WHY BUY THE COW WHEN YOU GET THE MILK FOR FREE?

[seoulsearch]

I too was once a depressed, bitter, suicidal, grumpy old man who thought the world may have been better off if I were never born. I got help. It's difficult at times when you feel unloved to love your self and it spills over, out of our mouths and into our actions. This level of depression is near clinical and may need medical attention, maybe even hospitalization for a bit. Malnutrition can also play a role especially if one lives alone, prepairs their own food and only prepair what they like. I'd rather eat dinty moore out of a can that to make a big mess just for myself, then have to clean it up too. Nutrition and brain chemistry are not in the forefront of mental health treatment. There's more money in pharma.

Thank you for these posts, Cali--they're very interesting and informative.

I don't mean to sound cold or unfeeling. I started out feeling a lot of sympathy/empathy for Wise. Long before the CC system changed over, he even wrote a thread asking who wanted to be his girlfriend, so he would obviously like to find a companion.

However, it's been years of the same thing over and over: how much he hates people, how bitter he is about his life, and throwing hatred towards anyone who talks about love and relationships. I understand, I really do. But it's also obvious from his posts that he thinks everything should be his way or the highway, and he's unwilling to budge, compromise, or even take a moment to consider anyone else's point of view but his own--and yet he still expects, or at least hopes to get a girlfriend.

Why not put all that bitter energy into trying to work on positive improvements in one's character instead?

And if a person isn't willing to do even that, it doesn't mean they have an automatic right to try to impose the misery they insist on clinging to onto everyone else around them, even if it's just online.

 

[calibob]

Thank you for these posts, Cali--they're very interesting and informative.

I don't mean to sound cold or unfeeling. I started out feeling a lot of sympathy/empathy for Wise. Long before the CC system changed over, he even wrote a thread asking who wanted to be his girlfriend, so he would obviously like to find a companion.

However, it's been years of the same thing over and over: how much he hates people, how bitter he is about his life, and throwing hatred towards anyone who talks about love and relationships. I understand, I really do. But it's also obvious from his posts that he thinks everything should be his way or the highway, and he's unwilling to budge, compromise, or even take a moment to consider anyone else's point of view but his own--and yet he still expects, or at least hopes to get a girlfriend.

Why not put all that bitter energy into trying to work on positive improvements in one's character instead?

And if a person isn't willing to do even that, it doesn't mean they have an automatic right to try to impose the misery they insist on clinging to onto everyone else around them, even if it's just online.

This just brings out a need I have seen and felt from the very beginning here. A mental health forum. I suggested it to mel85 and she invited me to the singles forum. Probably 'cause many singles are depressed. People have to stop treating mental illness like it's imaginary. The brain IS an organ and sometimes needs attention like liver or kidneys.

 

[Deade]

This just brings out a need I have seen and felt from the very beginning here. A mental health forum. I suggested it to mel85 and she invited me to the singles forum. Probably 'cause many singles are depressed. People have to stop treating mental illness like it's imaginary. The brain IS an organ and sometimes needs attention like liver or kidneys.

I agree calibob. When depression gets so bad it seems like utter despair you can't trust your decision making process. When my health took a downward spiral, I found myself making decisions that I would have never made otherwise.

This can be especially bad for Christians as we are so different from worldly people, it can be hard to find a support base. Some of us have family that will put up with us despite our idiosyncrasies.

 

[Faith-n-Christ]

Wow, reading some of the replies was kinda depressing. When I was young and foolish I participated in premarital sex. A 15 year not so Godly marriage with adultery, taught me to look long and hard about "Love" and marriage. I had no real idea what either should be or look like. Now I have a grounded mature knowledge of both. I won't go into all of that. Its a journey we each have to take on our own.

I will NOT have sex before being married. I value you myself far to much. If he can't wait till the I do's, he won't stop after the I do's. For me if they claim to be of the Lord, and has no self control in this area. To me their character is found lacking, and are not a potential marriage partner for me.

Besides, it took work, pruning, time, energy, sacrifice, and learning to turn this young wine into fine, mature, sweet, fire tested wine. Honey, I'm not gonna give that out free!!!

 

[Deade]

Wow, reading some of the replies was kinda depressing. When I was young and foolish I participated in premarital sex. A 15 year not so Godly marriage with adultery, taught me to look long and hard about "Love" and marriage. I had no real idea what either should be or look like. Now I have a grounded mature knowledge of both. I won't go into all of that. Its a journey we each have to take on our own.

I will NOT have sex before being married. I value you myself far to much. If he can't wait till the I do's, he won't stop after the I do's. For me if they claim to be of the Lord, and has no self control in this area. To me their character is found lacking, and are not a potential marriage partner for me.

Besides, it took work, pruning, time, energy, sacrifice, and learning to turn this young wine into fine, mature, sweet, fire tested wine. Honey, I'm not gonna give that out free!!!

It is amazing how much we learn over time. Young people do not realize that premarital sex is a perversion. Any perversion steals from the intimacy of the real thing. I don't believe people can be incompatible sexually where they would have to try out a mate. That is also a perversion.

