The Banned Game

[Lanolin]

Mrs Claus washed and dried he husbands suit and sorted his mail both electronic and snail. Just as many children wrote to her these days as they did to her husband.

They hardly asked for material things, most of what they wished for was that their brothers and sisters stop being mean to them, or their absent parents would come back, or a pet.

Many asked that people be kinder. If some asked for books, she passed these on to Miss Goodbooks, or new shoes she passed on to Megs Pegs Legs and Wigs.

One boy asked for a famous rugby player to come to his school, others wished to be faster or stronger.
Others just wrote to thank the Clauses for what had they had been given last year, which was blessings.

The odd one or two asked for their two front teeth, but she passed these requests on to the tooth fairy.

One chipmunk cheekily asked for a harmonica, and a chippette asked for a hippopotamus. She passed these on to Mrs Hairy.

It was good to be back in Antarctica. Mr Young and the penguins had kept the library in order and Nermal had made himself at home.

The naughty list had been burned back in Evereverland as the flames reached up into the gum trees. A line up for the Farmers Santa Parade was posted as Mrs Santa Claus looked toward Lanolinland.

 

[Lanolin]

 

[Lanolin]

Miss Bluebell and Miss Tailfeather were staying in a shepherds hut on another wwoofing farm near Kevins. It was in the shelter of a glen and a small creek ran by beneath the shade of some ponga ferns

Miss Tailfeather was writing something in her diary and Miss Bluebell was listening to the sound of birdsong. She had learned to distinguish what was a Tui and what was a Kereru

Miss Tailfeather set down her pen. She had been writing a list of peoples names shed met in Lanolinland and was going to send them Thank You cards, since Thanksgiving was a not a national holiday celebrated there.

Miss Bluebell asked Miss Tailfeather did she ever get homesick?

You mean sick of home? Oh never. Home is where the heart is. The Great Spirit is always with me. In here. She gestured toward her heart.

Miss Bluebell wondered who Miss Tailfeather meant by the Great Spirit. But listening to the bird song in the trees and noticing the streams running by she thought maybe she knew what it was. Miss Greenlips Hine called this the wairua. But she didnt always understand what she was on about.

Instead she thought of a song she always sang in church, and said she would sing it now because her soul wanted to be free. In a voice as clear as a bell (thats why she was named Miss Bluebell) that drifted over the valley

Wade in the Water
Wade in the water children wade
God's gonna trouble the water

 

[Lanolin]

Rachel and her family were enjoying another sunny day on the white sands beaches of Raro. Lying in a hammock with a coconut drink and book in hand..it was the Gideons Bible as in her haste she hadnt packed enough beach reads and sister Jacqui had swiped her copy of Nine Perfect Strangers and she didnt want to re-read her OWN book. There were no other books so she took the one the resort had provided on her bedside table.

Dr Warner was now far from her mind, instead Rachel tackled the second longest book she had read after Gone with the Wind.

The opening chapter of Genesis was a bit mindblowing but when she got to chapter 2 thats when things started to get juicy.

This naked in the garden story I completely understand, thought Rachel. It was probably very hot in Eden. What did Adam and Eve do that was so wrong?

Rachel continued to read. She had all day. She might be able to finish the book if she didnt stop. She read about the flood and Abraham nearly sacrificing his son and then at Chapter 29 she gasped. Her name was in the Bible and it said she was beautiful and well-favoured.

 

[Lanolin]

At Rangimarie Retreat sister Lanolin was taking a break (everyone called each other brother and sister) after she had got up to the letter J

It was going to be J for Jandal of course and she would write that they were rubber sandals that everyone wore in summer and gave v tan lines to those with pale skin.
'You cant handle the jandal' could mean different things, but it was also a parental smacking device that had now been outlawed. If parents in Lanolinland actually wanted to hurt their children now, they could just tell them they were useless.

