what do I do now?

[pottersclay]

I seriously am not sure I want to share much after the way I've been treated here so far, but have nowhere else to talk about this right now.
So, I'm sorry if some stuff is fuzzy to explain but don't wanna get into to many details now.


I caught my husband in an affair, we're going through a nasty divorce which is heartbreaking because we had been BFF's for nearly a lifetime.
So, in the middle of all this I found out we're expecting our first child! YEAH! Should be overjoyed right? I try to be, but it's very VERY difficult. Due to his recent choices, my (soon to be) ex isn't in a position to take on parenthood now. I'm questioning if I want to take on the whole single mom thing, especially at this point in my life.
I grew up thinking abortion was a woman's choice and no big deal.
I WAS WRONG!!!!!!
And now, all the people in my life keep saying is to just go do it.
I realize and know now that it is a sin and would be one of the most evil things a person could ever do.
In the mean time, I keep being told to do so, and won't, but am afraid of giving in at a weak moment.
I know my best choices are to keep the baby and become a single mother, or make arrangements for this baby to be adopted.
I'm really not in a position to take on the role of single mom. I mean, financially, we'd be alright, but I don't know if this is hormones talking or if I'm just not in a place mentally to take this on. I feel like every time I see the child it would just be a painful reminder of the father and that it would cause resentment to the child. On the other hand, it's hard not to form an attachment to someone who is growing inside of you, and the thought of giving my baby away feels like a piece of me is being torn away.

I just don't know what to do any more.
The people in my life, including my family, are not supportive of anything but abortion at this point, and as of right now I haven't found a good church to get involved in.
Guess I"m just looking for some support and encouragement.

Thanks.

If God be for us who can stand against us.

Jesus was a prime example of a unplanned pregnancy......think about that.
Without a doubt what you are going through is terrible...heart wrenching to say the least.
Looking at the gospel from 3000 ft there is one thing we cannot escape. One act of love can change the whole world...amen
Take God at his word and trust him. Don't be caught up in the drama that life has laid at your doorstep.
The decision of life has already been made.....you are with child.
Honor his word and bring joy to his heart and he will certainly see you through.
Even to a place greater than your expectations.
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart lean not to your own understanding
Acknowledge him in all your ways and he will direct your path.

 

[Lanolin]

your ex, the dad knows you are pregnant...or is he the one who doesnt want his own child?

Just wondering, as you say your family dont support you, but what does HE say or feel on the matter? Looking past whatever is going on with divorce and affairs...have you told him?

I am only saying this because it seems when this happens the dad is the last to be told, and some children grow up without their dads even knowing they were born. I dont know how far along you are, but it cant have been too long ago you were close/intimate with your ex. If he was seeing someone else at the same time as you, are you going to let this person break up your marriage. And does she know as well?

if hes not told he just might assume someone else is the father. You child could be his daughter or son. It may be his firstborn, I think at least tell him. Children need the best start in life, I understand this may be difficult but God has always come through and provided when we cant see the light.

see what happens is if we are in a position to support children and spoil them rotten its usually only when we've retired and saved all our money. (abraham and sarah?) Nobody when they are young or poor ever thinks it is the right time.

if you do go through adoption, be open about it, give this child to God, and pray for good parents.

 

[GaryA]

I feel like every time I see the child it would just be a painful reminder of the father and that it would cause resentment to the child.

All your fears will disappear once you see and hold your child and your maternal love and natural God given instinct kicks in

I am thinking that it is more likely, under the circumstances, that you would develop a closer bond with the child and greater resentment of the father.

Somehow, I don't think you have to worry about that particular thing. Only, try not to develop resentment of the father - for the child's sake.

Since you used the word 'affair' - I assume this was not a one-time moment-of-weakness kind of thing. If so and as such, he didn't only just "mess up" - he REALLY messed up!

It is really sad that you - and the child - are in this situation.

If there is/was any way at all to preserve the marriage, then it would be best to do so - for the child's sake. (As long as husband and wife can/could live peacefully together - forgive and forget - heal - and re-build and re-kindle a good marriage out of the heap of what it has become.)

In any case, only God knows the best way to handle your situation. Certainly, none of us do. For one thing, we don't know all of the details. However, God does! And that is why I wrote post #5. Not to be insensitive. But, to point you to the place where you will find the best answers and the greatest peace.

Look to God. He has the answer, and is waiting for you to ask Him what it is...

I wish for all of you the best possible result. I will pray for you.

 

[suzzyQ]

Since you used the word 'affair' - I assume this was not a one-time moment-of-weakness kind of thing. If so and as such, he didn't only just "mess up" - he REALLY messed up!

