What's the Difference Between Gossiping and Keeping Each Other Safe?

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

This is something I've run into constantly during my time on chats, forums, and dating sites -- how do you know how much to say without crossing moral (and Christian) boundaries?

For instance, I'd been thinking of rejoining a popular Christian dating site, but found out it eliminated its chat rooms, and so I decided against it. Why? Because in my experience, the chat rooms were the one place where I could get a good feel for people's personalities in real time, and, almost as a side effect, find out some crucial (and possibly heart-saving) information.

At one point, there was a gentleman in the chat room I would have been interested in talking to further. However, I was spending a lot of time there and would strike up conversations with a lot of the girls. Without me ever saying a word about this gentleman, the other girls told me plenty about him--because he was talking to all of them--and I decided against trying to talk to him myself.

It wasn't just because he was talking to a lot of girls (though of course that was part of it), but also because these girls all told me the same things that are classic red flags--he would never answer their direct questions; he posted a lot of model-quality pictures that (I can't explain it) just didn't seem to match his personality; and when they would ask for verifications of the things he told them, he was vague and always dodged their questions.

Although I'm a personal fan of our new chat system, it brings about all the same issues.

If a member with a name like LoveStruck4U (this is just a made-up username--I hope it doesn't actually exist here!) messages you and says, "God led me here and I'm sure He did so that I could meet you because He wants us to be together!!!", and your friend messages you and says, "Hey, this person named LoveStruck4U just wrote me and said God made me especially for him," what would you do?

I find this kind of thing happening all the time--not just here, but in any online situation. For people who are happily single, not looking, in a relationship, or married, it should be an easy answer.

But for us singles who are sincerely hoping to find someone special, what can we do?

* If someone messages us and wants to get too close too soon or is throwing out generic pick-up lines (whether worldly or "Godly"-sounding), would you check with your friends to see if they're getting the same messages from the same person?

* If you had a friend who was excited about meeting and talking to someone, but you know the person they like is talking to several other people, would you tell them?

* If you have a friend whom you think is falling for a catfish (someone who is claiming to be something or someone they're not), would you try to warn them?

You might notice that I am keeping this in context of friends and/or people we are close to and talk regularly with on the forum. I'm not talking about publicly calling someone out, because from what I know (and of course, the administration is free to correct me), that's not what we're supposed to do. Rather, we are supposed to report anything that is abusive or goes against forum rules directly to the administration.

But when we are among friends, where is the limit between trying to look out for each other, and just plain talking about someone's business?

I think this is an important topic for us singles to discuss because many of us are probably being approached by many of the same people here.

I would love to hear your thoughts on how you would or do handle it yourself, or if it should happen to you or a friend.

 

[Lynx]

If my sister were on this site and a guy messaged her "God prepared you for me" I would be suspicious. I wouldn't have to be because (A) my sister is dead and (B) when my sister was alive she was more level headed than I am and would immediately see the red flags for herself, but I would be suspicious too.

If my sister were talking to a guy who was flirting with her... and he was also flirting with multiple other girls... my sister would have wanted to know he was using the shotgun approach to flirting. If somebody deliberately kept this information from her, she and I would both be upset.

 

[Lynx]

To answer the thread title's question, the difference is whether there is a reason for sharing this information. If it is just because it feels good to tell something bad about somebody, don't tell it. If it is because this twerp is playing with people's hearts, tell it. People who shotgun-flirt are playing with emotions, which is reprehensible.

 

[Solemateleft]

Hey Everyone,

This is something I've run into constantly during my time on chats, forums, and dating sites -- how do you know how much to say without crossing moral (and Christian) boundaries?

For instance, I'd been thinking of rejoining a popular Christian dating site, but found out it eliminated its chat rooms, and so I decided against it. Why? Because in my experience, the chat rooms were the one place where I could get a good feel for people's personalities in real time, and, almost as a side effect, find out some crucial (and possibly heart-saving) information.

At one point, there was a gentleman in the chat room I would have been interested in talking to further. However, I was spending a lot of time there and would strike up conversations with a lot of the girls. Without me ever saying a word about this gentleman, the other girls told me plenty about him--because he was talking to all of them--and I decided against trying to talk to him myself.

