When Christmas gets you Down

[kaylagrl]

I think people start to think that the only real family day is christmas and that makes any other day spent with family pale in comparison. Perhaps if people would be thankful for the times they do get together with family people would feel less depressed when it doesn’t happen on the same day every year?

Our family rarely is able to get together. Holidays are about the only time we are able to. That's what makes these times so special.

 

[Lisamn]

Our family rarely is able to get together. Holidays are about the only time we are able to. That's what makes these times so special.

Maybe start FaceTiming or Skyping family more then? Take the pressure off this holiday to be the end all be all?

 

[kaylagrl]

Maybe start FaceTiming or Skyping family more then? Take the pressure off this holiday to be the end all be all?

Quite honestly there's a story behind it all. Probably too long to tell here. But rarely are my parents able to see the grandkids. I pretty much have to fight tooth and nail. My sister is in a marriage where she does what she is told. His family gets all the special times and he makes as many excuses as possible to keep the kids away or busy. Very sad. They are wonderful kids. But I do understand what you are tying to say.

 

[Lisamn]

But I do understand what you are tying to say.

 

[pottersclay]

Hey k-grl first of all i have to say that ever since i started this chat room i always enjoyed your input and..well ..just you.
A simple down to earth christ believing saint...just something about ya. Anyways..
Through the years i have had many of disappointment come to visit on special holidays and events.
Like you ive tried to mend and mold that i could and ignore the obvious.
In the end we both share the same outcome....tired and defeated, depressed, hearthurt sadness.
Then i found a solution to the holiday madness....
I celebrate Christmas or what ever with them, not for them, not me and them celebrate together but i bring the celebration to them.
I bring whats in my heart...what it means to me...i share the joy of family and friends...the thanksgiving of Gods grace in my life.
Best example i can give you is king david dancing in the streets. What it ment to him.
Sometimes we are called to be that odd person out, to cut a rug, to go beyond the tradition of people.
I refuse to let anybody or anything rob me of my joy. Life is to hard and to short for me as well as anyone else.
For the toxic people in my life....move over i got some moves to do

 

[kaylagrl]

Hey k-grl first of all i have to say that ever since i started this chat room i always enjoyed your input and..well ..just you.
A simple down to earth christ believing saint...just something about ya. Anyways..
Through the years i have had many of disappointment come to visit on special holidays and events.
Like you ive tried to mend and mold that i could and ignore the obvious.
In the end we both share the same outcome....tired and defeated, depressed, hearthurt sadness.
Then i found a solution to the holiday madness....
I celebrate Christmas or what ever with them, not for them, not me and them celebrate together but i bring the celebration to them.
I bring whats in my heart...what it means to me...i share the joy of family and friends...the thanksgiving of Gods grace in my life.
Best example i can give you is king david dancing in the streets. What it ment to him.
Sometimes we are called to be that odd person out, to cut a rug, to go beyond the tradition of people.
I refuse to let anybody or anything rob me of my joy. Life is to hard and to short for me as well as anyone else.
For the toxic people in my life....move over i got some moves to do

Well brother, first, thank you for those kind words, I hardly feel worthy of them. I too have enjoyed your posts over our years together here. Won't it be wonderful one day when we all meet face to face? You're so very kind, I appreciate that.

You're right of course. I think I get bogged down in the work of it all. The cleaning, decorating, baking, shopping etc. My hubby always tries to warn me when he sees me headed for a break down. He said to me this year " you can't make people have fun" and it honestly hurt my feelings.But now that I have read what you said, I think he was trying to say the same thing as you are. I want everyone to feel like I do, excited to be together as family celebrating the Saviors birth. But my family doesn't feel that way. It seems like a chore to get together, then it's tear into the gifts and let the kids play video games till they leave. smh And I fight against that every year. I feel like, can't we take one time in the year to slow down and enjoy family and celebrate God has brought us through another year. But I think you and my hubby have the key. I have just lived this way so long that it's hard to change at my age. Perhaps if I start now I can be ready for next Christmas. lol Thank you for your wise council brother, I will try to heed it.

 

[pottersclay]

Well brother, first, thank you for those kind words, I hardly feel worthy of them. I too have enjoyed your posts over our years together here. Won't it be wonderful one day when we all meet face to face? You're so very kind, I appreciate that.

