"Women Only Want Money"; "Men Only Want Sex." How Do You Cope With These Assumptions?

[TheIndianGirl]

"Do Americans marry for love or money? Finally, an answer"
(article from Marketwatch.com)

A recent study by Merrill Lynch looks at our relationship with finance and romance:

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/d...-love-over-money-finally-an-answer-2017-11-30

Interesting article. It seems reasonable that as people get older, they seek security (money) over love. However, I believe if a person is self-sufficient, he/she will marry for love, granted the other person isn't dirt poor or at least has some ambition to improve himself/herself.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

I think a person can entirely overlook financial issues, but only if the couple has known eachother over a long period and have deep love for eachother. However, if a couple has a timeline to marry in 6 months, they don't have deep love for eachother.

Based on my experience, guys don't overlook financial issues. Guys have asked me financial questions in a tricky way on my first dates/early dating. So, it is a myth guys don't care about financial issues. Some of my family is involved in modern arranged marriage, and it is well known guys care a lot about money.

Also, fathers want their daugthers to marry someone who can provide for her. How does that fit into all this?

 

[oceanbreeze]

I was traumatized most of my adolescents and learned young, boys only want sex. Later after getting saved, it was Men just want sex and a mama to take care of them. Unfortunately this thought (probably a bad one) was nailed in with example after example of the men closest in my circle of family and friends only proving my point. Even those calling themselves Christians. Having affairs, abandonment, selfish control issues that have nothing to do with cherishing a wife. Witnessing the belittlement of women most of my early and prime adult years simply amputated any desire or hope for a healthy marriage. There are also generational health concerns that would left me anxious having children so it wasn't just the one thing. Life is not easy, marriage is not a fairy tale and it's not for everyone. Unions should be for mutual edification never for manipulation, control, security or to appease loneliness. Yes, Christ has to be both partners FIRST LOVE, and no Christian man should be upset that a woman wants to wait for marriage regardless how old you are, and both should be honest about the top three: Relationship with God/Jesus, Sex, money. Top 3 for divorce and Christians are not exempt.

 

[oceanbreeze]

Women Only Want Money"; "Men Only Want Sex." How Do You Cope With These Assumptions?


Not all women want money...and not all men want sex only... Some women and some men yes....Not everyone is chasing for money and sex not everyone worships good looks ... But maybe most people want money and sex...and Some want money only some want sex only . ..

there are also some people who don't need/want money and sex, they might be telling the truth we are not living their lives so maybe true 🤔 ) It is just that some of us know what we can give what we will give what we want and want we want to have...

I happened to watch a video on youtube about women/men who want money,luxury, sex and good looks so they go for it...they intentionally look for people who can give those things to them...but I know that living that kind of life is not what God wants for us...and that is not how a believer should live...we should stay away from those things(lust for money and sex)

If you are a man of God or a woman of God you would not intentionally look for sex and money as your standard to find someone ...you will look deeper deeper than what sex can give and money can buy....😊


I believe there are still some men and women out there who don't really care about those things. Some of them just want to find someone to love and love them back...someone waiting for them at home someone who wonders/worries where they are when they don't come home yet...someone who won't give up on them no matter what life throws at them someone who will hold them annd tell them we will get through everything together just stay by my side 😊

.....Sex and money are a big part of marriage and in the top 3 to cause divorce. They need to be discussed by serious couples in a godly manner. With respect and honesty and to disclose their expectations, and their bank account without shame. Of course this is not a first date conversation, this is when it may be getting serious. Full disclosure, get specific and don't skirt around the uncomfortable parts. How much debt do you have? Are you a compulsive spender? Does your betrothed have a good work ethic? What is your experience with sex? what are your likes and dislikes regarding sex. If you have no experience betrothed couples should be talking about what they are willing and unwilling to explore in the confines of their marriage bed. Thinking of marriage is no time to get shy and just 'trust' it will work out.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

Yes, all this needs to be discussed prior to marriage. Another BIG issue to be discussed prior to marriage, regards spending time with friends. Are you ok with your spouse spending time with friends (same gender)? How about taking a trip with friends? Does he/she need to cut off ties with friends of the opposite gender? What happens sometimes, especially with controlling spouses, is that they don't want their spouses spending time with friends, even family, and this can cause a major issue.

