To those of you dating...
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well no pain no gain, as Jesus COULD have said on the cross.
life isnt about avoiding pain sometimes you actually do have to go through the pruning process to get the good fruit.
Im not dating at the moment but its not to say I will never go out with anyone unless Im engaged to them.
I dont think the 'I kissed dating goodbye' thing really worked out for anybody, including the guy who wrote that book.
life isnt about avoiding pain sometimes you actually do have to go through the pruning process to get the good fruit.
Im not dating at the moment but its not to say I will never go out with anyone unless Im engaged to them.
I dont think the 'I kissed dating goodbye' thing really worked out for anybody, including the guy who wrote that book.
You don't have to explicitly say one option is better or more spiritual than the other, when you're asking people to justify one choice over another. The entire question of why date instead of wait is biased in favor of waiting, as if that's the right way and any other choice needs reasons and justification.
And there's a subtle but significant difference between giving scripture and giving your interpretation of scripture (or scriptural allusions). A verse that says God gives good gifts or the gifts that God gives are good, is not the same as every good thing in life is a gift from God nor does it say that everything you want that you think will be a good thing God will give you. Similarly when it says "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart" (PS 37:4) it is debatable whether that means God gives you the things that you desire deep down in your heart or that God will put (new and possibly different) desires in your heart as you delight in him. As far as I know there is no explicit promise in scripture that God will provide the individual Christian with a specific mate through some sort of divine matchmaking services. The overall theme of what the Bible has to say is something along the lines of you're free to remain single or you're free to choose any other unmarried Christian that you want to marry and undertake the challenge of building a life partnership together. Whichever way you choose; here's how to conduct yourself in that state in a way that pleases God.
And this is relevant to the whole idea of God's provision, which I said many people interpret as God being a wish granter. There are some great Biblical and historical examples of God providing and people relying on God's provision, but there are also instances of its abuse. One of the most common features of the good examples though is that there is a link between human action and fully receiving God's provision: a couple Biblical examples of this would be the manna which God made miraculously appear for 40 years but the people had to go out every day and gather for themselves and both Hezekiah and Jehoshaphat when faced with unwinnable battles prayed to God (human action) and God provided miraculous deliverance.
I don't want to completely discount the favor of God either, but I do want to hold a holistic view of the Bible and acknowledge that the same Bible that says God will favor, support, and uphold the righteous also contains the stories of David running and hiding from Saul for years because Saul was jealous that David had God's favor, Abel being favored and accepted by God and then murdered by his brother over it, or Jesus himself fleeing to exile as a baby because the evil king wanted to exterminate him and then later though no one was more righteous or favored than Jesus himself, he is tortured and executed in a gross miscarriage of justice. And since God has declared his goal of conforming us to the image of Christ, I get wary anymore when people start talking like God is going to make life go smoothly for us and keep us from all difficulty and harm and failure. There really isn't much in the way of historical or biblical example to support that point of view, but the tension of the reality: God is ultimate good and yet allowed his only Son to be humiliated and executed as a sacrifice is something we mostly don't talk about or acknowledge.
And there's a subtle but significant difference between giving scripture and giving your interpretation of scripture (or scriptural allusions). A verse that says God gives good gifts or the gifts that God gives are good, is not the same as every good thing in life is a gift from God nor does it say that everything you want that you think will be a good thing God will give you. Similarly when it says "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart" (PS 37:4) it is debatable whether that means God gives you the things that you desire deep down in your heart or that God will put (new and possibly different) desires in your heart as you delight in him. As far as I know there is no explicit promise in scripture that God will provide the individual Christian with a specific mate through some sort of divine matchmaking services. The overall theme of what the Bible has to say is something along the lines of you're free to remain single or you're free to choose any other unmarried Christian that you want to marry and undertake the challenge of building a life partnership together. Whichever way you choose; here's how to conduct yourself in that state in a way that pleases God.
And this is relevant to the whole idea of God's provision, which I said many people interpret as God being a wish granter. There are some great Biblical and historical examples of God providing and people relying on God's provision, but there are also instances of its abuse. One of the most common features of the good examples though is that there is a link between human action and fully receiving God's provision: a couple Biblical examples of this would be the manna which God made miraculously appear for 40 years but the people had to go out every day and gather for themselves and both Hezekiah and Jehoshaphat when faced with unwinnable battles prayed to God (human action) and God provided miraculous deliverance.
