Trying to avoid sexting

[GraceUponGrace]

Let me provide some personal background to this topic first. I am a virgin male, and by virgin I mean in all respects. Yes, I've kissed and even made out with women. But I have never engaged in any form of sexual contact. By the way, this is a choice I have made, so I am not what is commonly referred to as an "incel." I guess this would make me a "volcel." If I really wanted to, I have at least one rather attractive female friend with whom I could have sex. She's made that abundantly clear.

But, I would prefer to save sex until marriage (if I ever marry). I'm not overweight or weird or ugly, I simply believe sex should be reserved for the marriage bed. I realize that this is rare among males and even causes others to doubt my sincerity, but I truly am a virgin, and voluntarily.

That doesn't mean I have not sexted, however. I have done so. Texts and images. It's not something I am proud of by any means. To me, it's a form of cheating - not on someone, but on our duties to live Christian lives. It's an affront to God. It's wrong.

I do worry that the next time I am in a relationship (if ever) I will be tempted to engage in some form of sex before marriage. The way I have rationalized sexting - and I know it's not a legitimate excuse or justification - is that it's a release of sexual tension and helps me avoid "going farther" or going all the way. Like a release on a pressure valve.

Anyway, I am praying hard to avoid and to stop engaging in this. The good news is that I am much more convicted about this than I have been in the past. I know it's a sin, and I am actively (and prayerfully) trying to stop it. This cannot be done by any power on my part, but by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I would like to know if others struggle with this and how they deal with it. Also, what is the best way to avoid temptation in dating? Thank you for your time in reading this.

 

[Lynx]

Howdy and welcome to the forum.

That's... Um... About as helpful as I can be here. Never been on a date before, mostly from apathy. All I got is a greeting.

I'll be watching the answers you get with interest though. I may need them some day.

 

[cinder]

Let me provide some personal background to this topic first. I am a virgin male, and by virgin I mean in all respects. Yes, I've kissed and even made out with women. But I have never engaged in any form of sexual contact. By the way, this is a choice I have made, so I am not what is commonly referred to as an "incel." I guess this would make me a "volcel." If I really wanted to, I have at least one rather attractive female friend with whom I could have sex. She's made that abundantly clear.

But, I would prefer to save sex until marriage (if I ever marry). I'm not overweight or weird or ugly, I simply believe sex should be reserved for the marriage bed. I realize that this is rare among males and even causes others to doubt my sincerity, but I truly am a virgin, and voluntarily.

That doesn't mean I have not sexted, however. I have done so. Texts and images. It's not something I am proud of by any means. To me, it's a form of cheating - not on someone, but on our duties to live Christian lives. It's an affront to God. It's wrong.

I do worry that the next time I am in a relationship (if ever) I will be tempted to engage in some form of sex before marriage. The way I have rationalized sexting - and I know it's not a legitimate excuse or justification - is that it's a release of sexual tension and helps me avoid "going farther" or going all the way. Like a release on a pressure valve.

Anyway, I am praying hard to avoid and to stop engaging in this. The good news is that I am much more convicted about this than I have been in the past. I know it's a sin, and I am actively (and prayerfully) trying to stop it. This cannot be done by any power on my part, but by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I would like to know if others struggle with this and how they deal with it. Also, what is the best way to avoid temptation in dating? Thank you for your time in reading this.

First off well done for aspiring to holiness in this area of your life. Best way to make real change in your life, in anything not just this particular struggle, is to give someone who shares your values and will support you permission to hold you accountable. You wanna stop sexting, just find a christian brother you can trust who can ask to see your phone and review your texts at any time (more than one would be great but for some people finding one person they trust that much is a bit of a unicorn search). If you know you may have to explain anything you do in text to another christian brother, you're much more likely to keep it appropriate.

Also I'd recommend if a girl tries to start that with you in a very overt way that you can't quickly diffuse, block her for a day or two to let her know that you absolutely aren't going to tolerate being treated as a sex object.

Temptation is inevitable, building boundaries into your life before it comes is a good way to beat it before it rears its ugly head.

That's the best untested advice I've got.

 

[Gojira]

Let me provide some personal background to this topic first. I am a virgin male, and by virgin I mean in all respects. Yes, I've kissed and even made out with women. But I have never engaged in any form of sexual contact. By the way, this is a choice I have made, so I am not what is commonly referred to as an "incel." I guess this would make me a "volcel." If I really wanted to, I have at least one rather attractive female friend with whom I could have sex. She's made that abundantly clear.

But, I would prefer to save sex until marriage (if I ever marry). I'm not overweight or weird or ugly, I simply believe sex should be reserved for the marriage bed. I realize that this is rare among males and even causes others to doubt my sincerity, but I truly am a virgin, and voluntarily.

That doesn't mean I have not sexted, however. I have done so. Texts and images. It's not something I am proud of by any means. To me, it's a form of cheating - not on someone, but on our duties to live Christian lives. It's an affront to God. It's wrong.

I do worry that the next time I am in a relationship (if ever) I will be tempted to engage in some form of sex before marriage. The way I have rationalized sexting - and I know it's not a legitimate excuse or justification - is that it's a release of sexual tension and helps me avoid "going farther" or going all the way. Like a release on a pressure valve.

