The Banned Game

[Lanolin]

Keisha had wanted to try the zipline in the treetops adventure park but they did not find any chipmunks there, nor at the luge.
At Butterfly Creek there was a Crocodile Encounter at 1pm where the keepers fed them fish and eels.
There were also meerkats , but no chipmunks.

Perhaps they stowed away on a ship or ferry, like they did in their last movie? said Miss Greenlips Hine.

Where else in Auckland would they have gone, not One Tree Hill as theres no longer any tree up there. They went up Mt Eden, but no chipmunks there either.

Keisha radioed Mrs Hairy to look for the chipmunks at the Auckland zoo, but again all she found was meerkats, no chipmunks.

Looks like we need to go to Great Barrier Island.

Your tip off sounds a but suss Miss Greenlips Hine. Im not sure what the Chipmunks would be doing up there.

well I have run out of ideas of where they could be.

How about we check Tane Mahuta and see if they climbed up there first and then fly over Great Barrier Island looking for this mythical "Eden Island' which I dont think even exists.

Keisha was rather surprised at President Lanolins cynicism. But then maybe having a island volcano explode killing two dozen tourists and having to deal with Mt Erebus victims made her wary of going to dangerous unknown places.

 

[Ruby123]

Miss Ruby was wondering why the Jennymaesian army had not returned with the wicked chieftan gagged and ready to feed to the alligators so she gave Miss Jenny a call. It seems they had changed direction and landed on Jennymaesia instead. Miss Ruby warned Miss Jenny this was indeed a dangerous situation for Miss Jenny to be in. The wicked chieftan would not doubt try to take over Jennymaesia eventually and the plane load of bogans would convert every shop in Jennymaesia into pubs. Tizzy would also claim the Jenny makeup empire as her own. There would be an increase in domestic violence and Jennymaesia would not be the beautiful place to live in it presently was.

Morty who was listening to the conversation came up with a brilliant idea. He suggested that Miss Jenny have a welcoming party on the plane they arrived on for all the bogans, chieftan and Tizzy. Free drinks on tap. This would ensure that all the bogans will turn up. Also invite the Chieftan to make a speech ensuring that he and Tizzy and baby are on board also. As the Chieftan makes his speech, Miss Jenny should slip out an get off the plane. She is then to signal to the pilot, the doors locked and the plane take off to Antarctica. Whilst they are all enjoying happy hour, the plane is flying straight to Antartica and the Chieftan, Tizzy, baby and one hundred bogans are left in Antarctica. Problem solved.

"Brilliant idea Morty" Miss Ruby said well pleased with his idea. This man is both handsome and brainy. She was liking him more and more every day. They relayed the suggestion to Miss Jenny who was making a decision to go ahead with the plan or not.

 

[Lanolin]

Miss Goodbooks loaned Miss Zipmouth several books including Middle Earth Location Guidebook, The Hobbit, Kirsty and Lionel: A novel, Under the Mountain, and the entire Hairy Maclary series.

She also loaned Baz Luhrmann the first five picture books of Moses, as he was going to film it in Queensland.

Good luck with that, she thought, especially with the ten plagues.

She then finished reading Mr Poppers Penguins and the penguins found out that Mr Popper took his penguins to the North Pole.

The Penguins had never been to the North Pole and wondered what life was like there. They had watched the forest begin to grow as the climate changed and Antarctica began to warm. They were not used to plants and trees at first but then found they were good for keeping their eggs safe and dry. They showed Miss Goodbooks and Santas helpers the Southern Lights and they was enchanted by them.

Santa kept his promise that Antarctica would continue to be a 'no fly' zone and was no longer relying on reindeer which he had retired to Scandinavia. They couldnt complete with the newer unicorns anyway, which he was trialling in Evereverland. In Antarctica, he was going to use whales and albatrosses as his couriers and they were all lining up along the coast ready for dispatch which would begin early December, after he finished his parades.

 

[Lanolin]

ooh eee oo aa aa ting tang walla walla bing bang
ooh ee oo aa ting tang walla walla bing bang

Everyone was playing the Chipmunks song in Lanolinland, they heard it on the radio, on boom boxes, in elevators, and devices as people searched for them hoping that they would turn up.

They are very good at hiding, remarked Miss Greenlips Hine.

And drving people nuts, said Lanolin.