Yes, your husband may have done you wrong. But you don't HAVE to divorce him. You could forgive him if you really wanted to.

we don't know all of the details.

"We don't know all the details" EXACTLLY......

Forgive? In time, I hope...

But working things out, and staying with him, especially" for the sake of the child" well, let me ask you this:
If you came home, walked into your room, and found your spouse in bed with not only another "woman" (that in itself would have been bad enough) but another "woman" who turns out to be a guy (kept HIS parts, and had implants ) Would you be sticking around?
I loved him, but there is no going back.

your ex, the dad knows you are pregnant...or is he the one who doesnt want his own child?

Just wondering, as you say your family dont support you, but what does HE say or feel on the matter? Looking past whatever is going on with divorce and affairs...have you told him?

I am only saying this because it seems when this happens the dad is the last to be told, and some children grow up without their dads even knowing they were born. I dont know how far along you are, but it cant have been too long ago you were close/intimate with your ex. If he was seeing someone else at the same time as you, are you going to let this person break up your marriage. And does she know as well?

if hes not told he just might assume someone else is the father. You child could be his daughter or son. It may be his firstborn, I think at least tell him. Children need the best start in life, I understand this may be difficult but God has always come through and provided when we cant see the light.

see what happens is if we are in a position to support children and spoil them rotten its usually only when we've retired and saved all our money. (abraham and sarah?) Nobody when they are young or poor ever thinks it is the right time.

if you do go through adoption, be open about it, give this child to God, and pray for good parents.

oh yes, they are aware of this baby coming..... that is why I said:

Due to his recent choices, my (soon to be) ex isn't in a position to take on parenthood now.

I'm coming out of a lot, got a pretty messed up background, and have done some pretty screwed up, turn your stomach type of things in my lifetime. There is NO WAY I would EVER want a child (mine or any other) in such a screwed up situation as what the father has got himself into. I loved him, but no. not putting a child in that situation.

 

[GandalfTheWhite]

"We don't know all the details" EXACTLLY......

Forgive? In time, I hope...

But working things out, and staying with him, especially" for the sake of the child" well, let me ask you this:
If you came home, walked into your room, and found your spouse in bed with not only another "woman" (that in itself would have been bad enough) but another "woman" who turns out to be a guy (kept HIS parts, and had implants ) Would you be sticking around?
I loved him, but there is no going back.



oh yes, they are aware of this baby coming..... that is why I said:


I'm coming out of a lot, got a pretty messed up background, and have done some pretty screwed up, turn your stomach type of things in my lifetime. There is NO WAY I would EVER want a child (mine or any other) in such a screwed up situation as what the father has got himself into. I loved him, but no. not putting a child in that situation.

I am so sorry that you had to experience something as heart breaking as that. God bless

 

[GaryA]

If you came home, walked into your room, and found your spouse in bed with not only another "woman" (that in itself would have been bad enough) but another "woman" who turns out to be a guy (kept HIS parts, and had implants ) Would you be sticking around?

is right - that is terrible

"I'm so sorry."

Yes, I believe that changes things quite a bit.

I loved him, but there is no going back.

There is NO WAY I would EVER want a child (mine or any other) in such a screwed up situation as what the father has got himself into. I loved him, but no. not putting a child in that situation.

"I don't blame you one bit..."

 

[surfer14]

Forgive? In time, I hope...

But working things out, and staying with him, especially" for the sake of the child" well, let me ask you this:
If you came home, walked into your room, and found your spouse in bed with not only another "woman" (that in itself would have been bad enough) but another "woman" who turns out to be a guy (kept HIS parts, and had implants ) Would you be sticking around?
I loved him, but there is no going back.

1. If I was a woman and came home to find my man cheating on me with another man, I'm pretty sure I'd have shot them both on the spot. And there's no way that I would stick around. Just being honest here. The fact that you're still in your right mind and haven't gone psycho on anyone through this situation is impressive IMO.

2. You're certainly in a tough spot. And I'll just say that I totally, 100% salute you for even thinking in terms of right and wrong at a time like this. I think you're doing a great job. Keep up the good work!

3. I had previously tried to get you to consider forgiveness. And normally I'd leave it at that. But given this new revelation, I'd like to revise my previous statement. You're dealing with a serious pervert here. And while it's great to forgive, you've also got to look out for the safety of your baby (and yourself). I would never suggest to put yourself or your baby into potential harm in order to forgive someone. There are times when maybe it's best to forgive but don't forget in order to prevent further harm to you or your baby. I would steer clear of perverts - especially when you have a child in your care.