It wasn't just because he was talking to a lot of girls (though of course that was part of it), but also because these girls all told me the same things that are classic red flags--he would never answer their direct questions; he posted a lot of model-quality pictures that (I can't explain it) just didn't seem to match his personality; and when they would ask for verifications of the things he told them, he was vague and always dodged their questions.

Although I'm a personal fan of our new chat system, it brings about all the same issues.

If a member with a name like LoveStruck4U (this is just a made-up username--I hope it doesn't actually exist here!) messages you and says, "God led me here and I'm sure He did so that I could meet you because He wants us to be together!!!", and your friend messages you and says, "Hey, this person named LoveStruck4U just wrote me and said God made me especially for him," what would you do?

I find this kind of thing happening all the time--not just here, but in any online situation. For people who are happily single, not looking, in a relationship, or married, it should be an easy answer.

But for us singles who are sincerely hoping to find someone special, what can we do?

* If someone messages us and wants to get too close too soon or is throwing out generic pick-up lines (whether worldly or "Godly"-sounding), would you check with your friends to see if they're getting the same messages from the same person?

* If you had a friend who was excited about meeting and talking to someone, but you know the person they like is talking to several other people, would you tell them?

* If you have a friend whom you think is falling for a catfish (someone who is claiming to be something or someone they're not), would you try to warn them?

You might notice that I am keeping this in context of friends and/or people we are close to and talk regularly with on the forum. I'm not talking about publicly calling someone out, because from what I know (and of course, the administration is free to correct me), that's not what we're supposed to do. Rather, we are supposed to report anything that is abusive or goes against forum rules directly to the administration.

But when we are among friends, where is the limit between trying to look out for each other, and just plain talking about someone's business?

I think this is an important topic for us singles to discuss because many of us are probably being approached by many of the same people here.

I would love to hear your thoughts on how you would or do handle it yourself, or if it should happen to you or a friend.

Honesty is always the best policy - IMHO...

albeit I'm by no means an expert on the topic as it pertains to this new era of online chats nor the expectations...
Although I would like to assume that there might be an unwritten christian protocol 'to do the right thing' in the absence of clearly defined practices ...

 

[melita916]

my personal opinion: it's not gossip when the information i'm sharing is something that happened to me and not hearsay. it is something i experienced first hand. i also need to look at the motive of my heart. why am i sharing this? is it to puff myself up?

 

[Ellorah]

my personal opinion: it's not gossip when the information i'm sharing is something that happened to me and not hearsay. it is something i experienced first hand. i also need to look at the motive of my heart. why am i sharing this? is it to puff myself up?

Exactly ! If it happened to you and you know it for fact. Or if you have valid reasons to think someone might be in harms way.

Otherwise, you are sharing your opinions. You are meddling and you are gossiping about things you don't know for fact which can also hurt someone's feelings. Other than the clear cut reasons above pray about it but don't gossip.

 

[BrotherMike]

If it's information to protect their life from harm, then it's not gossip, as long as you know it's a fact.

However be careful, as gossip is one of the worst sins.

 

[Lynx]

Ah, gossip!

If talking judgmentally about people who are not at the party is the best thing to do at a party, we need to find a better party.

 

[Lynx]

Sorry, we got sidetracked on gossip...

Yeah, warning people that somebody is shotgun-flirting is not gossip. I'd want to know if I was one of 70 recipients of a shotgun-flirt message spammer.

 

[jbrooks5912]

Hey Everyone,

This is something I've run into constantly during my time on chats, forums, and dating sites -- how do you know how much to say without crossing moral (and Christian) boundaries?

For instance, I'd been thinking of rejoining a popular Christian dating site, but found out it eliminated its chat rooms, and so I decided against it. Why? Because in my experience, the chat rooms were the one place where I could get a good feel for people's personalities in real time, and, almost as a side effect, find out some crucial (and possibly heart-saving) information.

At one point, there was a gentleman in the chat room I would have been interested in talking to further. However, I was spending a lot of time there and would strike up conversations with a lot of the girls. Without me ever saying a word about this gentleman, the other girls told me plenty about him--because he was talking to all of them--and I decided against trying to talk to him myself.

