The Banned Game

[Lanolin]

The Jenneymaesian spam also got returned to sender and started clogging up their emails. It seemed the Jennymaesians were unsure how to respond or how to use the delete key. They had to call one of the Super Inteligent Phone ninjas to help

The Super Intelligent Phone ninja said theres nothing you can do, you sent this garbage, now its coming back to you. The solution is not to send garbage to anyone in the first place.

 

[jennymae]

“Oh Lord, looks like the Lanoliners no longer can recognize their own spam”, Ms Jenny said on the phone with Ms Ruby. “Sure thing, they’re trying to make it look like we are spamming them while it’s clear to everybody who is spamming people”, Ms Ruby sighed. “And it’s just paparazzi stuff about British royalty…it’s like reading a freaking glossy hag mag”, Ms Jenny added. “Must be spiraling downhill over there”, Ms Ruby declared, “why else spamming everybody and then some with this to get people not thinking about how ludicrously that country is governed?”

 

[jennymae]

“Awww!” Ms Jenny stormed out of the temporary beauty salon situated in the old as dirt ice in Antarctica. “I can’t handle that brat no more!” On the outside a merciless blizzard howled like a redneck barn party fueled by jars of white lightning. Still it was more polite to Ms Jenny than the bridezilla on the inside. Charles came to her rescue. “Let’s just dye her hair blue and pop the heels off of her shoes. Then we’ll spill red wine on her wedding dress and tear up her designer lingerie”. Ms Jenny managed to smile a little. “Yeah, let’s do that, we’ll show that fit pitchin’ hag who she’s dealing with!”

They went back in and approached the monster bride to be. “I’m so terribly sorry, Ms Tizzy”, Ms Jenny said softly, “let’s get this finished so that the groom will get a beautiful bride to marry!” Ms Jenny waited for Charles’ thumbs up before she soaked the bride’s hair in blue hair dye. Before she noticed, Ms Jenny and Charles were long gone. As their plane was fighting its way through the blizzard down the snow covered ice runway they could hear the screaming bride despite the howling wind and the jet engines roaring. “Guess she’s found out”, Charles chuckled.

 

[Lanolin]

The Jennymaesians spam piled up, now they were into hair dye as they desperately tried to disguise their roots. Miss Bum Bum just laughed. It was a fake wedding anyway. Everything was fake.

 

[Lanolin]

Prince George logged into his Harry Potter Phone, his mother was nagging him to find out where his dad and sister had got to, it was getting late and Home And Away had finished.

Kate the great wanted to go out for dinner, as she was getting tired of room service, the tiny little packets of peanuts and pineapple lumps.

They are in Evereverland now, said George, looking on his marauders map. Dang, they just missed being eaten by Nessie.

Is that far?

It doesnt look too far. It looks like they are now going into the Unicorn Trotting Club.

Evereverland has unicorns? Huh

Ma if they not back soon can we order Mosetarian Meatballs for dinner?

 

[Lanolin]

Miss Goodbooks and Miss Greenlips Hine had travelled up to Auckland to film the Lanolinland Picture Book Awards at the Whoa Studios zoomatorium.

All the authors would be present on zoom to receve their virtual awards, and the meeting was soon full. with the authors mixing and mingling in different breakout rooms.

Miss Goodbooks made a welcome speech and Mis Greenlips Hine opened with a karakia prayer. She blessed the authors who were able to login and showcase their outstanding work in the picture book arts and literature field.

The Vanity Publication category award went to Rachel Hunter for her book Tour of Beauty. She recieved a trip to Raro and the runners up all got free shampoo.

Then it was the Childrens category. Mrs Hairy crossed her fingers and toes. Sir Peter, who has translated her picture book into English was also with her watching an hoped she would win.

And the award goes to....

 

[Lanolin]

Nermal, who was now the official cutest Kitty-Cat of Antarctica had the control of all in goings and outgoings from his base, which was a comfortable rocking chair in the Antarctic library.

The house penguins were still busy with overseeing the shoeboxes, seed vault and ice cream factory, and they were set to open the Winter Wonderland in December, as per Santa Claus' wishes.

