There's no "The One"

[Faceless_Nameless]

Or maybe it's just almost impossible to find. Eternal prayers and eternal searching and I'll grow even older and die and "the one" will never be there. Not that I'm a pessimist. It's just an observation throughout the years. Maybe I'm asking for too much. Maybe it's all a dream or wishful thinking. Not gonna lie; at times it hurts.

 

[Noel25]

I agree brother. There is no "the one." That's just a fairy tale people like to tell themselves. I'm very pessimistic about relationships. I think maybe 1% of married people are happily married. From the people I know in real life, none of them are actually. So maybe it's a good thing to be single.

Christ really is the only one we need.

 

[Lynx]

Howdy Anonymous and welcome to the forum.

This topic is a hardy perrennial on the forum. We never get a flood of threads about it, but it'll pop up with dependable regularity.

I've seen people that God really did put together, complete with personal messages to each of them. I've seen people that said God put them together, then got divorced a bit later. I've seen people desperate for the perfect match trying to cling to everybody they can find of the opposite gender.

I've seen people find their perfect match as teens and have lifelong relationships. I've seen people live as single almost their whole lives and find a great match almost at the end. I've seen people who go their whole lives thinking God will put them together with someone, and die alone.

My conclusion:
Sometimes God does play matchmaker. But don't assume He will or He has unless He tells you.
If He does, don't be impatient for it. It might happen when you're 80, because having a spouse earlier would get in the way of what He wants you to do before you get married.
Either way, there's a lot of life to be lived, married or single. No sense wasting time worrying about something you don't have. Either it will happen or it won't. In the meantime there's chocolate to eat and (insert whatever entertainment you like) to do.

 

[Lynx]

Or maybe it's just almost impossible to find. Eternal prayers and eternal searching and I'll grow even older and die and "the one" will never be there. Not that I'm a pessimist. It's just an observation throughout the years. Maybe I'm asking for too much. Maybe it's all a dream or wishful thinking. Not gonna lie; at times it hurts.

Interesting name, by the way. Have you lately been listening to 7th Time Down?

We are not religious and famous
We don't wanna be the ones you talk about
Never wanna be religious and famous
We are the ones who will remain nameless

Shooting out the lights
We're bringing them down tonight
Shooting out the lights
We're bringing them down tonight

 

[Faceless_Nameless]

Howdy Anonymous and welcome to the forum.

This topic is a hardy perrennial on the forum. We never get a flood of threads about it, but it'll pop up with dependable regularity.

it's not easy to wait on forever. I want to have a family. But maybe one day. Who knows?

Thank for the band recommendation. Never heard of them until now. They sound pretty good. It's my kind of style of music.

 

[Faceless_Nameless]

I agree brother. There is no "the one." That's just a fairy tale people like to tell themselves. I'm very pessimistic about relationships. I think maybe 1% of married people are happily married. From the people I know in real life, none of them are actually. So maybe it's a good thing to be single.

Christ really is the only one we need.

I understand, but sometimes... sometimes I wish to have someone who I can love physically.

 

[Snackersmom]

Hi Faceless Nameless, welcome to the forums!

First off, we need to get ya a new handle. I get wanting to be anonymous but you're still a people and I feel weird calling you that. But we'll go with it for now until we get to know you better and come up with something really great, K?

Second...... I'm really sorry. I know it hurts, because I lived there for a while. Still visit on occasion. What got me out of it was realizing that we aren't promised a spouse, no matter how hard we want one....and even if we find one we aren't guaranteed happiness because of it. I'm sure most of us singles could find someone willing to put up with us and say the vows and all, but in the end that's not what gives our lives fulfillment. Soooo.....

When I realized that, I asked Jesus to be my everything, and to please make it so that if He was all I ever had for the rest of my life, that I would be ok with it. And I'd say I have been. I still get in a funk for a few days on occasion, but when that happens I try to focus on Him and what cool projects He has for me to do and that helps a lot. I checked out your poems and you definitely have talent. God uses us artists in some really cool ways, we tend to overlook our gifts because they don't look like everyone elses'. But sometimes we can touch hearts too fragile for most others to handle. I'll pray He reveals your gifts and talents in a way that makes you proud of the unique calling He has for you, Named&Known!

All the best, glad to have you here!

