Will my son find his love someday?

[TNMustang]

So this is my first post. I am glad I found this forum. My son is a 22 year old senior accounting major at a large university. He is a dedicated Christ follower, and in fact I would even classify him as a biblical scholar. He is tall, well-built, handsome, witty, loving, gentle. He will undoubtedly be a valuable member of his future church, and he will probably do very well financially.

But he's never really dated in his life. He was spurned a few times in high school and I think it's made him fearful. Yet to me, he is the perfect catch for a Christian young lady who wants a Godly husband and father. He had been texting a young lady over the holidays from college, but once they got back to college that kind of dropped off. He doesn't like to discuss his love life, but I've told him "Well if you like this young lady, you're going to have to be proactive about that and move beyond texting...a walk around the lake, go for coffee, study together, whatever."

Does a young man like this eventually "get it"? I guess I have an irrational fear that many of the good wife prospects are being snatched up in these years. I mean they are all single and there together. When he's graduated and in the working world, how the heck is he going to meet his someone? Meanwhile, he's very focused on his studies. He's straight As and wants to pursue his masters.

Any parents been through this? Am I way in overthink on this?

 

[kaylagrl]

So this is my first post. I am glad I found this forum. My son is a 22 year old senior accounting major at a large university. He is a dedicated Christ follower, and in fact I would even classify him as a biblical scholar. He is tall, well-built, handsome, witty, loving, gentle. He will undoubtedly be a valuable member of his future church, and he will probably do very well financially.

But he's never really dated in his life. He was spurned a few times in high school and I think it's made him fearful. Yet to me, he is the perfect catch for a Christian young lady who wants a Godly husband and father. He had been texting a young lady over the holidays from college, but once they got back to college that kind of dropped off. He doesn't like to discuss his love life, but I've told him "Well if you like this young lady, you're going to have to be proactive about that and move beyond texting...a walk around the lake, go for coffee, study together, whatever."

Does a young man like this eventually "get it"? I guess I have an irrational fear that many of the good wife prospects are being snatched up in these years. I mean they are all single and there together. When he's graduated and in the working world, how the heck is he going to meet his someone? Meanwhile, he's very focused on his studies. He's straight As and wants to pursue his masters.

Any parents been through this? Am I way in overthink on this?

Mom, don't worry. I don't have children myself, but the worse thing you could do is push him. I have a couple that are friends that have been married some 50+ years. They spent years in ministry together, sweetest most Godly couple I know. She still jokes that if she hadn't asked him to marry her, he'd still be hanging around asking for dates. lol He agrees, he was shy around women. Just pray the right woman in and she will make such a difference in his life that he won't be able live without her. When I was single I read books on how to date and how to understand men. Most of it was foolishness, but one thing I found to be true, a man has to make up his own mind. He has to feel that his life is better with that particular woman in his life to make that big leap.

I traveled in ministry for 20 yrs. I didn't even slow down to date. I was in my early 40s before I dated. The second person I dated I married! lol I was as slow as he was, I wasn't sure I wanted to be married. I never mentioned a ring, I never pushed marriage, I wanted him to be sure he wanted me in his life. I wanted him to make the decision. I think we dated 3yrs before he gave me a ring.lol But I think it was a good thing that we took our time. So long story short, don't worry, don't push, just pray and be there if he needs your support. God has the right person in mind. It will all work out, just trust Him.

 

[JohnDB]

So this is my first post. I am glad I found this forum. My son is a 22 year old senior accounting major at a large university. He is a dedicated Christ follower, and in fact I would even classify him as a biblical scholar. He is tall, well-built, handsome, witty, loving, gentle. He will undoubtedly be a valuable member of his future church, and he will probably do very well financially.

But he's never really dated in his life. He was spurned a few times in high school and I think it's made him fearful. Yet to me, he is the perfect catch for a Christian young lady who wants a Godly husband and father. He had been texting a young lady over the holidays from college, but once they got back to college that kind of dropped off. He doesn't like to discuss his love life, but I've told him "Well if you like this young lady, you're going to have to be proactive about that and move beyond texting...a walk around the lake, go for coffee, study together, whatever."

Does a young man like this eventually "get it"? I guess I have an irrational fear that many of the good wife prospects are being snatched up in these years. I mean they are all single and there together. When he's graduated and in the working world, how the heck is he going to meet his someone? Meanwhile, he's very focused on his studies. He's straight As and wants to pursue his masters.

Any parents been through this? Am I way in overthink on this?

Children who may share a lot of things with their parents will be extremely secretive about who they date and court.

And it's about their fears of approval of who they find attractive and why...

Most guys at your son's age and demeanor you have explained have "White Knight syndrome". There's always a "Damsel in Distress" and they get to be their White Knight. Possibly finding them attractive enough to date romantically.

Letting him know about it ahead of time can alleviate some of his fears or exacerbate them. Each child is unique in that respect. But it's normal and expected behavior.

Instead of wanting him to get involved in a heavy dating situation just encourage him to make a large group of friends. One that is always increasing because of those who get married and drop out...
Eventually he will find someone. Just be patient because he has to find his own way of doing things on a timetable of his own making. Part of that whole adult life experience.

