Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

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cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,425
2,416
113
My sister told me this morning that I live a charmed life. She said, "Everything comes easy for you, people are always rushing to your rescue, and you got all the good genes. How am I supposed to compete with that? It's easier for me to just not have to be around you."

This was in response to me calling her to ask if she'd want to help me put together a family party for my birthday next month. But she's been ignoring/avoiding me a lot lately, and I couldn't figure out why...I thought maybe she was just busy with her wedding plans (takes place at the end of August, a couple weeks after my birthday).

She's pretty upset with me. She told me it just figures that I would try to "trump" her wedding by having a get-together for my birthday.

What?!

I don't get all the bitterness towards me. She ended the conversation with "Just once, I'd like to see you fall flat on your face and not get back up. Then maybe you'd be more human."

I think this means I'm NOT invited to the wedding after all...?

I am super confused.
And you never knew that right now your life was so good that future brides would envy you. On a serious note the letter you talked about sounded good. And hitting people with kindness after they know they've been jerks always kind of messes with them in a good Godly way (at least when it is sincere kindness). I pray God brings an awesome reconciliation between you and you can be the best sisters for each other that you have ever been.
 
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Ugly

Guest
It's frustrating and makes me want to shake her and force her to realize all the amazing qualities she has that I don't. She's a tough cookie- she's had some rough stuff happen and come out stronger for it. She's insanely smart, good with numbers and science, can fix or figure out just about anything, is funny and loves to entertain and bring people together. I just wish she'd SEE that and realize her talents/gifts may be different than mine or my brother's, but they're GOOD.

*sigh*
Kind of like how i've felt with you so often =P
 

lil_christian

Senior Member
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
73
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Soon enough, I'll be getting furniture in the hangout area. I need to repaint some areas first, and move some more things around. We have too much furniture in our living room right now, so the excess furniture shall be moved downstairs. :) I'll have a recliner down there!!! That gives anyone a good reason to hang out down there.
 

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
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Is it okay to make Indian puns on my sister's Facebook wall knowing that she has an Indian friend? lol.
 

rachelsedge

Senior Member
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
81
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So I can't sleep tonight, so I've been laying in bed thinking, thinking about being hurt and how I deal with it.

Growing up I always kept to myself, didn't bother with the outside world too much because of previous hurt. I internalized everything and never let anyone see the true me, never let them see I was hurting. I did this for years and after a while you get really good at hiding anything and everything from pretty much everyone.


As I got older and started interacting with the world, I started to hide my emotions through an appearance of not caring or joking. Again, doing this for years makes you really good at it, and I was to the point where even my mom had no idea what I was feeling.

Reading a text message from a good friend tonight got me thinking about this, and how I hide ALL my true feelings under jokes, and made me realize how truly afraid I am of allot of things happening in my life. Allot of things scare me to death, but my standard way of dealing with this is to joke, or play IDC, but in reality I'm deathly afraid of something or deeply deeply hurt.

It's so hard for me to admit to anyone that I'm afraid of something in life, that I've been hurt, or even that I'm scared of potential outcomes in life. I'm scared to admit that my life isn't as perfect as it looks, scared that people will see the true me, scared to simply show my emotions. Afraid to open up ever again, for fear of being hurt so deeply.

I feel like all these emotions that I never show are holding me back, yet at the same time I have no idea how else to live, how else to deal with the pain. When I open up to anyone I'm vulnerable and I know how easy it is to penetrate to my inner being and so deeply wound me that I never fully recover.

I'm sobbing now, so maybe I'll be able to sleep. I feel quite exposed now, please tread lightly. :'(
That sounds very similar to me. I am glad that you posted this, I hope you know that here on CC, you are free to post your emotions, and any negative/dumb feedback you may get will be quickly shot down by the true brothers and sisters that care.

I don't know if you are this way, but here's an example of something I do: I had very terrible experience one summer that left me quite broken. I didn't let people see just how broken it left me. One day, I texted my sister, "I don't think people get how much ______ hurt me." She responded, very wisely, "That's because you don't let them."