What else we learn with age is our self worth. I have tried to kill myself a couple of times because of untreated depression. I now realize that would be a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It took me a while to accept the fact that a Christian can take medicine for depression. The same things befall us as non-Christians. Fortunately, God saw to it that I was unsuccessful on that.

 

[Faith-n-Christ]

It is amazing how much we learn over time. Young people do not realize that premarital sex is a perversion. Any perversion steals from the intimacy of the real thing. I don't believe people can be incompatible sexually where they would have to try out a mate. That is also a perversion.

What else we learn with age is our self worth. I have tried to kill myself a couple of times because of untreated depression. I now realize that would be a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It took me a while to accept the fact that a Christian can take medicine for depression. The same things befall us as non-Christians. Fortunately, God saw to it that I was unsuccessful on that.

Agreed, and I have learned my value. When I walked away from that marriage, I wanted to crawl under a rock and die. The pain, anger, rage, and shock was almost to much to bare. Though I never got so bad in my emotions to go down your painful road. I screamed to the Lord alot. He met me were I was (literally) in the wilderness. It did not get easier, but was bearable, and he seen me through it. See there was two things I knew would break me. The lose of a child and betrayal of a spouse. i broke, the hardest 6 months of my life. But then I started the healing and rebuilding. Maturing and learning. Pruning my own character flaws and beliefs. To get to were I am today. Everything I went through. I have learn my worth and value. I am not a Sam's club that comes with free samples. No one gets to taste this fruit without ownership first. (A husband's body is no longer his but his wife's and vise versa) 1 Cor 7:4

I.E. marraiage.

 

[Jewel5712]

Agreed, and I have learned my value. When I walked away from that marriage, I wanted to crawl under a rock and die. The pain, anger, rage, and shock was almost to much to bare. Though I never got so bad in my emotions to go down your painful road. I screamed to the Lord alot. He met me were I was (literally) in the wilderness. It did not get easier, but was bearable, and he seen me through it. See there was two things I knew would break me. The lose of a child and betrayal of a spouse. i broke, the hardest 6 months of my life. But then I started the healing and rebuilding. Maturing and learning. Pruning my own character flaws and beliefs. To get to were I am today. Everything I went through. I have learn my worth and value. I am not a Sam's club that comes with free samples. No one gets to taste this fruit without ownership first. (A husband's body is no longer his but his wife's and vise versa) 1 Cor 7:4

I.E. marraiage.

AMEN..WELL SAID!

 

[calibob]

Wow, reading some of the replies was kinda depressing. When I was young and foolish I participated in premarital sex. A 15 year not so Godly marriage with adultery, taught me to look long and hard about "Love" and marriage. I had no real idea what either should be or look like. Now I have a grounded mature knowledge of both. I won't go into all of that. Its a journey we each have to take on our own.

I will NOT have sex before being married. I value you myself far to much. If he can't wait till the I do's, he won't stop after the I do's. For me if they claim to be of the Lord, and has no self control in this area. To me their character is found lacking, and are not a potential marriage partner for me.

Besides, it took work, pruning, time, energy, sacrifice, and learning to turn this young wine into fine, mature, sweet, fire tested wine. Honey, I'm not gonna give that out free!!!

Well I missed most of that teenage stuff. Went to an all boys school till I was 17, had a 4pm cerfew. First date was the seniour prom, 1st kiss too. Never had sex education accept old military VD films. Oh, how times have changed!

 

[tourist]

What are you going to do if a day arrives when your spouse can't/doesn't want to have sex anymore?

That day arrived for me with my sick late wife. It made no difference in how much I loved her and I remained faithful until the day that she died.

 

[tourist]

Not bad..everyone wants and expects sex after married..just wondered if somone would marry SOONER if they had to wait..

Sooner rather than later I presume. Once you know what you want and who you want there is no reason to have a long protracted engagement.

 

[tourist]

I don't fear lonliness as much as heartbreak. I've been celibate 12 years now so sex outside of marriage is not my game plan. If I were to consider getting married, again. Well I'd be very carefull.

I was celibate for 18 years after my first wife divorced me.

 

[Dino246]

At least this thread isn't getting milked.

 

[Tommy379]

I'm not interested in the cow. I wanna know what's up with the milkmaid

 

[Mel85]

This just brings out a need I have seen and felt from the very beginning here. A mental health forum. I suggested it to mel85 and she invited me to the singles forum. Probably 'cause many singles are depressed. People have to stop treating mental illness like it's imaginary. The brain IS an organ and sometimes needs attention like liver or kidneys.

Let’s just get it clear that I didn’t invite you to the Singles forum, just because “many singles are depressed”, I invited you because it’s where I usually “chill out”.

Many singles around where I am from are not depressed but I am aware of the situation.

 

[Mel85]

Thank you for these posts, Cali--they're very interesting and informative.