Just remind him that "Adulting is hard but that's why there is God."

 

[tourist]

Based on my own personal experience and observation I would venture to say that a lot of people meet their future spouse in the workplace.

The best course of action would be for your son to finish his education and seek out a suitable company with a future. An accounting degree is an excellent college major to have as it opens many possibilities.

Sounds to me that your son, based on his past experiences, has a fear of rejection. You are correct in saying that he will have to be pro-active beyond the texting when in consideration and pursuit of a future spouse. You son has a few years before worrying about the good wife choices being snatched up.

Glad to have you join our community. Welcome to CC.

 

[3angelsmsg]

So this is my first post. I am glad I found this forum. My son is a 22 year old senior accounting major at a large university. He is a dedicated Christ follower, and in fact I would even classify him as a biblical scholar. He is tall, well-built, handsome, witty, loving, gentle. He will undoubtedly be a valuable member of his future church, and he will probably do very well financially.

But he's never really dated in his life. He was spurned a few times in high school and I think it's made him fearful. Yet to me, he is the perfect catch for a Christian young lady who wants a Godly husband and father. He had been texting a young lady over the holidays from college, but once they got back to college that kind of dropped off. He doesn't like to discuss his love life, but I've told him "Well if you like this young lady, you're going to have to be proactive about that and move beyond texting...a walk around the lake, go for coffee, study together, whatever."

Does a young man like this eventually "get it"? I guess I have an irrational fear that many of the good wife prospects are being snatched up in these years. I mean they are all single and there together. When he's graduated and in the working world, how the heck is he going to meet his someone? Meanwhile, he's very focused on his studies. He's straight As and wants to pursue his masters.

Any parents been through this? Am I way in overthink on this?

A ❤️ty welcome to CC. My cents would be to give him the space to work out things for himself. And it is important that he develops the confidence himself. And if he really feels that this person is the one, he is really interested in, nobody will be able to stand in his way. He will then go to great lengths to pursue the young lady. But if he is not willing to go to extra length don't push. The time and person will come into his life. God makes things beautiful in His time.

 

[Amanuensis]

Did you know that in most cases where a stable man falls into things like alcohol, looses his job, or ends up in jail with DUI and other stupid mistakes it can be traced to when a relationship with a certain female began.

Be glad he is not being emotionally drained by some female right now and stop encouraging him to get distracted by one.

1) 22 is really young. Give him time to live life alone without responsibility for a wife. That is a heavy burden.

2) Most women are not that mature at 22. Don't wish that on him. Let them grow up as well as him.

3) People should be allowed to be loners if that makes them happy.

Who are we to say that someone should meet someone. Maybe they don't want to. There is nothing wrong with having all your time to your own pursuits. No one has to sign up for giving up their own desires to take on the responsibility of paying attention to someone else when they are not at work.

Maybe that whole life is not very attractive to him and you think it is what everyone wants so you want to help him get it but in reality they think it sounds like a real bummer.

Not everyone is driven by sexual desires. Some men can easily live without it and the whole idea actually repulses them. And they are not gay. They just are not that into the idea. Let it ride. Their decision to not find a mate is just as valid as someone else's decision to find one. If he really wants one he will figure out how to talk to one that interests him. He does not need lessons.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

So this is my first post. I am glad I found this forum. My son is a 22 year old senior accounting major at a large university. He is a dedicated Christ follower, and in fact I would even classify him as a biblical scholar. He is tall, well-built, handsome, witty, loving, gentle. He will undoubtedly be a valuable member of his future church, and he will probably do very well financially.

But he's never really dated in his life. He was spurned a few times in high school and I think it's made him fearful. Yet to me, he is the perfect catch for a Christian young lady who wants a Godly husband and father. He had been texting a young lady over the holidays from college, but once they got back to college that kind of dropped off. He doesn't like to discuss his love life, but I've told him "Well if you like this young lady, you're going to have to be proactive about that and move beyond texting...a walk around the lake, go for coffee, study together, whatever."

Does a young man like this eventually "get it"? I guess I have an irrational fear that many of the good wife prospects are being snatched up in these years. I mean they are all single and there together. When he's graduated and in the working world, how the heck is he going to meet his someone? Meanwhile, he's very focused on his studies. He's straight As and wants to pursue his masters.

Any parents been through this? Am I way in overthink on this?

Marriage is never promised, nor should it be so focused on. Regardless of how much of a "catch" someone is. It may or may not happen.

 

[JStates]

I am 34 and still single. I didn't even think about dating until my late 20's, maybe around 26-27. I've only met a couple girls in my life that I have been interested in... and that I SHOULD have been interested in.

I've been chased a lot... especially by single moms who rushed into things too quickly and ended up with regrets. Eventually women in this lamentable situation realize they want a steady, honest, loyal fellow instead of the hot bad boy type that wrecked them and moved on.

Pushing someone into a relationship too early is a mistake.