It wasn't just because he was talking to a lot of girls (though of course that was part of it), but also because these girls all told me the same things that are classic red flags--he would never answer their direct questions; he posted a lot of model-quality pictures that (I can't explain it) just didn't seem to match his personality; and when they would ask for verifications of the things he told them, he was vague and always dodged their questions.

Although I'm a personal fan of our new chat system, it brings about all the same issues.

If a member with a name like LoveStruck4U (this is just a made-up username--I hope it doesn't actually exist here!) messages you and says, "God led me here and I'm sure He did so that I could meet you because He wants us to be together!!!", and your friend messages you and says, "Hey, this person named LoveStruck4U just wrote me and said God made me especially for him," what would you do?

I find this kind of thing happening all the time--not just here, but in any online situation. For people who are happily single, not looking, in a relationship, or married, it should be an easy answer.

But for us singles who are sincerely hoping to find someone special, what can we do?

* If someone messages us and wants to get too close too soon or is throwing out generic pick-up lines (whether worldly or "Godly"-sounding), would you check with your friends to see if they're getting the same messages from the same person?

* If you had a friend who was excited about meeting and talking to someone, but you know the person they like is talking to several other people, would you tell them?

* If you have a friend whom you think is falling for a catfish (someone who is claiming to be something or someone they're not), would you try to warn them?

You might notice that I am keeping this in context of friends and/or people we are close to and talk regularly with on the forum. I'm not talking about publicly calling someone out, because from what I know (and of course, the administration is free to correct me), that's not what we're supposed to do. Rather, we are supposed to report anything that is abusive or goes against forum rules directly to the administration.

But when we are among friends, where is the limit between trying to look out for each other, and just plain talking about someone's business?

I think this is an important topic for us singles to discuss because many of us are probably being approached by many of the same people here.

I would love to hear your thoughts on how you would or do handle it yourself, or if it should happen to you or a friend.

SO many people like to the way of playing field. Its like sports to some people because they fell they will never ever be happy until they weed through all the prospects.

God never intended love to be this way. He intended love to be as a spark of light between two people when they gaze into wach others eyes.

True love is never about gaining the upscale it is about partnership 50/50 if tou will.

This is one reason i do not do dating sites is because when doing so its a big pool of people trying hard to be caught and someone cane easily get hurt emotionally.

Its all done erong because. O one on thesr sites really know what love is, not saying u dont just talking in general.

Its all about getting that next fix a fast fix to their broken hearts instead of in truth looking to God to give them that true love.

A. Fast fix never works, i tried it that stuff is no bueno. I believe when God shows a door to walk through it even if it is on a site.

However dating sites are dangerous years ago i met some crazy people from there wnd yeah... not pretty at all.

Even a Popular Christian site can cause problems. Yes i agree to go into a live chat would help you get a feel of someone thats part of discernment.

Stay smiling 🙃🤠

 

[cinder]

God never intended love to be this way. He intended love to be as a spark of light between two people when they gaze into wach others eyes.

So when God says love your enemies, does that mean that spark of light turns into lightning bolts to zap them?

 

[jbrooks5912]

So when God says love your enemies, does that mean that spark of light turns into lightning bolts to zap them?

LOl no He clearly means to do good to them love them as He loves them.

Because whne u love an enemy they usually always turn into close friends.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

If i knew someone who was chatting with a user i knew to have a poor reputation i would alert them in a heartbeat. And i have, numerous times. I find it an obligation to do so and would expect the same in return. That friend isn't required to listen and accept it, but at least they have been warned. I would feel guilty saying nothing.
And by that answer i have, obviously, asked others at times, if they knew anything about X person i was starting to chat with (and have had some ask me as well). So if someone you know is engaging another questionable person i don't see that as talking about other peoples business, i see it as looking out for a friend.

Also i've been told 'God wants us to be together i just have to wait for you to realize it'. I eventually busted them for lying about about a myriad of things. But even before i found out such things i saw red flags and didn't proceed with anything romantic.

