Why are you single?

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I think I'm developing a stalker problem just by posting a mirror on fb marketplace....
 
seoulsearch said:
Preach it, Sister!!

A major reason as to why I'm single is because I learned a long time ago that a lot of Christians are much more interested in using Biblical principles to get what THEY want -- and not necessarily what God wants.

They want to make people into their OWN image and likeness, not the Lord's.

When I was on dating sites and I didn't want to give out my number right away (I asked to talk via writing on the site for several months first,) I'd be told, "Well, if you were actually a real, mature Christian who actually trusted God, you wouldn't be so paranoid."

I do trust God.

And you know what He gave me? Common sense, and the patience to get to know people slowly. I understand that most people don't like writing and prefer the phone, but it helped weed out a lot of riff raff.

It's possible I may have missed out -- and yeah, I'm still single.

But I've never had to change my number (like so many others I've known who have,) or had to get rid of a stalker, praise God.

Sure, no method is foolproof -- but I'm thankful God gave me the insight to be cautious.
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Being cautious is necessary and should be respected.

Even though I've never been a member of a dating site or used any kind of dating service, I've still ran into enough of this to understand.

Something else that bothers me is the forgiveness thing. One guy thought that because I'm a Christian I should just be quickly forgiving and not require any growth from what happened (my boundaries being crossed). When I mentioned (politely, I might add) that I felt uncomfortable and wanted us to work on that problem before proceeding forward, I received a disgruntled reaction. They told me I should be grateful that God brought them back into my life and the fact that I was questioning their behavior and being careful was a sign that I was not doing the Christian duty of being forgiving.

Have mercy.

Sometimes I understand why some people say, "Lord, save me from your people."
 
CarriePie said:
One guy thought that because I'm a Christian I should just be quickly forgiving and not require any growth from what happened (my boundaries being crossed). When I mentioned (politely, I might add) that I felt uncomfortable and wanted us to work on that problem before proceeding forward, I received a disgruntled reaction. They told me I should be grateful that God brought them back into my life and the fact that I was questioning their behavior and being careful was a sign that I was not doing the Christian duty of being forgiving.

Have mercy.

Sometimes I understand why some people say, "Lord, save me from your people."
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This is yet another thing (out of hundreds of issues I've pondered over the years) that drives me crazy about the Christian community.

EVERYONE talks about "not being unequally yoked with an unbeliever" -- and of course, we ALL understand that this is Biblical. It's taught as if this should be the end of the lesson, with no other possibilities to consider.

But NOT ONCE have I ever heard or a read a sermon or lesson about what to do -- and how to get rid of -- a BELIEVER who is just as, if not even more, unequally trying to yoke themselves to you -- is using every trick in the book to spiritually gaslight, manipulate, and belittle you to do what they want -- and won't take no for an answer, because they insist God is backing everything they say or do.

It's getting to a point that it actually infuriates me that no one warns or teaches about this regarding Christian dating, because we're seeing more and more of it all the time -- especially when people are new or getting back (fresh meat) into the dating shark tank.

I have had several times where younger, tender-hearted Christians have written me -- especially women who are told they MUST let the man lead, and men who are trying their best to respect the women -- and what they are going through is obviously plain old-fashioned spiritual manipulation/abuse. The person they are dating is using God and His Word as a weapon to bend them into what they want.

But yet, NO ONE ever talks or warns about it, then everyone wonders why the church has so much divorce.

I personally think it's at least partially because there are many terribly unhealthy, unequally yoked relationships -- among believers -- then turn into toxic marriages that should have been cut off from the very start.
 
seoulsearch said:
This is yet another thing (out of hundreds of issues I've pondered over the years) that drives me crazy about the Christian community.

EVERYONE talks about "not being unequally yoked with an unbeliever" -- and of course, we ALL understand that this is Biblical. It's taught as if this should be the end of the lesson, with no other possibilities to consider.