 

[GaryA]

I was traumatized most of my adolescents and learned young, boys only want sex. Later after getting saved, it was Men just want sex and a mama to take care of them. Unfortunately this thought (probably a bad one) was nailed in with example after example of the men closest in my circle of family and friends only proving my point. Even those calling themselves Christians. Having affairs, abandonment, selfish control issues that have nothing to do with cherishing a wife. Witnessing the belittlement of women most of my early and prime adult years simply amputated any desire or hope for a healthy marriage. There are also generational health concerns that would left me anxious having children so it wasn't just the one thing. Life is not easy, marriage is not a fairy tale and it's not for everyone. Unions should be for mutual edification never for manipulation, control, security or to appease loneliness. Yes, Christ has to be both partners FIRST LOVE, and no Christian man should be upset that a woman wants to wait for marriage regardless how old you are, and both should be honest about the top three: Relationship with God/Jesus, Sex, money. Top 3 for divorce and Christians are not exempt.

When I was in high school, most guys just wanted to "get laid"; I just wanted "one good woman" to "have, hold, love, and cherish" - a closest-best-friend-and-companion, confidant, etc. - to share life with...

And, it has been that way ever since.

I can sympathize with you in regard to your experience. Most boys and young men truly let their sex drive overtake their good sense and conscience.

And, as a result, they end up "hurting" girls and women (in various ways) because of their inability to control their 'selfish' desires.

Since I was saved at an early age, grew up in Church, and was raised the way I was - I was more mature in this regard than most at that age.

In fact, I was later told by a classmate - years after graduation - that, the reason most of [my classmates] "kept their distance" from me was because they [all] saw me as "too mature for them"...

"Oh great! This is the reason I grew up with very few friends? Thanks-a-lot..."

I was even mature enough not to judge them for their immaturity.

I just wanted to have some friends to "do stuff" with - like any normal kid growing up.

"Oh, well..."

I was raised to have a "special regard" for 'womanhood' and 'motherhood':

"If it is alive, human, and female - from birth to the grave - you look after it, protect it, and be kind to it..."

('her' - I am making a point here; I am not labeling anyone as [an] 'it')

It is the basis for the way I believe a man should be and act towards a woman - as a "true gentleman" - and, especially - if she is [truly] a 'lady'.

It is not in my nature (the "better" nature that is "held intact" by the Holy Spirit) to mistreat any female.

Alas, I digress.

I may be the exception and not the rule.

Nonetheless - I have never been one who "only wants sex"...

And, the older I get, the more significant the desire for the non-sexual components of the relationship seems to become.

Make no mistake - the sexual components are still paramount; however, there is a lot more "in the big picture" than just that.

 

[seoulsearch]

Interesting article. It seems reasonable that as people get older, they seek security (money) over love. However, I believe if a person is self-sufficient, he/she will marry for love, granted the other person isn't dirt poor or at least has some ambition to improve himself/herself.

I want to thank everyone for continuing to post their thoughts on this thread -- I've been around, but doing a lot more reading than posting. Please, keep right on posting as your thoughts arise!

The topic of how age and health concerns affect choices regarding marriage is interesting and I'm glad people have brought this up.

It reminded me of a lovely, very sweet woman I used to work with who was in her 60's. She confided in me once that as time had gone by (she and her second husband had been married about 5 years,) she was afraid that he had only married her because he thought that she had money.

Her first husband had passed away, and looking back, she believed that her second husband had only become particularly interested in her when he found out that she owned her own house from her first marriage, and thought she might have inherited a significant amount as a widow. She felt that he was very disappointed to find that she wasn't the wealthy widow that he may have been hoping for, and that the two of them both had to continue to work to survive rather than retire and enjoy a more leisurely life.

It made me terribly sad for her, and definitely left a lasting impression.

Please note that I am NOT trying to put this all on the men - not at all. But what her story basically said to me was, "You really, really have to watch out for people's true motivations - no matter what your age and what stage of life you might be in."

The fact that we always have to be so guarded, and in some ways, suspicious of others, was more than a bit depressing.

 

[Lynx]

americans are strange people
I get the impression many worship the almighty dollar.

Other cultures I dont really get that, they worship other things, like royalty, or sport, or dragons, or the coconut tree....but for americans, the greenback dollar is like their god.

Only Americans? Man, you must not get out much.