Intent goes a long way, as far as 'talking about anothers business'. Chances are a person who does so likely does it regularly about all sorts of people. If you find yourself doing this then you're a gossip. And if that's the case even warning someone isn't likely motivated by a concern for that person, but a way to justify gossiping.

 

[zeroturbulence]

 

[zeroturbulence]

Hey Everyone,

This is something I've run into constantly during my time on chats, forums, and dating sites -- how do you know how much to say without crossing moral (and Christian) boundaries?

For instance, I'd been thinking of rejoining a popular Christian dating site, but found out it eliminated its chat rooms, and so I decided against it. Why? Because in my experience, the chat rooms were the one place where I could get a good feel for people's personalities in real time, and, almost as a side effect, find out some crucial (and possibly heart-saving) information.

At one point, there was a gentleman in the chat room I would have been interested in talking to further. However, I was spending a lot of time there and would strike up conversations with a lot of the girls. Without me ever saying a word about this gentleman, the other girls told me plenty about him--because he was talking to all of them--and I decided against trying to talk to him myself.

It wasn't just because he was talking to a lot of girls (though of course that was part of it), but also because these girls all told me the same things that are classic red flags--he would never answer their direct questions; he posted a lot of model-quality pictures that (I can't explain it) just didn't seem to match his personality; and when they would ask for verifications of the things he told them, he was vague and always dodged their questions.

Although I'm a personal fan of our new chat system, it brings about all the same issues.

If a member with a name like LoveStruck4U (this is just a made-up username--I hope it doesn't actually exist here!) messages you and says, "God led me here and I'm sure He did so that I could meet you because He wants us to be together!!!", and your friend messages you and says, "Hey, this person named LoveStruck4U just wrote me and said God made me especially for him," what would you do?

I find this kind of thing happening all the time--not just here, but in any online situation. For people who are happily single, not looking, in a relationship, or married, it should be an easy answer.

But for us singles who are sincerely hoping to find someone special, what can we do?

* If someone messages us and wants to get too close too soon or is throwing out generic pick-up lines (whether worldly or "Godly"-sounding), would you check with your friends to see if they're getting the same messages from the same person?

* If you had a friend who was excited about meeting and talking to someone, but you know the person they like is talking to several other people, would you tell them?

* If you have a friend whom you think is falling for a catfish (someone who is claiming to be something or someone they're not), would you try to warn them?

You might notice that I am keeping this in context of friends and/or people we are close to and talk regularly with on the forum. I'm not talking about publicly calling someone out, because from what I know (and of course, the administration is free to correct me), that's not what we're supposed to do. Rather, we are supposed to report anything that is abusive or goes against forum rules directly to the administration.

But when we are among friends, where is the limit between trying to look out for each other, and just plain talking about someone's business?

I think this is an important topic for us singles to discuss because many of us are probably being approached by many of the same people here.

I would love to hear your thoughts on how you would or do handle it yourself, or if it should happen to you or a friend.

I think it's good for people to warn each other of unsavory characters, as long as it's true..

Awhile back on a certain website (which might or might not be this one)... There was a wonderful elderly christian couple who came across a very desperate young man in the chat rooms and they decided to let him stay with them until he got himself established with a job and stuff... It was only supposed to be a month or so... Well, the guy totally took advantage and not only overstayed his welcome but also did as he pleased and it was disrupting their lives. Not only did they want him out but because of the local laws, they could not kick him out... The couple kept this under wraps until the guy finally left. Then they warned others in chat about the guy so none of them would be taken advantage of like they were.

 

[jbrooks5912]

I think it's good for people to warn each other of unsavory characters, as long as it's true..

Awhile back on a certain website (which might or might not be this one)... There was a wonderful elderly christian couple who came across a very desperate young man in the chat rooms and they decided to let him stay with them until he got himself established with a job and stuff... Well, the guy totally took advantage and not only did they want him out but because of the local laws, they could not kick him out... The couple kept this under wraps until the guy finally left. Then they warned others in that chat room about the guy so none of them would be taken advantage of like they were.

FOr someone to take advanatage of the ones helping them is crazy.

I have had that issue alot where i was taken advantage of alot. This is because they seen my heart and wanted to take advantage of a good person.

