How do you meet other Christian women during Covid?

[cinder]

People say they don't date strangers, but this is invariably untrue. They almost exclusively date strangers because we live in a world with almost too many options. Men and women typically have their minds made up about someone in the first few minutes of meeting them.

If you fail to make the cut then, you almost never will.

So yes, I am calling the woman's bluff. This may have been true in the 50's, but it is not true now.

As a woman who doesn't take to new people quickly I would disagree; as a thinker I find a few interesting points here.

1) Everyone was a stranger to you at some point.
2) It seems like many people are more open to dating a stranger found on an internet dating site than they are to dating someone who walks up to them in a super market and asks them out... why is that?
3) Is knowing someone exclusively online enough to make them not a stranger?
4)Is it maybe less threatening to talk to a stranger through an online platform with a block setting than to go out on an official date with a real life human being stranger who lives in your town ? How does that affect our approach to relationships?
5) How made up are minds and about what things in the first few minutes? I think our opinions change about people we have to interact with over an extended period of time, but I can see for myself that in purely voluntary circumstances I also have a pretty good idea of whether this is someone I want to interact with more or not after one interaction.

And my advice for talking to women would be, actually spend 5-10 minutes talking to them before even thinking about asking them out. If you just walk up and say "hi want to go out" you're much more likely to be turned down than if you can start an interesting conversation and offer to continue it over coffee (or tea).

 

[Lynx]

cinder admitting coffee might be an option? Now THAT'S progress!

 

[Desdichado]

As a woman who doesn't take to new people quickly I would disagree; as a thinker I find a few interesting points here.

This will be fun.

2) It seems like many people are more open to dating a stranger found on an internet dating site than they are to dating someone who walks up to them in a super market and asks them out... why is that?

Maybe I am just insanely lucky, but I have had a higher acceptance ratio offline.

3) Is knowing someone exclusively online enough to make them not a stranger? /QUOTE]

I think it's something in between.

4)Is it maybe less threatening to talk to a stranger through an online platform with a block setting than to go out on an official date with a real life human being stranger who lives in your town ? How does that affect our approach to relationships?/QUOTE]

Less threatening, but more boring.

5) How made up are minds and about what things in the first few minutes? I think our opinions change about people we have to interact with over an extended period of time, but I can see for myself that in purely voluntary circumstances I also have a pretty good idea of whether this is someone I want to interact with more or not after one interaction.

Most people either find someone attractive or they don't. This observation is more relevant to platonic relationships.

And my advice for talking to women would be, actually spend 5-10 minutes talking to them before even thinking about asking them out. If you just walk up and say "hi want to go out" you're much more likely to be turned down than if you can start an interesting conversation and offer to continue it over coffee (or tea).

Terrible advice, gentlemen. If you overthink, you lose. Fortune favors the bold!

Use the date to get to know them.

 

[Gojira]

That said, collect a few male friends if for no other reason than that they are nice to have. I am so glad to have my wolf pack.

Trying. Hard to do that when you're in your 50s, or so I've been learning. I'm trying meetup groups, but so far nothing has panned out. I've tried churches, but I've given up there, too. Most of the friends I have, who are scattered all over the US, I met in school or work situations decades ago. Or, they're people I met in small groups from church, but it seems that kind of thing is not happening lately.

 

[Desdichado]

Yeah, age is relevant here. The older you get, the harder it is to make friends.

That is until you reach 65+. I'm told it gets easier after that point.

Trying. Hard to do that when you're in your 50s, or so I've been learning. I'm trying meetup groups, but so far nothing has panned out. I've tried churches, but I've given up there, too. Most of the friends I have, who are scattered all over the US, I met in school or work situations decades ago. Or, they're people I met in small groups from church, but it seems that kind of thing is not happening lately.

 

[JohnDB]

Around age 50+ guys slowly figure out that they aren't hunters anymore but prey...

As long as they are decent in appearance ( belly is OK but not overly obese) and clean and pleasant... you about have to beat the women off.

 

[Lynx]

I must be unpleasant. My stomach is not too big and I'm not dirty... dirty-minded or physically dirty. The only thing I'm missing in your list is being pleasant.

 

[JohnDB]

I must be unpleasant. My stomach is not too big and I'm not dirty... dirty-minded or physically dirty. The only thing I'm missing in your list is being pleasant.

Grumpy old men are my heroes...but they don't get the ladies...

And asking the ladies for a bit of "womanly help" isn't exactly a sign of weakness... you know... like cooking information and maybe some sewing tips...

 

[Lynx]

Well that's the problem then. I do my own cooking and I buy clothes when mine wear out.

 

[JohnDB]

Well that's the problem then. I do my own cooking and I buy clothes when mine wear out.

I'm sure that you are more than self sufficient...but that's not what forming a relationship is all about.
The "needing help" is never really about getting help....it's about showing someone you like that you are willing to listen to them uniquely and follow as they say...that you value them.

