What Are Your Suggestions for Having a Safe, Secure CC Meetup? And Would You Be Interested In Attending?

[enril]

Oui, je le comprend.

μαθαίνοντας αυτό!

 

[Lynx]

μαθαίνοντας αυτό!

It's all Greek to me, dude. I took French, not Cyrillic.

 

[enril]

It's all Greek to me, dude. I took French, not Cyrillic.

well, I am just learning,

Oui, je le comprend.

that's all french, I just know a few words of spanish and learning new testament greek.

and.........................................................computer skills!

 

[enril]

Really it should be dual taught in those same countries like a second language (at minimum) and then start a discussion on phasing it out entirely.

they already did in us.

 

[enril]

Lose two people, gain space for 10 bags. You have never seen how people in my church pack a church bus for a youth retreat trip. Tetris ain't got nothing on us.

actually theres the floor, and laps for stuff. fit an extra... 10 kids and... 25 bags. hmm,

 

[enril]

And naturally there would be no cooking of our own. We would not have a stove or oven in which to make cookies and pots of soup. That would hurt some of us..

uh huh. I cook. I have made baklava but only once, and I make awesome cbr pizza biscuits.

 

[enril]

Hey Everyone,

A long time ago, in a forum setting far, far away... (This thread is going to be long -- my apologies in advance.)

There was a time when this site had talked about having a site-wide CC meetup. There was a rough outline of hiring a worship band for a 3-day event (but if I'm remembering this wrong, I hope the old timers here will correct me.) Eventually the idea was scrapped, and now after attending a few small group meetups myself, I can certainly see why.

In my 15 years on CC, I've met about 20 people in person, but never more than 5 at one time. It was hard enough to coordinate work schedules and a location with just that number of people -- I can't imagine trying to do something across the entire site. The very first meetup I went to started out as the brainchild of about 20 people in Singles live chat room (back when it existed,) who also posted daily on the forums (so we knew each other well.) But in the end, as could be forseen, only 6 were able to go due to distance, time, and cost.

I've been meeting people through writing (paper letters, long before you could look up anything about them online) and sometimes in person since I was 15, so for me, it's just a normal social behavior. But it does take a very long time and tons of work to form such friendships and plans -- I've been friends with the people I meetup with now for 5-10+ years, which is only by the grace of God. I know this would not work for most people, especially across long distances.

I also haven't met anyone else in person from CC since the live chats ended, because I find it crucial to get to know how someone reacts in real time and around other people (if challenged, do they fly off the handle? Do they treat men and women differently? Are their statements consistent? Etc., etc.)

I travel about once a year and will get in touch with people from the area I know and trust, asking if they want to/are able to meetup. We have talked for YEARS about how to expand this to other CC members who might be interested -- but there are a slew of issues, such as:

1. Safety and privacy are always top priority.

I've known too many stories of people who have been stalked over the internet -- both male and female -- to the point where it was necessary to get lawyers, police, and a restraining order involved.

For example -- What if a meetup is announced, and Sam has a huge crush on Missy? Missy doesn't even realize how much. She attends the meetup, not to meet Sam, but other friends she's excited to see. Sam latches on to Missy -- and since the meetup is only 2 towns away, he now has a good idea of where she lives. With a little sweet talk, he's able to finagle her personal information from another unknowingy attendee -- and is refusing to take no for an answer.

2. How can people find trustworthy roommates to split expenses with?

Even the most devout Christian may have problems with theft, drinking, or substances they feel are fine (smoking certain plants,) but would not be acceptable to someone else.

3. How do we prevent anyone who organizes such an event from becoming a bagholder?

Our group has long decided that everyone is responsible for making their own arrangements. This way, no one gets stuck paying an entire deposit or hotel bill by themselves when someone else doesn't show or has an emergency.

I had a family member wind up in the emergency room and is still recovering, so I understand that emergencies happen and plans can change in a literaly heartbeat. But no one else should be obligated to for someone else because of it.

4. How could we find a place to hang out comfortably and still be fair to the places we wind up at?

The last time I met up with people, we thought of making an announcement on CC such as, "Some of us are going to be at Crazy Harry's Roadkill Cafe on August 3 at 1 PM -- y'all come join us if you can!"

But if 20 people show up and take over the restaurant, it's not fair to them because the conversations might go on for some time (which we want!) -- and the poor waitstaff would be dying for us to leave so they could bring in more paying customers.