Aw I think they are cute, said Keisha. Mrs Hairy wants to adopt them. You know shes still sad about her children being taken from her, not to mention her husband gone goodness knows where.

If David Seville hears about this, he will go ape.

What about the Chippettes? I hope they havent gone missing too.

Dame Edna is supposed to be looking after them in Evereverland.

They circled Great Barrier Island but there was nowhere to land at Tryphena. I dont think they are here, said Lanolin. Why they would come to this remote island is beyond me, and there doesnt seem to be any 'Eden Island' around not that I can see. Or alligators Those Clones! Are they Aussies or something. Surely they could come up with something original instead of always copying us Lanolinlanders.

President Lanolin wasnt fond of Australians who always tried to take credit for Lanolinlanders achievements. We are SEPARATE nations and there is no such thing as 'Australasians'. There's a entire sea between us! she huffed.

Miss Greenlips Hine changed the subject. Lets go visit Tane Mahuta. Im sure, being Chipmunks, they would have had to climb the tallest tree in Lanolinland just to boast they had done it. If not that, a bungy jump.

Keisha flew them near the Kauri forest.

 

[Lanolin]

Sir Peter had secured the Wiggles, Hillsong United and The Clones to play near a disused billabong that was going to double as a mosh pit

He had Miss Zipmouth made up as Baba Yaga, and as many DEAD players that could be spared to play bogans. But he was still short of about 150 extras and wondered if his 'Fosters' free beer sign was not working. Maybe it should be XXXX instead?

 

[Lanolin]

He's all yours doll, said Miss Bum Bum, disguised as Miss Tizzy. She winked and Miss Jenny could see that Bubba was really a Baby Alive doll.

Then to the Chieftains horror Miss BumBum gave him the doll to hold, lit a cigarette and started flirting with another bogan. It was all he could do to restrain himself but he reminded himself that his Japovian was just playing the part...much better than he could.

And Bubba was too...right?

 

[Moses_Young]

"Well," explained the Empress Miss Jenny of Jennymaesia over the telephone, after Ruby had finished relaying Morty's brilliant plan, "I do like your plan, but unfortunately, I have already identified the Great Chieftain, his troublesome warrioress, and their lingering... daughter."

"Actually, he's my son," Miss Ruby heard a female voice interrupt Miss Jenny in the background, "although I can understand your mistake because he is very cute. He's adopted, so he's not really our 'offspring' exactly, but I did save him from some cultists," she added helpfully. "I'm sure when he grows up, he's going to be just like the Great Chieftain!"

Miss Ruby scowled as soon as she recognised who the voice over the telephone belonged to.

"My sincerest apologies that we couldn't stick with your original plan," Miss Jenny continued despite the interruption. "It appears the captain of my JFD understood you were asleep, and didn't want to wake you up to identify..."

"Asleep!" exploded the Empress E-Ruby of Rubyland angrily. "I stayed up all night to witness the demise of my arch-nemesis. Every hour on the hour, I was peeping out of my Eden Island window, hoping to see the lights of the ferry. Who told her I was asleep?"

"Errrr, that might have been me," the Empress E-Ruby of Rubyland heard a male voice speaking now. It was a voice she knew only too well. "It had been a long day, and I'm sure Miss Ruby had been very busy, and I just didn't want the JFD to waste her time with trying to identify me, when I could save her and them the trouble."

"Look, Miss Ruby, we're sadly experiencing a chronic shortage of alligators in Jennymaesia at present, or else I could offer you our alligatory disposal option here in Jennymaesia. As it is, I'm proposing we give the ringleaders the green lipstick treatment, while we send the rest to Antarctica?" the Empress of Jennymaesia asked.

Miss Ruby gave her ally her verbal approval of the proposed plan.

The plane was refueld with copious quantities of fuel and "four-ex" for the long flight, and the bogans were sent happily on their way to Antarctica.

The Great Chieftain, his warrioress Tzipora, and her adopted son Bubba were escorted by Miss Jenny and several JFD guards to the Jennymaesian Prisoner Processing Facility.

"I thought you said Miss Jenny was going to be much, much madder than King Saul was with the philistines?" the Great Chieftain whispered to Tzipora as they were led away.

Tzipora shrugged. "Perhaps Jennymaesians display their temper differently?" she asked.

