Ok so I was chatting with a guy on here for almost a year, just as friends, I'm not looking to date online, and he wanted to see what I looked like. Well I am all about online safety, that's why I don't use my real name. My initials are KC, so I call myself Kaycie. Well I thought if I put a younger picture of me, he can kinda get a sense of what I look like without knowing what I look like now. But when I showed him my picture he didn't believe that was really me (once upon a time) and he quit talking to me.
I told him I used to be pretty long before he asked to see my photo. And that it is not my real hair- that I tried on different hairstyles at hair mixer dot com, again trying not to completely give away what I look like. But the truth is it really is me in the photo. I'm flattered that he thought I was too pretty, but more so insulted that he didn't believe me. I have no reason to lie to him, but since he thought I did, does he also question my Christianity after knowing me for almost a year? I didn't want to put my picture up because I wanted people to react to my soul, not my outward appearance. But maybe I should let the real me be seen.
Any thoughts?
Kaycie,
Soooo...this is a little awkward, huh? You say you felt insulted that your friend didn't believe you, but maybe you're really just upset that you got caught in a lie?
I tried the whole fake pic thing once, years ago, in yahoo chat. It turned out pretty silly, really- I found a picture of a petite, gorgeous brunette, and used it as my own. I got quite a bit of attention from it, which, at the time, felt like a soothing balm on open wounds. I was so tired of being ME, you know? This face, this body, this hair...I'd gotten myself into some pretty serious trouble, and I just wanted to be somebody else, someone better, someone without a neon sign on their forehead flashing 'worthless' for the world to see.
It was so wonderful, for a few days, to have people treat me like I mattered just because of how (they thought) I looked. But then...well, somebody caught me, and told everyone, and I was mortified. I had one friend from there who had seen me on webcam and knew what I was doing, and he stayed quiet- he let me pretend to be this other girl, but when I was outed as a fake, he was there. He asked me why I'd done it, and I explained about feeling worthless, damaged, ugly.
He told me that as long as I believed I was worthless, I would live it out and make it true.
He was right. Using a fake photo online (even if it has your real face, or "kind of" looks like you) is deceptive, regardless of your reasoning, and it's ultimately...well, silly, and a waste of time. Connections online built on lies are, in the end, worthless. Honesty is best, whether that means explaining that you aren't comfortable sharing your (real!) photo, or sharing your photo and accepting that *gasp* someone will see what you really look like.
I hope you'll step away from photo shop and accept yourself for who you are.