See ... I was under the impression that once you pray the Sinners Prayer and Christ comes into your heart, He changes your heart slowly, and through God's divine timing. While this is happening, the Spirit leads you to read the Bible and repent of what God expresses to be sinful, in His Word. If, during this process, you fade away or turn away or stop having any interest in reading His Word and actively allowing Christ to change your heart so that you may be welcomed into God's Kingdom, through Christ's sacrifice ... then you have technically "backslid" and risk your salvation. This is what I have gathered from other believers who have explained the Word to me, in their own words.
Is this true? I don't know. Feels true, sadly.
On a much more personal note, I notice that the demons I battle with play my P.T.S.D like a fiddle. My lack of safety and lack of feeling safe in this world, even in my own home, have caused me to feel disconnected from God because of how obsessed I am about how unsafe I feel and how badly I aim to feel safe through my own wrath. When I stand back and look at the person God wants me to be in order for me to be suitable to enter His Kingdom, compared to the person I really am, I feel defeated and hopeless, and that hopelessness leads to indifference, which makes me periodically forget that I am even a child of God. There are moments where He leads me back, through conviction, which is a sign of his grace and love, but I will always have the thought in the back of my head that maybe He will end up forgetting me because I am so wrapped up in my human life to the point that I had forgotten Him. ─but maybe that's just it; maybe He plants that seed into a true believers heart so that they will always keep coming back because they have felt the massive love of God, and somewhere in their hearts they will always realize that that Christ is the real life and all else that is living is not truly alive, but actually dead.
Jesus told us to count the cost.