However that didnt sound right and she tried to think of other Lanolinland things that began with J

Thats when the ravens flew by

caw caw caw!

what, Rubylands on fire?

caw caw caw

and Mosetaria?

caw caw caw

and Evereverland?

caw caw caw

Im not sure I can do much. I'd send them rain, but I think its a periodic burn. Miss Rubys should just talk to the Aborigines about that

caw caw caw

what do you mean she cant speak aborigine?

caw caw caw

toxic mascara and lipstick fumes? Well I'm sure I warned her but she didnt listen.

 

[Lanolin]

It was all happening so fast that there was barely any time to think

The Lanolinlanders had to have their Farmers Santa Parade especially at the flagship Farmers store in Queen Street and the line up was all worked out

First came the bagpipes and then marching girls in their unirforms
Then the polyfest groups in all their island finery
Then all the football teams in their uniforms bearing their national flags
Then it was all the beloved popular childrens characters from books - Hello kitty, Pokemon, Roblox, the Noob, the Endermen Creepers from Minecraft, Lego people, Plants, (not zombies), Crazy Dave, Bluey, Disney Princesses Moana, Mulan, Jasmine, Ariel, Snow White, Cinderella, Belle,
Miffy, Pusheen
Kahu and Paikea
The Chipmunks and the Chippettes
the Catkid, the Thunderbirds, The Justice League
Shrek, Puss in Boots, the gingerbread men, Red Riding Hood, Jack and the Beanstalk, the three little pigs, Thumbelina, Meg and Mog
Lady Gaga and her monsters
Mariah Carey and her Lambily
Miss Dolly Parton and her dixieland entourage
Hip Hop street dancers
Nermal, Mr Mistofeles, Macavity, Shimbleshanks,
Mittens, Miss Jenny Any Dots, Grizabella
Queen Kong and the seven guinea pigs
And then finally it would be Santa Claus, his unicorns, and penguins, and flying over head, his Albatrosses

Everyone would line the street waving flags, pennants and agapanthus flowers, cheering
It was a parade that outdid all the other parades, people would say they had seen Macys Thanksgiving Parade in New York City if they had ever gone that far, with their lavish balloons and advertising but it had nothing on this one for all the children in Lanolinland

You would be forgiven for thinking it was the second coming. But Santa did come, on time, every year, regular as clockwork. He was the one reliable figure in childrens lives, as they did not care for politicians, royalty, or the Pope if they were not catholic, and the olympics world cups and americas cups only happened every four years.

Of course, Santa believed in Jesus too, but as some parents were atheists and against their children knowing about their Lord and Saviour, it was safer to send Santa, and if anybody did try to throw eggs or tomatoes at him, he had the unicorns around him to catch them and the uniformed penguin guard

 

[Lanolin]

Nobody from outside Lanolinland could see what was going on behind ...The Kelp Kurtain

 

[jennymae]

It was an all time low at the Captain America Super Hero (CASH) Ltd. The alpha heroes had just learned that they were no longer wanted in the service. Even the imminent threats from rogue countries like Mosestaria, Lanolinland, Rubyland and Jennymaesia couldn’t change that fact.

In a recliner a worn out super hero was smearing the younger and incompetent bureaucrats who wanted to retire them. The other geezer super hero wholeheartedly agreed. “What would they be without us?”

Down in the Sunshine State a new hero was in the making and there was numerous candidates out there seeking to replace them overall. People said they were too old and should step back so that functional super heroes could take their place.

“Those fools, they could never handle the rogue countries”, Captain Biden said sarcastically. “Yeah, we’re the only ones knowing how to do that”, Captain Trump agreed. “And what about that know-it-all in Florida? Captain Biden yelled. “Can’t you control your peasants?” Captain Trump just sighed. “Says the man who made KH VP”.

“All right, we’ve both made mistakes, but we can’t let some straight out of high school youngins make us look like fools!” Captain Biden went on. “We need to save the world somehow!”

“Well, there’s a war coming between the rogue countries, and one of the countries is ruled by an American citizen, why don’t we try making her our strategical friend?” Captain Trump said.

