What Do Men REALLY Mean When They Say, "God Made Men Visual"?
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I can't speak for all men, but I'll give my thoughts. Some men use that phrase as a catch-all excuse to do stupid things like cheat or look at porn. Some use it to claim they only go for beautiful women because they can't help how they were made. I will recognize that the visual aspect of relationships is important to men. A beautiful women catches our eye, it is how we are wired. But that does not mean only looks matter or that we can do whatever we want because we can't help ourselves. We can!!!!! It isn't a biblical phrase so I wouldn't use it myself, as if it were the truth from God. But it is a part of us we have to deal with.
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Of course you say that from the point of view of a woman talking to women. Not a man dating women. Most women won't admit to such things, but it will arise when the choices come up.
The women I've known who are not focused on such things are often still influenced by it, even if it's to a lesser degree.
I was once dumped 9 months into a relationship because I wasn't doing well enough financially. And this was someone that did not seem financially motivated typically. And that wasn't the only relationship where similar issues arose.
And I don't attract, nor attracted to, shallow women. So it IS a real thing, to varying degrees. Just that many women don't admit it.
The women I've known who are not focused on such things are often still influenced by it, even if it's to a lesser degree.
I was once dumped 9 months into a relationship because I wasn't doing well enough financially. And this was someone that did not seem financially motivated typically. And that wasn't the only relationship where similar issues arose.
And I don't attract, nor attracted to, shallow women. So it IS a real thing, to varying degrees. Just that many women don't admit it.
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I understand what you're saying about financial matters, and can assure you that it most definitely goes both ways.
One of the things I've fought very hard to do in the years I've been single is to pay down as much debt as possible and work towards being as financially responsible as I can.
One of the reasons I'm single is because I've met plenty of men who seek out a woman who is financially stable to marry so that he doesn't have to pay off anything for her, but will then expect her to use all the money she earns towards paying off the debts he accrued before meeting her. Now of course, if I genuinely fell in love with someone, there might still be a way to make things work. But in the past, I was content with just having someone pay attention to me and that somehow (at the time) seemed to make up for the fact that I was being used.
I understand that money matters to everyone in some degree, and that many people, whether man or woman, are looking for someone whom they think will elevate their financial position.
Just as an observation... It's interesting to see the shift in dynamics as people get older. There are far more single women than men (at least in the 70-90 age range I've been around), so the men basically have their pick, and the women who are chosen are generally the ones who were left with some kind of estate, house, inheritance, etc., when their former husbands died.
The women with nothing are quickly looked over and left alone. If people are concerned about material survival when they are younger, I can see why it would be an even more prevalent consideration as they get older.
I was thinking about this as I attended an event with older family members today in which there were about 20 single women, and maybe 2 men.
However, this is just my own observation, and maybe others with more experience in this area might have seen things go differently?
One of the things I've fought very hard to do in the years I've been single is to pay down as much debt as possible and work towards being as financially responsible as I can.
One of the reasons I'm single is because I've met plenty of men who seek out a woman who is financially stable to marry so that he doesn't have to pay off anything for her, but will then expect her to use all the money she earns towards paying off the debts he accrued before meeting her. Now of course, if I genuinely fell in love with someone, there might still be a way to make things work. But in the past, I was content with just having someone pay attention to me and that somehow (at the time) seemed to make up for the fact that I was being used.
I understand that money matters to everyone in some degree, and that many people, whether man or woman, are looking for someone whom they think will elevate their financial position.
Just as an observation... It's interesting to see the shift in dynamics as people get older. There are far more single women than men (at least in the 70-90 age range I've been around), so the men basically have their pick, and the women who are chosen are generally the ones who were left with some kind of estate, house, inheritance, etc., when their former husbands died.
The women with nothing are quickly looked over and left alone. If people are concerned about material survival when they are younger, I can see why it would be an even more prevalent consideration as they get older.
I was thinking about this as I attended an event with older family members today in which there were about 20 single women, and maybe 2 men.
However, this is just my own observation, and maybe others with more experience in this area might have seen things go differently?
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Awesome Kim! It’s commendable. This type of attitude is really what I would want more than someone who I think will increase my financial position, if that makes sense? For instance, I’d rather the woman make 10K a year and be financially responsible, than make 100K, and blow 5K randomly on whatever. What I would really want though is a woman who is content to let me worry about finances, working, not work herself, stay at home, and raise a family. From my view, this is awesome, to be commended, and not to be looked down on in any way. Though, I think today's society would have us believe otherwise.
I don’t think money buys happiness, which is a pretty cliche statement. And yet it still seems to be important to a lot of people. A better way to put that might be, more important than it should be. We absolutely struggled early on when I was in the military, but through a lot of hard work, and without a doubt being blessed by God, it turned around over the years. More money made things easier, but I don’t think we were happier because of it. The improvement in that area didn’t help the marriage at all. Could you make the argument that if we had it in the beginning, it would have made a difference? Maybe…
Has anyone seen The Family Man with Nicholas Cage and Tea Leoni? It kind of delves into this whole area.
I don’t think money buys happiness, which is a pretty cliche statement. And yet it still seems to be important to a lot of people. A better way to put that might be, more important than it should be. We absolutely struggled early on when I was in the military, but through a lot of hard work, and without a doubt being blessed by God, it turned around over the years. More money made things easier, but I don’t think we were happier because of it. The improvement in that area didn’t help the marriage at all. Could you make the argument that if we had it in the beginning, it would have made a difference? Maybe…
Has anyone seen The Family Man with Nicholas Cage and Tea Leoni? It kind of delves into this whole area.
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I was merely pointing out that this thing you were tired of hearing, and feel that it's not true, is actually true. Of course not for every woman, but it is prevalent. Some women simply take it to further extremes. The same way some men take a womans appearance to be a greater priority than anything else. I could as easily say that's not true, based off of men that i've spoken to, but taking a look around outside of my circle i see it a lot.
And that the perspective of a woman may be different than that of a man that's dating women.
Equally i could say i've never known a man that wanted a woman with money for the reasons you stated. But i'm not going to state it doesn't happen because i've not witnessed it. And thus is the problem with defining behavior by the people we surround ourselves with. You're likely to have many people around you with similar degrees of priorities and morality. It's not feasible to believe that a small group of like minded people are a good indicator of the whole of society.
And that the perspective of a woman may be different than that of a man that's dating women.
Equally i could say i've never known a man that wanted a woman with money for the reasons you stated. But i'm not going to state it doesn't happen because i've not witnessed it. And thus is the problem with defining behavior by the people we surround ourselves with. You're likely to have many people around you with similar degrees of priorities and morality. It's not feasible to believe that a small group of like minded people are a good indicator of the whole of society.