The Great Chieftain breathed a sigh of relief. Although wars had been fought over the use of green lipstick for military applications, he gave the Empress Jenny a broad smile, and his gold tooth seemed to wink at her as if it was grateful he was about to receive the equivalent punishment of a slap on the wrist, told not to be naughty again, and then basically let go...

 

[Ruby123]

Miss Ruby was glad that her enemy the Chieftan was back in Antarctica. It now gave her time to concentrate to having her dozen clones finished. She checked in with Mr Jeckyl who was tucked in one of the huts they converted into a lab for him to form and produce these clones. Miss Ruby left him to do his thing and was often tempted to check in with him but each time she went close to the hut she would hear "mwa ha ha" and the hairs on the back of her neck would stand. She decided to wait for him to come to her.

Finally the day came and Miss Ruby unveiled the clone. She was a magnificent speciman. Just what Miss Ruby had ordered. Miss Ruby was well pleased and Mr Jeckyl went onto making eleven more. The plan was for the clones to be completed. Miss Ruby would then invade Barry Island and take over. She would then build a bridge from Eden Island to Barry Island and rule and reign all three, with of course Morty who was getting ready to propose to her.

 

[Moses_Young]

Miss Ruby obviously hadn't understood Miss Jenny's phone call - probably because she was still drowsy from staying up the night before - as while Miss Ruby was gleefully listening to the "mwa ha ha"s coming from the hut that her mad scientist was cloning in, and simultaneously rejoicing in the thought that the Great Chieftain and his warrioress were on their way back to Antarctica with a plane-full of grog-swilling bogans, in reality, the Great Chieftain, his warrioress and poor baby Bubba were in fact still stranded in Jennymaesia, and facing down one of the crueler treatments the sadistic-but-fair Empress Jennymae had concocted for her more sinister foes - the green-lipstick treatment.

"When I apply this green lipstick, no-one will ever want to kiss - or even touch - your lips ever again!" she exclaimed maniacally, to the brave-but-still-somewhat-worried Japovian warrioress. "And that includes you!" she shouted, pointing at the Great Chieftain.

The Great Chieftain was starting to realise that perhaps indeed, Empress Jenny's anger was going to make what King Saul did unto the philistines look like a sweet, southern breeze in comparison. "You barbarian!" he argued to the Empress Jennymae. "I insist you give me the green-lipstick treatment first."

Empress Jenny gave a half-mad, half-mocking laugh - much like the aforementioned scientist. "Mwa, ha, ha, ha, ha. No, Great Chieftain, Miss Ruby asked especially for me to treat your warrioress first, so that her heart would break, when your eyes - rather than being magnetised to her beautiful, perfect, luscious, red lips - were rather repelled away from them by their sickly, green colour!"

"Ummm - I was there during the telephone call, and Miss Ruby didn't say that at all," the Great Chieftain replied.

"Well, it's the kind of thing she might have said!" argued the Empress Jenny angrily.

"But she didn't say it!" insisted the Great Chieftain.

"Look, I'm not here playing second fiddle to the Empress E-Ruby of Rubyland and Eden Island, anyway!" exclaimed Empress Jenny. "If I want to taint forever the lips of your warrioress with this here green lipstick," she held up the tube of the banned substance, "I don't need Miss Ruby's permission to do it."

"Besides," the Empress added more quietly, "no want wants to kiss your lips anyway, so the green-lipstick probably won't be as devastating for you. I'm sure the Empress E-Ruby of Rubyland and Eden Island would approve, were she here."

"And the Great Barry R Island," added the Great Chieftain.

"What?" asked Empress Jenny.

"The nefarious-but-yet-still-somehow-lovely Empress E-Ruby of Rubyland and Eden Island has designs in place to become Empress of the Great Barry R Island also," explained the Great Chieftain.

This information seemed to take the wind out of Empress Jennymae's sails. "Say again?" she asked.

"It's true," explained Tzipora. "Although I can understand if you believe this to be just a delaying tactic for me to preserve the precious beauty of my lovely, feminine lips just a few more seconds, Miss Ruby does indeed have plans in place to take over the Great Barry R Island..."

The Empress Jenny hesitated, the stick of the abominable green lipstick held up in her manicured hand. Empress E-Ruby of Rubyland was getting considerably more powerful these days, what, with three kingdoms to her Empire now?