 

[GaryA]

3. I had previously tried to get you to consider forgiveness. And normally I'd leave it at that. But given this new revelation, I'd like to revise my previous statement. You're dealing with a serious pervert here. And while it's great to forgive, you've also got to look out for the safety of your baby (and yourself). I would never suggest to put yourself or your baby into potential harm in order to forgive someone. There are times when maybe it's best to forgive but don't forget in order to prevent further harm to you or your baby. I would steer clear of perverts - especially when you have a child in your care.

She can forgive him from a great distance...

 

[blueluna5]

I seriously am not sure I want to share much after the way I've been treated here so far, but have nowhere else to talk about this right now.
So, I'm sorry if some stuff is fuzzy to explain but don't wanna get into to many details now.


I caught my husband in an affair, we're going through a nasty divorce which is heartbreaking because we had been BFF's for nearly a lifetime.
So, in the middle of all this I found out we're expecting our first child! YEAH! Should be overjoyed right? I try to be, but it's very VERY difficult. Due to his recent choices, my (soon to be) ex isn't in a position to take on parenthood now. I'm questioning if I want to take on the whole single mom thing, especially at this point in my life.
I grew up thinking abortion was a woman's choice and no big deal.
I WAS WRONG!!!!!!
And now, all the people in my life keep saying is to just go do it.
I realize and know now that it is a sin and would be one of the most evil things a person could ever do.
In the mean time, I keep being told to do so, and won't, but am afraid of giving in at a weak moment.
I know my best choices are to keep the baby and become a single mother, or make arrangements for this baby to be adopted.
I'm really not in a position to take on the role of single mom. I mean, financially, we'd be alright, but I don't know if this is hormones talking or if I'm just not in a place mentally to take this on. I feel like every time I see the child it would just be a painful reminder of the father and that it would cause resentment to the child. On the other hand, it's hard not to form an attachment to someone who is growing inside of you, and the thought of giving my baby away feels like a piece of me is being torn away.

I just don't know what to do any more.
The people in my life, including my family, are not supportive of anything but abortion at this point, and as of right now I haven't found a good church to get involved in.
Guess I"m just looking for some support and encouragement.

Thanks.

So sorry for what you are going through.

Having a baby in the best of circumstances is tough, let alone with no support. Maybe your family will change their tune once the baby is here? Hopefully you had a decent upbringing and this is the case.

I can't imagine resenting my child even if they looked like my ex. I'm not saying it couldn't happen but I would think it is rare. Before I had a kid I thought the same way. However you will just be attached to your child no matter what. Kids have their own identity. I don't look at my kid and think of my husband anymore than you would look at your dad and think of your mom. People often will say oh they look dad or they do the same things as dad. I find these are thoughts of outsiders, not something I've thought as a mom. Hopefully that makes sense.

 

[kaylagrl]

[QUOTE="suzzyQ, post: 4386640, member: 285197" ] I'm coming out of a lot, got a pretty messed up background, and have done some pretty screwed up, turn your stomach type of things in my lifetime. There is NO WAY I would EVER want a child (mine or any other) in such a screwed up situation as what the father has got himself into. I loved him, but no. not putting a child in that situation.[/QUOTE]

It doesn't matter what is in your past. Once you've asked God's forgiveness it's in the past. He's forgotten it. As to your situation I can only say that I am so sorry, but as you are faithful to God, He will be faithful to you. If you choose to keep and not abort your child, God will bless you. Have you considered open adoption? Maybe give you time to get on your feet before you take on a child. I don't have children, my sister has two. Her oldest is now 15, and he is such a sweet and mannerly young man as is the youngest. They are such a help to her, and think the world of her. A child can be a blessing, even if it really doesn't feel that way right now. Have you found a church yet? A good church can also be a big help.

 

[oyster67]

Let God be God. He knows our frame.

 

[Tararose]

I totally feel for your situation. As for abortion I know women who have talked themselves into it and then lived with the guilt of that their whole lives. I encourage you to look to God for strength. Many of us have been single parents and are widows or divorcees and God has got us through the toughest of times. You will never regret not aborting a baby and as others have said, give yourself time to see how you feel when delivery date comes. Right now you are grieving the loss of a marriage and it hurts and it stings. But I want to say that you will come through To the other side and things will be brighter and peace will come if you keep trusting in Jesus. It may well be that God knows how much love you have to give and how natural it is for you to feel needed, and maybe He has allowed this pregnancy not to cause you more pain but instead to help get you through an awful time. This baby, should you choose not to put him or her up for adoption, may likely cause you to feel more love than a husband could and May be who God uses to heal that broken heart. This baby is from your own body, knit together in you and he or she feels everything you feel right now and shares the sound of your heartbeat. Don’t think of this child as your ex husbands baby... it is your child too. Your body made this life possible. You are written into his or her code, you belong to one another! A gift from God if only you give yourself time to come to terms and heal a little, and if not then let this little miracle be a gift to another grieving family who may not be able to ever have a baby. Whatever you decide, never let the pain someone is causing you make you go on to hurt Someone else as a result. Praying for you and hope that you know you are loved and have people on your side in all this. X

