Are you a single? Have you been told, even by fellow Christians, that you have no life, that you need to get a life, etc.? How do you respond to such comments?
How do Singles respond to, "You have no life", etc.
- Thread starter MsMediator
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Here's my take.
Jesus came so that I may have life and have it abundantly (John 10:10).
Jesus informs us in Matthew 16:25 that, “Whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”
I have lost my life for his sake, and the life I have found is the only life I want.
Jesus came so that I may have life and have it abundantly (John 10:10).
Jesus informs us in Matthew 16:25 that, “Whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”
I have lost my life for his sake, and the life I have found is the only life I want.
Hi Ms. Mediator,
Great topic! Welcome to the forums.
When I was younger, I used to run into this question a lot, usually at work and by younger co-workers -- often those caught up in the party life. Every now and then, I could get into some serious conversations with them if I asked them about their own lives, and a few might eventually confess that the party life was wearing them down, but yet they didn't know how to leave it.
In fact, when I first joined CC and was often in the chat rooms after work, I told my co-workers about it and one used to say a bit scornfully, "Wow. Are you going home to your online church potluck? How exciting." But I had to laugh at that one, because yes, it was actually true! And this co-worker wound up in rehab a few years later. If that's what having a life leads to, I'll have to pass, sorry.
One thing I've learned though is that sometimes when people tell you to get a life, they're actually unhappy in their own situation and make themselves feel better by trying to sound like anyone living any other way is a loser. I've had times when co-workers and yes, even other Christians told me that since I'm single, I need to be adopting children or somehow contributing to the population.
But what came out over time was them confessing that they actually felt burnt out, unsure, and tired of parenting and their own domestic roles and responsibilities. One co-worker broke down in the restroom one day and told me, "I HATE seeing people like you! I hate seeing people who have FREEDOM!" From then on, I looked at people who criticized my single life a bit differently. Maybe they were nagging me about my life because they actually despised their own and longed for an escape.
It's been a long time since someone told me to get a life. Back then, I probably just would have laughed it off. But I've been part of this circle for a long time, and things are starting to change -- I'm finally starting to see the results of things I've been working towards since I was in my teens.
These days, if someone told me to get a life, I'd have to ask them what having a life means to them. If having a life means going home to a spouse, cooking and taking care of a family, shuttling kids about town, helping them with their homework while worrying about the agendas the schools are teaching or whom their children are friends with, all while trying to read the Bible and get the kids to go to church, then no, I don't have any of that. (And I realize many singles are doing this all on their own, without the help of a spouse.)
But what I do have is some of my own time outside of work and responsibilities -- time that I can choose to do whatever I want with, whether that's reading, a hobby, working out, volunteer work, Bible study, or catching up with friends. When vacation time rolls around, if I've saved up enough money, I can actually go somewhere if I should choose to because my life is not intricately tied to the survival or needs of others.
I guess what I would have to tell the person criticizing me is that, no, I don't have THEIR version of a life, but what I do have suits me and is what God has called me to for now, and no, I'm not interested in changing places with them or chasing after what they have. Maybe when I was younger, but not so much now, as God has taught me a lot about being content in our situations.
Life is what you make of it. Also your life would not fit me.
If I get a computer, I'mma get a thinkpad. (Stay with me here.) They are durable and they have a kind of brute-force approach that just plain works. For example my thinkpads have such good antennas that they can use wifi signals other laptops swear don't exist.
I would NOT automatically recommend thinkpads for other people because different people want different things. seoulsearch needed a thin Dell with no fan noise. Zandar (my best friend Bryan, known as Zandar in our chat) needed something with a much better graphics card for video games. Some people think they need a laptop but after a few questions they realize they really need a tablet or even just a phone.
One guy at my job decided he WANTED to get a really cheap Walmart laptop that he could expect to break in a year and a half. He wanted a continuous upgrade cycle for not much money and that worked fine for him. That's definitely not for me, but whatever...
Just because someone's life works fine for him, that doesn't mean it works fine for me. My life would probably really suck for him too. But that doesn't mean my life is any better or worse than his.
And if he tries to claim his life is any better than mine, he'll have to endure this whole lecture in a verbal conversation. Not even kidding. Don't try to call my bluff or I'll bore you to tears.
If I get a computer, I'mma get a thinkpad. (Stay with me here.) They are durable and they have a kind of brute-force approach that just plain works. For example my thinkpads have such good antennas that they can use wifi signals other laptops swear don't exist.
I would NOT automatically recommend thinkpads for other people because different people want different things. seoulsearch needed a thin Dell with no fan noise. Zandar (my best friend Bryan, known as Zandar in our chat) needed something with a much better graphics card for video games. Some people think they need a laptop but after a few questions they realize they really need a tablet or even just a phone.
One guy at my job decided he WANTED to get a really cheap Walmart laptop that he could expect to break in a year and a half. He wanted a continuous upgrade cycle for not much money and that worked fine for him. That's definitely not for me, but whatever...
Just because someone's life works fine for him, that doesn't mean it works fine for me. My life would probably really suck for him too. But that doesn't mean my life is any better or worse than his.
And if he tries to claim his life is any better than mine, he'll have to endure this whole lecture in a verbal conversation. Not even kidding. Don't try to call my bluff or I'll bore you to tears.
no never been told that by fellow christians after being born again
so no. Its true Jesus gives life and life in abundance. Doesnt matter if you single or married.
Anyway there are churches called Life Church and christian stations called Life FM so...its not a negative thing when they tell people the gospel so they can have life Jesus wants to give them.
so no. Its true Jesus gives life and life in abundance. Doesnt matter if you single or married.
