When do you cut off a friendship once becoming distant?

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MsMediator

MsMediator

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#1
Mar 8, 2022
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#1
If you and a friend became distant over time, at what point (at least mentally) do you cut off the friendship? By cutting off, I mean you ended communications, stopped initiating conversations, deleted their phone number, etc. For this particular thread, I am focusing on friendships that have become distant over time, not friendships you have cut off because your friend betrayed you, stole your boyfriend, etc.

If I have not communicated with someone over a few years, I tend to delete their number from my phone (not sure if this is the right way to handle this, but I prefer not seeing their name in my phone if there is no communication). I am now dealing wit a situation where a close friend and I have become distant since 2016 due to politics, and by extension religion. She definitely had more of an issue with how I voted, versus the other way around. Just recently I was shocked she didn't update me that she moved apartments and got a promotion. Our relationship has basically evolved into wishing each other formalities like happy birthday, Merry Christmas, etc., so about every 6 months. Since we were very close at one point, I am fine with just continuing this formality into the future. In the past, I did ask how she was doing, but she did not want to go back and forth conversing so I stopped asking her.
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

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#2
Mar 8, 2022
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#2
Above, I gave an example of friendship with a nonChristian friend. However, how about friendships with Christians that have become distant over time? I have a few examples of that too.
 
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HopeinHim4ever

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#3
#3
MsMediator said:
Above, I gave an example of friendship with a nonChristian friend. However, how about friendships with Christians that have become distant over time? I have a few examples of that too.
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I'm looking forward to seeing what others have to say about this. It can be a little awkward to always be the one initiating the conversation with a distant friend; sometimes I have to just admit to myself that, okay this person obviously doesn't value our relationship as much as I do. It's so sad tho for that to happen between friends that were formerly close. But sometimes you grow apart and your values become different, making true edifying fellowship difficult...
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

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Mar 8, 2022
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HopeinHim4ever said:
I'm looking forward to seeing what others have to say about this. It can be a little awkward to always be the one initiating the conversation with a distant friend; sometimes I have to just admit to myself that, okay this person obviously doesn't value our relationship as much as I do. It's so sad tho for that to happen between friends that were formerly close. But sometimes you grow apart and your values become different, making true edifying fellowship difficult...
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Yes, it can be awkward/tricky. My high school best friend and I basically stopped communicating when we were around 20 or 21. We went to different colleges but tried to meet up until them. I thought the friendship was over, and I was the one doing the initiating. However, about 10 years later she contacted me since she was in my work city and I was so glad she did. She also admitted she could have done more to keep in touch. We are now close and I was her bridesmaid. From that experience, I learned to keep the communication lines open. But that situation was different since we never had a blowup, unlike the current situation where we had a fight in 2016. I was also a bridesmaid with the friend with whom I had the fight in 2016, so I am not really ready to end that friendship.
 
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HopeinHim4ever

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#5
#5
MsMediator said:
Yes, it can be awkward/tricky. My high school best friend and I basically stopped communicating when we were around 20 or 21. We went to different colleges but tried to meet up until them. I thought the friendship was over, and I was the one doing the initiating. However, about 10 years later she contacted me since she was in my work city and I was so glad she did. She also admitted she could have done more to keep in touch. We are now close and I was her bridesmaid. From that experience, I learned to keep the communication lines open. But that situation was different since we never had a blowup, unlike the current situation where we had a fight in 2016. I was also a bridesmaid with the friend with whom I had the fight in 2016, so I am not really ready to end that friendship.
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I understand... and yes I know the joy of revived friendships too, it's so special when that happens.
Keep praying for her... which I'm sure you're probably doing...
 
P

Papermonkey

Active member
#6
Dec 2, 2022
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MsMediator said:
Above, I gave an example of friendship with a nonChristian friend. However, how about friendships with Christians that have become distant over time? I have a few examples of that too.
Click to expand...
Concerning your first post, it is my view the person you mentioned has long ago cut off your friendship.

Below referrs to both that and your recent question in this post.

