When other Christians don't say hello or acknowledge you

Encouragement · Oct 4, 2020

Hi i had a desire to create this thread because of what happened today at church.Things went really well at church as they are using new technologies to broadcast the church services live online.I was feeling blessed and happy in myself yet there was one individual who can be a bit funny with how he interacts with people.He may know you very well in church and would just blank you totally.Others have mentioned having the same experience of him too. I had experienced this and other things via him before and I have to engage with him at times regarding church matters.Today I just kinda couldn't be bothered with his foolishness and just got on with things at church.Then at one point i decided to make the effort to thank him for an email he had sent me recently...he was in a group who i was about to chat with but decided to thank him...did he reply???HECK NO!👎👎👎..maybe he didn't hear me..cox he was slightly at an angle..but i was up right by him..then he left the group ect.
This annoyed me and bugged me....then I thought so what if he doesn't reply?Who the heck is he?Did he die for me...heck no..Jesus was the one who died for my sins..He's my saviour not this dude or anyone else.I don't need his affirmation inorder to have a sense of self worth..my self worth is found ultimately in God.
Then it got me thinking about how sometimes it can be upsetting for us sometimes if we see another Christian in church and may even say hi fron a distance...but they don't respond..or someone say something that kinda ruins your peace.Even you may do something but don't get thanks for it..I guess offences will come at times and despite such things our true worth is found in God regardless of our experience from other Christians at times.Have you ever experienced such things within church where by someone doesn't say hello back after you said it to them..or you see someone outside of church in the mall ect ans they kinda pretend not to see you?..
OR maybe you did something kind to someone..but have felt unappreciated for what you did?
Just thought to throw our the question really cox I know these little happens have happened to other Christians I know..😊😊
"I created this thread not for judging others by to share certain life experiences and to know that we are not the only one to have such things happen from time to time.Should us as Gods people have a certain standard of politeness, courtesy,social ability thats higher than higher than the world around us?😊

Lynx · Oct 4, 2020

For me it all comes down to my motives, my reasons for doing things.

At w*rk I make a point to greet people as they come in. I w*rk at a McDonald's and just about every hour on the hour there are a couple or three people leaving and entering.

Some greet me back, but certain people blatantly ignore me. This could irritate me, but I started thinking about why I was greeting them. It wasn't so they would greet me back - I don't give a fart in a whirlwind if they say hi to me. I greet them so they will be greeted, so they will know somebody noticed them coming in and spent the effort to issue a greeting. Whether they return the greeting or not is completely immaterial to the effort I spent and the reason I spent it.

Encouragement · Oct 4, 2020

Lynx said:

Hi thanks for responding to this thread.I am always unsure of what the responses will be when I create a post here..I just pray and ask God to take control and just bless the whole thing..🙏🏻
Yes you are right about the motives coz we could be greeting someone for the wrong reasons..which can affect how we respond.Most of the time we do just wanna be friendly to others coz being friendly does create a nice warm dynamic with someone.Also peoples temperament can play a part too sometimes and I know that people have a varying degree of friendliness...peoples motives for being unresponsive can also varies too ranging from moodiness to just having stuff on their mind to the extent that they don't even see you there.
Some are motivated to be polite and friendly because of their job ie a company receptionist may act with a certain amount of courtesy to visitors..esp clients when they arrive.
I know what you mean that some dont say hello back...I guess a degree of being thick skinned in certain situations helps not to take stuff in.
I guess also good ole fashion values of please and thank you are still within may of our hearts to like to receive where appropriate at times.
Cheers for your comments..👍👍

Deuteronomy · Oct 4, 2020

Hello Michael (@Encouragement), we may never know why some people act the way that they do. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt however, especially online, because we rarely know what's going on behind the scene in their lives.

So, if you feel offended in this way in the future, turn those feelings around by choosing to be concerned for (rather than mad at) the person who has offended you, beginning by praying for them. After all (and as you eluded to in your OP), the Lord is our portion .. Lamentations 3:24, yes, which makes turning the hurt, anger and/or disappointment that we feel 'against' them into feelings of concern 'for' them possible (or makes it far easier to do anyway), yes?

