What are your relationship dealbreakers?
- Thread starter MsMediator
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I just thought of a deal breaker - if she complains about some music styles.
If there are some styles she can't stand, that's perfectly fine. Almost everyone is allergic to some kind of music. I just don't want to date someone who complains about that style every time it is mentioned.
The problem with people who complain about (insert music style here) is they keep repeating themselves, repeating themselves, repeating themselves. They have a set of arguments they have stored up, and every time (that style) is mentioned they trot all their arguments against (that style) out again. It gets rather wearisome.
After hearing the diatribe three times I get sorely tempted to start playing (genre they hate) just out of spite. I don't do it... Or at least I haven't yet... But it is tempting.
If there are some styles she can't stand, that's perfectly fine. Almost everyone is allergic to some kind of music. I just don't want to date someone who complains about that style every time it is mentioned.
The problem with people who complain about (insert music style here) is they keep repeating themselves, repeating themselves, repeating themselves. They have a set of arguments they have stored up, and every time (that style) is mentioned they trot all their arguments against (that style) out again. It gets rather wearisome.
After hearing the diatribe three times I get sorely tempted to start playing (genre they hate) just out of spite. I don't do it... Or at least I haven't yet... But it is tempting.
Here's the truth about women with tattoos:
https://wingmam.com/blog/2020/01/21/risks-of-dating-a-woman-with-a-tattoo/
https://wingmam.com/blog/2020/01/21/risks-of-dating-a-woman-with-a-tattoo/
Tall_Timbers
Well-known member
At my stage in life I don't envision new "relationships". I'm married once and have learned a lot from that.
I would definitely date a potential future spouse for at least a couple of years or until I felt sure that I knew her.
I wouldn't discount behavior I consider questionable during that dating period. I wouldn't necessarily hold a one off against her, but I would remember and continue to evaluate with that/those exposures in mind. When dating, we all tend to be on our best behavior. If that prospective spouse is rude to other people when you're around, know that it'll be worse once married. Don't discount warning signs/signals.
I would make note of signs of any mental health issues. 20% or more of the population lives with mental health issues and it is there that unnecessary problems/issues are often born from. Some education in mental health would be necessary to be able to detect many of the subtle signs. I'm sad to say my education in this regard occurred sometime after I married.
Cast a wide net. Don't latch on to the one person you end up in a dating relationship with unless that person proves to be really great spouse material.
It would be much easier to live life as a single person than to saddle yourself with an unbeliever or someone with mental health issues.
With all that said, love is blind. I know it and would likely make the same mistakes again if I was a young man looking for a spouse. However things end up, make the most of it and love the Lord with all your heart, mind, and soul, and do well with those who are in your life. Never absquatulate from your responsibilities.
I would definitely date a potential future spouse for at least a couple of years or until I felt sure that I knew her.
I wouldn't discount behavior I consider questionable during that dating period. I wouldn't necessarily hold a one off against her, but I would remember and continue to evaluate with that/those exposures in mind. When dating, we all tend to be on our best behavior. If that prospective spouse is rude to other people when you're around, know that it'll be worse once married. Don't discount warning signs/signals.
I would make note of signs of any mental health issues. 20% or more of the population lives with mental health issues and it is there that unnecessary problems/issues are often born from. Some education in mental health would be necessary to be able to detect many of the subtle signs. I'm sad to say my education in this regard occurred sometime after I married.
Cast a wide net. Don't latch on to the one person you end up in a dating relationship with unless that person proves to be really great spouse material.
It would be much easier to live life as a single person than to saddle yourself with an unbeliever or someone with mental health issues.
With all that said, love is blind. I know it and would likely make the same mistakes again if I was a young man looking for a spouse. However things end up, make the most of it and love the Lord with all your heart, mind, and soul, and do well with those who are in your life. Never absquatulate from your responsibilities.
That's a pretty broad paintbrush there.
Quote from the article:
But let's assume all that was true...
If I love her, will I care if she doesn't value my MBA? If she loved me for my education, she wouldn't really love ME anyway.