I don't want to completely discount the favor of God either, but I do want to hold a holistic view of the Bible and acknowledge that the same Bible that says God will favor, support, and uphold the righteous also contains the stories of David running and hiding from Saul for years because Saul was jealous that David had God's favor, Abel being favored and accepted by God and then murdered by his brother over it, or Jesus himself fleeing to exile as a baby because the evil king wanted to exterminate him and then later though no one was more righteous or favored than Jesus himself, he is tortured and executed in a gross miscarriage of justice. And since God has declared his goal of conforming us to the image of Christ, I get wary anymore when people start talking like God is going to make life go smoothly for us and keep us from all difficulty and harm and failure. There really isn't much in the way of historical or biblical example to support that point of view, but the tension of the reality: God is ultimate good and yet allowed his only Son to be humiliated and executed as a sacrifice is something we mostly don't talk about or acknowledge.
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Just to add I think you CAN date at the same time as waiting on the Lord...I supoose you could call it the wait and date.
if the only date that counts is the day you get married then you would just never see anybody else so...few of us have arranged dates like that. Although in the old days you got married as soon as you hit puberty to someone your parents had picked out practically from birth.
if the only date that counts is the day you get married then you would just never see anybody else so...few of us have arranged dates like that. Although in the old days you got married as soon as you hit puberty to someone your parents had picked out practically from birth.
why date rather than wait, well unless youve set the wedding date however any days, months, or years intò the future...weddings are not so easy to plan.
which is where dates come in as they are usually just a couple of hours and not expensive. Just ring up and go and you can go home to sleep after ward and not worry about the bill or guests or whos sleeping where
if you date a variety of people you can also learn different langauges etc. I mean that is if your prpose of dating is just to have a good time and be companionable, theres no rule saying you HAVE to marry that person. if they ask you can just say no. They probably dont want to date you again...but so what? You enjoy the date. none of us are promised tomorrow. its not as if you are getting into bed with them or fornicating or anything.
which is where dates come in as they are usually just a couple of hours and not expensive. Just ring up and go and you can go home to sleep after ward and not worry about the bill or guests or whos sleeping where
if you date a variety of people you can also learn different langauges etc. I mean that is if your prpose of dating is just to have a good time and be companionable, theres no rule saying you HAVE to marry that person. if they ask you can just say no. They probably dont want to date you again...but so what? You enjoy the date. none of us are promised tomorrow. its not as if you are getting into bed with them or fornicating or anything.
That’s reading a lot into the question cinder. The question of why, does not mean people need to feel the pressure of justifying their decision, but I am asking why they made that decision. The insinuated judgement you’re reading into the question comes from the sensitivity of the subject at hand. I am just asking why.
I do favor waiting, for the record. That is not to say others have to wait as well.
Is one option better than the other? That’s kind of what the question allows us to discuss. 🙂 Why date instead of wait? Again, this doesn’t mean they are out of God’s will by dating, and can’t happen upon the right person or find a person they can make it work with.
I am simply asking, why do some people with all of the pitfalls of dating choose to date instead of waiting for the right person at the direction of the Lord? Now, you may say there is a way to date in a godly fashion, but as I asked and you didn’t answer, does godly dating have its cons as well? Pitfalls? Pains? Rejection?
Does godly dating appeal more to you than waiting?
Since you do not subscribe to the belief of God’s providence in a wife or husband, the promise of a mate, is it any wonder you would choose dating? So we now have one reason people date. A belief that God doesn’t promise a mate and therefore you must find a person you are compatible with. Note, some people do believe in God’s provision, and such provision isn’t limited to waiting and they can see God’s providence in dating.
I do favor waiting, for the record. That is not to say others have to wait as well.
Is one option better than the other? That’s kind of what the question allows us to discuss. 🙂 Why date instead of wait? Again, this doesn’t mean they are out of God’s will by dating, and can’t happen upon the right person or find a person they can make it work with.
I am simply asking, why do some people with all of the pitfalls of dating choose to date instead of waiting for the right person at the direction of the Lord? Now, you may say there is a way to date in a godly fashion, but as I asked and you didn’t answer, does godly dating have its cons as well? Pitfalls? Pains? Rejection?
Does godly dating appeal more to you than waiting?