Finally, please take note of verses and passages in the Bible like Matthew 7:12 (see my signature line below) and consider again what they have to say to say to us (concerning our relationships with others). For instance, the Lord commands us to ~always~ treat others like we would want/expect/hope to be treated by them .. no matter how badly they are treating us in the moment (or in the past). Granted, this is tough to do, but whenever you choose to treat others in this manner (in obedience to the Lord, for His sake and for His glory), after a time, even insensitive social dunderheads (and even your enemies) will be affected positively by your behavior because they will notice (eventually

) that you are not treating them in the same way that they have been choosing to treat you!

So, whenever you feel that you have been mistreated (either intentionally or unintentionally), begin to look at it as an opportunity to deepen your relationship with God on the one hand, and as an opportunity to love/help/minister to the person who has mistreated you on the other

(this is particularly true for people who you do not know well, obviously, because with close friends and family members it is usually advisable to be as upfront with them about your feelings as possible .. but never impatient or unkind, of course).

God bless you!

~Deut

1 Thessalonians 5

14 We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.

15 See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people.

16 Rejoice always;

17 pray without ceasing;

18 in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Runningman · Oct 4, 2020

Encouragement said:

There's a lot of reasons for why he might not have responded. Actually this happened to me Friday while I was at work. You should reach out to him and just get a sense of his tone with you and give him a chance to say what's on his mind if there is anything. If there's nothing there then just try to move on.

I'm reminded of the Matthew 5:23-24:

"23So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift."

I don't know what these verses mean to you, but to me they mean that even if we don't have any issues with someone and we remember that they have something against us maybe we need to be the ones to reach out and reconcile.

Our forgiveness can soften the heart of others and make reconciliation easier.
I think God approves of us being peacemakers even if we aren't at fault.

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God."
Matthew 5:9

Kireina · Oct 4, 2020

It happened to me 😅 Sometimes it bothers me sometimes not...But I always choose to move on reminding myself that I don't really know what someone is going through everyday...and how they live their lives everyday...

maybe some people are putting a smile on their face but deep inside they are dead inside...they are crying inside or they are already at the end of the rope...we don't know...we truly don't know what's happening in their lives.

Now if it really bothers you, maybe
try to make a light conversation with him and see if he'll act the same...and in the middle when you feel like he is already at ease with you maybe ask him..but ask him not because his actions annoyed you but ask him because you are concerned about him 😊

SarahUmbreon · Oct 4, 2020

Encouragement said:

So for me, we actually don’t live near our church, it’s a 45 minute drive, and I’ll say Hi...if they say Hi to me first, I honestly don’t like to start conversations, it’s probably to do with my Aspergers, since it causes me to struggle with socializing.

I’m not entirely sure but yeah I might have hurt someone’s feelings by not responding, cause I can’t remember names well and I remember people by their face, I get people confused or don’t recognize them sometimes, especially if it someone that I don’t see a lot, and I also know that it is kinda irritating that I go out of my way to do stuff at work no one asked me, and managers not noticing. Like I’m okay, cause I get thanked a lot by the cashiers, it actually weirded me out at first, because no one at my last job did not thank me as much as they do at my current job, I’m used to it now, but that’s just how small town communities work, everyone is super nice, for the most part, lol. I remember at my last job, I helped a woman put 20 packs of 24 count water in her car, and got no tip. It was irritating, so I think the “Doing kind stuff, but not getting noticed” works like that for me.

SoulWeaver · Oct 4, 2020

Encouragement said:

Hmmm. So others have noticed that he isn't very responsive, too. But I would not assume. Sometimes we jump to assume the worst about both others and ourselves. Why would he ignore you? You're such a kind person. He might just be very shy or socially awkward or is a bit socially anxious... Most people don't talk about feeling like that, and do not show it - almost always they play it cool or sometimes joke around a lot to compensate. I like sticking to my own business and avoid socializing at work because I want to avoid gossip - sooner or later someone will have to say something negative about somebody and I want to stay out of it - and I was interpreted as arrogant more than once at work because of being withdrawn. I read people describing this at times... sometimes, by the time they were to respond in a social situation, it turned into awkward because of that nervous pause, and then they didn't respond at all and played it cool as not to make it more awkward... or people describing how they didn't respond to someone's email, things happened, they forgot, and by the time they remembered, it seemed too late, and afraid of the big delay coming off as not appreciating or disrespecting the other person, they decided not to write back at all (meanwhile the other person probably thinking all the worst reasons they didn't reply)... Who knows, maybe this guy will surprise you in time if you get to know him better...

