Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

[ww_21]

 

[rachelsedge]

I said it in the Ladies forum, and I've said it on here before, but I'm going to say it again because it's bothering me and yet I'm going to stop being bothered by it.

I am done being the pursuer. I am done being the initiator. The people around town that could hang out with me, if they want to, they know how to reach me. I am tired of the hoping and having nothing happen. I want to be pursued, asked, have someone else do the planning. I'm good at planning and initiating, so maybe people expect me to, but the street goes two ways.

If this makes me have no social life for a while, so be it. If this makes me sound bitter, it's probably because I am struggling with feeling that way. Right now, my heart is too fragile to keep hoping on something like this, so for the time being...I am done.

 

[rachelsedge]

Also, I have realized that as much as I desire marriage, that means dating first, a relationship first, and I have found that I have issues that need to be worked through first, whether I will eventually be in a relationship or not. Deep, heart issues, with myself, with men.

Lord help me. And I don't say that lightly.

 

[rachelsedge]

UGH sorry for the triple post. Just wanted to say God is moving in my heart tonight, and I have some wonderful CC members to thank for that. As well as Christ, obviously, but...just wanted to say that.

 

[lil_christian]

I swear, I need to go to food rehab.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

Dodged that bullet.

We were just talking last night in chat about intelligence in all of it's various forms. You can say what you like Thomas, but I will stand by my strong impression that you are one of the wisest, most intuitive people to ever grace this forum.

(By the way, I saw a taxidermied squirrel wearing clothes in someone's car dashboard today, laughed out loud, and thought about you. I almost went back to take a picture for you, but I thought that might be weird...)

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I left the two to do the rest of their day, and returned to the office. In dealing with this person, I kind of put myself in a state of both extreme calm and hyper-alertness, if that makes any sense - can't really explain it. I'm kind of exhausted when I come out of such state. Anyway, back at the office, I knocked out two big reports.

Not just another day at the office.

Catherder, what an amazing person you are. This story is fascinating and gives me a new respect for your patience and gift for relating to others. The world needs so many more people like you!

 

[lav]

i think a lot of us are waiting for the day when mental illness is something without so much stigma attached to it. so many brilliant and lovable people suffer, there's really no need to throw salt in the wounds of the mentally afflicted, not that i'm suggesting any of you are doing this.

we all just need love and understanding. there's so little even doctors and specialists know about it, and spirituality seems to go hand in hand and play a substantial role.

i have a dream, someday that there will be more compassion and open mindedness and truth to be shared and discovered about depression and things like manic depression and schizophrenia.

i have a feeling many suffer and wear masks pretending that nothing is wrong. i don't really know how this serves any positive purpose. there seems to me to be a scapegoat mentality towards those who suffer mentally and emotionally. it's heartbreaking. it's not nice to feel like 'damaged goods,' and doesn't help those who are going through this kind of testing.

i'm trying to withdraw more to my bible now, and pray more often. hopefully i can turn the t.v. off and spend less time on the computer. i'd like to build a life outside of screens. my heart goes out to all those who suffer, as i suffer along with you.

such a sad and empty feeling when i've become wrapped up in virtual life. i want to do more than this, i want to live. i want to have self discipline and reach towards the King of kings and be validated by him.

i'm going to try really hard to limit my time on here and other internet domains, especially if they have nothing to do with the kind of studying i need to be applying myself to. it's really time to dig deeper, this isn't life sustaining. my spirit is hungry, thirsty, tired and dirty. i need my Saviour, i need my Yeshua, and i need him now.

some things have got to change.

 

[Star-Lord]

Please pray for me. I have sort of an addiction, and I thought I kicked it. I went back on it the other night, and I haven't felt the same since. I've felt empty. I fell into it today too. I just have not been feeling as close to the Lord as I have been when I first joined. I think I need to take some time off from the site, I have a lot of school stuff going on as well. Thanks for all the warm welcomes. I'll be back sometime. If you guys ever want to text me (AND I KNOW YOU, YOU KNOW IF YOU KNOW ME SOMWHAT.) I'll give out my number via pm until tommorow. I'm not anything fancy I know. "Who'd want your number?" But still.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

Please pray for me. I have sort of an addiction, and I thought I kicked it. I went back on it the other night, and I haven't felt the same since. I've felt empty. I fell into it today too. I just have not been feeling as close to the Lord as I have been when I first joined. I think I need to take some time off from the site, I have a lot of school stuff going on as well. Thanks for all the warm welcomes. I'll be back sometime. If you guys ever want to text me (AND I KNOW YOU, YOU KNOW IF YOU KNOW ME SOMWHAT.) I'll give out my number via pm until tommorow. I'm not anything fancy I know. "Who'd want your number?" But still.