 

[soggykitten]

I seriously am not sure I want to share much after the way I've been treated here so far, but have nowhere else to talk about this right now.
So, I'm sorry if some stuff is fuzzy to explain but don't wanna get into to many details now.


I caught my husband in an affair, we're going through a nasty divorce which is heartbreaking because we had been BFF's for nearly a lifetime.
So, in the middle of all this I found out we're expecting our first child! YEAH! Should be overjoyed right? I try to be, but it's very VERY difficult. Due to his recent choices, my (soon to be) ex isn't in a position to take on parenthood now. I'm questioning if I want to take on the whole single mom thing, especially at this point in my life.
I grew up thinking abortion was a woman's choice and no big deal.
I WAS WRONG!!!!!!
And now, all the people in my life keep saying is to just go do it.
I realize and know now that it is a sin and would be one of the most evil things a person could ever do.
In the mean time, I keep being told to do so, and won't, but am afraid of giving in at a weak moment.
I know my best choices are to keep the baby and become a single mother, or make arrangements for this baby to be adopted.
I'm really not in a position to take on the role of single mom. I mean, financially, we'd be alright, but I don't know if this is hormones talking or if I'm just not in a place mentally to take this on. I feel like every time I see the child it would just be a painful reminder of the father and that it would cause resentment to the child. On the other hand, it's hard not to form an attachment to someone who is growing inside of you, and the thought of giving my baby away feels like a piece of me is being torn away.

I just don't know what to do any more.
The people in my life, including my family, are not supportive of anything but abortion at this point, and as of right now I haven't found a good church to get involved in.
Guess I"m just looking for some support and encouragement.

Thanks.

Wow, what a full plate you have at your table now. I am so sorry to read of your troubles. You, your baby and even your husband are in my prayers.

We didn't have kids thank God so when it came to leaving a really bad relationship that part wasn't in the equation. And I believe that made it a lot easier to make a decision. If we don't love each other we should part and find those who will love and appreciate us. While respecting what time we had when we were in love and not parting as enemies.
Because doing that would give the other power over that other ones life if we ever saw one another again and held ill will for one another. Feeling bright and happy, see the ex, turn dark, gloomy, angry, and sullen. Not a good thing and definitely not a sign of moving on.

In your case I would ask how far along are you?
Also, isn't God's time intriguing? Your husband violated your trust and committed adultery. Now, part of him is alive and growing inside of you after you booted him out of the house.

Babies are forever. Husbands? Not so much. However, if he is at least decent with regard to helping to raise your child, then I'd say prayerfully you have at least an amicable relationship in that regard and co-parent. A child needs mom and dad.Be they a boy or girl.

I definitely wouldn't have an abortion. The baby did nothing wrong. Your husband did. Maybe God saw fit to have you conceive and find out you were pregnant at just this moment for that very reason.
Your husband betrayed your trust. While a part of him is growing and will be born as a pure innocent blank slate. Their own person who you can see as part of you but not a part of that dark time you suffered due to their daddy.

If you can financially afford your baby, that's one hurdle many expectant parents aren't able to overcome themselves. So you are blessed in that regard too.
I would say, if you want to hold a pure heart for your coming baby, forgive your husband his sins against you.

You don't want someone that doesn't want you. And sometimes God knows who we're with isn't the one he had in mind. Divorce opens the door to find the one you are meant to have in your life. And the best relationship that comes in that form is one wherein you aren't carrying the baggage from the last relationship.
Because that new man isn't your husband. Too often after a bad break where the other one hurt us, we tend to be afraid the new love in our life is going to be like the last one. We start to see him in them. And that's not fair to either one. You or the new man in your life.

Forgive! Release the pain and all that you feel for your husband, soon to be ex, as soon as possible. Because just as what we eat and drink feeds the baby growing inside of us, so to do the emotions, because they produce a chemical reaction in our bodies, affect the baby. As does an angry household where there is a lot of screaming and arguing back and forth. All that noise outside reaches the baby inside.

I pray for you to receive every blessing in your life and that those be a gift to your future newborn. And I also pray you have a happy and healthy pregnancy if you choose to carry on. I pray you do.