To whom should the childless leave their wealth?
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The highest ranked male of kin. The rankings minus direct sons and daughters go: brothers starting with the eldest, then uncles on your father's side from oldest to youngest, and finally if there is no father, no brothers, and no paternal uncles it will go to the next male of kin ranked by age (ie: nephews starting at the eldest son of the eldest brother, cousins, the eldest son of the eldest paternal uncle, etc..) Numbers 27:8-11 for reference.
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@MsMediator - thank you so much for starting this thread! It's been a fascinating read.
I understand completely about wanting to give money where it's needed most.
One thing I often ask God is, "Who are the needy?" Is someone with running water, electricity, and an indoor toilet really needy compared to people who don't have those things? Should I be donating to the people who have to walk 10 miles a day on foot and back to the local well instead of those who can just walk to the kitchen and turn on the tap?
Now of course, people in BOTH situations might be in dire need. For me, the question then became, what will be done with the resources once they get them?
I spent many years burning out by giving to people or causes in which I think most were on a perpetual cycle of irresponsibility. I started asking God to please direct me to a way of giving that would give me peace instead of agony over enabling further bad choices. I told him I wanted to start giving to people who were already giving to others.
Yes, on the outside, they might look "comfortable," but the people I know often started out with nothing and the only reason they have something is because if something comes to them, they hang on to it instead of buying the latest phone, always eating out, trends, etc.
One of the families on my "giving list" is a lifelong friend who, despite having a family of her own, is always "adopting" people. Her family has "adopted" a widow they know at their church who is also caring for an adult disabled grandchild. My friend and her family call them several times a week, take them home-cooked meals, visit them regularly, and invite them to family outings.
I was visiting once and took her kids to a store (they were around 8-12 years old,) told them I was proud of them for how much they help others, and gave each one an allowance to buy whatever they wanted.
At the end of the "shopping spree", each child walked up to me with nothing in hand. "Aunt Seoul," they said, "thank you very much, but we just didn't see anything we wanted or needed."
This is why I would choose to give to such people as my friend. Her and I have been talking about how best to save money and use our resources in a God-directed way since we got our first jobs. She lives out her beliefs -- and she's teaching her children to do the same. They would rather help others they know than spend on themselves. Unlike some people I've tried to help in the past, they also have the sense of responsibility and knowledge of how to save in order to give effectively.
I am confident that anything I give to this family is further used to help other people. I can't be sure of this with others I've given to in the past.
Of course, I'm not saying that every person in need isn't and won't be responsible if they get on their feet -- NOT at all. But I've just ran into this so many times that I told God I'd have to stop giving because I didn't have any peace about it. Once He started directing me to try to help responsible givers, I've had a much healthier spirit.
I often think of the story in the Bible of the talents, and how the person who was given 10 talents was also given the 1 talent from the person who did nothing with it. Even the other servants said, "But this guy already has 10, why give him more?" And yet, God decided to give it to the one who had the most.
I'm surely not saying that this will always be the case, and I could be wrong -- but one of the lessons I took from this story is that God is looking to give to those know how to make the best use out of what they have -- because He knows it will be given on to others.
I understand completely about wanting to give money where it's needed most.
One thing I often ask God is, "Who are the needy?" Is someone with running water, electricity, and an indoor toilet really needy compared to people who don't have those things? Should I be donating to the people who have to walk 10 miles a day on foot and back to the local well instead of those who can just walk to the kitchen and turn on the tap?
Now of course, people in BOTH situations might be in dire need. For me, the question then became, what will be done with the resources once they get them?
I spent many years burning out by giving to people or causes in which I think most were on a perpetual cycle of irresponsibility. I started asking God to please direct me to a way of giving that would give me peace instead of agony over enabling further bad choices. I told him I wanted to start giving to people who were already giving to others.
Yes, on the outside, they might look "comfortable," but the people I know often started out with nothing and the only reason they have something is because if something comes to them, they hang on to it instead of buying the latest phone, always eating out, trends, etc.
One of the families on my "giving list" is a lifelong friend who, despite having a family of her own, is always "adopting" people. Her family has "adopted" a widow they know at their church who is also caring for an adult disabled grandchild. My friend and her family call them several times a week, take them home-cooked meals, visit them regularly, and invite them to family outings.
I was visiting once and took her kids to a store (they were around 8-12 years old,) told them I was proud of them for how much they help others, and gave each one an allowance to buy whatever they wanted.
At the end of the "shopping spree", each child walked up to me with nothing in hand. "Aunt Seoul," they said, "thank you very much, but we just didn't see anything we wanted or needed."
This is why I would choose to give to such people as my friend. Her and I have been talking about how best to save money and use our resources in a God-directed way since we got our first jobs. She lives out her beliefs -- and she's teaching her children to do the same. They would rather help others they know than spend on themselves. Unlike some people I've tried to help in the past, they also have the sense of responsibility and knowledge of how to save in order to give effectively.
I am confident that anything I give to this family is further used to help other people. I can't be sure of this with others I've given to in the past.
Of course, I'm not saying that every person in need isn't and won't be responsible if they get on their feet -- NOT at all. But I've just ran into this so many times that I told God I'd have to stop giving because I didn't have any peace about it. Once He started directing me to try to help responsible givers, I've had a much healthier spirit.
I often think of the story in the Bible of the talents, and how the person who was given 10 talents was also given the 1 talent from the person who did nothing with it. Even the other servants said, "But this guy already has 10, why give him more?" And yet, God decided to give it to the one who had the most.
I'm surely not saying that this will always be the case, and I could be wrong -- but one of the lessons I took from this story is that God is looking to give to those know how to make the best use out of what they have -- because He knows it will be given on to others.
