... Stumbled upon this ... after being away from the forums for a little while ... due to a deep need to reconnect with Christ.
As a single person ─ and for a good reason ─ this topic is uncomfortable for me. It's not that I hold it against anyone here that you like romance and affection and sexuality, all of which I assume are good for a person if they actually enjoy it. ... The thought that cycles through in my mind is that maybe I need to be obedient to God if there is a man out there who He wants me to have as a partner. Now, does that mean that I am romantic or that I have a heart for romance? No. What caused me to be the way that I am is so dark and upsetting that I'm not inclined to post in the forums, but I would be lying if I said that I wanted God to put it into my heart to like affection and romance because I don't. The last thing I want is for any man to put his hands on me, ever. That being said, I return to my original pondering: is a woman supposed to submit to a man that God puts into her life, even if she does not enjoy sex, touch, romance, affection, or even having a partner? Does a good Christian woman submit to God and to the man that He put into her life, even if it is incredibly upsetting for her on a daily basis? I wonder, is this the case or is it not the case? Any insight?
What I have hoped for is that God can remove any sexual desires that I may have. Mine seem to stem around trauma, which I wish I didn't have to endure the memories of on a daily basis. The only sexuality that I understand is related to my abuse. Because of this, I don't want to have anything to do with sex, so I have asked God to rid me of any latent desires that hide in the back of my mind and bother me when I least want them to.
Also, I dissociate horribly when I read or write or think about these things. At times I will be reading about this or typing about this and I will suddenly have dissociative amnesia and then have the memories and thought patterns of a small child. It's very unnerving. When confronted with the idea of someone even so much as considering to touch me, I slowly start to pan out of reality until I have no idea where I am or who I am. My mind is ridiculously fragile.
No romance for me ─ not even in my mind. Can't handle it.