But NOT ONCE have I ever heard or a read a sermon or lesson about what to do -- and how to get rid of -- a BELIEVER who is just as, if not even more, unequally trying to yoke themselves to you -- is using every trick in the book to spiritually gaslight, manipulate, and belittle you to do what they want -- and won't take no for an answer, because they insist God is backing everything they say or do.

It's getting to a point that it actually infuriates me that no one warns or teaches about this regarding Christian dating, because we're seeing more and more of it all the time -- especially when people are new or getting back (fresh meat) into the dating shark tank.

I have had several times where younger, tender-hearted Christians have written me -- especially women who are told they MUST let the man lead, and men who are trying their best to respect the women -- and what they are going through is obviously plain old-fashioned spiritual manipulation/abuse. The person they are dating is using God and His Word as a weapon to bend them into what they want.

But yet, NO ONE ever talks or warns about it, then everyone wonders why the church has so much divorce.

I personally think it's at least partially because there are many terribly unhealthy, unequally yoked relationships -- among believers -- then turn into toxic marriages that should have been cut off from the very start.
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So true!! I have found that when I don't comply with their guidelines of what they say God wants in our relationship, then they claim I'm not very Godly or even going against God. Basically, I'm the problem. Honestly, I'm not sure where these people's fear of God is? :unsure: If I were a man or woman pulling these tactics on someone and using God's name to back up my manipulation and mishandling, I'd be afraid of the Lord.

Some think that when some of us get to a certain age, we can't stand being alone or even the thought of being alone. Jokes on them, I don't have a problem with being a "problem" by myself.

Well said about the issue of unequally yoked relationships among believers!! There definitely needs to be more awareness and lessons on this topic. Wisdom and knowledge are strength (Proverbs 24:5).
 
seoulsearch said:
This is yet another thing (out of hundreds of issues I've pondered over the years) that drives me crazy about the Christian community.

EVERYONE talks about "not being unequally yoked with an unbeliever" -- and of course, we ALL understand that this is Biblical. It's taught as if this should be the end of the lesson, with no other possibilities to consider.

But NOT ONCE have I ever heard or a read a sermon or lesson about what to do -- and how to get rid of -- a BELIEVER who is just as, if not even more, unequally trying to yoke themselves to you -- is using every trick in the book to spiritually gaslight, manipulate, and belittle you to do what they want -- and won't take no for an answer, because they insist God is backing everything they say or do.

It's getting to a point that it actually infuriates me that no one warns or teaches about this regarding Christian dating, because we're seeing more and more of it all the time -- especially when people are new or getting back (fresh meat) into the dating shark tank.

I have had several times where younger, tender-hearted Christians have written me -- especially women who are told they MUST let the man lead, and men who are trying their best to respect the women -- and what they are going through is obviously plain old-fashioned spiritual manipulation/abuse. The person they are dating is using God and His Word as a weapon to bend them into what they want.

But yet, NO ONE ever talks or warns about it, then everyone wonders why the church has so much divorce.

I personally think it's at least partially because there are many terribly unhealthy, unequally yoked relationships -- among believers -- then turn into toxic marriages that should have been cut off from the very start.
Click to expand...
This is an analogy that isn’t well known today. The yolk is what connects two horses/oxen together. It is important they are close to equal in strength and stride or one will always be pulling harder/faster than the other. Then they have to get along, some horses don’t like each other. Lastly, they have to work together. As the cart turns, the horse on the inside has a shorter route and has to slow down while the horse on the outside has to speed up. If any of these things are too out of sync, animals get hurt and equipment gets damaged.
 
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Well folks ....

Might it be, that you have to leave the quest for a "perfect" human being, that is, your "perfect" mate ?
Nevertheless, what is the definition of "perfect" ?

Never expect to find someone 100% perfect for you. You will never find. Go for 85-90%.
That is enough.

Well, if you demand 95-100% match then you will probably go into the grave as a single one. Please learn the very important strength in life of being thankful and content with the 85-90%. If you do not accept this; good luck with finding the perfect one, but most probably you will not succeed.
 
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