It's like I get upset at people for not knowing, but when they try to dig deeper I fling up my walls or shrug it off. I want people to care about me but I don't want them to see my dirt. I want to be pursued, but I don't want to get caught. And that is a struggle, to let myself be caught, to be vulnerable and known.

One friend that I am extremely close to became a close friend by pursuing my heart. She would not back off when I pushed, she did not turn and walk away when I put my walls up. She was persistent but gentle, in a caring way. I think more Christians need to be like that. Myself included.
 
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Tintin

Guest
Is it okay to make Indian puns on my sister's Facebook wall knowing that she has an Indian friend? lol.
I don't think it's a problem, as long as they're not disrespectful. Just curry on with what you're doing.
 

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
63
I am in the weirdest hyper mood tonight. I just saw a status on my Facebook newsfeed that said, "Brainstorming Idea of the Day: A TV show about a time-traveling minister and his God given mission to save the world, entitled 'PASTor Present.'"

The first thought that floated through my head was "That sounds like a show I've watched before called Touched by an Angel. Maybe they could call it Touched by a Pastor."

My second thought: "......."

My third thought: "Ooooooooooooooor not..."

And then lots of laughter ensued.
 
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lil_christian

Senior Member
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
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That sounds very similar to me. I am glad that you posted this, I hope you know that here on CC, you are free to post your emotions, and any negative/dumb feedback you may get will be quickly shot down by the true brothers and sisters that care.

I don't know if you are this way, but here's an example of something I do: I had very terrible experience one summer that left me quite broken. I didn't let people see just how broken it left me. One day, I texted my sister, "I don't think people get how much ______ hurt me." She responded, very wisely, "That's because you don't let them."

It's like I get upset at people for not knowing, but when they try to dig deeper I fling up my walls or shrug it off. I want people to care about me but I don't want them to see my dirt. I want to be pursued, but I don't want to get caught. And that is a struggle, to let myself be caught, to be vulnerable and known.

One friend that I am extremely close to became a close friend by pursuing my heart. She would not back off when I pushed, she did not turn and walk away when I put my walls up. She was persistent but gentle, in a caring way. I think more Christians need to be like that. Myself included.
I've been the same way. Trust comes so slowly to me, and in a way I don't want to trust people because they'll eventually let you down. But...I've found out you need to trust SOMEONE.

Sometimes, our greatest fear is that when we're even somewhat vulnerable, no one else will relate. We're afraid that we're alone in our struggles. We're afraid that when we tell someone, they'll look at you blankly and say, "I really don't know how to respond to that. Ummm..." or they'll judge us and say, "Wow, you REALLY did THAT?? You've been struggling with this?? Are you serious? I can't believe you did that."

I've found out that I'm struggling with the same thing you and Bugeye are, and I've learned that other people have struggled with the same thing before. And it's helped me feel better about myself. I'm not saying it's made me comfortable staying where I am. In fact, you guys have helped me decide that I'm going to make a conscious effort to start trusting people around me a little more. Anyways, knowing other people are going through or have gone through the same thing has helped me feel less like a basket case and a loner. :)

I love you all so much. You guys have been such a great support for me throughout these past few months. I really don't know what I would have done without you. I mean, I had offline support and had a few friends offline...but you guys. Wow. I don't even know what to say besides thank you and I love you.
 
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persNickety

Guest
Welp I called in sick. To be truthful, I am quite dizzy, and my head feels like it is in a vice. Tomorrow shall be a day of well needed rest.
 
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MissCris

Guest
So many thoughts rambling around in my head with nowhere to go but out...

No matter what I say or don't say, do or don't do, there will always be somebody waiting to be offended or upset about it. And that...is not my problem. I used to let it be, I used to accept the blame for other people's negative feelings. But, as I have been learning on my own and with the help of others, what a person feels and how they react is Their Own Choice. The same goes for myself- I Choose how to react to those around me. Is it uncomfortable to admit that? Totally. True anyway.

And I am choosing to no longer let other people's insecurities or jealousy or bitterness rule my actions and my life.

