What Does It Mean Today When Someone Says, "I Want to Make Friends"?

[Gojira]

One thing I've really noticed over the years is that people don't want to be "friends," or rather, "associates," outside of a certain place or circumstance. For years, I was perplexed (and hurt) as to why people would talk to me every day at work, every time they saw me at church, etc., but were almost offended when I asked if they wanted to go to lunch or coffee outside of that specific situation.

This hit a little bit of a chord with me.

I've learned to roughly define three groups of associates / relationships:

1. Acquaintance: We exchange hellos because we just happen to be in the place at the same time. But, we never exchange contact info and make deliberate plans to talk or hang out.

2. Buddy: This is someone with whom I get along well and will make occasional plans to hang out with. The relationship is not deep, but it can be fun, and there is some level of mutual respect.

3. Friend: This is the person who gets you, you get them, and whom you feel a certain intimacy towards. You can trust them far more than most other human beings, you share interests, can have long, deep talks, etc.

Accepting someone's 'friend request' on Facebook, someone you hardly know, does not make that person a friend. Sorry, they're not your friend. Try calling them at 3am with a pressing problem.

Some random thoughts...

I hate the kind of shallow relationship you described above. Unfortunately, it exists in the world and church alike. I also despise flakiness. I don't like it in myself. I hate it when someone promises to get together, and then never follows up when you reach out to them.

Some people take not being alone for granted. I cannot because I am, and it sucks. And so, you (generic "you") may have family and friends outside of church or work, but all of my relationships are hundreds or thousands of miles away. I need more than someone with whom to say "hi" and "have a great week" with.

I think people who do this and are satisfied are so because they already have human relationships outside the environment you're in, and so do not need you. I also think too many are getting used to having relationships they can control, specifically "virtual" ones. So, real relationships are just a bit too much for them.

 

[Lanolin]

Observing children, especially only children in schools...yes they all want a buddy to play with. It hurts to be a nigel no-mates and left out of things.

Unfortunately many children are conditioned to have a me-first mentality. And also, gangs prey on those who are left out or dont fit in. To be in the 'in crowd' you sort of have to submit yourself to someone whos older or bigger than you. This is hard for many who are used to being themselves.

I was watching Mean Girls and this sometimes carries on to adolesence. Female friendships can be complicated, because so many can have fallings out over nothing. Female friendships can be deeper and require more loyalty than male ones, I dont know if its because females actually have more pride, but certainly they judge more on appearances than most and are their own worst critics. Just about every female in high school ends up with some eating disorder or another, and beats themselves up over every mouthful they swallow.

This is because they dont want to appear ugly. Ugliness it seems, îs the ultimate sin.

For boys, appearing weak is a no no. They will lie and bluff their way out of things. But they tend to sort things out with a punch up rather than insidious cat fighting that females engage in.

 

[Pardizzle]

Friendship with the world is enmity to God.

I often think that God is so jealous that he wants us no part of the world. He loves the world yes to save us from it but He is not the god of this world, Satan is...and the world is headed for destruction. But I think its hard for people to give the world and pride of life and all its pleasures up.

Genesis 3:15 does say that "friendship with the world is enmity with God" yes, but I think this is referring to being totally submerged, and giving in to the ways of this world....and I am sure this is what you meant.
Satan is only the ruler of the world because God is allowing him to be, but his day will come. God has already conquered him once!

 

[Pardizzle]

I think that Seoul makes a lot of good points here!
I think it has a lot to do with people's motives.....'Making Friends' can mean many things I think. To some, there are no ulterior motives and they sincerely want to be your friend. But to others, it could be more of a convenience thing, not wanting another to feel left out, or maybe wanting to get close to them for another reason. OR maybe they want to make themselves feel good and they think its what they should do.
Me, personally, if I don't want to be friends with you, then I won't lead you to believe that I do.

 

[Gojira]

I think that Seoul makes a lot of good points here!

She usually does. She's a thoughtful type. Except, of course, with my posts!

 

[Gojira]

* What does it mean to you when you or others want to make friends?

* What actually makes a "real" friend in today's modern mix of real-life and digital living?

I think I've stated my thoughts on this before, but I'll address this...

For me, there are three general kinds of positive relationship, but each of these can have exceptions to their definitions.

* Acquaintance: Someone you are cordial with whom you just happen to run into. But, there is no effort made for deliberate socializing.

* Buddy: Someone you do make said arrangements with, but you are not close to them. You enjoy their company, and they're not fair-weather types either. You just do not know each other intimately.

* Friend: Someone you know intimately, someone who gets you, and whom you get, and of course, someone who's going to have your back, and you are willing to do the same for them.

I prefer friendships or buddyships in the real world. I do not mind starting online, but at some point, I want it offline. If the other person can, but is unwilling, they are not a friend. Period.

 

[Adstar]

What Does It Mean Today When Someone Says, "I Want to Make Friends"?

Sometimes it is about them calling for someone to entertain them.. Someone who will put in all the effort.. Someone who will jump through all the hoops.. Someone who will be their servant jester at their beck and call 24 / 7... Someone who will ""make them happy"" without understanding that the only chance one has of getting something out of a friendship is to put something into a relationship..

It's like all the people we welcome onto CC forum.. it seems like 98% have their introduce yourself to CC post and then that's the only thing you ever hear from them, They all go silent and disappear into the ether never to be seen or heard from again.. CC Forum is like a relationship,, You can only expect to get a lot out of it if you are willing to put the work into it.. Some people want to be spoon fed these days..

Note: I said Sometimes and Some people.. I never said ALL.. So don't get triggered if this is not you..

 

[Lynx]

Sometimes it is about them calling for someone to entertain them.. Someone who will put in all the effort.. Someone who will jump through all the hoops.. Someone who will be their servant jester at their beck and call 24 / 7... Someone who will ""make them happy"" without understanding that the only chance one has of getting something out of a friendship is to put something into a relationship..

It's like all the people we welcome onto CC forum.. it seems like 98% have their introduce yourself to CC post and then that's the only thing you ever hear from them, They all go silent and disappear into the ether never to be seen or heard from again.. CC Forum is like a relationship,, You can only expect to get a lot out of it if you are willing to put the work into it.. Some people want to be spoon fed these days..

Note: I said Sometimes and Some people.. I never said ALL.. So don't get triggered if this is not you..

Yeah, it's like that for romance too...




Example: Every rom-com heroine ever.