I have to brainwash myself even now sometimes, if someone seems to ignore me, it doesn't mean they dislike me, it doesn't mean they're arrogant, maybe they were busy, or tired, or maybe they were not - but unless I ask them and they answer, if they didn't reply or something, it just means they didn't reply, and that's it; and I think a thought of hope they are doing well and let it go. At this age, I refuse to mentally torture myself by trying to give meaning to everything like I used to do.

SoulWeaver · Oct 4, 2020

SarahUmbreon said:

THIS^^^
I don't know if I'm worse with remembering names, or faces. My brain just doesn't do its job. People think I don't care to remember. When I was a teenager, there was one girl that was introduced to me 5 times, and I know this because finally she got offended and told me that it was the 5th time we met and getting introduced, and I of course had no idea, and was just standing there unable to say anything (back in the day I didn't even know what Aspergers was).

SoulWeaver · Oct 4, 2020

SarahUmbreon said:

This is a bit off topic, but how are you surviving retail being an Asperger? People expect to be remembered and recognized all the time, I worked in a small mom&pop store to make this worse, and it was a nightmare, never again. I constantly felt like an incompetent idiot because I couldn't remember faces and my coworkers thought I didn't care or wasn't trying.

SarahUmbreon · Oct 4, 2020

SoulWeaver said:

So I’m a courtesy clerk, I sack groceries, help people to their car, and other stuff. THANK GOODNESS I don’t have to do trash anymore, I was a courtesy clerk at my last grocery job, been doing this kind of work 5 years, 1 year at my new job, and 4 at my last job...yeah I need a new job, need to take that final push and get a full time job.

So my Aspergers is only mild, it still effects me, but I have learned stuff, like if I get sad or mad, I know to go to restroom to cry it out, or to go outside by side parking lot to text my mom my feelings, it helps to get them out. My mom has a friend who is a therapist, they said maybe I should “text journaling” since I can type for a long time, but I feel fine not doing it. I also know I need my job, can’t lose it so just follow the rules, I’ve always been a big rule follower, I got that way in middle school.

I would honestly say, it does effect how I do my grocery job, but I have some names remembered, like I know my manager’s names, and some of the cashiers, not all of them, maybe like 3, maybe 4 people out of...I wanna say 12 or more, can’t remember, lol. Plus there are some people I don’t really talk to, like the stockers, so it’s faces for those people, just being honest.

mar09 · Oct 5, 2020

Oh yes, it does happen. Often i just let it pass, but it wasnt that easy at the start=).

When i was a new Christian going to this church, i was quite excited to join some young ladies sharing after worship. Maybe i was too shy to just join in, and they seem to be having a nice exchange wc they may not have considered me a part of.. maybe not! But later, i thought it taught me to be more aware of newcomers, to at least say hi and get to know a little bit, so they become more comfortable and come back.

Subhumanoidal · Oct 5, 2020

My first thought is such a person is either socially anxious and has troubles dealing with people, but are trying to improve. Or they have a condition of some kind that prevents them from recognizing social cues.
Maybe they have hearing issues they don't want to discuss?
Or perhaps they simply aren't interested in the man made social construct of generating default pleasantries to convince people he's polite.
Point being there are plenty of potential valid reasons a person may act in such a way. If it bothers you, keep your distance. Not worth being upset over.

tourist · Oct 5, 2020

Kireina said:

It happened to me 😅 Sometimes it bothers me sometimes not...But I always choose to move on reminding myself that I don't really know what someone is going through everyday...and how they live their lives everyday...

maybe some people are putting a smile on their face but deep inside they are dead inside...they are crying inside or they are already at the end of the rope...we don't know...we truly don't know what's happening in their lives.

Now if it really bothers you, maybe
try to make a light conversation with him and see if he'll act the same...and in the middle when you feel like he is already at ease with you maybe ask him..but ask him not because his actions annoyed you but ask him because you are concerned about him 😊

Based on a lifetime of observation I would say that most people live lives of quiet desperation.

tourist · Oct 5, 2020

SarahUmbreon said:

So for me, we actually don’t live near our church, it’s a 45 minute drive, and I’ll say Hi...if they say Hi to me first, I honestly don’t like to start conversations, it’s probably to do with my Aspergers, since it causes me to struggle with socializing.