Just then, the door to the dungeon within the Jennymaesian Prisoner Processing Facility burst open, and two strange figures burst in, wearing the apparel of the palace eunuchs.

"Excuse me," apologised the Empress Jenny impatiently, glancing at the intruders. "It seems these two have lost their way..."

"No, no, Empress, it's not that!" explained one of the figures in a higher-pitched-yet-worried tone.

"F-f-f-f-fire!" exclaimed the other, in a likewise somewhat-effeminate-sounding voice.

"Nonsense!" exclaimed Miss Jenny. "The fire alarm would have sounded!"

"Sabatage!" exclaimed the second figure shrilly. "Someone has disabled the palace fire alarms ma'am... Empress, we must insist you evacuate. The place is on fire!"

The Empress Jenny sighed frustratedly. Her application of the green to the lips of her enemies would have to wait for another occasion. As she left via the fire exit to the designated muster point, the Great Chieftain and Tzipora recognised the strangely-dressed figures were none other than the good and bad Mordecais.

"Quickly," the good Mordecai announced in his normal voice, once the Empress had departed. "Let's get you three unbound and out of here, before the Empress discovers there is no fire, and this is all an elaborate ruse!"

 

[Lanolin]

Fortunately there was no rahui on the walk to Tane Mahuta anymore and the ladies could get up close to the giant tree, the tallest and oldest Kauri in Lanolinland.

Miss Greenlips Hine saw there was something carved in the trunk, which spanned over 15 metres in diameter.

In a love heart with an arrow through it she read

L.S. + K.K 4 EVA

What does that mean? asked Keisha.

Kirsty and Lionel have been here! said Miss Greenlips Hine. Aw

At the base of the tree she found a tiny red hoodie with the letter A on it. Aha!

President Lanolin craned her neck and glanced up toward the crown of the tree, that was over 45 metres high. ALVIINN! she hollered, we know you and Simon and Theodore are up there. Are you going to come down?

They ladies fell silent and heard some chattering laughter, it sure sounded like chipmunks.
They all looked at each other. Who is going to climb Tane?

 

[Lanolin]

The 'no fly' zone over Antarctica was currently being activated and any plane that tried was diverted back to where they came from with the GPS homing technology programmed on their autopilot.

So the bogans went back to where they came from. Sir Peter was delighted when they showed up to his billabong /mosh pit already soaked with beer, as the runway was quite near the movie set.

 

[Lanolin]

Santa looked over his naughty list and saw that the lad Moses had racked up yet another conviction and arrest, and was also under the delusion that he had a son. Possibly to get more presents.

What shall we do about this lad? Hes causing no end of trouble. Hes asked for all the 'big boy toys' that cant fit into a shoebox.

Oh thats moses the younger. said Dame Edna. Hes always faking stuff. I would get him to believe in the tooth fairy instead so he eats junk food and knocks out all his teeth. Halloween is coming up.

What about this name, on the girls, unusually this one is the naughtiest and greediest of the lot.

Let me see. Dame Edna put on her face furniture again.

Miss Ruby was on the list in bright red ink.

 

[Lanolin]

The concert was the concert to end all concerts.
At first the Wiggles had a hard time winning over the crowd, but they got the bogans moving and waving their cigarette lighters. Then Hillsong United came on and did various rock songs which the bogans felt confused about. They took a break and The Clones came on and there was mayhem. The Clones tried various covers of AC/DC but it just wasnt working and the bogans booed and chucked beer bottles at them. So Hillsong United had to come back on and play more songs.

Then Baba Yaga appeared out of nowhere to surf the mosh pit that had formed. It started to rain hard while Hillsong pulled out their rock anthems. It seemed like the heavens were opening, Sir Peter couldnt have planned it as all the electric guitars and amps and mics were short circuiting.

The billabong was starting to fill up with bodies, water, urine and beer which was knee deep. It grew dark as the lights all went out and then a voice rang out over the crowd, it sounded like Darlene Zchesch singing 'Shout to the Lord' and you could hear a pin drop as everyone fell over slain by the spirit.

 

[Lanolin]

Mrs Hairy needs to climb Tane she's the expert, said Keisha.

Is she coming?
well, Rachel is on her way with her and the ambulance...I accidentally dialed 666. I also ordered us pizza.