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A fireworks party display.....
All that money up in a puff of smoke.
Money, a valuable tool, is prone to cause all sorts of issues.
If you attended a church and won a billion dollars playing Mega Millions....
And you stroked a check to your church for 100 million dollars.....
Congratulations,
you just destroyed your church.
$100 million dollars is a very hefty sum to give to a single church. Usually the pastor will have all sorts of problems out of the congregation and staff afterwards provided he, himself doesn't become a problem with access to that money.
And the problem is not really the dollar amount....it's the people. Just a matter of price and very negotiable.
So, it doesn't matter if it's $10 or $100 million. The people are the problem.
The Bible itself has several stories about this sort of thing in various ways. From Gideon's son to asking Jesus directly to arbitrate over the inheritance.
My own family is not any better. (Which sucks)
They were raised this way....and have been absolutely horrible about inheritances I was supposed to get intercepted by my parents and never told about. I was raised to be the same....BUT GOD (love that insertion) had other notions about my attitude towards money. So....
Wills are the sort of thing that MUST BE EXECUTED BY AN EXECUTOR. Meaning that someone has to take on the task of disbursing your extra, leftover funds according to your wishes and they are supervised by the courts.
But if unexercised....your bank or your investment bank will eat the funds as profits.
So....that's what you are facing.
Being alone as a retirement, life goal is not what it's cracked up to be.
All that money up in a puff of smoke.
Money, a valuable tool, is prone to cause all sorts of issues.
If you attended a church and won a billion dollars playing Mega Millions....
And you stroked a check to your church for 100 million dollars.....
Congratulations,
you just destroyed your church.
$100 million dollars is a very hefty sum to give to a single church. Usually the pastor will have all sorts of problems out of the congregation and staff afterwards provided he, himself doesn't become a problem with access to that money.
And the problem is not really the dollar amount....it's the people. Just a matter of price and very negotiable.
So, it doesn't matter if it's $10 or $100 million. The people are the problem.
The Bible itself has several stories about this sort of thing in various ways. From Gideon's son to asking Jesus directly to arbitrate over the inheritance.
My own family is not any better. (Which sucks)
They were raised this way....and have been absolutely horrible about inheritances I was supposed to get intercepted by my parents and never told about. I was raised to be the same....BUT GOD (love that insertion) had other notions about my attitude towards money. So....
Wills are the sort of thing that MUST BE EXECUTED BY AN EXECUTOR. Meaning that someone has to take on the task of disbursing your extra, leftover funds according to your wishes and they are supervised by the courts.
But if unexercised....your bank or your investment bank will eat the funds as profits.
So....that's what you are facing.
Being alone as a retirement, life goal is not what it's cracked up to be.
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I've spent a good portion of my life around retirement communities due to looking after grandparents, and now parents.
I know of cases of couples in which one died, and then the other a few months or year later, seemingly from a broken heart.
But I don't personally know of a single couple that died at the same time -- though of course it's possible, such as in a car accident.
Rather, the vast majority I've met have been left behind as widows/widowers, and it's heartbreaking to see. Many are completely alone, estranged or with too far of a distance from children and other family members. In some cases, family wants nothing to do with them, and/or they want nothing to do with their family.
What I've observed is also from a generation that firmly believes in a vast separation of "men's work" and "women's work," even after death. The women I've known who lose their husbands are no longer accepted by married friends, because their "friends" now fear they will try to steal their husbands. These women often have no idea how to pay the bills, work a budget, or what they'll do when the money runs out -- because their husband always took care of things.
The men who are left behind often don't know how to cook, clean, or have any other social life besides their wives. Our biggest fear when my Grandma died was that my Grandpa would starve to death, because he refused to do or learn any kind of "women's work" -- even if it was as simple as running the microwave.
And I still see this kind of thinking/behavior among the people of my parent's generation. I know the ways in which each of my parents will need to be taken care of if/when left behind without the other, and I dread the day, though I will do so with love because of all they have done for me.
I truly feel sad for the people who don't plan on how they will be able to take care of themselves if they wind up alone.
Because no matter how much family you have or how wonderful your spouse or children may be, there is no guarantee that God won't choose you to be the last one standing.
I know of cases of couples in which one died, and then the other a few months or year later, seemingly from a broken heart.
But I don't personally know of a single couple that died at the same time -- though of course it's possible, such as in a car accident.
Rather, the vast majority I've met have been left behind as widows/widowers, and it's heartbreaking to see. Many are completely alone, estranged or with too far of a distance from children and other family members. In some cases, family wants nothing to do with them, and/or they want nothing to do with their family.
What I've observed is also from a generation that firmly believes in a vast separation of "men's work" and "women's work," even after death. The women I've known who lose their husbands are no longer accepted by married friends, because their "friends" now fear they will try to steal their husbands. These women often have no idea how to pay the bills, work a budget, or what they'll do when the money runs out -- because their husband always took care of things.
The men who are left behind often don't know how to cook, clean, or have any other social life besides their wives. Our biggest fear when my Grandma died was that my Grandpa would starve to death, because he refused to do or learn any kind of "women's work" -- even if it was as simple as running the microwave.
And I still see this kind of thinking/behavior among the people of my parent's generation. I know the ways in which each of my parents will need to be taken care of if/when left behind without the other, and I dread the day, though I will do so with love because of all they have done for me.
I truly feel sad for the people who don't plan on how they will be able to take care of themselves if they wind up alone.
Because no matter how much family you have or how wonderful your spouse or children may be, there is no guarantee that God won't choose you to be the last one standing.
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