 

[CorrectiveLens]

I am no expert on dating, but I am knowledgeable about my own experience as a man. In my earlier years I was in the flesh, consumed by my lust for women. My body was always craving but inwardly I hated to be controlled by it. I even remember checking to see if there was any medication to decrease my libido, but the only medication out there is for the opposite. I didn't grow up in a Christian home. My mother was loving to my four sisters and me, but my father cheated on her all his life. He would work, come home, eat, and then go out and do his own thing which was gambling and being with his friends. Not much interaction with his kids. I hated to identify with him because I thought he was weak in that he was under the control of two vices: gambling and sex.
In my later years I was born again but still struggled with my libido. It was only when as I got closer and closer to God that I started seeing women as potential sisters in Christ and my libido lessened considerably.
I guess this post is for the young men who might read this post. Treat young ladies like sisters, giving them the same love and respect that they deserve as sisters. Even when you are dating them. Let sex be furthest from your mind and enjoyment of their company in the forefront. Trust me they will respect you more and like you more when they can be themselves and not worry about your intentions.

 

[Reborn]

It was a study done by an american company.

“Americans worship the almighty dollar“
”Americans are strange”

Are opinions. That‘s basically what l was commenting on.
C’mon, Zero, man...you can’t see that most people seem obsessed with money? (“Most”—not ”All”) 😢
It‘s basically the number 1 thing God is up against.
Money. It takes away most people’s need to trust in Him.

If any were confused—I wasn’t slamming Lanolin at all, just bringing a different view to the table.
My style. No offense (And not to be mean at all) but l knew she wouldn’t reply. She never does.
That’s her style, ya know.

I’m never offended when people state a view, then never take the time to expand or answer the question they originally asked when others take the time to actually answer them back, ya know?(They truly looking for others views or merely just venting, giving their commentary or just want to express their ideas on the topic?)

Thats just the way some are. I respect it.

 

[oceanbreeze]

Yes, all this needs to be discussed prior to marriage. Another BIG issue to be discussed prior to marriage, regards spending time with friends. Are you ok with your spouse spending time with friends (same gender)? How about taking a trip with friends? Does he/she need to cut off ties with friends of the opposite gender? What happens sometimes, especially with controlling spouses, is that they don't want their spouses spending time with friends, even family, and this can cause a major issue.

absolutely, I have personal experience with this one and you are so right. It took a few trial separations for the one spouse to learn they must allow this or lose their spouse

 

[oceanbreeze]

"It is the basis for the way I believe a man should be and act towards a woman - as a "true gentleman" - and, especially - if she is [truly] a 'lady'."

Thanks for sharing your heart and being honest, and here's the rub, abuse and trauma tends to make women 'less of a lady'. oh, I love it in theory and watch all kinds of Jane Austen with a longing, but reality is less kind. I'm hoping in my age and getting to know myself better I can simply avoid those situations that trigger. But even admitting my weaknesses sets me up as a target. Because it's great to have a damaged spouse you can blame everything on because God knows, you've done your best. The last part are my thoughts and in no way projected toward you personally.

 

[Live4Him]

Hey Everyone,

I don't know about you all, but as a long-time single in the Christian community, these two statements seem to be the most prevalent pre-conceived notions that I see in the dating world:

1. "Women Are Only Out for Money."

2. Men Are Only Out for Sex."

I only read this far, so please excuse me if my comments are irrelevant.

If we're talking about CHRISTIAN women and CHRISTIAN men, then, if either of these two statements are true, there's a serious problem somewhere. Christians shouldn't be motivated by either money or sex, and if they are, then they'd better examine themselves to see if they're even in the faith.

Ephesians chapter 5

[1] Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children;
[2] And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
[3] But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;
[4] Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.
[5] For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
[6] Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.
[7] Be not ye therefore partakers with them.

Furthermore, the problem that I'm presently facing is that every time I talk to a woman the conversation pretty much immediately turns to the topic of "sex", and it's always the woman who initiates it...which is why I'm presently not with anybody. In fact, I was just out with my 15-year-old daughter a couple of hours ago, and when she asked me why I'm not presently dating anybody, this is the exact reason that I gave her.

Did I miss something in the book of Revelation?



I mean, at best, I'm average looking.



Did John prophesy that women would be delusional in the end times or something?



(He walks away from his keyboard and heads out to buy some pepper spray...)

 

[Treeboy]

As a man dating women most men feel lucky to find a woman who isnt in debt. It doesnt matter if a woman has 10k 100k or 10mil assets the man will end up having zero dollars of that spent on him in his earthly life. However if shes in debt someway somehow your gonna end up paying for it. Men want relatively broke women with thrifty habits.

 

[GaryA]

"It is the basis for the way I believe a man should be and act towards a woman - as a "true gentleman" - and, especially - if she is [truly] a 'lady'."

One of the reasons I stated this the way I did...

Thanks for sharing your heart and being honest, and here's the rub, abuse and trauma tends to make women 'less of a lady'.