Anyway, I am praying hard to avoid and to stop engaging in this. The good news is that I am much more convicted about this than I have been in the past. I know it's a sin, and I am actively (and prayerfully) trying to stop it. This cannot be done by any power on my part, but by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I would like to know if others struggle with this and how they deal with it. Also, what is the best way to avoid temptation in dating? Thank you for your time in reading this.

God took my sinful online habits away. It took Supernatural intervention for me to get it under control. But, once done, it seemed like something had been removed... something psychological or even demonic. But, the anxiety to pursue it was gone.

I did this by, one night in June of 2012, committing myself more deeply to God. That was hard and it was scary. But, I told Him that, with as much as I had in me, which ain't much, I'm going to write Him a blank check. Yikes. This had me in tears as I did not know where it would lead. But, that very night the habit was completely and totally removed.

I'm not saying that this is how it will happen for you. But, there may be a demonic compulsion fanning those hormonal flames. Or, there may be some psychological motivation you're unaware of. Or, both. All I could recommend is to resist as much as possible, practice subjecting your fantasies to the Holy Spirit, and seek God daily. In His word, through prayer, daily. Do not relent. Every day. No excuses. Unless, you're sick, or in a coma, you have no reason to not make time for Him every single day of every single week of every single month of... you get the idea.

 

[Hazelelponi]

Let me provide some personal background to this topic first. I am a virgin male, and by virgin I mean in all respects. Yes, I've kissed and even made out with women. But I have never engaged in any form of sexual contact. By the way, this is a choice I have made, so I am not what is commonly referred to as an "incel." I guess this would make me a "volcel." If I really wanted to, I have at least one rather attractive female friend with whom I could have sex. She's made that abundantly clear.

But, I would prefer to save sex until marriage (if I ever marry). I'm not overweight or weird or ugly, I simply believe sex should be reserved for the marriage bed. I realize that this is rare among males and even causes others to doubt my sincerity, but I truly am a virgin, and voluntarily.

That doesn't mean I have not sexted, however. I have done so. Texts and images. It's not something I am proud of by any means. To me, it's a form of cheating - not on someone, but on our duties to live Christian lives. It's an affront to God. It's wrong.

I do worry that the next time I am in a relationship (if ever) I will be tempted to engage in some form of sex before marriage. The way I have rationalized sexting - and I know it's not a legitimate excuse or justification - is that it's a release of sexual tension and helps me avoid "going farther" or going all the way. Like a release on a pressure valve.

Anyway, I am praying hard to avoid and to stop engaging in this. The good news is that I am much more convicted about this than I have been in the past. I know it's a sin, and I am actively (and prayerfully) trying to stop it. This cannot be done by any power on my part, but by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I would like to know if others struggle with this and how they deal with it. Also, what is the best way to avoid temptation in dating? Thank you for your time in reading this.

I sexted my husband - all text no pictures - after we were married when he was out of town, but I considered that part of the 'marriage bed' and as such sacred. It's not something I've ever done with anyone else, just the man I married, after I married him.

I can't imagine growing up in this day and age, but you don't have to touch to sin, as you well know.

God tells us everything done in darkness will come to light (Luke 12:2-3). For people today, that's so easily done.

Think about this - do you really want standing evidence that can someday be used to blackmail you, or cause you to loose your employment/livelihood, destroy your career?

Never do anything in life behind closed doors that you wouldn't do on the street corner - because it always comes to the light of day when you least expect it and have the most to lose.

So how do you stop? Hang up the phone; tell her this is too far and you want her to respect your personal boundaries, and sexting crosses the line for you. If she refuses, cut ties.

 

[Live4Him3]

I'm not saying that this is how it will happen for you. But, there may be a demonic compulsion fanning those hormonal flames. Or, there may be some psychological motivation you're unaware of. Or, both. All I could recommend is to resist as much as possible, practice subjecting your fantasies to the Holy Spirit, and seek God daily. In His word, through prayer, daily. Do not relent. Every day. No excuses. Unless, you're sick, or in a coma, you have no reason to not make time for Him every single day of every single week of every single month of... you get the idea.

^^^THIS^^^

My question for the OP is this:

Have you ever looked at pornography?

If you have, then confess and renounce that as sin because that may be what actually opened the door to the sexting problem.

 

[TabinRivCA]

Hi @GraceUponGrace great to have you in the Forums. I can speak from a voice of experience. I have dated a lot and married twice. I was a carnal Christian for a while going to church and partying at the same time.
We're always fighting the flesh, some of us more than others. What helped me was getting into the Word and becoming more Spiritual minded than carnal. Keep in mind sex alone does not make a good bonding factor, to be equally yoked Spiritually does. Pray ask for help, He always will oblige.

 

[TheNarrowPath]

the best way is to get one of the rotary phones i saw in another thread. by the time you dial a number you are too exhausted to even talk.
i heard theres sexting on the chatapp so i wont go there but good luck with staying strong.

 

[Lanolin]

uh block or chuck your phone away.

or just marry on the first date. If you cant keep it in your pants. Cos obviously thats all you are thinking about, not how happy you will make someone else but what you can get from the lady.s flesh

I mean you may have no means to marry but does it matter? Thats what you wnt to do, so get a room and make a honest woman of her by going to the registry office and if she gets pregnant be prepared for babies. Cos thats what happens. Just telling it like it is.

I mean has it occured to you to consider what SHE wants? Has she told you to wait? Are you au fait with birth control? Do you know what to do? Are you ready to be a dad?