much to bear. One wicked one was bad enough and now there are four in total and a wicked mistress as well. She grabbed her smart phone and immediately made a phone call.
She saw the wicked Chieftan, smoking a pipe and walking up and down the lounge.
Next to him was a rather beautiful woman following his every step. The Empress did not recognise the woman. It must be the mistress. She was rather clingy but listening to his every word. They seemed to be discussing something important as the looks on their face were quite serious. The Chieftan had finished saying something and the mistress laughed uncontrollably. It was a rather high pitched cackling laugh and unbelievably loud almost like a witch. The laugh and her looks did not match. The Empress shuddered. Eeeek what a sinister laugh.
The Chieftan continued to talk and another males voice was heard. The Empress looked harder through the window and saw another man. She could not believe her eyes. He looked exactly like the wicked Chieftain. She never knew he had a twin. In walked another man. To her surprise he also looked identical to the Chieftan. Triplets the Empress thought. Who would think. In walked yet another man. He too was identical to the Chieftan. "What four in total" the Empress thought. This is too much for me. She could feel herself go faint. She had to get away from the window. It was too much to bear. One wicked one was bad enough and now there are four in total and a wicked mistress as well. She grabbed her smart phone and immediately made a phone call.
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“C’mon, pick up the phone”, she hollered to nobody specific. After what felt like a century and a decade to go with, Ms Ruby finally picked up the phone. Ms Ruby was so tired that she forgot all about etiquette and just offered a straightforward “Yeah?”. The faint voice on the other end made her wake up instantly. “By golly, that you, Jenny?” The voice Ms Ruby heard stuttered and sounded more like an old donkey than a human being. “Evil is all around us!” the donkey like voice squeezed out. “He has quadrupled himself, and he’s in cahoots with a witch.” The voice was about to say something important when the call was abruptly ended. The last thing Ms Ruby heard was a loud cackle and the Empress screaming.
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Empress Ruby was just about to respond to Empress Jenny when she heard a loud CLICK and the phone went dead.
She hung up rather confused. Was that Empress Jenny that she was talking to or a donkey? She did not know any donkey's but anything is possible. Whom ever it was mentioned the words "quadrupled and evil"
That was about as much sense she could make out. She wondered whether it was a prank caller. She has had a few of them lately. She decided to assume it was a prank and went back to what she was doing before, having a drink of coffee in her garden.
Meanwhile the beautiful but wicked witch dragged Empress Jenny's unconscious body to a small wooden shed in the gardens of the Moses head quarters. She was viciously jealous as Empress Jenny was all set to marry the wicked leader before the wedding was delayed for a month due to there being a shortage in wedding dresses. It seemed all of Mrs Hairy's nieces had grabbed the wedding dresses for their up coming nuptials and the Empress had to wait till the tailors were available to sew some more.
Empress Lanlolin was booked to make the cake. Even though she was busy running her own country she enjoyed baking and was often baking in the early parts of the morning if she could not sleep.
She hung up rather confused. Was that Empress Jenny that she was talking to or a donkey? She did not know any donkey's but anything is possible. Whom ever it was mentioned the words "quadrupled and evil"
That was about as much sense she could make out. She wondered whether it was a prank caller. She has had a few of them lately. She decided to assume it was a prank and went back to what she was doing before, having a drink of coffee in her garden.
Meanwhile the beautiful but wicked witch dragged Empress Jenny's unconscious body to a small wooden shed in the gardens of the Moses head quarters. She was viciously jealous as Empress Jenny was all set to marry the wicked leader before the wedding was delayed for a month due to there being a shortage in wedding dresses. It seemed all of Mrs Hairy's nieces had grabbed the wedding dresses for their up coming nuptials and the Empress had to wait till the tailors were available to sew some more.
Empress Lanlolin was booked to make the cake. Even though she was busy running her own country she enjoyed baking and was often baking in the early parts of the morning if she could not sleep.
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Miss Greenlips Hine lay back in her wheelie chair, polishing her nails. They were painted with koru designs.
The phone had been quiet for some time although she had managed to deflect most of Presidents Lanolins appointments for she was due to return in one more day.
After a brainwave Miss Greenlips Hine decided that on Presidents Lanolins return all the admin staff would hold morning tea in her honor to welcome her back and maybe try to convince her to stay for another term.
