On the one hand: Happy New Year, everyone.
...on a different hand...
I've been thinking and feeling about a lot of things (which is a common daily occurrence..), and am bringing everyone another eHarmony sponsored moment...
So...I get it. I mean, we all have things we find attractive. We all have ideals that we want to meet, and also have others meet. Your life is pretty important to you, and your potential partner would be a daily part of your life. I get it.
That said, I think a lot of us are unrealistic and idealistic, both in the view of ourselves (who we think we are) and in our expectations of others. Allow me to demonstrate:
Pick literally almost any profile on eHarmony:
"I want someone who is honest, adventurous, outgoing, Godly, attractive, *funny!(with big emphasis of 'makes me laugh, shares my humor, etc), and *insert other variations of an ideal human being*."
Okay. My response to that (internally) is something to the effect of, "How many people do you really know?? Like...the good, bad, and ugly...who they really are more than how they make themselves appear in public and on Facebook?" ...followed by... "How many of the people you really know (if you really know any) are like that?"
If you both really know people, and some of them are like that. Then I have this question, "Are they single?"
In many cases, the answer is probably going to be no. Glad we can establish that. Next point:
Ever notice that you are single...and know a lot of other single people... Are you like that? No? ...but you want a person who is like that? I wonder how that would work out... I mean, do you really know what you're asking for?
Anyway...I don't want this to sound like a rant, but there's a dose of reality we all need to be prescribed.
1. Prince Charming/Cinderella(or whatever Princess) is a fairytale. Fairytales are not real. (Like...are you serious right now?)
2. There's this whole thing in the Bible about 'dying to yourself' 'surrender, conforming, contentment, submission' and lots of other words and ideas that we REALLY don't like. Ever wonder why we struggle so much with peace or contentment in this life?
Check out Proverbs 14:12 or 16:25...how is doing things your way working out for you?
Keep it up! Maybe conducting the same experiment continually will yield different results this time... (that was sarcasm...which is not always conveyed via text...)
3. *This is really more my-fellow-church-people-sponsored than eHarmony...* You don't want to feel bad about things you're doing that are wrong? You expect others to be better than you are, and help you become a better person (see this in what response to what people are looking for in a partner a lot). You want a 'Christian' man who is really following God?
Mm...okay, let's think about this.
Guilt is what we feel when we've done something wrong. That's not a bad. That's a good thing. If you do something wrong, and then feel guilty...it's because the guilt is meant to dissuade you from repeating that choice/experience. We used to call that having a conscience, and it made you more of a moral person when you listened to it.
Did you know that not feeling guilt for wrong things that you do is already a thing? Yeah! We've done decades of research on it through psychology, medicine, and science... It's called being a 'psychopath'. That's a bad thing. Don't be a psychopath.
You want someone BETTER than you? Hmm...that puts me into a whole lake of things for us to talk about. Are any of us really 'better' or 'worse' than another? Does the Bible not say we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, not one is righteous, none seek God on their own, we have gone astray...be careful if you think you stand lest you fall...and I could literally keep going about all the verses that speak toward our hubris and the depravity of human beings??
Yeah, I think what you need (and need to be looking for) is the ability to come to terms with your own brokenness, being able to admit our own guilt and sin and need for/dependency on Christ for any idea, chance, or experience of Love, Forgiveness, Truth, Wisdom, etc etc...
You want a 'Christian' man. A Christian man means he is following/practicing Christ. He reads and applies the Bible to his daily life and relationships. He prays earnestly and daily (probably multiple times and longer than a few minutes). He serves others, and treats them the way he wants to be treated (which was already included in saying he reads and applies the Bible to his life).
Trust me. I am a Christian (albeit a lousy one), and have been around ministers and devote "Christians" my whole life. You want to know what? I could literally count on less than my hands and feet the people who are really like that. Disciples who are sacrificing their lives for Christ Jesus are far too rare.
So...where does that leave us? You're either asking/desiring something that is literally in short supply and high demand, or you don't really know what you want and are asking for.
Most people say they want honesty, but honestly, are we even telling the truth ourselves? Think about it.
...sorry, this definitely turned into a rant. There's way to much ranting in the world. My bad... I need to work on solutions instead of adding to the problem.