In respects i help once and see what they do. Take mh best friend and brother for instance
.

He was seriously out of money i sent it to him and he used it for what ot was meant for.

As another well he just got junk and did not buy groceries for his family.

Needless to say i stopped heling the friend but my brother its never wnding help. He helpes me when i am in a bind and i help him, we are brothers.


So, on a dating platform this is where is gets crazy. I met a few in my day lol believe me i also met one in college where all they wanted was money.

To me love is never about money, its about what can you do to mend the hurt in the persons heart from their past.

Reputation? Yeah its a hit miss kind of thing. At tkmes its hard to point out the genuine from the shade trees.

Meaning, questions roam about things a person says or does. But if they are genuine they will hold nothing back instead of being secretive.

But at times u can mistake a genuine conversation that accidently trailed off to a seceritive motive.

It is all about the knowing and finding the truth.

Blah lol yeah i need to go to bed sorry for rambling been a long night.

God Bless and enjoy the site i be back after i wake up.

How was everyones valintines day?

 

[Princesse]

Chatrooms usually beget ‘interesting’ experiences. The absence of evidence makes them appealing to married people and those living with others. Most of the users aren’t really single.

If someone messages us and wants to get too close too soon or is throwing out generic pick-up lines (whether worldly or "Godly"-sounding), would you check with your friends to see if they're getting the same messages from the same person?

What do my friends have to do with this? Either I want to talk or I don’t. If his behavior makes me uncomfortable I wish him well. There’s no need to obtain insight from others until you know who you’re dealing with and mutual interest is evident. Otherwise you’re stirring the pot for naught.

If you had a friend who was excited about meeting and talking to someone, but you know the person they like is talking to several other people, would you tell them?

Men rarely speak to one person alone. The majority acknowledge the difficulty of obtaining replies let alone engagement. Telling her he’s conversing with others without knowing the topic of their discourse causes problems. The result is upset, accusation, or disregarding the comment. Most won’t do the latter.

More importantly, men don’t put all their eggs in one basket. Unlike women, they can meet someone without racing down the aisle or contemplating the future in their thoughts. They weigh things. Just because he speaks to different people doesn’t mean he’s stringing them along. Oftentimes they’re gauging compatibility and fit through their interactions.

Many women want exclusivity from the moment he says hello. Getting to know someone doesn’t mean he’s chosen you. It indicates his desire in knowing if you might be the one he’s seeking. The deal isn’t closed until you’re his.

If you have a friend whom you think is falling for a catfish (someone who is claiming to be something or someone they're not), would you try to warn them?

If you have proof of the deception through firsthand experience: a phone call or Skype is preferable than repeating hearsay.

But when we are among friends, where is the limit between trying to look out for each other, and just plain talking about someone's business?

I think a lot of this veers close to busybodyness. It’s too much involvement in other people’s affairs for my tastes. As adults, we’re going to make mistakes and you can’t intercept them for others. We learn discrimination and wisdom through experience.

There’s too much activity for connections that haven’t taken flight. And an air of rescue in the mix. That gets old after awhile and people pull away. If you’re the bearer of bad news or always sharing suspicions you develop a reputation. It never bodes well.

I’ve encountered my share of dilemmas and with those I’ve mentored. I deal with them and address the deeper reasons why the person or situation caught their eye. It’s important she grasps it on her own. She needs to see the pattern, blindspot, insecurity, etc. I can’t sound a warning all the time. That doesn’t help her.

From a man’s perspective, interfering friends are unappealing. There’s a fine line and it can blow up in your face.

 

[Lanolin]

why not just go on group dates then you all look out for each other.
Men are actually allowed to talk to more than one woman at a time you know. Its not like you are married from the first time you chat to someone online. And if you happen to be talking to someone whos married, talk to their wife as well!


Im sure you can handle it and you'll be smart and figure it out. I dont really know what you would talk about though. If I was on a chat room it would be because Im bored and just want to talk to someone not I want to go out with them, and then marry them.

I mean that would just be a weird conversation.

 

[Lanolin]

hello...future husband.
when are you gonna date me?

um no.