I am coward you know. I really am. So afraid to put myself out there, pushing people away, because I believe its only a matter of time until they leave me. After all, look at the evidence of my past. It's only logical- yes logical- that it would happen again. I took someone off facebook a few months ago because I don't want to know about his life. Know how I am not missed. It's only logical that I didn't mean anything to him.
Someone joked with me today that I have a phobia of people leaving, she was a co-worker of the that guy, and I am not sure if he was talking to her about me. Or maybe I am paranoid. But he did see right through me that night. He saw that I think too much, that I've been hurt. But I saw it as a motive just so he could sleep with me. Always suspicious of motives. Everyone is up to no good.
I am a coward really, too afraid to feel. Stuck in my safe little world. Analyzing everything. Even more proof that I need to get on a plane. Even more proof that I need to step into the unknown. Feeling a bit like Will Hunting right now.