Why Do Things Got To Be So Complicated?

[Seeking-Christ]

I'm currently feeling lonely. Loneliness next to Sadness and Pain, are the main emotions I experience in life. So I decided why not write about this. It's been on my mind a lot.

I'm just going to use this article as a sample. You women can search and find plenty of similar articles about "What to talk about with a guy".

I"m a guy so I'm using this article as an example:
This one is called:
"What To Talk About With A Girl: 25 BEST Topics (+ 3 Conversation Tips)"
https://www.roadtosolidity.com/what-to-talk-about-with-a-girl

In my experience every conversation i have a with a woman ends up dying. Some die quicker than others. But they all end up dying eventually. In fact it happens to me so often I wonder why I even keep trying or even allow it to happen at all. Of course people will say "Your doing something wrong". Yeah, the problem is always me... lol I got nobody to blame but myself. That way I can feel even worse about my situation.

I'm not saying that I've become "anti woman". But I realize that insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results.

I decided to call this post "Why Do Things Got To Be So Complicated?" because I always felt that if one person is kind to another person, and if they can find similar interests, then things should just work. Instead what I run into is things like.

Me: "How was your day?"
Her: "Oh You know..."

Me: "Do you have any hobbies?"
Her: "No"

Me: "What did you do today"
Her: "Nothing"

Me: "What would you like to talk about?"
Her: "I don't know"

Please don't criticize the format. Not every conversation was engaged that way. i just merely wrote it this way to give you an idea of what I've been dealing with...

Sometimes I might try talking about myself:

Me: I say what I did or are currently doing.
Her: ok or lol.

At least some ladies do better then that! But it is true that I actually had some conversations that went something like that.... And it's just online either! I've had similar responses in real life too. Which is why I started watching and reading dating coaches.

I'm not recommending this book. But here is one I listened too last summer.
"Magnetic - Cultivate Confidence, Become Rejection-Proof and Naturally Attract the Women You Desire"

I guess i wanted to confirm to myself why I hated dating coaches.
1) The advice is really complicated.
2) The man suggests things that I can not physically do.
3) Sex is the end goal.
* As Christians sex in marriage is ok.

I feel like the art of conversation has died. In my experience, I seem to have better conversations with older women. Women who are at least my parents age or older. But with the ones who are my age or younger, just talking to talk, doesn't seem to work. Or not good enough for me.

In my opinion articles and books like "What To Talk About with A Girl" shouldn't even exist!

 

[Runningman]

I'm currently feeling lonely. Loneliness next to Sadness and Pain, are the main emotions I experience in life. So I decided why not write about this. It's been on my mind a lot.

I'm just going to use this article as a sample. You women can search and find plenty of similar articles about "What to talk about with a guy".

I"m a guy so I'm using this article as an example:
This one is called:
"What To Talk About With A Girl: 25 BEST Topics (+ 3 Conversation Tips)"
https://www.roadtosolidity.com/what-to-talk-about-with-a-girl

In my experience every conversation i have a with a woman ends up dying. Some die quicker than others. But they all end up dying eventually. In fact it happens to me so often I wonder why I even keep trying or even allow it to happen at all. Of course people will say "Your doing something wrong". Yeah, the problem is always me... lol I got nobody to blame but myself. That way I can feel even worse about my situation.

I'm not saying that I've become "anti woman". But I realize that insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results.

I decided to call this post "Why Do Things Got To Be So Complicated?" because I always felt that if one person is kind to another person, and if they can find similar interests, then things should just work. Instead what I run into is things like.

Me: "How was your day?"
Her: "Oh You know..."

Me: "Do you have any hobbies?"
Her: "No"

Me: "What did you do today"
Her: "Nothing"

Me: "What would you like to talk about?"
Her: "I don't know"

Please don't criticize the format. Not every conversation was engaged that way. i just merely wrote it this way to give you an idea of what I've been dealing with...

Sometimes I might try talking about myself:

Me: I say what I did or are currently doing.
Her: ok or lol.

At least some ladies do better then that! But it is true that I actually had some conversations that went something like that.... And it's just online either! I've had similar responses in real life too. Which is why I started watching and reading dating coaches.

