Still very angry with God for the suffering I've endured
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Hi, Gemmy.
I obviously do not know you, but after I read your post, I clicked on your profile in order to read some of your previous posts so that I might get a better idea of what you are dealing with. Apparently, you have been going through quite a lot for a rather long period of time, and I can certainly relate to that. In my own life, I went through a period of something like 10 straight years where both everything and everyone seemed to be constantly or relentlessly against me. People would tell me "Just take it one day at a time," and I literally had to "Take it one hour at a time" in order to endure most days. I learned some very important things during my trials, and I would like to share just a couple of them with you in the hope that they might help you.
1. God was never my problem, and my temptations to hate him were from Satan.
Gemmy, we do have a very real adversary in this greatly fallen world, and his desire is to sift us like wheat, which is what you seemingly are experiencing right now. Please consider what Jesus said to Simon Peter.
Luk 22:31
And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat:
Luk 22:32
But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.
Satan was the one who desired to sift Simon Peter like wheat, and Jesus was the one who was praying for Simon Peter that his faith would not fail. We need to know who is who in the spiritual realm so our hatred is not misplaced. Jesus knows the trials that you are going through because he faced all sorts of trials and temptations himself during his incarnation, and he is currently seated at the right hand of God where he forever lives to make intercession for you (Heb. 7:25).
2. This was a tough one, but I came to realize that most of my problems were the direct results of either my own sins or of wrong mindsets and heartsets that needed to change, and God was allowing fiery trials in my life to expose the same in order that I might ultimately be forgiven, healed, or delivered from them.
The Bible speaks of fiery trials which are designed by God to purify us in the same way that fire purifies gold (1 Pet. 1:7). It is not until gold is thrown in the fire that the dross or the impurities are exposed so that they might be removed, and my own fiery trials brought many things to the surface which needed to be removed from my own heart. There is an expression which states "If you can't stand the heat, then get out of the kitchen," and I came to realize that the more that I attempted to run away from the heat or from my fiery trials, the more they persisted. It was not until the time came that I got totally honest before God, or not until the time that I was willing to allow God to remove the dross or impurities from my own heart, that the fiery trials began to cease. In other words, he was the one who was allowing the fiery trials for my own potential good or so that I might become the type of person that he desired me to be. Gemmy, that person was somebody who finally abandoned my own will while submitting myself to his will, and things have drastically improved since then.
Having said all of that, I certainly do not want to sound as if I am insensitive to what you are going through. From what I read in your posting history, some of your problems are financial in nature, and I know what a constant sort of stress that can be.
The Bible says:
1Co 10:13
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
Gemmy, God will not allow you to be tempted or tried beyond that which you are able to bear, and I will be praying for God to show you your way to escape from what you are currently going through. I will also be praying that your faith does not fail in the midst of your fiery trials, that you allow God to truly search and purify you throughout your fiery trials, and that you will ultimately come out on the other side of your fiery trials totally victorious in Christ.
I obviously do not know you, but after I read your post, I clicked on your profile in order to read some of your previous posts so that I might get a better idea of what you are dealing with. Apparently, you have been going through quite a lot for a rather long period of time, and I can certainly relate to that. In my own life, I went through a period of something like 10 straight years where both everything and everyone seemed to be constantly or relentlessly against me. People would tell me "Just take it one day at a time," and I literally had to "Take it one hour at a time" in order to endure most days. I learned some very important things during my trials, and I would like to share just a couple of them with you in the hope that they might help you.
1. God was never my problem, and my temptations to hate him were from Satan.
Gemmy, we do have a very real adversary in this greatly fallen world, and his desire is to sift us like wheat, which is what you seemingly are experiencing right now. Please consider what Jesus said to Simon Peter.
Luk 22:31
And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat:
Luk 22:32
But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.
Satan was the one who desired to sift Simon Peter like wheat, and Jesus was the one who was praying for Simon Peter that his faith would not fail. We need to know who is who in the spiritual realm so our hatred is not misplaced. Jesus knows the trials that you are going through because he faced all sorts of trials and temptations himself during his incarnation, and he is currently seated at the right hand of God where he forever lives to make intercession for you (Heb. 7:25).
2. This was a tough one, but I came to realize that most of my problems were the direct results of either my own sins or of wrong mindsets and heartsets that needed to change, and God was allowing fiery trials in my life to expose the same in order that I might ultimately be forgiven, healed, or delivered from them.
