The person who says it directly to me, "you need to get a life", is actually my mom. She means well. I guess she just wants me to "grow up" and get a life, meaning get married, etc. I live with my parents and have a good job, but don't really have a social life anymore. I also have friends who say the same thing but not so directly, such as my married friends saying life is so much better being married, life has so much more meaning, etc. I think when they say it, it sounds like they are gloating. Like, they are essentially saying the single life doesn't have as much meaning.
I'm really sorry people are treating you this way and I can definitely relate. I was married relatively young and when he left for another girl, it felt like people were either telling me I could never marry again, or else rushing me to get remarried (I haven't yet, and it's been... well, a very, very long time.) I understand that some people think life has more meaning with a spouse, but it seems people like that are unable to see things from other's perspective.
I was stuck in the same rut for a while. I figured, and sometimes still make this mistake, that everyone thought like I did -- but people are people and now I think empathy and sympathy are learned and/or gifts from God. Some people seem to lack that, and for whatever reason, never learn or are given that skill.
It might be different for others but the 3 main reasons I find for people saying this to singles are:
1. They might mean well and not want us to be alone, like your mom. And may I add, living with your parents can be a great thing! It's not only protection (safety in numbers) but as I'm sure you know, might allow you to save money as well. One of my siblings lived at home for as long as my parents would allow, lol, worked 2 full-time jobs, and when he did move out, he bought a house in cash.
2. Some people have "Instagram Flexing Syndrome." Whether it's insecurity or a need to feel accomplished and admired, they think they have a good life and boy, do they want everyone to know it. Telling others to get a life means that they think their life is somehow above everyone else's and apparently it makes them feel good to think they know THE WAY for everyone else to follow.
3. Some people, as it's been mentioned, are going through hard times and hate seeing others who have choices or even see us as having the better life, but don't want to admit it. The girl I mentioned in my last post who broke down and said she hated seeing people with freedom had a child who was getting in trouble with the law, and she hated feeling trapped within her own family's problems.
I've even had other singles with kids tell me I should either adopt kids or invite single mothers with kids into my home to help raise their children (not that this is an entirely bad idea, but when I asked God about it, I believe He told me that I needed sanctuary in my own home and that I had other callings.)
I like what Bluesproverb pointed out -- it doesn't matter what you do, people are never going to leave you alone regarding what they think you should do with your life. Even if you get married, then they're all going to ask when you're having kids and will tell you that life is meaningless unless you have children. And even if you have kids, then people will start asking you why your kids aren't doing this or that.
There is simply no pleasing others, so I figure we might as well buck up and go our own way.
God might have something very unique ahead that others won't understand anyway.
One of the callings God had for me during this time of singleness was writing to and visiting inmates, which, as you can imagine, is something most people don't understand -- and I understand that. But it was one of the best learning experiences of my life that I would never change, even though almost everyone in my life thought I was crazy because of it.
It's hard doing things or being in a state of life that other people aren't in or don't understand. One of the things I've liked about getting older is that it's become easier to brush off other people's opinions, and I'm very thankful to have found a community here on CC of like-minded singles.
I hope you'll find that here as well, Ms. Mediator. Please keep talking to us and giving us the privilege of getting to know you.
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