I'm not recommending this book. But here is one I listened too last summer.
"Magnetic - Cultivate Confidence, Become Rejection-Proof and Naturally Attract the Women You Desire"

I guess i wanted to confirm to myself why I hated dating coaches.
1) The advice is really complicated.
2) The man suggests things that I can not physically do.
3) Sex is the end goal.
* As Christians sex in marriage is ok.

I feel like the art of conversation has died. In my experience, I seem to have better conversations with older women. Women who are at least my parents age or older. But with the ones who are my age or younger, just talking to talk, doesn't seem to work. Or not good enough for me.

In my opinion articles and books like "What To Talk About with A Girl" shouldn't even exist!

Yeah I hear you. I kinda get the vibe you are asking for advice about how to talk to girls. What is your age if I may ask? Forgive me if you've said your age somewhere else and I didn't notice. I am 36 years old and not single. Actually I plan to get married asap.

Anyway, you might try a more fun approach to having conversations with girls. Something witty, flirty but clean, and fun. The idea being you really want to get someone's interest and you need to take the lead on this.

If a girl is interested in you enough to talk then your questions for her should be geared more toward being open-ended. I mean, your questions should be worded in a way to provoke stories, provoke discussion, provoke opinion sharing, etc.

Just my opinion, there isn't a right or wrong answer here, just this is what has worked for me.

 

[Seeking-Christ]

Yeah I hear you. I kinda get the vibe you are asking for advice about how to talk to girls. What is your age if I may ask? Forgive me if you've said your age somewhere else and I didn't notice. I am 36 years old and not single. Actually I plan to get married asap.

Anyway, you might try a more fun approach to having conversations with girls. Something witty, flirty but clean, and fun. The idea being you really want to get someone's interest and you need to take the lead on this.

If a girl is interested in you enough to talk then your questions for her should be geared more toward being open-ended. I mean, your questions should be worded in a way to provoke stories, provoke discussion, provoke opinion sharing, etc.

Just my opinion, there isn't a right or wrong answer here, just this is what has worked for me.

I'm ashamed to tell you that I'm 43 and I don't know anything.

 

[Aerials1978]

I'm ashamed to tell you that I'm 43 and I don't know anything.

No need to be ashamed. I’m 43 and still horrible at relationships. They end up crying and extremely mad to me. 🤷‍♀️

 

[Dino246]

Seeking_Christ, I have one question for you. Please don't answer in a post here; rather, consider your present plight through the lens of your answer.

What value do you offer, that a woman might consider dating you? (Hint: conversation doesn't qualify; they have girlfriends for that).

 

[Seeking-Christ]

Seeking_Christ, I have one question for you. Please don't answer in a post here; rather, consider your present plight through the lens of your answer.

What value do you offer, that a woman might consider dating you? (Hint: conversation doesn't qualify; they have girlfriends for that).

Since the question touches a sore spot, I'm going to go ahead and answer this.

Personally I don't think I got anything to offer women. In fact I should probably be thrown in the trash can! But I've kinda already expressed how I have really low self worth in other places on this site! Even my old electronics teacher told me, "you have the worst inferiority complex I have ever seen!"

 

[Seeking-Christ]

God is the one to decides how much a person is worth! What does a man have to offer a woman? It's whatever God decides.

When you are so old that you find yourself in a nursing home. Then you will understand what I mean by "God decides what a man is worth." Love is something that transcends..

 

[christian74]

The way I see it is they are just not interested in you and/or don't want anything serious (and you certainly don't want to be with someone who is not interested in you, do you?)

I wouldn't take any lack of interest/engagement from women as anything meaningful.
I wouldn't look into any "dating advice" website/book - just be yourself, know who you are in Christ.
There is time for everything and perhaps it isn't time for you to seek/pursue but rather focus on your relationship with God.
Sounding too cliche and doesn't help your situation? Yeah, maybe.

 

[Seeking-Christ]

The way I see it is they are just not interested in you and/or don't want anything serious (and you certainly don't want to be with someone who is not interested in you, do you?)