Anyways, I'm ready for love at this point in my life and I'm taking the initiative to pursue it. If it's something God will permit for me, I'll find the right gal eventually.

 

[Lanolin]

22 is a practically a BABY, esp for a guy
Why are you pushing this when his brain isnt even developed yet. People do stupid things in their 20s cos they are still learning.

As long as he has friends it will be fine. I wouldnt worry its YOUR fear not his.

Accounting may not even be what he wants to continue doing for the rest of his life...it can be pretty boring. If he has a good head for figures that will help in any business but that doesnt necessarily mean all accountants make good husbands or wives. Or maybe accoutants marry each other, like my school accountant and her husband...who is also an accountant at another school lol.

 

[Lanolin]

Personally I dont think I could marry an accountant myself as the whole auditing process takes up so much time but some people LOVE doing that.

I would just encourage other activities aside from study and work..he may have other interests, could be fishing, skiing, woodworking, whatever. Not every woman or potential wife is actually that interested in money and balancing books.

Though I do remember one book called 'Cheaper by the Dozen' and the dad was an efficiency expert who had 12 children. Cos it was cheaper, obviously.

 

[Dymes]

Hmmm. I can somewhat relate because I'm similar to your son. My immediate family think I would be nice "catch" for a Christian lady to (although I differ from your son in my unsaved life by being a serious womanizer). Point is, after truly being converted 6 yrs ago and actually growing in grace, knowledge, and wisdom, I realized how unimportant having a wife is in the grand scheme of things. I can't look to a wife for fulfillment or happiness. That is to be found in Christ. Therefore I put my focus on communion with Christ and servitude to Christ. How can I give more of my time to learning of Christ, how can I serve Christ by serving others. If I marry good if I don't good.

My mom would love to have grandchildren, and see me with someone, but compared to Christ wants who cares what she wants? Sounds bad, but Christ want trumps her wants. I can't live and make drastic changes for what my mom wants. It's not her life. So basically I'm saying that is not something for you to worry about. You should trust Gods wisdom, providence, and goodness that if He decides to gift your son with a wife, good. If it is better for your son to be single, good.

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold
from those who walk uprightly. Ps 84:11

If your son is walking uprightly and a wife is good for him, then he will get her. If he is walking uprightly and in Gods perfect wisdom He deems a wife isn't good, he won't get one. It all boils down to "Do you trust Gods wisdom and goodness". Trust in this and cast your worries and cares on Him. Leave it alone.

 

[SimpleSheep]

I'm ten years older than your son and I don't feel even remotely ready for that kind of commitment lol. Sometimes it just takes extra time and that's completely okay. You should try to relax and be happy for him. Don't think of it as "he's a great catch for a Christian young lady" think more along the lines of "my son is doing so well for himself, I'm so happy for him."

He may be like my younger brother in that he's trying to look for a Christian lady who lives out her morals but hasn't found one yet. It's getting harder to find that because people are leaving the Church and Christianity altogether.

He may be happy to be single. Not everyone is called for marriage. Having a spouse and children nowadays is very stressful. Maybe he doesn't want that kind of life?

 

[JohnDB]

Having a spouse and children nowadays is very stressful.

It's also very empty without them.
And it isn't exactly that stressful...it isn't supposed to be. It's actually more stressful for me to be away from them. They are a blessing in my life. Yes, they cause responsibility on my part but they give so much more to me. (At least I feel like they do...dunno because Love keeps no records)

Wanting the best for your children is normal. Wanting that to include them having a family of their own is just a natural extension of wanting them to have every good thing that life has to offer.

Just saying...
Good things come to those who wait;
Not to those who hesitate and..

 

[Starsdance]

Dear Madam, I can understand your worries for your brilliant son. But I think your son is too young now, developing his career is more important than dating a woman. God has prepared his Eva, one day she'll be brought in His Timing.

But the writing of this article is very good, and it can be used as an excellent advertisement for marriage

 

[presidente]

So this is my first post. I am glad I found this forum. My son is a 22 year old senior accounting major at a large university. He is a dedicated Christ follower, and in fact I would even classify him as a biblical scholar. He is tall, well-built, handsome, witty, loving, gentle. He will undoubtedly be a valuable member of his future church, and he will probably do very well financially.

But he's never really dated in his life. He was spurned a few times in high school and I think it's made him fearful. Yet to me, he is the perfect catch for a Christian young lady who wants a Godly husband and father. He had been texting a young lady over the holidays from college, but once they got back to college that kind of dropped off. He doesn't like to discuss his love life, but I've told him "Well if you like this young lady, you're going to have to be proactive about that and move beyond texting...a walk around the lake, go for coffee, study together, whatever."

Does a young man like this eventually "get it"? I guess I have an irrational fear that many of the good wife prospects are being snatched up in these years. I mean they are all single and there together. When he's graduated and in the working world, how the heck is he going to meet his someone? Meanwhile, he's very focused on his studies. He's straight As and wants to pursue his masters.

Any parents been through this? Am I way in overthink on this?

Don't worry. He needs to get set up to support a wife. And the unmarried 22-year-old female subset of the population will still be around when he is 25.