why does love hurt so much

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Godsownchristie

New member
#1
Mar 13, 2019
13
8
3
#1
Been in a relationship for 5years plus now, at the beginning, I was all about fun with my exes, along the line, he got to know I was still chatting with those guys. He was really broken, I apologised and sent out messages to all my ex that its over and I wanted to focus on my future and present relationship
I fell in love with him all over again, and since then,he's been the only man in my life.
Last December, he asked if any of those exes has been contacting me,if any of them came at some point and if I slept with him. December wasn't the first time he's asked, I tell him no one but him, that I have been faithful to him. December, he told me he has proof with my chat with one of them years back, he was crying saying I have been lying to him, I was so heartbroken, seeing him in that state. But I know I have been faithful. I swore to him using even my son and my future that I haven't cheated on him. He didn't believe, I cried so much.
After I realized I was going to loose him ,I lied on myself and said I did it. He hugged me and told me that all he needed to know that he knows its in the past and he forgive me.
I told myself I would rather lie on myself than see him suffer so much .
Things started becoming awkward when he started askasking me about other guys and my chain of lies started. Admittingi did things I didn't do
I feel so so bad, av had to cry daily, cos he has changed towards me. The other day, he started crying that I betrayed his trust. That he trusted me
I don't know what I was thinking admitting I did things I didn't do just to keep him, now am loosing him. Its hurts so bad, I cry as I type this. I don't know what to do.
If I go back and tell him all were lies, he wouldnt believe
Now he sees me as someone that has betrayed his trust, when in fact, I have never been unfaithful to him. He hurts and I hurt so much too.
I don't know what to do. I love him so much it hurts my heart that he's hurting over nothing
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#2
Sep 17, 2018
4,056
3,169
113
#2
If you can't be open and honest with someone your relationship was doomed to fail. The problem began 5 years ago, though, when he found you were talking with ex's. Not a bad thing, in and of itself, but if he felt it was that's the starting point. So you've been in a relationship for 5 years that wasn't going to last. And soon as communication broke down 100% and he couldn't accept your words, and you started lying that was the final nail in the coffin.
While not easy the wise and best thing to do would have been to end the relationship when he showed he can't trust you. Either he is Extremely insecure or you have done more to cause him to think you untrustworthy and aren't sharing it. Or that there was more going on with your ex's than you're admitting to. Most people don't react so strongly to one incident like that.

Love doesn't hurt, dishonesty and deceit and clinging to things we shouldn't is what hurts. Just because we drag love into that doesn't mean it's somehow 'loves' fault.
But as far as 'hurting over nothing', that's false. You've been lying to him. I think that's a valid reason for him to hurt. And how you could think telling someone that you've been cheating over and over will make anything better completely boggles my mind.
Or "all about having fun with my ex's", then saying he eventually found out. Well, sounds like you were quite invested in numerous other men and hiding it from your current partner. I'd say that's not 'hurting over nothing' either.

But i suspect there is a Lot more to the story than you're telling. Your profile says you're married, but you say 'in a relationship' which does not typically mean marriage. So, already, there's something questionable going on with what you're telling us. The more i read this the more shady you sound.
 
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Godsownchristie

New member
#3
Mar 13, 2019
13
8
3
#3
Subhumanoidal said:
If you can't be open and honest with someone your relationship was doomed to fail. The problem began 5 years ago, though, when he found you were talking with ex's. Not a bad thing, in and of itself, but if he felt it was that's the starting point. So you've been in a relationship for 5 years that wasn't going to last. And soon as communication broke down 100% and he couldn't accept your words, and you started lying that was the final nail in the coffin.
While not easy the wise and best thing to do would have been to end the relationship when he showed he can't trust you. Either he is Extremely insecure or you have done more to cause him to think you untrustworthy and aren't sharing it. Or that there was more going on with your ex's than you're admitting to. Most people don't react so strongly to one incident like that.