I’m not entirely sure but yeah I might have hurt someone’s feelings by not responding, cause I can’t remember names well and I remember people by their face, I get people confused or don’t recognize them sometimes, especially if it someone that I don’t see a lot, and I also know that it is kinda irritating that I go out of my way to do stuff at work no one asked me, and managers not noticing. Like I’m okay, cause I get thanked a lot by the cashiers, it actually weirded me out at first, because no one at my last job did not thank me as much as they do at my current job, I’m used to it now, but that’s just how small town communities work, everyone is super nice, for the most part, lol. I remember at my last job, I helped a woman put 20 packs of 24 count water in her car, and got no tip. It was irritating, so I think the “Doing kind stuff, but not getting noticed” works like that for me.

I struggle with socializing also. Maybe I got a touch of that Asperger's too. Maybe I had it all of my life but was too busy living to notice it.

Encouragement · Oct 5, 2020

Deuteronomy said:

Hello sir thanks for your comments.Much appreciated.I always try and give people the benefit of the doubth as i don't always see someones behaviour in its context with other things happening in their lives.I have know this guy for a good few years and he just has a particular way about him which can be offensive and he is just a personality type who can rub you up the wrong way.I wasn't mad at him like angry..but it annoyed me of course and whilst yes there are times to be concerned for someone and show empathy I do also belive that in certain situations we should be assertive and show someone their fault coz the person may not even be aware they are doing something.I guess it's down to the motives coz it could be just a feeling of indignation where one thinks "i'll show you..or I am gonna puf then in their place!"...This situation wasnt major...but got me thinking..
other times you just let things go..
Yes your definitely right about what the bible teaches about treating others as how we would like to be treated and this the standard to aim for with Gods help.One if the ironies about that is that often we can be quick to rebuke someone who has treated us unfairly or just show them their error...yes when we ourselves have wronged someone sometimes we make excuses for ourselves or deny things coz we may just don't like to be told..😊
Offenses will happen it the dealing with it that's more important than anything else.

Lanolin · Oct 5, 2020

I think dont take it to heart
I have a hard time remembering peoples names, and I cant be socially switched on all the time. some people are very charismatic and can reach out to everyone and anyone they meet. we all love these kind of people who can make you feel special.

I think it can be the other way round if we get too needy to people who might be complete strangers and say DONT YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! a little kid would say 'that person gets angry cos he doesnt know who he is'

But the thing is you already know who you are, so it shouldnt matter too much, and of course God knows who you are!

most of the time when I think people arent acknowledging me its because Im not loud enough. Or they are going deaf (lots of oldies in my church) . Im a naturally quiet person so dont always go round loudly greeeting people right and left, but children will yell out across the street to me lol. I just give them a wave.

Encouragement · Oct 5, 2020

Kireina said:

Hello Kireina thanks for responding...thanks commenting that sometines it bothers you that other times it doesn't....same here...some times I just say to myself"whatever"...then other times i think to myself "Are they serious?"..🤣🤣
Yes i know that some people's levels of friendliness ect depends on what's going on in their personal life and a degree of sensitivity is a good thing to have in that sense...Oh this guy is totally fine and any concern for him I sense would be misplaced.He is of a certain personality type who seems to disregard certain people socially and then acknowledge others....he is also one of elders of the church and its a very peculiar way he interacts with people.
It's just how he is and he got married a few years ago...people though thsr being married would change that side of him....but.....nope still the same..🤷‍♀️😊
Just have to hold him to account if it happens again...not in a confrontational way ect...but Just ask him..'Are you choosing to ignore me what i spoke to you?".Sometimes people can't even see the impact of their behaviour untill it pointed out to them....👍
Bless you for checking out this thread.

Encouragement · Oct 5, 2020

SarahUmbreon said:

Hi SarahUmbreon
I think that it's sweet that you take the 1st step and say hi..that does take a degree of confidence..and it's a great step for you then as to mentioned that you don't like starting conversations etc👏👏Thanks for the insight about yourself it's a good eye opener and helps understand the context of how your respond with people..Appreciate it..😊
Being valued for what one does is kinda like tonic cox thanklessness just lowers moral and I guess we are just highly appreciative of being appreciated...good you get it at work..yet sometimes customer esp in retail can be thankless even rude some times....not always easy to keeo a professional smile when inside ur not happy with them..God sees what you do and he is who ultimately are working for..

Encouragement · Oct 5, 2020

SoulWeaver said:

Gosh....how awkward was that situation..Good insight into the context of what happened though

When other Christians don't say hello or acknowledge you

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