“Good idea!” Captain Biden responded.

“We’ll send down Kari Lake, she’s known to be a sordid negotiator”, Captain Trump decided, “and if she fails we’ll just say she failed to accept the rules”.

“But how do we discredit all those youngins here?” Captain Biden wondered.

The spy channel was really an entertaining device. Ms Jenny was glad that Charles had convinced her to install cameras at the CASH HQ.

 

[Lanolin]

Leaping Lizards! Exclaimed Camilla who was watching something on the telly. It was Foxy News or CNN or ABC or something that was definitely not BBC world.
Those Americans are trying to encroach on OUR territory!

King Charles rubbed his eyes and said sorry what dear Gladys. I wish you would forget about politics and concentrate on your royal duty which is LOVING ME.

But Camilla had got herself into a right royal state and worried that her step daughter -in -law might take over and steal her tiara. She had fled to Canada but her igloo seemed to be melting and now had no choice but to hole up in another commonwealth nation. It looked like she was either going to move to Antarctica, or Lanolinland.

Megs Pegs Legs and Wigs were expanding.

I must call Edna, surely she knows what is going on.

Fred grumbled that he'd lost Gladys ever since she started watching that trash US television. Those Kardashians have a lot to answer for.

 

[Lanolin]

Dame Edna no longer answwred to that name. She was known to one and all as Mrs Santa Claus. So when she received a call from her old BFF, Camilla, her wires got a bit crossed.

Do I know what is going on? My husband knows EVERYTHING thats is going on! He sees you when you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake!

Er thats not what I...

Write him a letter dear and he'll answer your request.

Mrs Santa Claus cut short the call. She then boxed up her old makeup and wig for one last time because it was likely it would never see the light of day again.

 

[Lanolin]

Mrs Obama had started the First Ladies Garden Club and invited all the other First ladies to join, but they all claimed they were too busy filing their nails.

Where am I going to find more garden helpers then? She wondered.Then the idea came that she could convince obese elementary children to help in the garden and for them to lose weight AT THE SAME TIME.

I will ask the Jennymaesian children as they live close by. I dont think they will be getting much from Santa Claus as they have everything already. Surely they can stand to lose some of their...abundance.

Mr Obama thought it was a wonderful idea. Then he left off to play a round of golf. It was fun being a retired politician.

 

[Lanolin]

Princess Charlotte was absorbed in her book Ruby for Kids

Prince George teased her about it, saying she had become a computer geek, but Charlotte brushed him aside. Ok she was only 7 years old, but she already knew how to reprogram her mamas Harry Potter phone, to make all the ringtones different for everyone, and it to answer voice mail,with 'I'll tell you wot I want, wot I really really want'

and also, to change all the destinations on the Maurauders Map to Charlotteville.

We arent going there, said George. We are going to Georgetown

Na - uh, countered Charlotte. I talked with the ships captain. We are going to Charlotteville.

They were on board the Ruby Princess, and Kate the Great was working on her tan on the deck so she could match her husbands, they both wanted to turn browner so as not to stand out so much amongst the Mozzie Islanders who were also on board.

But, said George, I thought papa said we were going to Antarctica first? Everything is white there.

 

[Lanolin]

Fred decided he would get rid of the telly so that Gladys wouldnt be distracted from loving him.

He pulled the plug out and got one of his servants to cover the screen with a slimy substance that could grow moss, and put it in the backyard among his wall of gifts in his garden.

He then called the corgis together and said to them, you must put on your doggie outfits and put on a show for Gladys, She has become so bored with royal life that she has taken to watching trash American tv.

The corgis took this mission seriously, and decided to learn some new tricks, like standing on their hind legs.

 

[Lanolin]

Megs and Harrys igloo needed renovations, so they decided to stay somewhere else while they were being completed.

Meg looked on Google Maps. Antarctica looks good at this time of year, she remarked.