- is because - 'less of a lady' tends to translate into 'less of a gentleman' - unless the man has a strong-enough mind and heart to be sufficiently tender and kind while under the pressure of a "triple dog dare" to simply give up trying to maintain the necessary restraint to avoid an explosion...

And the cycle of abuse continues - unless it can be broken.

I feel for all of the women (and girls) everywhere who truly have been abused.

However, at the same time, I know that "giving up" on "being a lady" only exacerbates the cycle of abuse.

(And, there is scripture to back this up.)

I am not saying that men are justified in abusing a woman - there is no justification for the abuse of anyone.

"Almighty God said so."

I am only pointing out the reality of the general cause-and-effect tendencies of "reactionary reasoning" as it applies to repetitious cycles of neglect.

All too often, the cycle of abuse continues because the man and woman would rather fight each other than work together to solve whatever is really wrong and needs correction.

I hope you realize at this point that some of my statements in this post are referring to the 'abuse' that can result from "game playing" in a relationship and not out-and-out physical abuse or some similar thing. I am trying to address your statements while also attempting to "expound" on something different-but-related. Please don't get them mixed up. If necessary, ask for clarification on a particular statement if it is confusing.

oh, I love it in theory and watch all kinds of Jane Austen with a longing, but reality is less kind.

Forget theory. Only trust in the Word of God.

I believe reality has a solution.

And, it may be found in the Word of God.

I'm hoping in my age and getting to know myself better I can simply avoid those situations that trigger.

Do you not believe it is even possible that a man ("the right one") could shower you with love and affection every day and that it would provide "trigger prevention protection"?

If this makes no sense, then perhaps I misunderstood your statement. If so, please describe what you meant.

But even admitting my weaknesses sets me up as a target. Because it's great to have a damaged spouse you can blame everything on because God knows, you've done your best.

Admitting your weaknesses to "a good man" will edify to strengthen you - without any blame.

You need a man who will love you in spite of your weaknesses.

However, it must also be said - you must never use any weakness as an "excuse" for "giving up" on trying to reduce and/or eliminate any weakness.

The last part are my thoughts and in no way projected toward you personally.

I know. Nor do I have any harsh thing to say to you.

I regret ... if ... your experience has left you feeling "beaten" and doubtful about whether a good relationship with a good man may ever-or-yet be had.

I hope you can find it.

 

[GaryA]

It is the basis for the way I believe a man should be and act towards a woman - as a "true gentleman" - and, especially - if she is [truly] a 'lady'.

My use of the word 'especially' in this statement is intended to illustrate that - if she is [truly] a 'lady' - it is so much easier - and so much more so a [real] pleasure - to be a "true gentleman"...

This is to say - I try my best to be a "true gentleman" towards every woman - but, especially - to a [true] 'lady'.

 

[oceanbreeze]

I only read this far, so please excuse me if my comments are irrelevant.

If we're talking about CHRISTIAN women and CHRISTIAN men, then, if either of these two statements are true, there's a serious problem somewhere. Christians shouldn't be motivated by either money or sex, and if they are, then they'd better examine themselves to see if they're even in the faith.

Ephesians chapter 5

[1] Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children;
[2] And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
[3] But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;
[4] Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.
[5] For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
[6] Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.
[7] Be not ye therefore partakers with them.

Furthermore, the problem that I'm presently facing is that every time I talk to a woman the conversation pretty much immediately turns to the topic of "sex", and it's always the woman who initiates it...which is why I'm presently not with anybody. In fact, I was just out with my 15-year-old daughter a couple of hours ago, and when she asked me why I'm not presently dating anybody, this is the exact reason that I gave her.

Did I miss something in the book of Revelation?



I mean, at best, I'm average looking.



Did John prophesy that women would be delusional in the end times or something?



(He walks away from his keyboard and heads out to buy some pepper spray...)

How are you going to know if your future spouse loves money or has sexual perversions unless you discuss it? Having the discussion is about determining and being respectful. Having the discussion is not marrying for sex or money but how these tools in marriage are used and viewed.

One of the reasons I stated this the way I did...


- is because - 'less of a lady' tends to translate into 'less of a gentleman' - unless the man has a strong-enough mind and heart to be sufficiently tender and kind while under the pressure of a "triple dog dare" to simply give up trying to maintain the necessary restraint to avoid an explosion...

And the cycle of abuse continues - unless it can be broken.

I feel for all of the women (and girls) everywhere who truly have been abused.

However, at the same time, I know that "giving up" on "being a lady" only exacerbates the cycle of abuse.