Oh well we'll just camp out here and wait for them to come. Did anyone bring a book to read?

Lanolin just had 'whats that Native Tree' and 'The Hobbit' . The ladies having already identified all the native trees so opted for The Hobbit.

Chapter one
In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit....

 

[jennymae]

Ms Jenny was furious whenever she realized that the propaganda machine over in Mosestaria wasn’t any better than the Lanoliner’s. “You seen what those hicks in Mosestaria are spouting out?” she handed the pamphlet to Charles. He read:

Lipstick Empress Riots In Dungeon Of Horror

Heroic Chieftain Saves Princess Beats Empress

Empress Green Gets Snubbed

“So what?” Charles said with a smile, “Everybody knows you wasn’t there. It’s just the spin doctors trying to make you look bad.”

“Yeah, but people believe that make believe stuff”, Ms Jenny whined, “and what did he do to the bogans? Whenever I got there they was all gone?”

Charles contemplated this for a spell. “There’s a rumor about a false flag operation orchestrated by the Chieftain. Apparently he has sent the bogans to Antarctica, but the truth is that he’s right now flooding Lanonlinland, Rubyland and Jennymaesia with bogans to stir things up.”

“So when can we expect them to arrive?” Ms Jenny was shivering by the thought of thousands of bogans making a mess with their beer cans.

“Nobody knows, but you best close the borders immediately and deploy the border patrols.” Charles said while he tried to figure out the Chieftain’s next step.

 

[Lanolin]

Something strange was going on in Evereverland.

A burning bush in Dame Ednas next door neighbours Burke's backyard was ignited, and it started burning but couldnt be consumed...

After the big bogan concert and the demise of Baba Yaga, things were not the same. She disappeared from view and it was rumoured whatever had come from Mosetaria was in fact a transgender test tube baby and was being looked after by her/his/its father, the chief sinner of them all, the long last half brother of the lead singer from AC/DC, who had tried to clone their stardom but failed miserably.

This much feared former self-styled gangster now saw the error of his ways, was converted and in a startling turnaround, became a hands on dad.
All those who had attended the concert suddenly found themselves adopting new lifestyles, in which they paid more attention to their offspring, even dancing with the Wiggles, called each other brother and sister and sometimes praising the Lord at random moments. Some even emigrated to Lanolinland, where it was said there were 'greener pastures' and the 'field was ripe for harvest'

The cigarettes were snuffed out and replaced with flowers, the black clothing was recycled into plant pots, the pubs started serving non alcoholic pineapple punch and ginger beer. Hair was cut and shampooed, even styled, and sales of mascara and other garish makeup fell as women adopted a more natural look.

Even Dame Ednas hair was looking a lot more whiter and less mauve, and people started referring to her as Mrs Santa Claus. The possums and cockatoos were a lot quieter, and it seemed white one-horned horses were now showing up near the trotting club. What were they rehearsing at the new Pineapple theatre? Something was definitely up.

It was very strange indeed. But in Rubyland and the Barry island of occupied Mosestaria, things still stayed the same. They were at each others throats as usual, but the people that lived in the neighbouring states just learned not to pay them any attention.

 

[Lanolin]

Rachel didnt have much experience driving an ambulance but neither did Mrs Hairy, However Rachel had a drivers licence and Mrs Hairy did not, though she had applied for residency and was going to take her citizenship test in a few months time.

So Keisha having already taken the rescue helicopter up to North Lanolinland, it was down to Rachel to bring in the calvary - Mrs Hairy, expert tree climber and bungy jumper.

Sirens blaring, Rachel drove the windy road up to the Waipoua forest where Tane Mahuta stood, tall and majestic over all. If there ever was an earthly god or you believed in Ents, Tane Mahuta was held most sacred by anyone who'd never heard of Jesus, because this tree had been around since the before the time of Christ.

Mrs Hairy had heard of Jesus, actually, she'd heard some street preachers talk about him on the corner of Shortland Street and Vulcan Lane, and was considering what miracles this man was capable of. Certainly he didnt SEEM like any ordinary man. Most men were, in Mrs Hairys experience, terrible. She shuddered at what the Chieftain, who was a man, had done to her beloved husband. Women werent so bad, but still there was something not right with women either.

Rachel wasnt too bothered. She was human after all, and knew men had to humble themselves like Mr Hulk had done when he wore his gorilla onesie. They had to be bought to their knees.