Since you do not subscribe to the belief of God’s providence in a wife or husband, the promise of a mate, is it any wonder you would choose dating? So we now have one reason people date. A belief that God doesn’t promise a mate and therefore you must find a person you are compatible with. Note, some people do believe in God’s provision, and such provision isn’t limited to waiting and they can see God’s providence in dating.
Hi Ben,
I know that at first, the examples I used in my earlier post (two married couples wanting a child, each choosing their own way of waiting on the Lord for an answer) seems unrelated to singles and dating, but I chose that example because both situations have something very important in common: the desire to build a family, whether by establishment (marriage) or addition (a child.) In both cases, the people involved are asking God to put someone in their life who is not already there, so the question remains -- how much do we weigh in that God will just drop us that person out of nowhere, and how much of our own legwork does He expect us to contribute?
I used to be someone who considered myself to be "actively dating" -- being on dating sites and actually going out on dates -- but in the past few years, I've pretty much pared it down to just "living life, and if I meet someone along the way, that's great, and if not, ok then -- maybe it's not what God has for me.
I think @cinder also hit the nail on the head in that a person's definition of dating is crucial. Most Christians will agree that today's culture of weekend hookups is not the definition of Godly dating. But for me, my personal definition is mostly just spending time doing something publicly social with the person and then talking in order to get to know them better.
I do have to say that I've always been intimidated by the "I only date to marry" philosophy, because I'm assuming the person who says that means they will only go and hang out with someone if they can see them as a potential marriage partner (I actually wrote a thread about this entire topic a long time ago.) Personally, I hate that kind of pressure because it means I am immediately being scrutinized every which way from Sunday as to whether or not a complete stranger thinks I'd be their ideal marriage partner. And let's be real here. Marriage involves sex, so that means that this complete stranger is also wondering about whether or not I'd be sexually compatible with him as well, and we don't even know each other yet. I am not comfortable with this at all, and part of the reason I left Christian dating sites is because I hate the "Only Date to Marry" scrutiny.
I would much rather just get to know someone casually at first, then maybe continue to have contact or spend time with them, and then maybe see if we might think we'd want to try a relationship (which is still a far cry from even thinking about marriage.) I am very much a "slow dater", which is probably why I'm still single! Understandably, most people feel they are on a timetable (especially if they want to have kids) and can't be bothered with a long period of getting to know each other, but that's what works for me.
If you feel a more "absolute" approach to waiting on God (no active searching or dating) works best for you, that's wonderful and I applaud your choice. But I don't think it's the choice for everyone. Granted, I do think there are times when people are searching too hard or are too focused on finding someone, and may indeed need to step away from the dating scene for a while -- no doubt about that.
But I do think that for others, dating is helpful. I knew a couple once in which the wife had grown up in a household of all boys. Being the only girl, they kind of doted on her and that's what she was used to. She'd never had any other boyfriends before she got married, and since all she knew was the way her fathers and brothers treated her, she would constantly compare her husband to them, and continued to rely on them more than her husband (while constantly criticizing him for not being like the men in her family.)
Her husband lamented once that his wife had never had a boyfriend who treated her poorly, and that maybe if she had dated more before meeting him, she might realize that he was trying his absolute best. In other words, the only comparison she had in her life was men in her own family who jumped at her every need, and she expected her husband to be like this as well. Her husband eventually threw in the towel (though there were other things going on,) saying, "Why stay in a situation where I'm never needed because everyone else is doing such a better job?"
I don't know if it would have saved their marriage if she would have had some other experiences to glean from and would hopefully realize that he did love her and was treating her as well as he knew to do.
Although the few relationships I had were terrible, I'm not sure how much I would change even if I could go back, just because I know that the heartaches I had during that time will make me appreciate someone much more than if I had "just waited."
Those are just my own thoughts, and what seems to work for me.
Thank you for taking the time to hear me out, and I wish you God's best during your wait.
I know that at first, the examples I used in my earlier post (two married couples wanting a child, each choosing their own way of waiting on the Lord for an answer) seems unrelated to singles and dating, but I chose that example because both situations have something very important in common: the desire to build a family, whether by establishment (marriage) or addition (a child.) In both cases, the people involved are asking God to put someone in their life who is not already there, so the question remains -- how much do we weigh in that God will just drop us that person out of nowhere, and how much of our own legwork does He expect us to contribute?