I wouldn't take any lack of interest/engagement from women as anything meaningful.
I wouldn't look into any "dating advice" website/book - just be yourself, know who you are in Christ.
There is time for everything and perhaps it isn't time for you to seek/pursue but rather focus on your relationship with God.
Sounding too cliche and doesn't help your situation? Yeah, maybe.

I like your outlook, and other people, like Pastor Greg Laurie would probably agree with you.

In this video He addresses singleness mixed with some other things about prayer.

 

[Seeking-Christ]

Part of the reason why I wrote this post is because it's a pain that I wanted to get off my chest, and perhaps talk about.

 

[G00WZ]

Things are hard because life itself is both a game and a matter of perspective and if you don't know how to play or what the objective is you will lose. Sadly people are taught wrong from the gate by society on purpose to keep them miserable and in a constant state of lack.

 

[Dino246]

God is the one to decides how much a person is worth!

While you are correct on this, ...

What does a man have to offer a woman? It's whatever God decides.

You are dead wrong on this. The woman decides what is of value to her. Many women value money, status, appearance, and power. Some value character, wit, creativity, or charm. A few value godliness.

In order to attract the attention of a woman, you have to offer something that other men aren't offering, and that the woman considers valuable. Specifically, you need to offer something that she can respect about you.

Self-esteem is not a value you offer; it's a necessity. No woman wants to be the emotional support animal for a man. I strongly suggest that you get some help with your identity issues. God can and will help you, but you will likely need some human guidance through the process.

 

[Seeking-Christ]

While you are correct on this, ...


You are dead wrong on this. The woman decides what is of value to her. Many women value money, status, appearance, and power. Some value character, wit, creativity, or charm. A few value godliness.

In order to attract the attention of a woman, you have to offer something that other men aren't offering, and that the woman considers valuable. Specifically, you need to offer something that she can respect about you.

Self-esteem is not a value you offer; it's a necessity. No woman wants to be the emotional support animal for a man. I strongly suggest that you get some help with your identity issues. God can and will help you, but you will likely need some human guidance through the process.

Thanks for the advice. I think I got too many things wrong with me. Twice I had professional help, and both times they said there was nothing that could be done for me. But thank you for bringing it to my attention once again, that I have NO HOPE BUT JESUS. So if He does nothing then I am meant to sink.

Unfortunately knowing that I'm hopeless, doesn't fix the fact that I'm a person with feelings.

 

[Lanolin]

?

first thought you were channelling Avril Lavigne

but, conversation can be hard at the best of times, so try NOT to complicate it by trying too hard. Most people communicate through their eyebrows and not actually talking.

if its girl, you dont ask too much personal stuff. Maybe you can just mention how lovely she looks or you just say hey but most girls actually dont know what to say to that.


sorry! Just talk about ever YOU want to talk about and see if she joins in, she might or might not but if you starting the convo you bring up the topic. Dont force a gal to talk when she doesnt want to. Because...usually a girl will chatter on nineteen to the dozen anyway about stuff and you wont get a word in anyway. But if you ask her questions all the time shes just gonna clam up.

 

[Dino246]

Twice I had professional help, and both times they said there was nothing that could be done for me.

What kind of “professional help” did you receive?

 

[Lynx]

I'm currently feeling lonely. Loneliness next to Sadness and Pain, are the main emotions I experience in life. So I decided why not write about this. It's been on my mind a lot.

I'm just going to use this article as a sample. You women can search and find plenty of similar articles about "What to talk about with a guy".

I"m a guy so I'm using this article as an example:
This one is called:
"What To Talk About With A Girl: 25 BEST Topics (+ 3 Conversation Tips)"
https://www.roadtosolidity.com/what-to-talk-about-with-a-girl

In my experience every conversation i have a with a woman ends up dying. Some die quicker than others. But they all end up dying eventually. In fact it happens to me so often I wonder why I even keep trying or even allow it to happen at all. Of course people will say "Your doing something wrong". Yeah, the problem is always me... lol I got nobody to blame but myself. That way I can feel even worse about my situation.