 

[Cold]

I have never actually wanted a "the one" as you called them. It's a bit odd to find someone on the other side of the coin from me. I never actually thought there would be someone who truly wanted a significant other. Now my mind is slightly blown from trying to think with that mindset. Hm. I think making God my ultimate focus is a lot more enjoyable than spending time thinking of some other person to spend my time with. I definitely don't like the idea that someone else could make me feel more complete when God is already making positive changes in my life.

Is what I just said insensitive? I apologize if it came off that way. I just found this thread interesting and it made my mind wander in a direction that I wasn't expecting. I guess I can only suggest to make God your only focus. Deepen your relationship with Him. Maybe in the future, that joy you have for God will show so much outwardly, that it will draw someone closer to you and God will bless you with what you were previously searching for? I know for a fact that God wants us all to be happy with Him and he will bless us all in ways that will make us even more happy if we keep our primary focus on Him.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Or maybe it's just almost impossible to find. Eternal prayers and eternal searching and I'll grow even older and die and "the one" will never be there. Not that I'm a pessimist. It's just an observation throughout the years. Maybe I'm asking for too much. Maybe it's all a dream or wishful thinking. Not gonna lie; at times it hurts.

I, too, don't believe in "the one". Partially from experience, but also due to a lack of biblical evidence.
I'm 48 and never married. I always wanted to be and believed I would've been married long ago. Eventually I had to learn to accept that it may never happen. It's not promised to us. And there also a lot of family oriented focus on marriage and family in Christian circles and churches, which can make it more difficult. Regardless the sooner you accept the situation for what it is, the better. It sucks, but it's better than the alternative.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

I have never actually wanted a "the one" as you called them. It's a bit odd to find someone on the other side of the coin from me. I never actually thought there would be someone who truly wanted a significant other. Now my mind is slightly blown from trying to think with that mindset. Hm. I think making God my ultimate focus is a lot more enjoyable than spending time thinking of some other person to spend my time with. I definitely don't like the idea that someone else could make me feel more complete when God is already making positive changes in my life.

Is what I just said insensitive? I apologize if it came off that way. I just found this thread interesting and it made my mind wander in a direction that I wasn't expecting. I guess I can only suggest to make God your only focus. Deepen your relationship with Him. Maybe in the future, that joy you have for God will show so much outwardly, that it will draw someone closer to you and God will bless you with what you were previously searching for? I know for a fact that God wants us all to be happy with Him and he will bless us all in ways that will make us even more happy if we keep our primary focus on Him.

The one refers to a soul mate, not simply just finding a spouse.
You've never known anyone who actually wanted to get married?
Marriage should not be about being made to "feel more complete". Anyone looking for that in marriage will likely end up in an unhappy marriage. I believe this is why marriage is used as a symbol in the bible. It's a symbiotic relationship formed out of desire to be together.

 

[Gideon300]

I agree brother. There is no "the one." That's just a fairy tale people like to tell themselves. I'm very pessimistic about relationships. I think maybe 1% of married people are happily married. From the people I know in real life, none of them are actually. So maybe it's a good thing to be single.

Christ really is the only one we need.

Said like true introvert. I have been single most of my life. I remarried October 2022 after a break of about 25 years. Marriage is tough. My wife and I are very different and that creates tension at times. It's also a wonderful opportunity to grow. Psalm 4:1 can be translated "In pressure you have enlarged me". After this week, I should be the size of a barrage balloon. We've moved house, one of the most stressful things I've ever done.

The pressure exposed character flaws in both my wife and me. This is a good thing. Neither of us is perfect. We have issues that we can pray about.

When you are on your own, life is simpler but also we miss out on the beauty of intimacy that only comes with marriage. I for sure prefer to be married.

 

[Cold]

The one refers to a soul mate, not simply just finding a spouse.
You've never known anyone who actually wanted to get married?
Marriage should not be about being made to "feel more complete". Anyone looking for that in marriage will likely end up in an unhappy marriage. I believe this is why marriage is used as a symbol in the bible. It's a symbiotic relationship formed out of desire to be together.

I haven't really had any great examples of marriage with my family or their relatives. So, marriage has never been a desire of mine. The only marriage I can think of positively is my grandparents from my mothers side. But my grandfather died when I was 7 and my grandmother has been super depressed ever since then. Both of my parents divorced multiple times, and my father is going through another one currently. So, I never really saw marriage as anything worthwhile or meaningful for myself. Being a loner also doesn't help with that fact. The thought of wanting/having to be around someone 24/7 and talk with someone so often is definitely not appealing to me lol.