5. How far in advance do people need to know?

I like to have at least a year to plan and save up. The last meetup I went to took 2 relentless years of constantly trying to coordinate schedules, travel plans, and finances -- and that was only with 6 people. So we are fairly familiar with how hard it is to make these kinds of plans.

6. What happens if people have to back out? Wil the entire thing have to be canceled?

If certain key people/organizers have to back out at the last minute, what will happen? If enough people have actually paid to rent a place but several have to cancel, what happens to the remainder of those who still want to go?


I have been thinking of what my travel plans might be next year... I would love to somehow plan and arrange for some kind of meetup that could extend to any interested members in the area(s) I might be in.


* Would anyone be interested in attending some kind of meetup event, and what are your ideas of how to do so safely?

welll, I would, but I am technically a minor-- except without all that technically stuff.
plus I don't drive. but in two years when I graduate I would actually be very interested.

 

[Lynx]

uh huh. I cook. I have made baklava but only once, and I make awesome cbr pizza biscuits.

That does it. A hotel won't cut it. We are going to have to get cabins.

I must try both the pizza biscuits and the baklava.

 

[seoulsearch]

For the record, we don't absolutely have to hold a meet up in a tourist town where there are a lot of distractions.

We just had a micro-meetup in a town without a single theme park and we had a wonderful time doing nothing. Mostly sitting around talking.

We played cards, we went to a park and grilled burgers, we visited the family of one of the meetup members. That was the extent of our activities last week. But we had the best time. The constant in all our activities was, we sat around and talked a lot.

We could probably have a meet up at any old campground anywhere in the USA. Just make sure there is hot and cold running water and electricity please.

After experiencing this last mini-meetup, I am personally leaning towards something virtual/online if we ever tried anything site-wide. There are just too many moving parts to coordinate, and what's that old saying? 5% of the people in the church do 99% of the work. From what I've seen, meetups or any kind of event are exactly the same way.

I've gone to 3 meetups that were carefully planned out, with most participants coming from across the country, so it was quite a complex ordeal. I went to another that wasn't planned to be a meetup, but a few people just happened to be in the same area at the same time. And this was only with 5-7 people at a time -- I can't imagine trying to actually organize/coordinate even 20 people's schedules and travel plans.

This past meetup made me realize how fortune one is to be a part of a small group in which everyone contributes. I've seen so many situations in my church culture life where someone gets stuck with the bag -- what happens if one person pays a deposit, and not everyone pays them back? What happens when people share rooms, but some will only be staying part of the time? In my experience, what usually happens is that some people wind up paying a lot more than they had expected, and for people who had said they would pay for the whole time, but then partially bailed at the last minute. I understand that things change, but what happens if Sally and Sara planned to split hotel costs for a week, and Sara suddenly says, "Oh sorry, something came up -- I can only stay, and am only goint to pay for 3 nights instead of the 5 that was originally planned." What then is Sally supposed to do?

So I'm always very adamant about trying to keep things fair, which can be very challenging to do.

I'm just very fortunate in that I've been around a lot of people who, if anything, will overpay/overcompensate for any hurdles that arise rather than brush them off as someone else's problem (and payment.)

In past events I've gone to, others made the arrangements -- all I had to do was show up, contribute my part financially towards shelter and food, then crack a lot of bad puns. But this last time, I chose the hotel we all booked rooms at -- and it turned out to be an atrocious choice for our needs. However, I didn't realize -- people pointed out -- I had no way of knowing how much this hotel had slid downhill in the nearly 3 years since I'd stayed there.

Not a single person lambasted me for any reason, nor did anyone complain or say, "Why did you pick this place? Man, did you ever do a crappy job!!" But the last time I'd stayed there, it had actually been really nice, and the price was right, which is why I'd recommended it. Rather than place any blame or discontent on me, the group found a workaround for every challenge, and now we all can't stop talking about how amazing God directed it to wind up being.

I KNOW I would have NEVER received that kind of grace or understanding from a larger group, which is why I'm protective of group leaders. One of my rules for taking the time, energy, and financial responsibility of setting anything up is that I don't tolerate naysayers who show no sympathy or flexibility. USEFUL feedback is always welcome (one person suggested a different place they'd stayed at and liked as a possibility for a future gathering, but never complained about where we were.) But anyone who comes along and says, "Why didn't you do this? Why aren't we doing that?" will be promptly invited to either step up and organize things for us or else arrange their own meetup themselves -- and will no longer receive further information about ours. I realize this make me sound like a tyrant, but this hard line has been drawn after years of growing up in the church and seeing those who do step up get repeatedly trampled over.