Husband Harry peered at the screen. He agreed, it looked really good. Archie and Lilibet can play with the penguins and seals. They'll have a great time.

He was just about to launch his new book, and the Penguins had agreed to publish it. It was called Spare Tyre
It was a car manual for royals.

But the spare tyre could also be used as a flotation device. He had found many uses for spare tyres, researching his book. Now he wanted to share it with the world.

 

[Lanolin]

It was nearly time for the Kaimoana Festival, after the sheep had been sheared, and the wool sorted into bales, the shearers chucked their gumboots away and bought out their ten guitars. They celebrated with song, dance, and a big feast.

Lanolinlanders lined the coast for miles for feeds of mussels, kina, Crayfish, blue cod, snapper, pippis, cockels and crabs. Fish and eels were smoked, whitebait was frittered, and everyones pukus were now fat and full.

How bout that, Miss Greenlips Hine, your underwater kelp forest has done an amazing job securing our seafood harvest for future generations. Plus our whales are happier now the plastic from Rubyland is not getting in. said Kevin

Miss Greenlips Hine was modest. Ah its nothing. I just gave up watching Shortland Street for Whale Watching.

The south Islanders spied a cruise ship coming on the horizon. It was the Ruby Princess, and it was headed for Queen Charlotte Sound.

 

[Lanolin]

 

[Lanolin]

zzzzz

President Lanolin couldnt think of anything beginning with Z so she took a nap. Rangimarie Retreat on Great Barrier Island was perfect for naps.
Then Kiwi tahi, rua and toru woke her up and said they wanted to take her on a night garden ramble.

Um ok but this better be worth it as I see plants all the time. She always wondered why kiwis were nocturnal creatures and never went out during the day.

Oh no they insisted come. She followed them into the forest where there were glow worms in the caves and then into a clearing and out to the shore where she saw the night sky in all its glory.

Zenith?

 

[Lanolin]

Kevin was a bit concerned, President Lanolin was sure taking her time on Great Barrier Island

But he decided to use this to his advantage. leave Lanolinland which seemed to run itself without her and go to the South Island and see how it was getting on with all those dogs.

The dogs were having a field day. Or rather a field month. They wagged their tails and yipped excitedly that they had the run of the South Island all to themselves!

They would chase the rabbits around into the gorse bushes and the Longland hospital veterinarians would have to pull prickles out of their paws.

Because of the current embargo on Rubyland, Mosetaria and Jennymaesia no tourists were coming in, except for one cruise ship that was making its way up Queen Charlotte Sound.

Its not the Red Beanies is it? Kevin consulted his meterological map. The ship was RED though.

 

[Lanolin]

The Ruby Princess entered Queen Charlotte Sound.
Princess Charlotte had cleverly reprogrammed the sat nav cruise control to go where SHE wanted to go. The forested hills reached the fiord all round. Charlotte royally waved to the dolphins who were beside the ship.

George grumbled. When are we going to see the penguins?

Papa said he had to wait his turn , but George was used to always being first.

Kate the Great said oh look at all those cute Jack Russell terriers, standing on their hindlegs on the shore. Must take a photo. For once the royals were busy taking photos instead of everyone else taking photos of them.

Louis started to open another packet of pineapple lumps. The Family Fun Adventure had reached the South Island.

 

[Lanolin]

Keisha and Mr Hairy watched another episode of the Crown.

They were 'crown addicts' and gossiped about the show during it, mostly because the royals on the tv couldnt hear them.

Princess Charlotte is too cute. Too bad her mother neglects her in favour of her boys. remarked Keisha.
Mrs Hairy signed that she thought Prince George was an insufferable spoiled brat. Also Kate and Williams marriage seemed to have disintergrated after they had had three children. Kate was looking too thin and drawn and William had lost all his hair.

What about Harry and Megs? wondered Keisha, How come they are never shown on the Crown?
Mrs Hairy figured it was because nobody could come up with enough interesting plots for them.