Love doesn't hurt, dishonesty and deceit and clinging to things we shouldn't is what hurts. Just because we drag love into that doesn't mean it's somehow 'loves' fault.
But as far as 'hurting over nothing', that's false. You've been lying to him. I think that's a valid reason for him to hurt. And how you could think telling someone that you've been cheating over and over will make anything better completely boggles my mind.
Or "all about having fun with my ex's", then saying he eventually found out. Well, sounds like you were quite invested in numerous other men and hiding it from your current partner. I'd say that's not 'hurting over nothing' either.

But i suspect there is a Lot more to the story than you're telling. Your profile says you're married, but you say 'in a relationship' which does not typically mean marriage. So, already, there's something questionable going on with what you're telling us. The more i read this the more shady you sound.
Click to expand...
Thank you for taking out time to read and share your thought with me. God has used you to tell me more things than you think.
God bless. I'll edit my profile as well
 
Bingo

Bingo

Well-known member
#5
Feb 9, 2019
9,179
4,746
113
#5
Godsownchristie said:
Been in a relationship for 5years plus now, at the beginning, I was all about fun with my exes, along the line, he got to know I was still chatting with those guys. He was really broken, I apologised and sent out messages to all my ex that its over and I wanted to focus on my future and present relationship
I fell in love with him all over again, and since then,he's been the only man in my life.
Last December, he asked if any of those exes has been contacting me,if any of them came at some point and if I slept with him. December wasn't the first time he's asked, I tell him no one but him, that I have been faithful to him. December, he told me he has proof with my chat with one of them years back, he was crying saying I have been lying to him, I was so heartbroken, seeing him in that state. But I know I have been faithful. I swore to him using even my son and my future that I haven't cheated on him. He didn't believe, I cried so much.
After I realized I was going to loose him ,I lied on myself and said I did it. He hugged me and told me that all he needed to know that he knows its in the past and he forgive me.
I told myself I would rather lie on myself than see him suffer so much .
Things started becoming awkward when he started askasking me about other guys and my chain of lies started. Admittingi did things I didn't do
I feel so so bad, av had to cry daily, cos he has changed towards me. The other day, he started crying that I betrayed his trust. That he trusted me
I don't know what I was thinking admitting I did things I didn't do just to keep him, now am loosing him. Its hurts so bad, I cry as I type this. I don't know what to do.
If I go back and tell him all were lies, he wouldnt believe
Now he sees me as someone that has betrayed his trust, when in fact, I have never been unfaithful to him. He hurts and I hurt so much too.
I don't know what to do. I love him so much it hurts my heart that he's hurting over nothing
Click to expand...

"There is no substitute for honesty. When a person can't be trusted, it shall be a heavy burden to bear."
'Praise God'
 

Attachments

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Godsownchristie

New member
#6
Mar 13, 2019
13
8
3
#6
so heavy.
Isn't
Bingo said:
"There is no substitute for honesty. When a person can't be trusted, it shall be a heavy burden to bear."
'Praise God'[/QUO
Click to expand...
Bingo said:
"There is no substitute for honesty. When a person can't be trusted, it shall be a heavy burden to bear."
'Praise God'
Click to expand...
Heavy indeed. I know it will be hard, but I'll let go
I hope and believe by next year or year's time, I'll look back at this post ,laugh and bless the name of the Lord.Amen
 
Bingo

Bingo

Well-known member
#7
Feb 9, 2019
9,179
4,746
113
#7
Godsownchristie said:
so heavy.
Isn't



Heavy indeed. I know it will be hard, but I'll let go
I hope and believe by next year or year's time, I'll look back at this post ,laugh and bless the name of the Lord.Amen
Click to expand...
"The right attitude is a good sign, I feel you can and will do all that is necessary to move forward,
with God as the co-pilot...your path will be straight."
'Praise God'..............'GLY'
:)
 

Attachments

Bingo

Bingo

Well-known member
#8
Feb 9, 2019
9,179
4,746
113
#8
Bingo said:
"The right attitude is a good sign, I feel you can and will do all that is necessary to move forward,
with God as the co-pilot...your path will be straight."
'Praise God'..............'GLY'
:)
Click to expand...
 

Attachments

Agbarogi

Agbarogi

Member
#9
Mar 25, 2019
44
31
18
#9
Any relationship u are always be truthful open up no keeping of secret if not it will destroy ur relationship when things starts coming out in future.
 
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