This whole mini-meetup was born out of me traveling to one place but being able to pass through another where others could gather, and I imagine that's how and in-person gatherings might happen as well.

I picture it as a kind of a, "Hey, some of us are going to be here on these dates and for this long, stop by if you can," so that everyone would be responsible for their own choices. If anything went wrong, sure, people could blame us for the place we chose, but everything else would be their own responsibility.

As I said though, if anything was purposely put together, I'm at a point of preferring something virtual.

Hopefully, CC will get the live chat up and running, and we will be able to go from there.

 

[Lynx]

About what happens if somebody backs out of shared expenses: I planned for that all along. I budgeted for paying the whole motel room myself. Then when people pay me back for their share, that's money outside what I really need to make it through the vacation. If something came up and somebody could not make it, I would not be left stranded.

 

[enril]

That does it. A hotel won't cut it. We are going to have to get cabins.

I must try both the pizza biscuits and the baklava.

the baklava was mostly an experiment, but the biscuits... were also an experiment... but they ceased to be after the 3rd iteration. how I did it, is I diced a bunch of bacon, chichen, and got about half a cup or so ranch, and put them in a drop buiscut recipie. of course, the amounts are up to preferences, so if mine turn out, it's just luck.

 

[Lynx]

the baklava was mostly an experiment, but the biscuits... were also an experiment... but they ceased to be after the 3rd iteration. how I did it, is I diced a bunch of bacon, chichen, and got about half a cup or so ranch, and put them in a drop buiscut recipie. of course, the amounts are up to preferences, so if mine turn out, it's just luck.

When we get to the meetup I'll buy the ingredients if you want to repeat the experiment.

 

[enril]

welll, not sure how that would work...
I can picture my self: ``hey mom, I want to meet some people I met on the online that I don't tecnically have access to.''

 

[Lynx]

Talking about hotels and cabins and such:

I am currently visiting Mom. Today is the last day of my vacation.

This Saturday they set off for a cruise...

They were going to go up to Bristol Friday, stay overnight and catch a plane to the cruise ship Saturday morning. But there is a race in Bristol this weekend. The lowest available room they could find was more than 500 bucks per night. Yeah, THAT Bristol.

If we ever do this meet up, we need to not do it when there is some big thing going down in the area.

 

[enril]

actually theres the floor, and laps for stuff. fit an extra... 10 kids and... 25 bags. hmm,

and since theyre kids, triple-seating is an option.

 

[seoulsearch]

welll, not sure how that would work...
I can picture my self: ``hey mom, I want to meet some people I met on the online that I don't tecnically have access to.''

I understand that this is how most people feel.

I have a friend here and it took years of convincing for her family approve of her meeting an internet stranger -- me -- in person (not that she needed their approval, as she could make her own decisions, but she wanted her family's blessing.) Eventually they agreed and...

When we saw her family during this last meetup, her mother greeted me with a big hug and announced, "This is my other daughter!" It was really sweet.

And I mentioned to her family how they had been (rightfully) afraid of their loved one meeting someone over the internet -- and now an entire group of internet people -- formerly strangers turned into friends -- was sitting in their living room!

Admittedly, our group has been rather unique and pretty small. We started out as a bigger bunch but life changes, disagreements, and various dynamics between human beings with different personalites whittled us down to only a handful. And I have to say up front that it takes a lot more time ane effort than most people have or would be able/willing to give -- not as a fault, but just to say that for most, it's probably not a feasible way to make true connections.

With CC chats out of commission, we went to other platforms to be able to chat in real time for several years, and that gradually shifted to meeting in person. By that time, some people had already met one or two people from the group in person so when we organized a meetup, everyone had met at least one other person and could vouch for them being whom they said they were and not being a serial killer.

For me, having a place to chat in real time altogether makes a big difference. It can be surprising to see who loses their temper quickly or who berates others while thinking they're doing everyone a favor.

If something on a larger scale ever materialized, I would definitely consider going, but only if others I've known for a long time were going so that I'd have backup if there was any trouble.

 

[Lynx]

For me, having a place to chat in real time altogether makes a big difference. It can be surprising to see who loses their temper quickly or who berates others while thinking they're doing everyone a favor.

Yeah, sorry about that. There were so many castigation opportunities I missed last week. I'll do better next time. Promise.