Friendships aren't all meant to last a lifetime. Sometimes they're meant to last for as long as the relationship gives you that experience that reiterated you are lovable. And are strong enough to enjoy what was learned in that time so as to freely let go when it comes time.

You were a blessing to one another for a little while. Then you reached a crossroads.
There's no going back,so don't look back. Instead,keep moving forward counting your blessings.

God's speed.💕
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

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#7
Mar 8, 2022
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#7
Papermonkey said:
Concerning your first post, it is my view the person you mentioned has long ago cut off your friendship.
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I am about 80% certain that she cut off the friendship long ago, primarily because she doesn't see any long term potential being of different political and religious views. To be honest, I have also done the same with others as I did not see long-term potential but for these examples we were never that close. How do you (or anyone) think is the best way to handle this situation with my friend. Just stop initiating? I believe that is called "ghosting".
 
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notonmywatch

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#8
#8
MsMediator said:
If you and a friend became distant over time, at what point (at least mentally) do you cut off the friendship? By cutting off, I mean you ended communications, stopped initiating conversations, deleted their phone number, etc. For this particular thread, I am focusing on friendships that have become distant over time, not friendships you have cut off because your friend betrayed you, stole your boyfriend, etc.

If I have not communicated with someone over a few years, I tend to delete their number from my phone (not sure if this is the right way to handle this, but I prefer not seeing their name in my phone if there is no communication). I am now dealing wit a situation where a close friend and I have become distant since 2016 due to politics, and by extension religion. She definitely had more of an issue with how I voted, versus the other way around. Just recently I was shocked she didn't update me that she moved apartments and got a promotion. Our relationship has basically evolved into wishing each other formalities like happy birthday, Merry Christmas, etc., so about every 6 months. Since we were very close at one point, I am fine with just continuing this formality into the future. In the past, I did ask how she was doing, but she did not want to go back and forth conversing so I stopped asking her.
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Boy, can I relate to this.

My answer might seem a bit extreme, but it's what I've personally concluded after having experienced many things like you just described with many different people over many years. My conclusion is that a lot of my "friends" were never really my friends to begin with. In other words, they tolerated me because of certain things that we had in common, but once any sort of disagreement arose between us, then I was thrown away like a piece of trash.

From the few posts of yours that I've read, it seems to me that you have a caring heart. Sad to say, in relationships of any sort, there is often only one party who truly cares, and that's the party who winds up with heartache in the end. In other words, whereas people like you and me feel some sort of hurt and loss when a relationship goes south, I honestly doubt that the other party ever even thinks about it or us. Again, it seems to me, from my own experiences anyway, that we're often just tolerated and kept around because of some commonality between us. I hope that I'm wrong in your case with your damaged relationships, but, sad to say, I know that I'm correct in regard to my own damaged relationships.
 
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notonmywatch

Guest
#9
#9
MsMediator said:
Above, I gave an example of friendship with a nonChristian friend. However, how about friendships with Christians that have become distant over time? I have a few examples of that too.
Click to expand...
I'm presently dealing with a situation like this. I have a Christian "brother" who I'm still in weekly contact with, but it's beyond obvious that he has some very deep resentment and anger towards me, and unjustifiably so. In our case, we haven't become distant in the sense that we still talk and see each other, but we're definitely extremely distant from each other in our hearts. I'm hoping for reconciliation, but that's probably not going to be the outcome. I might have to break off that relationship shortly because, in effect, it's already very broken. Whether with a Christian or a non-Christian, I still pray for those with whom fellowship has been broken and for myself as well in case I'm part of the problem.
 
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notonmywatch

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#10
#10
MsMediator said:
I am about 80% certain that she cut off the friendship long ago, primarily because she doesn't see any long term potential being of different political and religious views. To be honest, I have also done the same with others as I did not see long-term potential but for these examples we were never that close. How do you (or anyone) think is the best way to handle this situation with my friend. Just stop initiating? I believe that is called "ghosting".
Click to expand...
"Ghosting", to my understanding, isn't when you stop initiating contact, but rather when you stop responding to someone who has initiated contact with you.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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#11
Dec 15, 2018
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#11
well on my phone I do sometimes delete the numbers if there are too many and Im not calling them or texting them anymore. But somehow my 'smart' phone continues to remember every single number Ive ever saved lol

So I dont cut them off really I just hide them. I would only cut people off if they were so annoying or damaging to my mental health that I would have to block them.
 