I used to be someone who considered myself to be "actively dating" -- being on dating sites and actually going out on dates -- but in the past few years, I've pretty much pared it down to just "living life, and if I meet someone along the way, that's great, and if not, ok then -- maybe it's not what God has for me.
I think @cinder also hit the nail on the head in that a person's definition of dating is crucial. Most Christians will agree that today's culture of weekend hookups is not the definition of Godly dating. But for me, my personal definition is mostly just spending time doing something publicly social with the person and then talking in order to get to know them better.
I do have to say that I've always been intimidated by the "I only date to marry" philosophy, because I'm assuming the person who says that means they will only go and hang out with someone if they can see them as a potential marriage partner (I actually wrote a thread about this entire topic a long time ago.) Personally, I hate that kind of pressure because it means I am immediately being scrutinized every which way from Sunday as to whether or not a complete stranger thinks I'd be their ideal marriage partner. And let's be real here. Marriage involves sex, so that means that this complete stranger is also wondering about whether or not I'd be sexually compatible with him as well, and we don't even know each other yet. I am not comfortable with this at all, and part of the reason I left Christian dating sites is because I hate the "Only Date to Marry" scrutiny.
I would much rather just get to know someone casually at first, then maybe continue to have contact or spend time with them, and then maybe see if we might think we'd want to try a relationship (which is still a far cry from even thinking about marriage.) I am very much a "slow dater", which is probably why I'm still single! Understandably, most people feel they are on a timetable (especially if they want to have kids) and can't be bothered with a long period of getting to know each other, but that's what works for me.
If you feel a more "absolute" approach to waiting on God (no active searching or dating) works best for you, that's wonderful and I applaud your choice. But I don't think it's the choice for everyone. Granted, I do think there are times when people are searching too hard or are too focused on finding someone, and may indeed need to step away from the dating scene for a while -- no doubt about that.
But I do think that for others, dating is helpful. I knew a couple once in which the wife had grown up in a household of all boys. Being the only girl, they kind of doted on her and that's what she was used to. She'd never had any other boyfriends before she got married, and since all she knew was the way her fathers and brothers treated her, she would constantly compare her husband to them, and continued to rely on them more than her husband (while constantly criticizing him for not being like the men in her family.)
Her husband lamented once that his wife had never had a boyfriend who treated her poorly, and that maybe if she had dated more before meeting him, she might realize that he was trying his absolute best. In other words, the only comparison she had in her life was men in her own family who jumped at her every need, and she expected her husband to be like this as well. Her husband eventually threw in the towel (though there were other things going on,) saying, "Why stay in a situation where I'm never needed because everyone else is doing such a better job?"
I don't know if it would have saved their marriage if she would have had some other experiences to glean from and would hopefully realize that he did love her and was treating her as well as he knew to do.
Although the few relationships I had were terrible, I'm not sure how much I would change even if I could go back, just because I know that the heartaches I had during that time will make me appreciate someone much more than if I had "just waited."
Those are just my own thoughts, and what seems to work for me.
Thank you for taking the time to hear me out, and I wish you God's best during your wait.
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That's your claim, but let's look at the way you worded things.
"Why don’t you wait upon the Lord?" - The very nature of that question suggests one is waiting upon the Lord and one is not waiting upon the Lord. If not waiting for God's direction, then you, by default, are going against it. So you have worded it, right at the beginning, that waiting IS the right way, because by not waiting you're not following God's direction.
"If you asked the Lord for a spouse, and God would let you know who that specific person is" - This reinforces your above statement further, by stating that waiting is God's way, and dating is not. Thereby making dating the wrong approach.
"they will justify their reason for dating" - If you see people who offer an opposing view to yours as 'justifying' their choice, that implies that the choice is wrong and needs justification at all.
"This is about trusting in the Lord" - So by waiting you're trusting God, but by dating you're not trusting God, is what you say here. That's clearly stating one is wrong.
"So, if God would provide you a spouse by you trusting in His timing and providence, and Him letting you know who it is when you meet the person, why would you subject yourself to dating?" - A repeat of what you said above.
"I am saddened to see people, more specifically sisters in Christ, go through heartache and pain, being dishonored, and mistreated. Devalued. They deserve better. You deserve better. I ask, why will you not wait upon the Lord?" - Here you relate dating (and apparently just women?) to 'heartache', 'pain', 'being dishonored', 'mistreated' and 'devalued'. If you align these things to dating, then clearly that shows one is better than the other.