 

[Lynx]

it's not easy to wait on forever. I want to have a family. But maybe one day. Who knows?

Thank for the band recommendation. Never heard of them until now. They sound pretty good. It's my kind of style of music.

Oh... I wasn't expecting you to look it up.

I would have saved the trouble and posted it here.

For anybody else who wants to know:

 

[Faceless_Nameless]

Oh... I wasn't expecting you to look it up.
]

No worries. It's the way I am. I look stuff up.
Any other recomendation?

 

[Faceless_Nameless]

Hi Faceless Nameless, welcome to the forums!

Hmmm... I keep reading and pondering. There are things about what you said that makes complete sense. Also there are aspects of the human condition and how to deal with things we normally couldn't deal with. It's making me deeply ponder.

The name... you can call me FN for short. Is easier.

 

[Faceless_Nameless]

I have never actually wanted a "the one" as you called them. It's a bit odd to find someone on the other side of the coin from me. I never actually thought there would be someone who truly wanted a significant other. Now my mind is slightly blown from trying to think with that mindset. Hm. I think making God my ultimate focus is a lot more enjoyable than spending time thinking of some other person to spend my time with. I definitely don't like the idea that someone else could make me feel more complete when God is already making positive changes in my life.
.

You seem to be self-conscious about the way you present yourself. Self-consciousness doesn't have to be a bad thing.
What you're saying, in theory, works perfectly. Although its stated in the Bible that is not good for men to be alone. Hence all the other things that God created like women, sexuality and procreation. (But we Christians don't like talking about it).
You didn't come as insensitive. You were honest and straight. Which I like. Curious your screen name is Cold.
Anyways thanks for the kind words and for reading.

 

[Lynx]

No worries. It's the way I am. I look stuff up.
Any other recomendation?

It's generally considered a bad idea to get me started talking about music, as I will NEVER shut up... I always have recommendations.

Paige Armstrong "Wake Up"
Sent By Ravens "New Fire"
Shachah "Plead For The Cause"
(Shachah's verses are usually rap, but their choruses are usually melody.)
Kutless (of course) "To Know That You're Alive"

 

[Faceless_Nameless]

It's generally considered a bad idea to get me started talking about music, as I will NEVER shut up... I always have recommendations.

Paige Armstrong "Wake Up"
Sent By Ravens "New Fire"
Shachah "Plead For The Cause"
(Shachah's verses are usually rap, but their choruses are usually melody.)
Kutless (of course) "To Know That You're Alive"

Thanks for the recommendations. I've heard Sent by Ravens before and Kutless (a classic). Here are some of mine. These are on the harder sound side.
Project 86 "Subject to Change"
POD "Portrait"
Flyleaf "Beautiful Bride"

 

[Lynx]

Thanks for the recommendations. I've heard Sent by Ravens before and Kutless (a classic). Here are some of mine. These are on the harder sound side.
Project 86 "Subject to Change"
POD "Portrait"
Flyleaf "Beautiful Bride"

Everyone's heard of Sent By Ravens... But NOBODY TOLD ME?!!

*sigh

That's what I get for living in southwest Tennessee. Great people, but no gastronomic imagination and they blanch when they hear Christian metal. Do you know what I have to go through to get some decent cheese? Don't get me started on the dearth of good sushi around here. And while I like southern gospel, that's not the ONLY thing that has a good message.

Any other recommendations? I could use a few. I don't hear about anything down here.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

I haven't really had any great examples of marriage with my family or their relatives. So, marriage has never been a desire of mine. The only marriage I can think of positively is my grandparents from my mothers side. But my grandfather died when I was 7 and my grandmother has been super depressed ever since then. Both of my parents divorced multiple times, and my father is going through another one currently. So, I never really saw marriage as anything worthwhile or meaningful for myself. Being a loner also doesn't help with that fact. The thought of wanting/having to be around someone 24/7 and talk with someone so often is definitely not appealing to me lol.

My parents had a great marriage. They were both previously divorced from bad marriages, but together they were happy. My mom died over 20 years ago and my dad loves her just as much now as he did when she was alive.
So I've seen good marriages.

I can be a bit of a loner at times, myself. But do also desire someone else. Either way I'm doomed haha.
As in most things, there's good and bad for both sides.
Bit if you're happy with where you are then no reason to change it.