Star-Lord, when the world tempts us, we should draw even closer to other brothers and sisters in the Lord. Unless your addiction has to do with this site, I would encourage you to stay here and receive encouragement and accountability with those who love you in Christ and want you to grow in your faith. Blessings to you.

 

[Raine]

I said it in the Ladies forum, and I've said it on here before, but I'm going to say it again because it's bothering me and yet I'm going to stop being bothered by it.

I am done being the pursuer. I am done being the initiator. The people around town that could hang out with me, if they want to, they know how to reach me. I am tired of the hoping and having nothing happen. I want to be pursued, asked, have someone else do the planning. I'm good at planning and initiating, so maybe people expect me to, but the street goes two ways.

If this makes me have no social life for a while, so be it. If this makes me sound bitter, it's probably because I am struggling with feeling that way. Right now, my heart is too fragile to keep hoping on something like this, so for the time being...I am done.

Rachel,

I definitely knows how that feels... I'm was the one constantly initiating things for the past year and a half, but now I am finally seeing the fruits of that labor. The people who really do care about me reflect the desire to get to know me more and want to set up fun dates with me and such (just speaking of friends). The ones who don't really care...well, those friendships have faded.

I can understand your emptiness, because we are human and can only give so much. Let God be the one to fill you up and take away that emptiness so that you can be whole again to give. God bless sister. I am glad that some CC friends were able to help you feel better. Friends are awesome!

 

[Star-Lord]

Star-Lord, when the world tempts us, we should draw even closer to other brothers and sisters in the Lord. Unless your addiction has to do with this site, I would encourage you to stay here and receive encouragement and accountability with those who love you in Christ and want you to grow in your faith. Blessings to you.

I just feel like I've been coming to this site for the wrong reasons. I want to get things right, so I can come here for the right reasons, not my previous one. Also, my school work is very stressful.

 

[DuchessAimee]

It finally happened. You have turned to the .gif darkside.

I inspire people!

 

[Tintin]

I feel so loved!

 

[ww_21]

At this point... I can't sleep without taking something to sleep and even then I wake up at least 4 times throughout the night.. my mind won't shut off.. I am struggling with everything and I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on.

 

[wwjd_kilden]

are you using "drugs" or something else to sleep? I find that melatonin helps make my mind shut up (or at least be a bit quieter)

Maybe write down some thoughts before going to bed will help?

 

[kenthomas27]

We were just talking last night in chat about intelligence in all of it's various forms. You can say what you like Thomas, but I will stand by my strong impression that you are one of the wisest, most intuitive people to ever grace this forum.

(By the way, I saw a taxidermied squirrel wearing clothes in someone's car dashboard today, laughed out loud, and thought about you. I almost went back to take a picture for you, but I thought that might be weird...)

what kinda car was it? Anyway Grace, thank you. I read this at a time I was feeling particularly stupid. That's a level above regular stupid. Of course, I had to go look up intuitive, but once I found out it was a good thing I had to come back and thank you.

You come on out to supper tonight. This little smarty pants propped open the door for you....

 

[Fenner]

I just ordered my son a pair of sneakers on Amazon. We went a couple of weeks ago for sneakers and he didn't see anything he liked. They had a sweet deal on Kid's Nike shoes at Gabe's Store, they didn't have red and they didn't have Skechers. Plus they had laces, he hates laces. He wears slip on shoes or crocks most of the time. I really didn't feel like going to another shoe store so I searched Amazon. Red, these zippy weird laces, perfect, that's what he said. So finally both kids have sneakers, clothes, supplies, etc. Phew!

 

[Jullianna]

Lemon cookies. I want some. That is all.

 

[ww_21]

Lemon cookies. I want some. That is all.