Empress Ruby had been giving her baking recipes that only required 4 ingredients. So she could easily whip up a banana banoffee pavlova and marmite and chips sandwiches, along with lamingtons, scones and lashings of L and P.
Then she and her staff decorated the Beehive with bunting and balloons saying Long Live Lanolinland and as a finishing touch, baskets of flower petals to throw at President Lanolins feet as she returned to her office.
The phone had been quiet for some time although she had managed to deflect most of Presidents Lanolins appointments for she was due to return in one more day.
After a brainwave Miss Greenlips Hine decided that on Presidents Lanolins return all the admin staff would hold morning tea in her honor to welcome her back and maybe try to convince her to stay for another term.
Empress Ruby had been giving her baking recipes that only required 4 ingredients. So she could easily whip up a banana banoffee pavlova and marmite and chips sandwiches, along with lamingtons, scones and lashings of L and P.
Then she and her staff decorated the Beehive with bunting and balloons saying Long Live Lanolinland and as a finishing touch, baskets of flower petals to throw at President Lanolins feet as she returned to her office.
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A commotion outside interrupted the Chieftain's discussion with his second clone. A braying, donkey-like voice, as if a donkey had learned to speak but at the same time, was trying to keep the volume of it's voice down - and then a woman's scream!
If the commotion outside weren't enough, it was at that moment Tzipora's mother, following behind the Chieftain's every step, decided to give another of her blood-chilling cackles. "Honestly", the Mosestarian Chieftain thought to himself, "I wouldn't be too surprised to learn she was a witch!"
"Tzipora, I do very much appreciate all your efforts for our cause thus far", Moses spoke aloud, "but I must inform you that I do find having your mum following me around all the time and cackling at random intervals somewhat unnerving. Would it be possible to send her to bed, or something?"
Tzipora courtsied before the Chieftain, before gently placing her hands on the older woman's shoulders, and guiding her away to her quarters. The two women were clearly related, and both beautiful in their own ways. But the older was clearly madder than a Danbury hatter, and had a cackle that the Chieftain was yet to be convinced was not some sort of weapon for waging psychological warfare.
The Chieftain gave Mordecai a look as if to say "Why did you dethaw that one?"
Mordecai, understanding from the Chieftain's eyes the unasked question, responded "It's impossible for one to determine the sanity of a subject, or otherwise, whilst the subject is still frozen in ice."
Not wanting to get into a debate with his loyal but nonetheless poor judge-of-character cousin, the Chieftain decided to brave the below-freezing elements, to determine the source of the commotion he had heard outside earlier.
The snow was falling softly, with a bitterly cold breeze cutting through every layer of Antarctic-explorer-clothing the Mosestarian leader was wearing. The freezing temperature would probably have convinced him to give up his investigation as soon as he had taken a step outside, were it not for the footprints leading to his small wooden shed in the garden.
A strange sight met his eyes when he entered the shed. The beautiful Jennymaesian Empress, her red hair as blazing as ever, but her complexion looking very pale, and her garb by no means near suitably-equipped for the Antarctic climate, was tied to a chair. The Empress' incompetent and treasonous Late Chief of Espionage was standing nearby with an unlit cigarette in his hands, overseeing Tzipora's mother tying the Empress's arms and legs to the chair. Also nearby was a strange, donkey-faced creature, looking as if it had been severely kicked, but the Chieftain paid it no heed.
"Come now, Tzipora's mother!" exclaimed the Chieftain (as he did not yet know her name, given they hadn't really been properly introduced). "Is that any way to treat my guests?"
Tzipora's mother gave one of her now infamous insane cackles, while the treasonous Late Chief of Espionage tried to think of excuses as to why the Empress should be kept restrained.
"Nonsense!" exclaimed the Chieftain, magnanimously rejecting all the justifications put forth by the treasonous Late Chief of Espionage. "This Empress will catch her death of cold here in the shed, dressed only in clothes most suited for a Jennymaesian Summer. No, that won't do at all. We need to bring her inside the bunker, and warm her up, and revive her frozen limbs with a large mug of hot chocolate."
As the treasonous Late Chief of Espionage looked on worriedly but helplessly, and the strange, donkey-faced creature tried to stay out of sight in a corner of the shed, and Tzipora's mother wandered off who-knows-where into the frozen Antarctic wasteland, the Great Chieftain untied the tiny, limp body of the Empress and carried her into the Antarctic Fortress, where there was warmth, good company, and hot chocolate - or at least, warmth and hot chocolate.