You're right of course. I think I get bogged down in the work of it all. The cleaning, decorating, baking, shopping etc. My hubby always tries to warn me when he sees me headed for a break down. He said to me this year " you can't make people have fun" and it honestly hurt my feelings.But now that I have read what you said, I think he was trying to say the same thing as you are. I want everyone to feel like I do, excited to be together as family celebrating the Saviors birth. But my family doesn't feel that way. It seems like a chore to get together, then it's tear into the gifts and let the kids play video games till they leave. smh And I fight against that every year. I feel like, can't we take one time in the year to slow down and enjoy family and celebrate God has brought us through another year. But I think you and my hubby have the key. I have just lived this way so long that it's hard to change at my age. Perhaps if I start now I can be ready for next Christmas. lol Thank you for your wise council brother, I will try to heed it.

You my friend are most welcome God bless you and yours always

 

[Adstar]

I know Christmas is hard for many people. Some are alone, some have lost loved ones, some just don't like the season. I have always loved Christmas, and have so many wonderful memories of growing up with family around the table having those big Christmas dinners. Cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents. But over the years I have lost a lot of family to cancer. Then I moved thousands of miles from home, so the little family I had is too far away to celebrate with. That leaves me and my husband with my parents to celebrate. Then my sister and nephews come after Christmas day.

Last year there was some family drama and we were unable to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas together. This upset myself and my mother so much. Then in Jan. we found out she had cancer. I promised her then that if the Lord allowed her another year, we would celebrate Christmas and no one would stop me. Well thanking God that she is still with us and cancer free. But she has been unable to help with anything this year. So I did an early Thanksgiving meal with my sister, she was able to help. But then I had to do both Thanksgiving and Christmas alone. I have my own health issues but I wanted to make the season special and celebrate this year. So I did both meals, all the baking, decorated two homes, all the shopping and getting gifts then wrapped them all. And I tried to do it in a way that didn't make my mother feel bad for not being able to help.

I had the trees done by the first week of Dec. Then I went to visit my mother and she said she was having trouble with her tree, the lights wouldn't come on. My father said it was fine, leave it. But he's no fan of Christmas. I didn't want her to sit with a dark tree and I knew the kids would be visiting. So I took down the tree and took it back. Got the money and went to another store and brought back a new tree. Set it up and you guessed it, the lights didn't work. Took that down and got yet another tree. This one has worked so far. So for those counting that's four trees I have decorated this year. All 7ft tall, on top of everything else I had to do. But I wanted my mother to have a tree.

So I got home yesterday and was sitting by my tree, which I guess is closer to 8ft, and I heard a pop and say it with me, the lights went out. Seriously starting to feel like Jonah. I couldn't believe it. I tried to find what happened but it's a huge tree and nothing was working. There was only a string of lights around the top working. The kids having come to visit yet. I sat behind the tree in the corner and broke down and cried. Hubby came from downstairs and asked if I was ok. I said "yes". He said "are you crying"? So my mother lent me a small older tree she had. I took everything off the massive tree and hubby said "let it go". He usually loves Christmas but didn't want to celebrate this year. I usually leave my trees up till Jan. I've been so busy I haven't been able to enjoy my tree. I feel let down and just depressed and I don't know why.

I took the lights off my tree and counted, I had 1400 lights on my tree. So this whole story is about my issue with Christmas. I love the season but it seems I'm always wanting it to be just right. I want to make memories, like when I was a child. I love to go see lights and take pictures and celebrate. I love most of all carols and going to church, seeing the little ones telling the story of His birth. I want to make a moment, I want to make memories, it's a special time of year. Hubby said to me " you can't make people have fun, you can't make people enjoy Christmas". It hurt me, and I know he didn't mean to. I don't get it, why wouldn't people want to have fun? Life has been miserable this year. Why wouldn't people want to have a reason to celebrate? I don't understand. I just want to make memories. But every year I seem deflated and melancholy at Christmas. I try to get a grip on myself but it seems to get worse every year. I'm trying to stop myself from doing a fifth tree, but I'll feel down if I don't. I just can't seem to figure out my emotions, especially this year. Just feeling so down, but trying to be happy in front of everyone else. Anyone understand where I'm coming from?


p.s. I've been here long enough to know what's coming. If you don't celebrate Christmas, keep it to yourself, I don't want to hear it. Secondly, I'm not bragging on what I did. I'm saying usually the work of Christmas I share with my mother. She was unable to help and with my own health issues it made things much harder this year.

Reading your post this came to my mind::

Luke 10: KJV
38 "¶ Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house. {39} And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word. {40} But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. {41} And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: {42} But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her."

You seem to be so driven to make everything perfect that you are driving yourself into depression.. Next year try and cut things back.. No need for a big fancy tree.. Yeah a nice meal would be good but not as big next year maybe.. Limit the number of dishes.. Little bit here a little bit there and you will fin that you will have enough time and energy to achieve something and ENJOY what you have achieved.. No point in achieving something great and your too warned out to depressed to enjoy it..