"wouldn’t waiting upon the Lord be the ideal?" - Again putting waiting as superior to dating, thus making dating the wrong option.
"what stops you from now putting a pause on dating, putting your desires before God in prayer, and waiting for Him to bring that person into your life?" - This statement says that by dating you are not praying and trusting God. Obviously if one is seen as not trusting God that means it's wrong.
"What do you think your Heavenly Father thinks of the man you’re with or the men you’ve been looking at?" - So people dating are not being discerning and picking people not pleasing to God? I'm sure you'll deny that's what you meant, but that is what you have said just by the act of bringing it up at all.
"so in actuality we have the right to be with whomever we choose, regardless of the consequence. Yet, God knowing all, would you not think it wise to seek the Lord’s counsel?" - Another statement that suggests by taking the option of dating you'll have the right to do what you want, but it's not what God wants. And also that one isn't trusting in God by doing so.
"The right date, both in terms of person and timing." - Well, you state it pretty plainly there, that it's the right way.
"The question is, do they intend to have a relationship that leads to marriage and death do you part, and if they do, why are they not waiting upon the Lord and His providence instead of subjecting themselves to the pains of dating? Again, people are free to date; I am asking why they don’t wait, instead? Why go through the process of examination and elimination when they can just wait for God’s providence?" - Dating is mans way, waiting is God's way, is what that says.
And i could go on, but i think this makes a clear point. You claim you're looking for a discussion, but yet your posts, right from the start, all point to one way being the right way. And you reinforce and drive home the same view again and again and again. If your goal was actually a discussion you would not so constantly and forcefully label your view as God's way and the other as outside of what God wants. You can't constantly push one view as God's way, then turn around and pretend you are just looking for people to answer a question.
This is what we see in the BDF all the time, people using neutral sounding questions to draw people in, when all they are really interested in is telling everyone their view is wrong. It's never about discussion, it's about cornering people and ambushing them. Not having open discussion. If discussion was your goal, and learning what motivates others, then you would not be constantly and relentlessly pushing the view you believe to be right, but you'd be focusing on hearing what others say and not wording things in a way that suggests one is inferior or wrong.
It's a rather passive/aggressive approach. You won't come straight out and say dating is wrong, but constantly paint it as being wrong. One doesn't need to say things directly to make their opinion known, especially when one repeats themselves in so many different ways as you. Or responds to Every response with 'but this way is God's way, that way is not'. That closes off all discussion because you're clearly not interested in listening, but rather using the question as a way to tell people what you believe is the right way. I'll pass.
"Why don’t you wait upon the Lord?" - The very nature of that question suggests one is waiting upon the Lord and one is not waiting upon the Lord. If not waiting for God's direction, then you, by default, are going against it. So you have worded it, right at the beginning, that waiting IS the right way, because by not waiting you're not following God's direction.
"If you asked the Lord for a spouse, and God would let you know who that specific person is" - This reinforces your above statement further, by stating that waiting is God's way, and dating is not. Thereby making dating the wrong approach.
"they will justify their reason for dating" - If you see people who offer an opposing view to yours as 'justifying' their choice, that implies that the choice is wrong and needs justification at all.
"This is about trusting in the Lord" - So by waiting you're trusting God, but by dating you're not trusting God, is what you say here. That's clearly stating one is wrong.
"So, if God would provide you a spouse by you trusting in His timing and providence, and Him letting you know who it is when you meet the person, why would you subject yourself to dating?" - A repeat of what you said above.
"I am saddened to see people, more specifically sisters in Christ, go through heartache and pain, being dishonored, and mistreated. Devalued. They deserve better. You deserve better. I ask, why will you not wait upon the Lord?" - Here you relate dating (and apparently just women?) to 'heartache', 'pain', 'being dishonored', 'mistreated' and 'devalued'. If you align these things to dating, then clearly that shows one is better than the other.
"wouldn’t waiting upon the Lord be the ideal?" - Again putting waiting as superior to dating, thus making dating the wrong option.
"what stops you from now putting a pause on dating, putting your desires before God in prayer, and waiting for Him to bring that person into your life?" - This statement says that by dating you are not praying and trusting God. Obviously if one is seen as not trusting God that means it's wrong.