Mrs Hairy, do you mind if we stop at Wellsford. we need to pick up the pizzas

Mrs Hairy didnt mind.
Rachel stopped and picked up her order. The pizza parlour recongnised Rachel and gave her free icecream as well. They then pulled into the Kauri forest where Keisha, Lanolin and Greenlips Hine were reading Chapter 6 of the Hobbit.

Mrs Hairy looked up at Tane Mahuta. This was no monkey puzzle tree. It was straight up with no branches for at least 30 metres. She didnt know how to get up there. Or how the chipmunks got up there.

President Lanolin turned to Keisha. You dialed 666 for ambulance? Do ambulances have ladders?! We need the fire brigade!

Keisha did a face palm.

 

[Ruby123]

Miss Ruby wondered whether the Chieftan was indulging too much at Happy Hour with the bogans with some of the fake news he was reporting to the Lanolin press. Miss Ruby knew that Miss Jenny would not be upset as to whether she reigned over Barry Island. Miss Ruby also knew he had been captured by Miss Jenny and was about to face one of the most horrible forms of torture a person can endure. The wearing of the green lipstick. It was all set up and all that was required was application on the chieftan and his mistress Tizzy (or whatever she is).

Miss Ruby decided now that Barry Island was free from the Chieftan and a good portion of bogans she would take the ferry over and see if it were worthy of her ruling. Morty wanted to accompany her but Miss Ruby thought it would be better he remain behind and look after Eden Island and also see that Mr Jeckyl continue his work of cloning. Morty was concerned having visited the island himself and encountering the behaviour of some of the local bogans. To ease his mind he gave Miss Ruby a taser gun and requested she use it just in case. Miss Ruby ensured him she would if necessary.

So Miss Ruby caught the ferry over to Barry Island and walked around the island taking notes. Two bogans standing by drinking and smoking wolf whistled as she walked past then proceeded to swear profusely. Miss Ruby chose to ignore the two bogans and continued to walk. They did not like being ignored so they followed Miss Ruby and one of them grabbed her arm. She pressed the taser gun and the bogan immediately fell to the floor jittering whilst his friend stood still, mouth open and eyes wide. Miss Ruby continued to walk, she had no time to indulge with such boganism.

Miss Ruby did like the island, it had potential she thought. She took notes and lots of photos. She grabbed some of the local delicacy of fish and chips and boarded the ferry to sail back to Eden Island. She would decide later as to whether she would include Barry Island under her leadership. If she decided upon it, the first step would be to gather the bogans and fly them over to Antarctica where eventually the Chieftan would return.

Perhaps she would open some type of business on the island. Of course Miss Jenny would be invited to open a makeup clinic for all the female inhabitants and Miss Lanolin would be offered an office for the press. Miss Ruby had alot to think about. The golden gate bridge joining Rubyland and Eden Island was three quarters complete and her mansion on Eden Island was nearly ready for the interior decorators. Cloning was also well on track.

 

[Moses_Young]

The Great Chieftain was somewhat insulted. How could the Empress of Jennymaesia even think of comparing the Mosestarian Matter-of-fact Media to some cheap, weaponised propaganda machine as was the Lanolinland Low-Down? Sure, he might embellish the odd fact or three, but didn't everybody? He had a good mind to give that wicked Empress a piece of his mind.

"Uhhh, Great Chieftain," implored the Bad Mordecai. "I think the exit is that-a-way," he asked confusedly, pointing in the direction opposite to the one in which the Great Chieftain was headed.

"I'm not heading to the exit," responded the Great Chieftain. "I'm heading to the palace throne room, to give that Jennymaesian Empress and her sissy-boy clone a piece of my mind!"

With the brave warrioress Tzipora and little Bubba by his side, the Great Chieftain strolled in the general direction opposite to the exit, and towards the palace throne room. The good Mordecai figured that he'd better stay close to his cousin, so he followed at a distance. The bad Mordecai guessed there was probably safety in numbers, so followed the other four.

"Halt! Who goes there?" demanded the two palace guards, directing the pointy ends of their halberds in the direction of the small band.

"I am the Great Chieftain of Mosestaria!" replied the Great Chieftain of Mosestaria. "This here is the beautiful, exotically-lipped warrioress Tzipora - who always carries her knife at the ready - and her cute-but-still-handsome son, Bubba..."