(And, there is scripture to back this up.)

I am not saying that men are justified in abusing a woman - there is no justification for the abuse of anyone.

"Almighty God said so."

I am only pointing out the reality of the general cause-and-effect tendencies of "reactionary reasoning" as it applies to repetitious cycles of neglect.

All too often, the cycle of abuse continues because the man and woman would rather fight each other than work together to solve whatever is really wrong and needs correction.

I hope you realize at this point that some of my statements in this post are referring to the 'abuse' that can result from "game playing" in a relationship and not out-and-out physical abuse or some similar thing. I am trying to address your statements while also attempting to "expound" on something different-but-related. Please don't get them mixed up. If necessary, ask for clarification on a particular statement if it is confusing.


Forget theory. Only trust in the Word of God.

I believe reality has a solution.

And, it may be found in the Word of God.


Do you not believe it is even possible that a man ("the right one") could shower you with love and affection every day and that it would provide "trigger prevention protection"?

If this makes no sense, then perhaps I misunderstood your statement. If so, please describe what you meant.


Admitting your weaknesses to "a good man" will edify to strengthen you - without any blame.

You need a man who will love you in spite of your weaknesses.

However, it must also be said - you must never use any weakness as an "excuse" for "giving up" on trying to reduce and/or eliminate any weakness.


I know. Nor do I have any harsh thing to say to you.

I regret ... if ... your experience has left you feeling "beaten" and doubtful about whether a good relationship with a good man may ever-or-yet be had.

I hope you can find it.

I agree whole heartedly with everything you've said, The Lord has protected and cloistered me for a season. I know very good and well that any dysfunctional marriage I would have had in my youth, I would have contributed to, no doubt. It has always been one of those secret knowings if it was ever going to happen for me it would be later in life. There is a verse regarding the 'eunuch' that some were made that way by men. I don't think this just applies to those physically altered but altered in the earthquakes of life. I recently told my sister we were lucky not to have children when I see the struggles especially with a government and toxic world hell bent on destroying them. Due to our family's health past we would have had the extra challenges. I love my friends kids and yes children are a joy and I communicate that everywhere I go and see a young family, but in my case, I really did miss a bullet. It is the goal to love and be loved for who you are not what someone can get from you and making sure I'm that kind of person in all matters. peace to you

 

[oceanbreeze]

How are you going to know if your future spouse loves money or has sexual perversions unless you discuss it? Having the discussion is about determining and being respectful. Having the discussion is not marrying for sex or money but how these tools in marriage are used and viewed.


I agree whole heartedly with everything you've said, The Lord has protected and cloistered me for a season. I know very good and well that any dysfunctional marriage I would have had in my youth, I would have contributed to, no doubt. It has always been one of those secret knowings if it was ever going to happen for me it would be later in life. There is a verse regarding the 'eunuch' that some were made that way by men. I don't think this just applies to those physically altered but altered in the earthquakes of life. I recently told my sister we were lucky not to have children when I see the struggles especially with a government and toxic world hell bent on destroying them. Due to our family's health past we would have had the extra challenges. I love my friends kids and yes children are a joy and I communicate that everywhere I go and see a young family, but in my case, I really did miss a bullet. It is the goal to love and be loved for who you are not what someone can get from you and making sure I'm that kind of person in all matters. peace to you. NOTE: I'm not sure I've even responding to the correct thread here. this last message was for Gary A. I didn't know I sent the message before regarding about future spouses and love and money. I wasn't sure I sent that one and thought better of it. It was directed to Live4Him. I'm new to the site so patience is appreciated. Just coming out of winter hibernation and clearing the cobwebs. lol

 

[Live4Him]

How are you going to know if your future spouse loves money or has sexual perversions unless you discuss it? Having the discussion is about determining and being respectful. Having the discussion is not marrying for sex or money but how these tools in marriage are used and viewed.

We all have our own life's experiences, and I can only answer you in accordance with my own.

Jesus said "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" (Matt. 12:34), and that is how I genuinely know.

In other words, by simply listening to what comes out of a woman's mouth (the same principle applies to men), I'll know, soon enough, exactly what is in her heart.

I'm not trying to be funny or anything like that, but, in all honesty, if I can make it to the second conversation with a woman without her making sexually suggestive statements to me, then it's basically a miracle. And I'm talking about PROFESSING CHRISTIAN WOMEN.

Again, this is only my own experience. Hopefully, things are much different for other Christian men.

 

[GaryA]

@oceanbreeze

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