Santa had set up icebreaker shipments and flights of toys in and out with cooperation rom the whales and albatrosses. And now he added flying unicorns, trained up in Evereverland to his fleet.

He had a no flight zone set over the Antarctic circle, banning all but unicorns and albatrosses from flying over and a few on the naughty list tried to break this and sneak over his border. Particularly troublesome was a couple of fake paparazzi rubberneckers from Jennymaesia. They were constantly hanging around being obnoxious and annoying taking unwanted photos of everyone who hadnt brushed their hair yet and laughing their wicked laughs.

But Santa merely sent them back to where they came from and that included Rubyland and Mosetaria. They were not allowed to set foot in Antarctica no matter how hard they tried.

 

[Lanolin]

Miss B- er I mean Miss Tizzy, do you take the Great Chieftain who shall not be named to have and to hold for richer, for poorer, for better or for worse, in sickeness and in health, until death do you part?

Not bloody likely! answered the blue haired fake bride.

Great chieftain, How about you?

Um, er, I need to think about it.

Great I know pronounce you unable to make any commitment. Both of you are ineligible for this marriage license. He tore up the document.

The Chieftain smiled and Miss BumBum flicked her blue hair. They had both been saved.

Santa moonlighted as a wedding celebrant at the Lucky Fortune Chapel. He also did divorces.

 

[Lanolin]

Camilla really had not much to do as Kings Consort and wasnt very happy about being married, but she had made her bed and had to lie in it.

Her husband had once told her her greatest achievment was to love him, and that was pretty much all she did all day.

She went out to weed the garden, her husband had set it up so that there was always plenty of work to do.
After pulling out several flowers and cuttng down several tall poppies she felt much better.

Then she went back inside and thought about the idea she had, that she could be an author and write 'Camilla's true story' how she became a mistress but ended up marrried instead. After all Fergie had written a romance chicklit called 'My heart for a compass' and her husband had several gardening and childrens picture books to his name.

If she wrote her true story, then all the royal hags mags would leave her alone. They would never call her a rottweiller again. It couldnt possibly backfire could it?

 

[Lanolin]

Miss Bluebells and Miss Tailfeather watched the Lanolinland Picture book awards as Miss Greenlips Hine had sent them the link on zoom.

They were on silent mute as they saw Rachel Hunter accept her award.

Look thats Rachel off Shortland Street. She beat out Miss Witherspoon and Miss Paltrow. Even Miss Cameron.

I thought it was because they were not Lanolinlanders and were disqualified.

I'd like to become a Lanolinlander. I am tired of Dixieland. It ruled by useless puppets who only care about what they look like with cosmetic surgery. said Miss Bluebell

I didnt know Dixieland was actually ruled by anyone. I thought it was just an anarchy police state outside of the reservation, said Miss Tailfeather.

 

[Lanolin]

Baby Jade watched the zoom screen as it was announced that Mrs Hairy had won. Sir Peter made an acceptance speech on her behalf. She had also won a trip to Raro. The runners up won free pizzas.

She held up her book and pointed to Queen Kong

Miss Zipmouth said Yes sweetie shes' number 8

 

[Lanolin]

The Guinea Pigs heard about Mrs Hairy's win and congratulated her.

They had also heard, unfortunately, that Miss Jenny was insanely jealous of Mrs Hairy's win and hated her guts. Even though it was illogical and her own book could have won if she had bothered to enter, but she trusted nobody to write her own hagiography.

The Guinea Pigs didnt care for Miss Jenny, she was nothing but a deluded dictator with a fake sissy boyfriend who caused nothing but misery to anyone she met. The Guinea Pigs wondered if Miss Ruby should push her off a bridge too like she wanted to do to Miss Tizzy, but thought better of it. If she looks at her own reflection she'll see what an ugly soul she has.

The guinea pigs never forgot Miss Jennys callous disregard for their family using them like lab rats all because she wanted ruby red lips. Miss Ruby however, never remembered the bad things Miss Jenny had done to manipulate her as she suffered periodic bouts of amnesia and thought the sun shone out her behind. Besides hadnt she meddled with the ongoing feud between her and the Chieftain? Even though it was really none of her business? She was not to be trusted.