Anyway there are churches called Life Church and christian stations called Life FM so...its not a negative thing when they tell people the gospel so they can have life Jesus wants to give them.
maybe some unbelieving people say they cos they want you to have baby. I have no idea 
seems a bit strange to me. While babies are a life, you cant just 'get' one. Even if you are already coupled up, it doesnt always happen. And you cant just go to the maternity hospital and buy one either.
seems a bit strange to me. While babies are a life, you cant just 'get' one. Even if you are already coupled up, it doesnt always happen. And you cant just go to the maternity hospital and buy one either.
I'm not sure.
Does this tree count?
Again, I'm not sure.
One was screaming something as I was devouring them.
I'm not sure if they told me that I have no life or if they were pleading for their life.
BURPPPP!!!
I've been married longer than I was single. To answer your question would that have happened to me when I was single.....
But, put to music of course.
Anyone who judges you in such a way because you're not married as they are, are jealous!
And, aren't good friends.
True friends want you to be happy because they know how that feels.
Those who aren't happy want company in their misery. Which can be why they seek to bring you down by telling you your life is nothing unless you're like them.
I use to get the question from a friend years after I was married. Everytime I or we would see her she'd ask, when are you going to have kids? You're not really married till you have kids.
One day I had enough because it was not her business and she carried on like that for over a year.
So, next time she said it I said, ''as soon as you can guarantee our kid and our life won't turn out like yours.''
She got the message and never asked again.
That's something you could consider as your response.
''When are you getting married? You have no life!"
'Just as soon as you can guarantee my married life won't turn out like yours!''
Don't kid yourself by thinking in response, oh that's mean, and my friends do mean well.
If they did they wouldn't tell you your nothing! When you're single.
With regard to their accusation due to you being single that's what, ''you have no life'', means .
I've been married longer than I was single. To answer your question would that have happened to me when I was single.....
''LOL!''
But, put to music of course.
Anyone who judges you in such a way because you're not married as they are, are jealous!
And, aren't good friends.
True friends want you to be happy because they know how that feels.
Those who aren't happy want company in their misery. Which can be why they seek to bring you down by telling you your life is nothing unless you're like them.
I use to get the question from a friend years after I was married. Everytime I or we would see her she'd ask, when are you going to have kids? You're not really married till you have kids.
One day I had enough because it was not her business and she carried on like that for over a year.
So, next time she said it I said, ''as soon as you can guarantee our kid and our life won't turn out like yours.''
She got the message and never asked again.
That's something you could consider as your response.
''When are you getting married? You have no life!"
'Just as soon as you can guarantee my married life won't turn out like yours!''
Don't kid yourself by thinking in response, oh that's mean, and my friends do mean well.
If they did they wouldn't tell you your nothing! When you're single.
With regard to their accusation due to you being single that's what, ''you have no life'', means .
Fantastic answer and I hope I remember this the next time someone asks me.
Thank you very much for sharing this!
I laugh about it because it's just an opinion from an outsider/interloper who thinks that they know more about my choice in lifestyle than i do.
You're welcome. I hope they leave you alone on that matter so you don't have to use my advice.Fantastic answer and I hope I remember this the next time someone asks me.
Thank you very much for sharing this!
God bless.
I've been married longer than I was single. To answer your question would that have happened to me when I was single.....
''LOL!''
But, put to music of course.
Anyone who judges you in such a way because you're not married as they are, are jealous!
And, aren't good friends.
True friends want you to be happy because they know how that feels.
Those who aren't happy want company in their misery. Which can be why they seek to bring you down by telling you your life is nothing unless you're like them.
I use to get the question from a friend years after I was married. Everytime I or we would see her she'd ask, when are you going to have kids? You're not really married till you have kids.
One day I had enough because it was not her business and she carried on like that for over a year.
So, next time she said it I said, ''as soon as you can guarantee our kid and our life won't turn out like yours.''
She got the message and never asked again.
That's something you could consider as your response.
''When are you getting married? You have no life!"
'Just as soon as you can guarantee my married life won't turn out like yours!''
Don't kid yourself by thinking in response, oh that's mean, and my friends do mean well.
If they did they wouldn't tell you your nothing! When you're single.
With regard to their accusation due to you being single that's what, ''you have no life'', means .
Bonus points for knocking out two nosy birds with one stone by also giving us the perfect answer if we DO get married -- and everyone starts asking when we'll have kids!
Bluesproverb definitely wins the Singles Forum today!!!
Are you still?
Tourist and JesusLives are awesome because they were singles when they came here and started to hang out with us; they wound up falling in love, got married, and they're still willing to put up with us rowdy singles even today!
Reminds me of that guy who got tired of going to weddings and having little old ladies pinch his cheek and cackle, "you're next!" So he started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
It's inevitable if you start seriously dating someone. Married friends, married family, parents are a given, will ask the question. When are you getting married?Bonus points for knocking out two nosy birds with one stone by also giving us the perfect answer if we DO get married -- and everyone starts asking when we'll have kids!
Bluesproverb definitely wins the Singles Forum today!!!
Or, are you thinking about marriage?
If you marry, the having kids question always comes next.
There's a difference though among between sincere of heart and intrusive judgement. Like charging you have no life because you're single.
Likely that same accusation would follow about having kids once you did get married.
You can't choose your family but you can choose your friends.
I wish you all the best today and in future.Awwww! A CC love match.Tourist and JesusLives are awesome because they were singles when they came here and started to hang out with us; they wound up falling in love, got married, and they're still willing to put up with us rowdy singles even today!
That's beautiful. 