"What do you think your Heavenly Father thinks of the man you’re with or the men you’ve been looking at?" - So people dating are not being discerning and picking people not pleasing to God? I'm sure you'll deny that's what you meant, but that is what you have said just by the act of bringing it up at all.
"so in actuality we have the right to be with whomever we choose, regardless of the consequence. Yet, God knowing all, would you not think it wise to seek the Lord’s counsel?" - Another statement that suggests by taking the option of dating you'll have the right to do what you want, but it's not what God wants. And also that one isn't trusting in God by doing so.
"The right date, both in terms of person and timing." - Well, you state it pretty plainly there, that it's the right way.
"The question is, do they intend to have a relationship that leads to marriage and death do you part, and if they do, why are they not waiting upon the Lord and His providence instead of subjecting themselves to the pains of dating? Again, people are free to date; I am asking why they don’t wait, instead? Why go through the process of examination and elimination when they can just wait for God’s providence?" - Dating is mans way, waiting is God's way, is what that says.
And i could go on, but i think this makes a clear point. You claim you're looking for a discussion, but yet your posts, right from the start, all point to one way being the right way. And you reinforce and drive home the same view again and again and again. If your goal was actually a discussion you would not so constantly and forcefully label your view as God's way and the other as outside of what God wants. You can't constantly push one view as God's way, then turn around and pretend you are just looking for people to answer a question.
This is what we see in the BDF all the time, people using neutral sounding questions to draw people in, when all they are really interested in is telling everyone their view is wrong. It's never about discussion, it's about cornering people and ambushing them. Not having open discussion. If discussion was your goal, and learning what motivates others, then you would not be constantly and relentlessly pushing the view you believe to be right, but you'd be focusing on hearing what others say and not wording things in a way that suggests one is inferior or wrong.
It's a rather passive/aggressive approach. You won't come straight out and say dating is wrong, but constantly paint it as being wrong. One doesn't need to say things directly to make their opinion known, especially when one repeats themselves in so many different ways as you. Or responds to Every response with 'but this way is God's way, that way is not'. That closes off all discussion because you're clearly not interested in listening, but rather using the question as a way to tell people what you believe is the right way. I'll pass.
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I was thinking about this. That God can use such relationships (that a person has chosen) for a person’s good (as He works all things for their good). Meaning it doesn’t all have to be destructive and you can glean from the experience. At the very least, as you said, they have a relative comparison (which can also be a negative for some). Though, technically, one should already have a comparison in the, hopefully good, example of their parents.
Our best example is God’s word and how it defines love. We are to love as Christ loved the church. So we don’t necessarily require tangible examples, though surely they help and are formative in our expectations.
The idea that you will appreciate the good having experienced the bad, can even be equated to sin. People walk in it, hate it, repent, and then live life in righteousness. They see the cost of sin, and want nothing to do with it. They rather walk in righteousness, or in love.
As far as your question on how much leg work God requires of us (in the waiting)? Delight yourself in the Lord. To me, this means walking in obedience to His will for your life and following His lead. We obviously should prepare for our spouse, growing in necessary areas of independence and also too by God’s sanctification He prepares us in character for marriage. My prayer is, “Purify me. Sanctify me. My heart, my mind, and my emotions in line.” In line to the vision set before me by God, in accordance with His plans.
Our best example is God’s word and how it defines love. We are to love as Christ loved the church. So we don’t necessarily require tangible examples, though surely they help and are formative in our expectations.
The idea that you will appreciate the good having experienced the bad, can even be equated to sin. People walk in it, hate it, repent, and then live life in righteousness. They see the cost of sin, and want nothing to do with it. They rather walk in righteousness, or in love.
As far as your question on how much leg work God requires of us (in the waiting)? Delight yourself in the Lord. To me, this means walking in obedience to His will for your life and following His lead. We obviously should prepare for our spouse, growing in necessary areas of independence and also too by God’s sanctification He prepares us in character for marriage. My prayer is, “Purify me. Sanctify me. My heart, my mind, and my emotions in line.” In line to the vision set before me by God, in accordance with His plans.
My #1 rule on dating is to not date a person that you wouldn't consider marrying.
In my observations, I have found that 'waiting upon the Lord' is code for fear of rejection or commitment. Entering any relationship is a calculated risk that it may or may not work out. Of course, you should pray if you are so inclined to start a relationship leading to marriage but if an opportunity arises you must be prepared to take bold decisive action. God is not simply going to drop a spouse into your lap.