P

Papermonkey

Active member
#12
Dec 2, 2022
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#12
MsMediator said:
I am about 80% certain that she cut off the friendship long ago, primarily because she doesn't see any long term potential being of different political and religious views. To be honest, I have also done the same with others as I did not see long-term potential but for these examples we were never that close. How do you (or anyone) think is the best way to handle this situation with my friend. Just stop initiating? I believe that is called "ghosting".
Click to expand...
Yes, I'd stop contacting her.
 
L

Locoponydirtman

Guest
#13
#13
MsMediator said:
If you and a friend became distant over time, at what point (at least mentally) do you cut off the friendship? By cutting off, I mean you ended communications, stopped initiating conversations, deleted their phone number, etc. For this particular thread, I am focusing on friendships that have become distant over time, not friendships you have cut off because your friend betrayed you, stole your boyfriend, etc.

If I have not communicated with someone over a few years, I tend to delete their number from my phone (not sure if this is the right way to handle this, but I prefer not seeing their name in my phone if there is no communication). I am now dealing wit a situation where a close friend and I have become distant since 2016 due to politics, and by extension religion. She definitely had more of an issue with how I voted, versus the
other way around. Just recently I was shocked she didn't update me that she moved apartments and got a promotion. Our relationship has basically evolved into wishing each other formalities like happy birthday, Merry Christmas, etc., so about every 6 months. Since we were very close at one point, I am fine with just continuing this formality into the future. In the past, I did ask how she was doing, but she did not want to go back and forth conversing so I stopped asking her.
Click to expand...
I dont. I dont cut off folks because i havent spoken to them even for years. My door is ways open. I let people participate at their own level, what ever that may happen to be. As long as they arent toxic.
 
brighthouse98

brighthouse98

Senior Member
#14
Apr 16, 2015
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Sister Ms, to me you must do what is best for yourself! Real friends are few and far between, I cut off a lot of people since being a believer and some were believers as well. WHY?? Who wants to hear people always complaining! The Word tells us to be around and stay around like-minded people (1 Peter 3:8) Jesus himself was not always with his disciples, he broke away many times! Pretty tough to have the same mind Jesus has!! LOL

If people do not put the Lord Jesus first in their life and do their best to follow in him, why would I want to hang around worldly people? And don't feel bad about it either! I never regretted it, and if I made a mistake in separating myself from another, I remember back to when Paul separated himself from mark for a time. (Acts 15:36-41) He later took him back, but he sure was not sorry for what he first did, so why should we?? This may be a tad bit blunt for many to take, but you must do what is best for yourself, no one else will!
 
Moses_Young

Moses_Young

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Sep 15, 2019
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#15
MsMediator said:
If you and a friend became distant over time, at what point (at least mentally) do you cut off the friendship? By cutting off, I mean you ended communications, stopped initiating conversations, deleted their phone number, etc. For this particular thread, I am focusing on friendships that have become distant over time, not friendships you have cut off because your friend betrayed you, stole your boyfriend, etc.
Click to expand...
Why would you cut a friendship off? Just leave it to percolate. If you're really desperate for space on your "smart" phone, I guess you could try deleting utility companies and advertisers first, but if it came down to it and you'd already deleted all the unwanted utility contacts and advertisers, you probably could come up with some sort of rule where you deleted your least favourite friends first. But I doubt it will come to that unless you've got a really old phone. Phones these days store a heap of contacts.