Would Miss Jenny offer any olive branch or even a bunch of flowers to Mrs Hairy? The guinea pigs didnt think so. Miss Jenny always had nothing but bad things to say about Mrs Hairy, but at least she hadnt tried to steal her husband, like that green-eyed monster Jolene and her partner in crime, Monsieur nom de Plume.

All the spam Miss Jenny had sent months ago to everyone about Mrs Hairy was now coming back to haunt her.

 

[Lanolin]

It was Lanolinland Lovers Day, a very busy day on the Lanolinland Social calendar.
The day dawned bright and clear, and the flowers were out. Lanolinland lovers sent each other agapanthus and carved their initials on trees inside love hearts.

Those who wanted to be Lanolinlanders underwent their citizenship test and had their ceremonies, as well as graduates from all the Lanolinland universities had their capping ceremonies and marriage ceremonies.

The children prepared for the upcoming Santa Parade and got all their costumes and acts together for Lanolinland's Got Talent. The sporty one practised their footwork for the world cup and the arty ones composed poems.

It was a happy occasion and everyone was in a good mood. Mittens had decided he would be friends with both Miss Jennyanydots and Miss Grizabella, sharing his pizza with them. Kirsty and Lionel revisited their special tree, Tane Mahuta. Rachel planned and packed for her family trip to Raro with her two children and mother and sister. Dr Warner contacted all his five ex wives and had dinner with all of them, he wanted to tell them he was now seeing Rachel. . The chipmunks had a trampoline party with the Chippettes in the playground. They were practising their cheers for the upcoming tour sment Kevin was organising.

Mrs Olive and her two wwoofers went to the beach again and learned how to surf with Keisha. Miss Greenlips Hine discovered several pearls in the oysters of her underwater forest. President Lanolin had a sleep in , then went to the library where Miss Goodbooks had displayed all the award winners. Miss Goodbooks stamped her pizza wheel again when President Lanolin told about all the books she had read and said that one day she would write her own.

Miss Goodbooks asked her what she would call it and what it would be about.

Oh I dont know yet, said Miss Lanolin. But it probably wont be about my time in the Beehive, nobody wants to read a political memoir! They are so boring.

Miss Goodbooks demurred and said well the most popular book in the library is actually the Road Code. Even more in demand than the Da Vinci Code.

hmm thought Miss Lanolin

How about you write Lanolinland for Dummies. I think it will help those trying to pass their citizenship test.

You could be onto something Miss Goodbooks.

 

[jennymae]

Ms Jenny was wondering why the Lanoliners for months had tried to make it look like she was badmouthing Mrs Hairy. The only one badmouthing Mrs Hairy was the Lanoliners…by proxy. They’d say bad things about Mrs Hairy, and then be adding Ms Jenny’s name to their schemes. It was so infantile, but clearly the Lanoliners thought it was working like a dream. Ms Jenny was having serious worries about the cognitive issues that obviously ran deep in Lanolinland. The repetitive behavior of the Lanoliners was part of that concern. Also the tendency to create alternative facts about situations where common knowledge stated otherwise.

Of course, this kind of behavior could be seen as rational in the light of a goal of destabilizing other countries, but a clinical perspective suggested the contrary.

“I think they’re just dumb!” Charles offered from the living room. “Would that be your hypothesis?” Ms Jenny laughed. “No, it would be the diagnosis!” Charles said without a hint of irony. “Why don’t you set up a contest between your countries? Charles suddenly said. “A contest?” Ms Jenny was surprised. “Yeah, a cognitive function contest. The people could undergo a set of cognitive tests, like a WAIS test or even culture fair FDR-tests? Charles was thinking out loud. “And whoever should be administering that pile of tests?” Ms Jenny shot his idea down. “Okay, let the countries pick one person representative of the population to be undergoing a test. The winning country gets to sprinkle the losing country with its fits for a whole year”, Charles said convincingly, “isn’t there a member of the Triple Nine Society in your cabinet?” Ms Jenny tried to remember. “Oh Lord, what’s her name again?”

 

[shittim]

Mrs. Hairy, totally missing the symbolism of the olive branch being extended her, eats it.......