I'm not saying that I've become "anti woman". But I realize that insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results.

I decided to call this post "Why Do Things Got To Be So Complicated?" because I always felt that if one person is kind to another person, and if they can find similar interests, then things should just work. Instead what I run into is things like.

Me: "How was your day?"
Her: "Oh You know..."

Me: "Do you have any hobbies?"
Her: "No"

Me: "What did you do today"
Her: "Nothing"

Me: "What would you like to talk about?"
Her: "I don't know"

Please don't criticize the format. Not every conversation was engaged that way. i just merely wrote it this way to give you an idea of what I've been dealing with...

Sometimes I might try talking about myself:

Me: I say what I did or are currently doing.
Her: ok or lol.

At least some ladies do better then that! But it is true that I actually had some conversations that went something like that.... And it's just online either! I've had similar responses in real life too. Which is why I started watching and reading dating coaches.

I'm not recommending this book. But here is one I listened too last summer.
"Magnetic - Cultivate Confidence, Become Rejection-Proof and Naturally Attract the Women You Desire"

I guess i wanted to confirm to myself why I hated dating coaches.
1) The advice is really complicated.
2) The man suggests things that I can not physically do.
3) Sex is the end goal.
* As Christians sex in marriage is ok.

I feel like the art of conversation has died. In my experience, I seem to have better conversations with older women. Women who are at least my parents age or older. But with the ones who are my age or younger, just talking to talk, doesn't seem to work. Or not good enough for me.

In my opinion articles and books like "What To Talk About with A Girl" shouldn't even exist!

"Our cup filled up so quickly
There's too much on our plate
Between the living and the dying
Some things must wait"

Personal opinion: You're focusing too much on one thing you don't have, a spouse. You try to figure out how you can get a girl and you keep trying to figure it out until you wind up missing the life you could be having.

"So we never got to Paris
Found the cafe of our dreams
But our table holds
A whole world of memories"
- Out Of The Grey

You may never find a wife. Will that make your life less worth living? Will it make you a failure?

 

[SomeDisciple]

Personally I don't think I got anything to offer women. In fact I should probably be thrown in the trash can! But I've kinda already expressed how I have really low self worth in other places on this site! Even my old electronics teacher told me, "you have the worst inferiority complex I have ever seen!"

So, low self-esteem is actually a ridiculous problem for a Christian to have- I'm not saying you are ridiculous- it's just that you've probably bought into ridiculous lies about yourself, courtesy of the devil and his children.
Perceiving yourself as not having value is simply incorrect. If someone else reinforces the idea that you are of little value- that's also incorrect. You don't listen to them- or the internal monologs of your carnal mind. You listen to God. Do you really think Jesus lowered himself to suffer for people he thought were worthless? Of course you don't really believe that; because that's absurd.

This contradiction, then, is a faith issue. Either you aren't worthless; or Jesus died for something he did not value: you cannot believe both of those things- you have to believe one or the other, because they cannot both be true. Low self-esteem= low faith.

You're a person with feelings- but know that feelings lie. If you were fornicating with a bunch of women instead struggling to even talk to them; you'd probably have this emotional high and ridiculously over-inflated self-worth: but the reality is: you'd be a dead man walking.

I guess i wanted to confirm to myself why I hated dating coaches.

That's right- worldly people have worldly goals. They can't help you. EXCEPT- they understand, and are honest about how the flesh works (sexual attraction etc.), They approach dating from a perspective of biological imperatives; which is retarded if you want anything more than sex. Everything they say will be out of phase with spiritual realities.

eel like the art of conversation has died. In my experience, I seem to have better conversations with older women. Women who are at least my parents age or older. But with the ones who are my age or younger, just talking to talk, doesn't seem to work. Or not good enough for me.

As an introverted guy, I have the opposite problem and can't get people to shut up . There's also the fact that some women are actually boring, or don't have a lot going on in their lives for one reason or another; or they just like to keep their personal lives private. In any case, if you're an extraverted guy, I know a lot of extraverted people have this issue of getting people to talk more. It does not necessarily reflect negatively on you.