Also it was hilarious that an article criticizing women with tattoos, specifically in their education and how they value education, would use "formerly educated" instead of "formally educated."
Actually I w*rk with multiple women who do have tattoos, and some of them do very much care if you smoke around them. "Won't care if you smoke" is wrong and if you try to get one of them to go out with you and you smoke, you will be very surprised.
unfaithfulness is the biggest dealbreaker
You are requiring someone to love you and ONLY you.
But that is hard to quantify because, this can only happen over time. I have seen women deal with heartbreak over and over again because they were stuck at home, expected to be a solo mother while their husband goes off travelling for work where he meets all other women and does whatever or whoever he wants.
Um hello.
Or even, they have someone on the side even BEFORE they married, but the one they married didnt know.
The other is that as soon as someone falls ill, that person is out of there and refuses to look after them or even care.
If someone cant deal with someone when they are sick or frail (which happens, because people ARE human) they arent looking for a 'long term relationship' they are just in it for the money, which is what psychopaths do, they are 'black widows' after insurance.
Also men get all ansty if their wives start devoting more time to raising children than paying them attention because...only super rich wives can employ nannies right. But then what often happens is the husband then has his eye on the younger nanny. (unless they do the proper family unit thing, which is have two sets of grandparents looking after the brood) . oh but where are the grandparents? Negelecting their responsibilities, off in retirement villages where children are banned. OR not being looked after. when they are old and frail. Or in another country.
so whoever holds up the nuclear family as an ideal must know that that picture of family life only lasts for less than five or ten years at most before things fall apart, as the 2.5 children dont always stay as 2.5 children...they grow into ...TEENAGERS lol.
You are requiring someone to love you and ONLY you.
But that is hard to quantify because, this can only happen over time. I have seen women deal with heartbreak over and over again because they were stuck at home, expected to be a solo mother while their husband goes off travelling for work where he meets all other women and does whatever or whoever he wants.
Um hello.
Or even, they have someone on the side even BEFORE they married, but the one they married didnt know.
The other is that as soon as someone falls ill, that person is out of there and refuses to look after them or even care.
If someone cant deal with someone when they are sick or frail (which happens, because people ARE human) they arent looking for a 'long term relationship' they are just in it for the money, which is what psychopaths do, they are 'black widows' after insurance.
Also men get all ansty if their wives start devoting more time to raising children than paying them attention because...only super rich wives can employ nannies right. But then what often happens is the husband then has his eye on the younger nanny. (unless they do the proper family unit thing, which is have two sets of grandparents looking after the brood) . oh but where are the grandparents? Negelecting their responsibilities, off in retirement villages where children are banned. OR not being looked after. when they are old and frail. Or in another country.
so whoever holds up the nuclear family as an ideal must know that that picture of family life only lasts for less than five or ten years at most before things fall apart, as the 2.5 children dont always stay as 2.5 children...they grow into ...TEENAGERS lol.
If you do go into business together, that would work but you actually have to be equal partners.
None of this, I am the Lord and you are the slave business. Unless you both agree to it, but who in their right mind actually wants to be the slave. lol
None of this, I am the Lord and you are the slave business. Unless you both agree to it, but who in their right mind actually wants to be the slave. lol
I am supposed to be on vacation from the public forums, but "absquatulate"?
Note to self: Never play Scrabble with Tall_Timbers, and do not ever challenge him to a mustache and beard-growing contest either.
Back in the days of Israel polygamy was common.
In the Roman and Greek Empires a man would have a wife AND a consort. (Paul referred to both as wives in his letters to Timothy and Titus)
Today in our Westernized Societies this is considered to be horrible behavior....but it wasn't this way for thousands of years.
So I'm not passing judgement on your preferences either way....just that some women coming out or still inside of polygamy say they (would) miss their "sister wives" but not the husband.
Yeah but when would he be able to use it? Scrabble draw is 7 letters. He'd need a LOT of good luck to have a chance.
A defininate red flag would be an unwillingness to sign a prenup. A good prenup defines whats hers, mine & ours. Who wouldn't want that?