 

[Lanolin]

Dèar Mrs Santa Claus

I dont really believe in your husband who must be very busy but papa says I can wish for anything I want and best to write to you. Well Being a Princess I have everything already including Thelma the unicorn and a giant bunny called Louise but I do wish they could come home with me to stay. If they cant I want to stay here in Evereverland with them in a Pineapple Palace could we pretty please? Can we call it Charlotteville and keep out the boys? It will be just like Rubyland except it will be Charlotteville.

from your goodest girl Charlotte

ps. I didnt steal Louise, she just hopped in the car
pps. Louise is a GIRL bunny


.....

Mrs Santa Claus received the letter and remarked that Charlotte was possessing a great imagination, but she had to check first with her husband if Charlotte had done anything naughty.

Santa said Charlotte had pulled her brothers leg once though George was no saint either, he had pulled her hair. They had both spent time sitting on the naughty chair.

Cant their papa afford to give them anything?

Oh no he's as rich as Midas. Its just Charlotte is a middle child amongst boys and she needs quality time. She never get its it.

Mrs Santa Claus suggested Charlotte receive a magic wand. When she waved it, her brothers would magically disappear and she could imagine she was living in a Pineapple Palace in Charlotteville

 

[Lanolin]

President Lanolin got back to the Beehive and found Mrs Olive saying some doves were waiting for her outside. They were carrying olive branches.

Coo! Coo coo coo!

What you have message for Mrs Hairy?

Coo coo coo!

Oh yes I would tell her but shes now on Shortland street. Its not far if you want to fly up there

Coo coo coo!

what Miss Jenny is having her brain scanned?

Coo coo coo

ok whatever, nobody believes a word she says. She must be having another one of her periodic pyschotic mental breakdowns. Tell we know she acts sorry but shes not really sorry.

coo coo coo

yea I know, its sad. Oh well keep praying for her soul

Mrs Olive said they olive branches were ones from Israel and over 2000 years old, she recognised the cuttings. They would make great olive oil and the leaves for tea, and Mrs Hairy would love them as they were delicious.

 

[Lanolin]

The sunflowers, beans, corn and pumpkin were growing in the Beehive gardens and Miss Tailfeather said it was her tradition in her land to harvest them and give thanks and share a meal with strangers.

Mrs Olive said when was that?

Oh around 24th November.

Hmm well they wont be ready till late March.

Miss Tailfeather decided she wanted to stay until the harvest.

Well thats fine Miss Tailfeather, I hope you arent feeling lonely away from your family here in Lanolinland. You've been a great help on the farm.

Miss Tailfeather said she felt like everyone in Lanolinland was her family now.

 

[Lanolin]

Rachel was excited to go on her trip to Raro

Now that Kirsty was filling in at reception, she could take a break, and also, be away from Dr Warner for a bit. Seeing him everyday was disconcerting. She kept thinking he was attempting to diagnose her with something even though she'd never taken a day off work and was in the best health.

Oh Dr Love! said Kirsty. She laughed. Up to his old tricks again. He tried that with the OTHER Rachel.

Rachel didnt like being compared to the OTHER Rachel. It was the uneasy feeling of making her feel like she was being cloned.

Was the other Rachel tall with long blonde hair?

Oh no Rachel Mckenna was short with brown hair. And a fringe.

Rachel wondered what had happened to the other Rachel but it seemed like too much water under the bridge. Besides, she now had a week in Raro to enjoy with her family and was packing her coconut oil and beach reads.

well good luck with Lionel. Dont feed Mittens too much pizza.

 

[Lanolin]

Kevin wrote down his match lists for the playoffs

Kindagarteners Bigfoots vs Evereverlanders Priscillas
Antarctic Happy Feets Penguins vs Lanolinland Football Ferns
Sculpt Mountainers vs SeoulSearch Flat Earthers

He booked them in so they could all play in Eden Park. It would all be televised on the Lanovision. He wondered whether to include the Shittimstan Tomato Team but that would make 7 teams and who would be their opponent?

He'd eliminated the Jennymaesians from qualifying because they thought playing football was 'too infantile' and were being incredibly snotty. Anyway, that was their problem and their loss. That left the Rubylanders and Mosetarians, but they would have to battle it out online, because they were both computer geeks and banned from entering Lanolinland for the time being.