MsMediator said:
If I have not communicated with someone over a few years, I tend to delete their number from my phone (not sure if this is the right way to handle this, but I prefer not seeing their name in my phone if there is no communication). I am now dealing wit a situation where a close friend and I have become distant since 2016 due to politics, and by extension religion. She definitely had more of an issue with how I voted, versus the other way around. Just recently I was shocked she didn't update me that she moved apartments and got a promotion. Our relationship has basically evolved into wishing each other formalities like happy birthday, Merry Christmas, etc., so about every 6 months. Since we were very close at one point, I am fine with just continuing this formality into the future. In the past, I did ask how she was doing, but she did not want to go back and forth conversing so I stopped asking her.
Click to expand...
I find Democrat voters come around eventually. It might take them a while, but they eventually get wise to the corruption when they experience it first hand. No need to cut anyone off. Just give her time. But no need to wish happy birthdays or Merry Christmas either. Treat her like the prodigal son.
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

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#16
Mar 8, 2022
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#16
Lanolin said:
well on my phone I do sometimes delete the numbers if there are too many and Im not calling them or texting them anymore. But somehow my 'smart' phone continues to remember every single number Ive ever saved lol

So I dont cut them off really I just hide them. I would only cut people off if they were so annoying or damaging to my mental health that I would have to block them.
Click to expand...
How do you hide your contacts?
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

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#17
Sep 17, 2018
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#17
I'm not a fan of fussing around with dead friendships. I may make some checks to see if things are really done, and once confirmed I move on.
I may not delete their info right away, though. And if they come back around I'll be open. But if they come and go I'll cut it off.
 
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notonmywatch

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#18
#18
R

Runningman

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#19
Mar 4, 2020
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#19
MsMediator said:
If you and a friend became distant over time, at what point (at least mentally) do you cut off the friendship? By cutting off, I mean you ended communications, stopped initiating conversations, deleted their phone number, etc. For this particular thread, I am focusing on friendships that have become distant over time, not friendships you have cut off because your friend betrayed you, stole your boyfriend, etc.

If I have not communicated with someone over a few years, I tend to delete their number from my phone (not sure if this is the right way to handle this, but I prefer not seeing their name in my phone if there is no communication). I am now dealing wit a situation where a close friend and I have become distant since 2016 due to politics, and by extension religion. She definitely had more of an issue with how I voted, versus the other way around. Just recently I was shocked she didn't update me that she moved apartments and got a promotion. Our relationship has basically evolved into wishing each other formalities like happy birthday, Merry Christmas, etc., so about every 6 months. Since we were very close at one point, I am fine with just continuing this formality into the future. In the past, I did ask how she was doing, but she did not want to go back and forth conversing so I stopped asking her.
Click to expand...
When I’ve experienced this, I still liked this person and remembered the fond times we had. Somehow I wanted to keep them in my life, even if it was just in superficial ways, but I didn’t have the willpower to revive the friendship to its former glory especially if a bit of time had passed.

So I 3/4s let them go, placing them in a kind of limbo state where they remain a friend in name only, but in reality the friendship had run its course, it’s over, but neither of us wanted to formally admit it to the other, so we just pretend like everything is still normal.

So I would just stop talking. This person has probably basically moved on. The occasional happy birthday and merry Christmas are just a way to keep tabs.
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

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#20
Mar 8, 2022
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#20
So above I have read anything from end contact (no further contact, no further thought) to keep in touch/check-in on occasion.

For friendships that were never close at any point, or it just blew up over an issue, I pretty much agree with no further contact. In the past, I had a friend whom I considered to be close, but she did not invite me to her wedding. I saw her wedding pics on Facebook (when I had it) and she did invite some friends. Later on, she invited me to the baby shower which didn't make sense to me (my first thought was that she wanted a gift). Anyway, as she never considered me to be a close friend (by not inviting me to her wedding), I decided to end that friendship.

For friendships where the individuals were close and just became distant over time, I am fine with sending the annual happy birthday message (it only takes two seconds), and Merry Christmas (if they are Christian) and Happy New Year for the non-Christians. I don't believe it is necessary to send two messages close together. Funny enough, some non-Christians get offended if you do not wish them Merry Christmas. The risk of not sending the occasional message is that both people never stay in contact for years (and potentially for decades, I'll know when I'm much older), and it just becomes more awkward to contact them later how of the blue.
 
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