If the commotion outside weren't enough, it was at that moment Tzipora's mother, following behind the Chieftain's every step, decided to give another of her blood-chilling cackles. "Honestly", the Mosestarian Chieftain thought to himself, "I wouldn't be too surprised to learn she was a witch!"
"Tzipora, I do very much appreciate all your efforts for our cause thus far", Moses spoke aloud, "but I must inform you that I do find having your mum following me around all the time and cackling at random intervals somewhat unnerving. Would it be possible to send her to bed, or something?"
Tzipora courtsied before the Chieftain, before gently placing her hands on the older woman's shoulders, and guiding her away to her quarters. The two women were clearly related, and both beautiful in their own ways. But the older was clearly madder than a Danbury hatter, and had a cackle that the Chieftain was yet to be convinced was not some sort of weapon for waging psychological warfare.
The Chieftain gave Mordecai a look as if to say "Why did you dethaw that one?"
Mordecai, understanding from the Chieftain's eyes the unasked question, responded "It's impossible for one to determine the sanity of a subject, or otherwise, whilst the subject is still frozen in ice."
Not wanting to get into a debate with his loyal but nonetheless poor judge-of-character cousin, the Chieftain decided to brave the below-freezing elements, to determine the source of the commotion he had heard outside earlier.
The snow was falling softly, with a bitterly cold breeze cutting through every layer of Antarctic-explorer-clothing the Mosestarian leader was wearing. The freezing temperature would probably have convinced him to give up his investigation as soon as he had taken a step outside, were it not for the footprints leading to his small wooden shed in the garden.
A strange sight met his eyes when he entered the shed. The beautiful Jennymaesian Empress, her red hair as blazing as ever, but her complexion looking very pale, and her garb by no means near suitably-equipped for the Antarctic climate, was tied to a chair. The Empress' incompetent and treasonous Late Chief of Espionage was standing nearby with an unlit cigarette in his hands, overseeing Tzipora's mother tying the Empress's arms and legs to the chair. Also nearby was a strange, donkey-faced creature, looking as if it had been severely kicked, but the Chieftain paid it no heed.
"Come now, Tzipora's mother!" exclaimed the Chieftain (as he did not yet know her name, given they hadn't really been properly introduced). "Is that any way to treat my guests?"
Tzipora's mother gave one of her now infamous insane cackles, while the treasonous Late Chief of Espionage tried to think of excuses as to why the Empress should be kept restrained.
"Nonsense!" exclaimed the Chieftain, magnanimously rejecting all the justifications put forth by the treasonous Late Chief of Espionage. "This Empress will catch her death of cold here in the shed, dressed only in clothes most suited for a Jennymaesian Summer. No, that won't do at all. We need to bring her inside the bunker, and warm her up, and revive her frozen limbs with a large mug of hot chocolate."
As the treasonous Late Chief of Espionage looked on worriedly but helplessly, and the strange, donkey-faced creature tried to stay out of sight in a corner of the shed, and Tzipora's mother wandered off who-knows-where into the frozen Antarctic wasteland, the Great Chieftain untied the tiny, limp body of the Empress and carried her into the Antarctic Fortress, where there was warmth, good company, and hot chocolate - or at least, warmth and hot chocolate.
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He was right. Good company was not seen. The holding cell was warm, and there was expired chocolate on a concrete table. She didn’t have a taste in chocolate gone white over the years, so she didn’t touch it. How could Mr Long-Ears still be alive. He’d gotten the full nine yard, unless, of course, he’d swapped her hollow points with blanks. She was clearly in a fix. Nobody knew she was here, and Ms Ruby had been so tired. There was no mirrors in the cell, and shed lost her makeup. She was probably looking like a train wreck now.
Luckily she had picked up a few tricks from Mr Band. Inside the heels of her boots there was a laser device meant for making big, fat holes in concrete. Also there was a satellite phone. She called her security detail which set out for Antarctica at once.
Somebody was at the cell door. A wicked looking man appeared. The uniform indicated that he was high ranking. She held her head high like an Empress is supposed to. Stiff upper lip, like they taught her in boarding school.