Not to mention that it's nice to be needed, wanted, and desired.

 

[Lynx]

I'm sure that you are more than self sufficient...but that's not what forming a relationship is all about.
The "needing help" is never really about getting help....it's about showing someone you like that you are willing to listen to them uniquely and follow as they say...that you value them.

Not to mention that it's nice to be needed, wanted, and desired.

We're being facetious here, not serious.

I know exactly why I'm really still single - apathy. I just don't care enough to go looking for her.

 

[JohnDB]

We're being facetious here, not serious.

I know exactly why I'm really still single - apathy. I just don't care enough to go looking for her.

Oh...but don't you worry about that...
Soon enough you will be the hunted instead of the hunter.
Remember the old High Karate commercials?
Just saying....

 

[Lynx]

Never seen them, but I'm 43 and it ain't happened yet. And if it did, well... I have a flamethrower.

 

[JohnDB]

Never seen them, but I'm 43 and it ain't happened yet. And if it did, well... I have a flamethrower.

Ha!

 

[Lynx]

Yeah, no, I'm never using that stuff.

I don't even use axe body spray. Besides I heard they got a lawsuit from guys who claimed false advertising. Something about when they used it the girls did not mob them as the commercials said they would.

 

[Lanolin]

haha its just like demand and supply
buyers and sellers

if women out number men then the ball is in the womens court and they have the advantage and gets to call the shots

unfortunately for both sexes it is a 'numbers game'
kinda like finding a decent job. You always get lumped with the crappy causual, short term, minimum wage paying, insane shifts before you land a contract with an employer who may or may not treat you like a slave.

 

[Lanolin]

what you do is tell your parents, when you are like 5 years old

I wanna get married and give you grandchildren one day
Then they arrange the marriage for you to little johnny/jenny from down the street
and after you finishe school, you graduate and get married to now grown up johnny/jenny who youve been seeing on playdates all this while

 

[Lily-Keith]

.....If you find yourself in situations that I was in, walk away and learn from them. God has your best interests in mind so pray about them, and pray for those people you come across.

I'll leave you with this last example: I dated a woman about a year ago and we were getting close, at least I thought we were. One day, she stopped talking to me, and it lasted for about a week or two. I didn't know what it was because this woman had all sorts of stuff going on last year. I talked to an old pastor of mine, explained the situation to him. Keep in mind, this woman wasn't a Christian, and I thought at the time that I could show her the light of Christ and she can be saved. I told the pastor this and he mentioned that this woman might have been wounded spiritually and needed time. He also mentioned even if this woman had broke up with me, I may have planted a seed so that another godly man came along, he would make that seed grow. So I'm hoping that I did, and there have been cases out there like that, where one Christian was with someone, shown this unsaved person the way, only to be furthered by another Christian.
......As mentioned earlier, though, if you find yourself in this type of situation, walk away and learn from it. And pray for that person. You might be doing what God has called you to do for that person. He may even have you meet that special someone sooner than you expect. It's times where they are the most unlikely that these things happen. Anyway, you take care, man!

Hi there, I'm Lily! I'm starting to date for the first time (super daunting ) And I found your words encouraging. I never really thought of approaching dating that way. I really appreciate your wise perspective! Thanks so much!

Anyway, I do hope God brings the right woman into your life, even to you @Chilidogs
I believe we never meet a person by mistake; rather, God brings them into our lives for a reason.

And @Kauko I read some of your earlier posts, and I can see why you're frustrated. I can only imagine how hard it's been. I hope God gives you peace and encouragement through His word; keeping seeking Him and praying to Him. He knows what you're feeling and what you're going through, and He hears you! And I know He can guide and strengthen you through the pain.

 

[JohnDB]

Hi there, I'm Lily! I'm starting to date for the first time (super daunting ) And I found your words encouraging. I never really thought of approaching dating that way. I really appreciate your wise perspective

Missionary Dating is not exactly a great idea...
A LOT of people (men and women) will say anything to smooth a relationship with another person...and most nonbelievers will actually have the best of intentions in trying to become a believer.
This is where "who" a person is not really revealed for years...

Everyone is on their best behavior when dating...it's when they are in their worst moods and nobody is looking that we find out their character... especially when selecting a spouse. Bad company corrupts good morals.
Great relationships start as "friends of equals" and build from there.

I'm just a grumpy old man who learned most things the hard way...and is still paying for mistakes of youth of doing exactly what you are talking about doing. I've met lots of others who have described the exact same results as I've had. (Nothing positive)

Believers and nonbelievers do not make for good marriages. Ever! It's good only for a season but the damage will last a lifetime.

 

[tourist]

Shhh! Don't tell tourist those stories. He and his met online and they're still happy.

This is true.