I don't mean to sound cold or unfeeling. I started out feeling a lot of sympathy/empathy for Wise. Long before the CC system changed over, he even wrote a thread asking who wanted to be his girlfriend, so he would obviously like to find a companion.

However, it's been years of the same thing over and over: how much he hates people, how bitter he is about his life, and throwing hatred towards anyone who talks about love and relationships. I understand, I really do. But it's also obvious from his posts that he thinks everything should be his way or the highway, and he's unwilling to budge, compromise, or even take a moment to consider anyone else's point of view but his own--and yet he still expects, or at least hopes to get a girlfriend.

Why not put all that bitter energy into trying to work on positive improvements in one's character instead?

And if a person isn't willing to do even that, it doesn't mean they have an automatic right to try to impose the misery they insist on clinging to onto everyone else around them, even if it's just online.

Hey Kim, I do agree with you in terms of being positive etc but I also do believe in giving things or situations like this to God before I take action, which I’m sure most of you already do.

I know it can sometimes feel like a downbuz if someone is speaking in that way, or in that negative tone, but there’s always a deeper underlying reason as to why they speak or feel that way - and for some, it is depression, however, I also believe it’s how we ‘react’ to ones ‘quiet cry for help’ that could make all that difference. And you may have done that in the past, with no positive results in regards to Wise, which is understandable.

To be honest, I was really disappointed in Lynx & your responses to Wises comments. Sure you both have been here longer and seen this type of repetitive behaviour or attitude from Wise but, who is perfect? And as Christ followers, aren’t we supposed to give the love and compassion unto those who need it most? If Wise is doing this for attention (and I’m not saying he is), then so be it, but we all know that God is the ultimate judge and will judge us accordingly.

I guess I just have a lil soft spot for those who are lost in this world, as once upon a time, I was lost too. But only through the love and grace of God did I find my way back to Him, and that is why I want to give the same Christ love to those who need it most.

 

[Mel85]

Let’s just get it clear that I didn’t invite you to the Singles forum, just because “many singles are depressed”, I invited you because it’s where I usually “chill out”.

Many singles around where I am from are not depressed but I am aware of the situation.

I was meant to put a smiley face in the comment btw ☺️

 

[Lynx]

Hey Kim, I do agree with you in terms of being positive etc but I also do believe in giving things or situations like this to God before I take action, which I’m sure most of you already do.

I know it can sometimes feel like a downbuz if someone is speaking in that way, or in that negative tone, but there’s always a deeper underlying reason as to why they speak or feel that way - and for some, it is depression, however, I also believe it’s how we ‘react’ to ones ‘quiet cry for help’ that could make all that difference. And you may have done that in the past, with no positive results in regards to Wise, which is understandable.

To be honest, I was really disappointed in Lynx & your responses to Wises comments. Sure you both have been here longer and seen this type of repetitive behaviour or attitude from Wise but, who is perfect? And as Christ followers, aren’t we supposed to give the love and compassion unto those who need it most? If Wise is doing this for attention (and I’m not saying he is), then so be it, but we all know that God is the ultimate judge and will judge us accordingly.

I guess I just have a lil soft spot for those who are lost in this world, as once upon a time, I was lost too. But only through the love and grace of God did I find my way back to Him, and that is why I want to give the same Christ love to those who need it most.

If a man's car is stuck in a ditch you can offer to use your car and pull his car out of the ditch. If you try and fail to pull his car out of the ditch you can at least offer him a ride to the nearest mechanic with a tow truck.

But if the man refuses help because he likes being in the ditch, if he wants to remain in the ditch because he somehow enjoys complaining about the ditch, if he has been complaining about being in the ditch for YEARS but never makes any move to get out or accept any help to get out of the ditch... Sometimes you just have to cut the cable and move on. Some people seem to prefer being in the ditch. It validates their bad mood. If they got out of the ditch they would not have an excuse to complain, so they stay in the ditch.

 

[Mel85]

If a man's car is stuck in a ditch you can offer to use your car and pull his car out of the ditch. If you try and fail to pull his car out of the ditch you can at least offer him a ride to the nearest mechanic with a tow truck.

But if the man refuses help because he likes being in the ditch, if he wants to remain in the ditch because he somehow enjoys complaining about the ditch, if he has been complaining about being in the ditch for YEARS but never makes any move to get out or accept any help to get out of the ditch... Sometimes you just have to cut the cable and move on. Some people seem to prefer being in the ditch. It validates their bad mood. If they got out of the ditch they would not have an excuse to complain, so they stay in the ditch.

I get that.

But sometimes it’s not our responsibility or power to “get them outta the ditch”, instead, it just might be to make a phone call to the Mechanic to come over.

Or pull over and pray for them.

Or not even pull over but pray from a distance.

 

[Lynx]

But sometimes you get so fed up with their complaining about being in the ditch that you just don't want to hear it any more.

I mean sure, they like being in the ditch, that's their choice. But some people complain so much, for so long, about the ditch, that eventually you just can't take any more.

 

[Tommy379]

I rather be on the high road. That's where the hotties are.