There is a saying that all is fair in love and war. I believe that there is an element of truth to that. Pursuing a relationship that may lead to marriage is not for the timid. Feint heart does not win fair maiden. I believe that saying to be true as well.
In my observations, I have found that 'waiting upon the Lord' is code for fear of rejection or commitment. Entering any relationship is a calculated risk that it may or may not work out. Of course, you should pray if you are so inclined to start a relationship leading to marriage but if an opportunity arises you must be prepared to take bold decisive action. God is not simply going to drop a spouse into your lap.
There is a saying that all is fair in love and war. I believe that there is an element of truth to that. Pursuing a relationship that may lead to marriage is not for the timid. Feint heart does not win fair maiden. I believe that saying to be true as well.
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All of that to say, as I already confessed, I am for waiting upon the Lord. 😆 Also, here is the big question for you: What if dating wasn’t God’s plan for you to find the person you are to be with and instead you are taking matters into your own hands?
Again, this is up to an individual person and within their free will.
Can you paint dating as the ideal option? My question of ideal, is under the impression that a person doesn’t want to go through a bunch of people, but would much rather and instantly meet the person they are compatible with first (and not at the tenth relationship). Is this wrong? Does someone actually desire to not meet a person they kick it off with with the first person they date? Lol
Again, this is up to an individual person and within their free will.
Can you paint dating as the ideal option? My question of ideal, is under the impression that a person doesn’t want to go through a bunch of people, but would much rather and instantly meet the person they are compatible with first (and not at the tenth relationship). Is this wrong? Does someone actually desire to not meet a person they kick it off with with the first person they date? Lol
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Also, I am open to discussion because I wanted to know WHY people are dating as opposed to waiting. Regardless of my bias towards waiting, that doesn’t mean you cannot express your reasoning for dating.
The one person who came close to why (or offering a reason), was cinder in expressing they do not believe “God has someone for everyone.” So dating is obviously the choice, because in that reasoning, you must go out and find someone compatible.
Seoulsearch, I suppose, also offered her reasoning as being a slow dater, and wanting to get to know someone and not just “date to marry.” She feels more comfortable with a process.
The one person who came close to why (or offering a reason), was cinder in expressing they do not believe “God has someone for everyone.” So dating is obviously the choice, because in that reasoning, you must go out and find someone compatible.
Seoulsearch, I suppose, also offered her reasoning as being a slow dater, and wanting to get to know someone and not just “date to marry.” She feels more comfortable with a process.
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I guess I think God gave me several talents (albeit a little hard to find) and I think He expects me to use them for the kinds of things that come my way. Remember that story in Matthew where the master left and entrusted his servants with 8 "talents" (oddly enough). Two invested the money in their own ways and one just burried the money so he would't lose it and when the master came back he took the money from the one that buried it and gave it to the two that made something out of it.
I think that's what God expects of us. To use what He's entrusted us with. If He is the potter, does he expect his cup to leak water? He'd throw it away if it did. And He would even take even the nothing away from those that don't use what He's given. That's probably true in every aspect of life. Even dating.
So I guess my answer would be that if you want a relationship with a potential spouse but prefer to bury your talents so you won't lose your Master's good works, then you're liable to end up without either one.
I think that's what God expects of us. To use what He's entrusted us with. If He is the potter, does he expect his cup to leak water? He'd throw it away if it did. And He would even take even the nothing away from those that don't use what He's given. That's probably true in every aspect of life. Even dating.
So I guess my answer would be that if you want a relationship with a potential spouse but prefer to bury your talents so you won't lose your Master's good works, then you're liable to end up without either one.
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Yep I been growing in independence (and I hope sanctification too) for so long, that now I'm so independent I wouldn't know how to deal with having a spouse always around and in my life. And that also raises the question... can you become so sanctified that you really are too good for all the available marriage partners that are left?
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Funny enough, the Bible speaks about being equally yoked and would you believe I pray for my future wife and her spiritual growth? I pray that she is in God’s presence, in His word, and encountering His goodness. That she knows His voice. It’s good to be on the same page, when it comes to things of the Spirit.
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I suppose this can be applicable to the person dating and the person waiting. You see, both are equipped and prepared, but ultimately you have to take the plunge (when you meet the person) and offer them, well, yourself (which includes all of your parabolic talents).
