Hey Everyone,
This is an update of a thread I wrote in 2018, as I have been asking myself this very question.
I go in phases where I try to apply minimalism to my life, and a videos I listened to made a very interesting (and slightly heart-wrenching) point. The host of asked, "Who is your fantasy self, and how many resources are you wasting on a life you don't actually live?"
Examples are things like: the person who thinks they'd like to be a great cook but actually hates cooking, yet, they keeps collecting a mountain of cookbooks they'll never use; the woman who thinks she's the social butterfly and keeps buying expensive outfits--for outings that don't even exist in her life; the man who wants to be a successful businessman, buying expensive cars and clothes to present a personal image that is far beyond his actual salary; the parents who believe their child is going to be the next pro athlete, music prodigy, or some other sort of standout and spending all the family's time and resources on that one child, leaving their others feeling left out.
Once upon a time, I had a Fantasy Self. I had just gotten married, and I had envisioned myself as a Homemaker and a Mother. I started to collect small things, such as baby bottles, bibs, and an occasional stuffed animal. When my husband filed for divorce and left, it was very hard to give up those things because I saw it as giving up my own self, or at least, The Self I Wanted to Be.
Another time, I had yet another Fantasy Self in which I wanted to be someone who was constantly learning about art and culture while interacting with active members of those communities, because I like talking to people about the talents God has given them and how they use them to reach other people. However, in just a short time, I started to realize just how much money, time, and resources a life like that can require (it doesn't have to be expensive, of course, but I lived in an area where it was), and I also had to let that part of me go.
These days, I think I've developed more of a cynical, albeit more realistic, attitude. I no longer feed or nurture a Fantasy Self, Life, or Future, but rather, and try to be thankful for what I have, rather than what I think I could be. Admittedly, it feels like something is missing, because I believe that God gave us the ability to dream.
In contrast, I have two friends who, at one point, could have been said to have have Fantasy Selves, all revolving around owning their own businesses. Even though it took many years (and challenges), their Fantasy Selves eventually became their Realities, and I'm always awestruck by all their hard work.
This got me thinking: what is the difference between a fantasy self that is unrealistic, and then projecting an optimistic future self that one might actually obtain?
What do you think?
* Who is your Fantasy Self, or The Self You'd Like to Be?
* In your opinion, what is the difference between a Fantasy Self that may be a waste of money and resources, and a Self You'd Like to Be that might actually become a reality? For instance, the person with a perfectly clean house vs. the person who does enough to stay sanitary?
* How do you know when a version of your Projected Self should be nurtured and fed, or just left behind as you move on?
*If you have a friend, family member, or child who is trying to feed a reality in the making (or just a dream), how do you know when to support them, or when to tell them to give up and keep going?
* If you've given up a fantasy self, how do you feel? For example, what if you bought clothes for when you lose 20 pounds, but that never happened. If you accept that you're trying to work at just eating better and exercising more, how does that make you feel? Less anxious? More content? Or mourning a goal you keep criticizing yourself for never reaching?
* Do we need a bit of a fantasy, or idealized self in order to stay motivated? (If we want to be The Person Who Reads The Bible Every Day, will we stop trying if we don't keep thinking about who we want to be?)
Thank you for taking the time to read this and to share!
This has been something at the forefront of my mind lately, and I will be eager to read about other people's experiences and perspectives.
This is an update of a thread I wrote in 2018, as I have been asking myself this very question.
I go in phases where I try to apply minimalism to my life, and a videos I listened to made a very interesting (and slightly heart-wrenching) point. The host of asked, "Who is your fantasy self, and how many resources are you wasting on a life you don't actually live?"
Examples are things like: the person who thinks they'd like to be a great cook but actually hates cooking, yet, they keeps collecting a mountain of cookbooks they'll never use; the woman who thinks she's the social butterfly and keeps buying expensive outfits--for outings that don't even exist in her life; the man who wants to be a successful businessman, buying expensive cars and clothes to present a personal image that is far beyond his actual salary; the parents who believe their child is going to be the next pro athlete, music prodigy, or some other sort of standout and spending all the family's time and resources on that one child, leaving their others feeling left out.
Once upon a time, I had a Fantasy Self. I had just gotten married, and I had envisioned myself as a Homemaker and a Mother. I started to collect small things, such as baby bottles, bibs, and an occasional stuffed animal. When my husband filed for divorce and left, it was very hard to give up those things because I saw it as giving up my own self, or at least, The Self I Wanted to Be.
Another time, I had yet another Fantasy Self in which I wanted to be someone who was constantly learning about art and culture while interacting with active members of those communities, because I like talking to people about the talents God has given them and how they use them to reach other people. However, in just a short time, I started to realize just how much money, time, and resources a life like that can require (it doesn't have to be expensive, of course, but I lived in an area where it was), and I also had to let that part of me go.
These days, I think I've developed more of a cynical, albeit more realistic, attitude. I no longer feed or nurture a Fantasy Self, Life, or Future, but rather, and try to be thankful for what I have, rather than what I think I could be. Admittedly, it feels like something is missing, because I believe that God gave us the ability to dream.
In contrast, I have two friends who, at one point, could have been said to have have Fantasy Selves, all revolving around owning their own businesses. Even though it took many years (and challenges), their Fantasy Selves eventually became their Realities, and I'm always awestruck by all their hard work.
This got me thinking: what is the difference between a fantasy self that is unrealistic, and then projecting an optimistic future self that one might actually obtain?
What do you think?
* Who is your Fantasy Self, or The Self You'd Like to Be?
* In your opinion, what is the difference between a Fantasy Self that may be a waste of money and resources, and a Self You'd Like to Be that might actually become a reality? For instance, the person with a perfectly clean house vs. the person who does enough to stay sanitary?
* How do you know when a version of your Projected Self should be nurtured and fed, or just left behind as you move on?
*If you have a friend, family member, or child who is trying to feed a reality in the making (or just a dream), how do you know when to support them, or when to tell them to give up and keep going?
* If you've given up a fantasy self, how do you feel? For example, what if you bought clothes for when you lose 20 pounds, but that never happened. If you accept that you're trying to work at just eating better and exercising more, how does that make you feel? Less anxious? More content? Or mourning a goal you keep criticizing yourself for never reaching?
* Do we need a bit of a fantasy, or idealized self in order to stay motivated? (If we want to be The Person Who Reads The Bible Every Day, will we stop trying if we don't keep thinking about who we want to be?)
Thank you for taking the time to read this and to share!
This has been something at the forefront of my mind lately, and I will be eager to read about other people's experiences and perspectives.