At the mention of the name Bubba, the first palace guard whispered to the second. "Aye! That there handsome young man is called Bubba."

"Bubba, eh?" whispered back the second guard at the first. "Isn't that the name of the Empress's brother?"

"Aye, 'tis!" whispered back the first guard to the second. "These must be the Empress's parents."

"They look pretty young for saying they're her parents," replied the second guard to the first.

"They do, but just goes to show where Empress Jenny gets her good looks from," the first guard answered.

The Great Chieftain had just finished explaining who the last member of the party was - the Bad Mordecai - but the palace guards had already made up their minds that the group must be relatives of their Empress Jennymae, and allowed them passage to the palace throne room. This didn't stop the Great Chieftain of Mosestaria roughly kicking the door open as the group entered.

The Empress of Jennymaesia had just returned to the palace throne room from the nearest designated muster point, grumbling angrily to Charles about the palace eunuchs "not knowing the difference between a fire and a false alarm", and "why couldn't they just become politicians like all the rest of their kind" and "why ever did they still employ eunuchs at the palace since the Imperial harem had been converted into the Jennymaesian Feminine Division since her reign began".

The banging of the door as the Great Chieftain of Mosestaria, his so-beautiful-she's-deadly Japovian warrioress, her ever-hungry son Bubba, and the two Mordecais entered the palace throne room, almost made Empress Jenny drop her champagne glass in surprise.

"I say, this is most unexpected!" exclaimed Charles, who fortunately was not holding a champagne glass at the time.

The Great Chieftain, fore-armed with a trick or two he learned from his stint with the bogans, proceeded to sit upon the throne and throw a copy of the latest Rubylander Ruminations onto the center of the same table he proceeded to rest his feet.

The Empress of Jennymaesia was shocked. Charles was mortified. The Great Chieftain, clearing his throat and removing his boots from the table after producing the desired affect - he wasn't, afterall, a bogan - proceeded to read from the inferior-but-still-nonetheless-somewhat-accurate edition of the Rubylander Ruminations.

"Miss Ruby also knew he had been captured by Miss Jenny and was about to face one of the most horrible forms of torture a person can endure. The wearing of the green lipstick."

Miss Jenny raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"Propaganda machine, eh?" asked the Great Chieftain.

"Well, obviously, the green lipstick part was true," admitted Miss Jenny. "But I was never going to administer it," she defended herself. "I was just trying to scare you."

"Really?" asked the Great Chieftain, somewhat surprised.

"Great Chieftain, do you take me for a philistine?" asked the Empress of Jennymaesia, somewhat rhetorically, and with a tone that implied she was almost a little hurt to have to ask.

"Well, no, not really. I guess I was just a little surprised at being captured from my hut on the Great Barry R Island. And so many of my bogans, also."

"Ah, well, I also was a little miffed that someone had accidentally mobilised my JFD and potentially caused an international diplomatic incident, but I understand now that it was all a long chain of unfortunate mistakes." the Jennymaesian Empress explained. "But what of the rumours of you flooding Jennymaesia with bogans?"

"Do you think I am insane, Empress?" asked the Chieftain, and now it was his turn to take a tone that sounded almost a little hurt.

"Well, not in a bad way," admitted the Empress.

"I would never flood Jennymaesia with bogans. They would ruin the decorum of the place. You see, that's why I was trying so hard to get them a home on Eden Island..." explained the Great Chieftain.

 

[Ruby123]

Miss Jenny slipped out of the conversation with the Chieftan and allowed for Charles to catch up with him. Miss Jenny made a quick urgent call to Miss Ruby telling her of the chieftan's intentions of flooding Eden Island with bogans.
Miss Ruby was enraged. "Quick, starve the alligators" she told Morty. "They will soon be in for a feast of bogans. Better have some gaviscon ready for them too" she said to Morty.
"Mr Jeckyl must put in more hours in making the clones too" Miss Ruby said. "Sounds like we may be getting an infestation of bogans."
The thought of it made Miss Ruby ill.

"Why does the Chieftan not want to live back in Antarctica, with Tizzy and all the bogans the country could accommodate" Miss Ruby wondered. Maybe if she returned all the tyres she successfully stole from him and dropped them in Antarctica, that may be incentive enough?