There are many things I like about myself that have generally gotten put down by people who are insecure in themselves, and I'm not going to keep making apologies for being who I am. I'm not sorry that God gave me a few talents. I'm not sorry for posting way too much of my crazyness here. And I'm not sorry for thinking about the future and the possibility that I may someday be ready for another relationship.

People can keep their bitterness and hypocrisy and jealousy to themselves...I'm not responsible for what They feel.

That all being said...!

Of course I don't want to be a jerk, or hurt anyone. If I had the power, I would magically fix everything for everyone...or at least give them awkward hugs until they pretend to feel better just so I'll go away.

But, just as I can't be held responsible for anyone's negative emotions, neither can I force them to have good ones. Sooo, I'll just do what I do, be who I am, make people smile or irritate them to death...and not worry whether they love me or hate me or wish I would stop posting so much or wish I would make more sense or...

Dang, I broke a nail.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,425
2,416
113
So many thoughts rambling around in my head with nowhere to go but out...

No matter what I say or don't say, do or don't do, there will always be somebody waiting to be offended or upset about it. And that...is not my problem. I used to let it be, I used to accept the blame for other people's negative feelings. But, as I have been learning on my own and with the help of others, what a person feels and how they react is Their Own Choice. The same goes for myself- I Choose how to react to those around me. Is it uncomfortable to admit that? Totally. True anyway.

And I am choosing to no longer let other people's insecurities or jealousy or bitterness rule my actions and my life.

There are many things I like about myself that have generally gotten put down by people who are insecure in themselves, and I'm not going to keep making apologies for being who I am. I'm not sorry that God gave me a few talents. I'm not sorry for posting way too much of my crazyness here. And I'm not sorry for thinking about the future and the possibility that I may someday be ready for another relationship.

People can keep their bitterness and hypocrisy and jealousy to themselves...I'm not responsible for what They feel.

That all being said...!

Of course I don't want to be a jerk, or hurt anyone. If I had the power, I would magically fix everything for everyone...or at least give them awkward hugs until they pretend to feel better just so I'll go away.

But, just as I can't be held responsible for anyone's negative emotions, neither can I force them to have good ones. Sooo, I'll just do what I do, be who I am, make people smile or irritate them to death...and not worry whether they love me or hate me or wish I would stop posting so much or wish I would make more sense or...

Dang, I broke a nail.
Yay for you. Although I know you just said it didn't matter anymore to you whether I was happy for you or upset with you :p
 
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ww_21

Guest
So.. if I decide that I can no longer follow Christianity... or any religion for that matter... does that mean I'm no longer allowed on cc?
 
May 3, 2013
8,719
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So.. if I decide that I can no longer follow Christianity... or any religion for that matter... does that mean I'm no longer allowed on cc?
That´s OK with me!

I accepted you for YOUR BEING you, not for your beliefs...

Thought I wish I were permitted to ask why that decision (which I respect as much as I have respected you).

You know how you could share it, privately or publicly, the time you want or want not.

You are the same I have liked, never the less.
 

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
Sep 17, 2013
5,542
2,720
113
Georgia
So.. if I decide that I can no longer follow Christianity... or any religion for that matter... does that mean I'm no longer allowed on cc?
Of course not.... Your friends here may very well keep on trying to encourage you back to Christ though.
I love you and would rather you be here with friends praying for you then to disappear and us have no way of knowing how you are. I'll be praying for you.
 

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
63
So.. if I decide that I can no longer follow Christianity... or any religion for that matter... does that mean I'm no longer allowed on cc?
You're still allowed :) I am interested to hear what has brought you to this point, though.
 
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Tintin

Guest
WW_21 (Wonderful Woman 21),

No, of course you'll still be welcome here, but turning from Christ isn't the answer. Take heed of the Bible verse in your own signature. Read it through, pray it through, start to believe it. The Christian God is the only one Truth, the only one Life, the only Way. Praying for you, my sister. :)
 
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persNickety

Guest
So.. if I decide that I can no longer follow Christianity... or any religion for that matter... does that mean I'm no longer allowed on cc?
You are most welcome here :)