“You must be the infamous Empress of the bandit state Jennymaesia,” the man greeted her. His beard was black and held a not insignificant amount of oil to keep it shiny and somewhat well groomed. “We will court martial you first thing in the morning,” he said with a grim face. “What about my defense and my right to contradiction and a fair trial?” The Empress shot back. The man’s smile went even grimmer than his face. “Oh, don’t fret, you’ll have all that. Old Charlie Tongueless will be representing you.” The Empress hardly dared ask the question, but she did and regretted it instantly. “Why’s that you call him that?” The man laughed. “Old Charlie, you see, can’t hear not speak. Neither does he know the law.” The man locked the door and left.
Six hours later she could hear the detail outside the cell. She made a hole in the wall and disappeared with her detail.
The legend alleges that when the wicked man found the cell empty the next morning, his roaring was heard all the way to the sunken kingdom of Japovia and that his breath was so cold that the icecap covered twice as much as the evening before.
Luckily she had picked up a few tricks from Mr Band. Inside the heels of her boots there was a laser device meant for making big, fat holes in concrete. Also there was a satellite phone. She called her security detail which set out for Antarctica at once.
Somebody was at the cell door. A wicked looking man appeared. The uniform indicated that he was high ranking. She held her head high like an Empress is supposed to. Stiff upper lip, like they taught her in boarding school.
“You must be the infamous Empress of the bandit state Jennymaesia,” the man greeted her. His beard was black and held a not insignificant amount of oil to keep it shiny and somewhat well groomed. “We will court martial you first thing in the morning,” he said with a grim face. “What about my defense and my right to contradiction and a fair trial?” The Empress shot back. The man’s smile went even grimmer than his face. “Oh, don’t fret, you’ll have all that. Old Charlie Tongueless will be representing you.” The Empress hardly dared ask the question, but she did and regretted it instantly. “Why’s that you call him that?” The man laughed. “Old Charlie, you see, can’t hear not speak. Neither does he know the law.” The man locked the door and left.
Six hours later she could hear the detail outside the cell. She made a hole in the wall and disappeared with her detail.
The legend alleges that when the wicked man found the cell empty the next morning, his roaring was heard all the way to the sunken kingdom of Japovia and that his breath was so cold that the icecap covered twice as much as the evening before.
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Welcome back President Lanolin!
The banners fluttered in the icy Wellington breeze, or rather gale. She had made it back in time before the howling rain set in.
Terrible weather out there, said Miss Greenlips Hine as she brewed some ginseng tea.
President Lanolin removed her gumboots, and swanndri and slipped into her official Presidents outfit consisting of slippers and korowai cloak. Well nobody could see what she was wearing on her feet when she faced the cameras to address the nation on the Lanovision
The staff held their breath...what would she say, could they get their hopes up and expect her to stay for another term or will she call for a snap election and announce her retirement from politics?
Then who would run Lanolinland? Surely Miss Greenlips Hine was far to...green for such a role. She had big slippers to fill.
The banners fluttered in the icy Wellington breeze, or rather gale. She had made it back in time before the howling rain set in.
Terrible weather out there, said Miss Greenlips Hine as she brewed some ginseng tea.
President Lanolin removed her gumboots, and swanndri and slipped into her official Presidents outfit consisting of slippers and korowai cloak. Well nobody could see what she was wearing on her feet when she faced the cameras to address the nation on the Lanovision
The staff held their breath...what would she say, could they get their hopes up and expect her to stay for another term or will she call for a snap election and announce her retirement from politics?
Then who would run Lanolinland? Surely Miss Greenlips Hine was far to...green for such a role. She had big slippers to fill.
After receiving a bunch of e-Gladiolis on eHarmoney
The Baronesss decided to go out with Chieftain Moses
Also she decided that he should call her by her pet name 'Edna' instead of Barry. But only Chieftain Moses would ever call her that. That was their special secret.
Chiefman Moses
I would be delighted to meet you at your ice hotel
Yours in anticipation
Baroness Barry Edna
The Baronesss decided to go out with Chieftain Moses
Also she decided that he should call her by her pet name 'Edna' instead of Barry. But only Chieftain Moses would ever call her that. That was their special secret.
Chiefman Moses
I would be delighted to meet you at your ice hotel
Yours in anticipation
Baroness Barry Edna
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