This can be a fear for people, being vulnerable. But there is no fear in love.
In this analogy, burying your talents would be analogous to inaction. The dater in their dating, and the waiter in pursuing when the one arrives.
You can choose the wife life or the monk life. Haha
Ultimately action does happen.
This can be a fear for people, being vulnerable. But there is no fear in love.
In this analogy, burying your talents would be analogous to inaction. The dater in their dating, and the waiter in pursuing when the one arrives.
You can choose the wife life or the monk life. Haha
Ultimately action does happen.
Let's say you choose the "Wait on the Lord" approach. You pray and wait, wait and pray, rinse and repeat. Years go by.
Then one day, you meet someone; let's name this fictitious person, "S". S is compatible: age, background, Christian, same general secondary beliefs, no significantly incompatible characteristics. S thinks the same of you... initially.
You talk, you get together several times (nothing improper), you start thinking about future possibilities.
How do you have any clue that you're not simply "dating" rather than "waiting"? Does God put a halo around S's head? Does He speak audibly? Does He confirm it by circumstances? A dream perhaps?
What would cause a person to think that God brought this person along... rather than this person being "just a person" or worse, the enemy's attempt to throw your life a seriously unpleasant curve ball?
What if S doesn't hear from the Lord and decides you aren't their "one"? Or S does, and you don't?
Well, then I guess you were just dating after all. It's way too easy to rationalize the preamble by the result.
Then one day, you meet someone; let's name this fictitious person, "S". S is compatible: age, background, Christian, same general secondary beliefs, no significantly incompatible characteristics. S thinks the same of you... initially.
You talk, you get together several times (nothing improper), you start thinking about future possibilities.
How do you have any clue that you're not simply "dating" rather than "waiting"? Does God put a halo around S's head? Does He speak audibly? Does He confirm it by circumstances? A dream perhaps?
What would cause a person to think that God brought this person along... rather than this person being "just a person" or worse, the enemy's attempt to throw your life a seriously unpleasant curve ball?
What if S doesn't hear from the Lord and decides you aren't their "one"? Or S does, and you don't?
Well, then I guess you were just dating after all. It's way too easy to rationalize the preamble by the result.
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"Why date instead of wait?"
That's like asking "Why plant crops instead of waiting for food to grow?" Nature does that you know. Food grows every year (almost) all over the world, and most of it dies and decays uneaten. Why would we plant crops instead of just waiting for food to grow on its own?
The answer is another question: "How hungry are you?"
Me, I'm not hungry at all. I've never been on a date and I have no immediate romantic prospects. I'm doing fine on my own, for now. If I happen to meet a lady and we hit it off and a relationship develops, that's cool. If not, I'm enjoying life.
Some people don't have the skill sets to do life on their own. They are more hungry than I, and they are willing to put some work into growing what they need instead of just waiting for it.
You seem to not be very hungry BenFTW. I can relate to that. But there are some people who are more hungry, and they would starve to death if they waited as long as we are waiting.
That's like asking "Why plant crops instead of waiting for food to grow?" Nature does that you know. Food grows every year (almost) all over the world, and most of it dies and decays uneaten. Why would we plant crops instead of just waiting for food to grow on its own?
The answer is another question: "How hungry are you?"
Me, I'm not hungry at all. I've never been on a date and I have no immediate romantic prospects. I'm doing fine on my own, for now. If I happen to meet a lady and we hit it off and a relationship develops, that's cool. If not, I'm enjoying life.
Some people don't have the skill sets to do life on their own. They are more hungry than I, and they are willing to put some work into growing what they need instead of just waiting for it.
You seem to not be very hungry BenFTW. I can relate to that. But there are some people who are more hungry, and they would starve to death if they waited as long as we are waiting.
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You insult our intelligence.
You paint "waiting" as the clearly spiritual choice, and "not waiting" as the clear choice of those who do not trust God, and then you try to claim you are just soliciting opinions about which is best? I marvel at your temerity even as I am insulted that you think we are stupid enough to not notice what you said.
You paint "waiting" as the clearly spiritual choice, and "not waiting" as the clear choice of those who do not trust God, and then you try to claim you are just soliciting opinions about which is best? I marvel at your temerity even as I am insulted that you think we are stupid enough to not notice what you said.
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