The Bible speaks of fiery trials which are designed by God to purify us in the same way that fire purifies gold (1 Pet. 1:7). It is not until gold is thrown in the fire that the dross or the impurities are exposed so that they might be removed, and my own fiery trials brought many things to the surface which needed to be removed from my own heart. There is an expression which states "If you can't stand the heat, then get out of the kitchen," and I came to realize that the more that I attempted to run away from the heat or from my fiery trials, the more they persisted. It was not until the time came that I got totally honest before God, or not until the time that I was willing to allow God to remove the dross or impurities from my own heart, that the fiery trials began to cease. In other words, he was the one who was allowing the fiery trials for my own potential good or so that I might become the type of person that he desired me to be. Gemmy, that person was somebody who finally abandoned my own will while submitting myself to his will, and things have drastically improved since then.
Having said all of that, I certainly do not want to sound as if I am insensitive to what you are going through. From what I read in your posting history, some of your problems are financial in nature, and I know what a constant sort of stress that can be.
The Bible says:
1Co 10:13
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
Gemmy, God will not allow you to be tempted or tried beyond that which you are able to bear, and I will be praying for God to show you your way to escape from what you are currently going through. I will also be praying that your faith does not fail in the midst of your fiery trials, that you allow God to truly search and purify you throughout your fiery trials, and that you will ultimately come out on the other side of your fiery trials totally victorious in Christ.
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Gemmy,
I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't know what exactly you are going through, but we often think, "Why has this been done to me? Why can't I be like them? But as I got older, I noticed it wasn't as stressful. Maybe these things happened so I could empathize with those with similar burdens, and the more I focused on others and not myself, the better I felt. Life isn't fair, but God has made women incredibly resilient. You can overcome more than you know. Take heart and have faith. God will see you through this. Gemmy Jesus is your friend. Call on him, and he will help you. He loves you.
I hope these movies bring you encouragement. Darlene Deibler's testimony, in particular,is very comforting.
Woman of Faith, Darlene Deibler Rose testimony part 1
Gladys Aylward: The Small Woman With A Great God (2010) | Full Movie | Carol Purves
The Marva Collins TRUE Story - Great TEACHER Movie!!
Little Margaret of Castello (youtube.com)
Angel in Ebony (1954) - The Story of Samuel Morris: A Spirit-Filled Life
George Washington Carver: An Uncommon Life - YouTube
The Book of Romans #KJV | Audio Bible (FULL) by Max #McLean #audiobible #audiobook #Romans #bible the more one reads the Bible the more peaceful it makes you feel. This audiobook is read by Max Mclean.
Gemmy, I will ask my church to pray for you. God bless you.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't know what exactly you are going through, but we often think, "Why has this been done to me? Why can't I be like them? But as I got older, I noticed it wasn't as stressful. Maybe these things happened so I could empathize with those with similar burdens, and the more I focused on others and not myself, the better I felt. Life isn't fair, but God has made women incredibly resilient. You can overcome more than you know. Take heart and have faith. God will see you through this. Gemmy Jesus is your friend. Call on him, and he will help you. He loves you.
I hope these movies bring you encouragement. Darlene Deibler's testimony, in particular,is very comforting.
Woman of Faith, Darlene Deibler Rose testimony part 1
Gladys Aylward: The Small Woman With A Great God (2010) | Full Movie | Carol Purves
The Marva Collins TRUE Story - Great TEACHER Movie!!
Little Margaret of Castello (youtube.com)
Angel in Ebony (1954) - The Story of Samuel Morris: A Spirit-Filled Life
George Washington Carver: An Uncommon Life - YouTube
The Book of Romans #KJV | Audio Bible (FULL) by Max #McLean #audiobible #audiobook #Romans #bible the more one reads the Bible the more peaceful it makes you feel. This audiobook is read by Max Mclean.
Gemmy, I will ask my church to pray for you. God bless you.
start by forsaking being angry at God. being angry at God is obviating you from a solution. it's just bringing you deeper in a hole. learn quickly that God is never at fault. break your whole situation down, piece by piece. analyze every detail, slowly & honestly. be completely willing to admit, identify, recognize & correct all. with Jesus help, by course. blessings to you.
Not enough information here my friend. Luke chapter 13. Woman had a Spirit of infimity. Been crippled 18 years. Jesus healed her. A demonic Spirit had her bound for 18 years. You might have spiritual attachment. Or its just something like bi polar or depression. It could be spiritual issues or negative thinking.
Psalm chapter 23
Good Shepherd can restore your soul.
Could be brain abnormalities or spiritual issues. If our souls are wounded, we can't think clearly. We see life through a distorted filter. Hebrew chapter 12:5 . Fear or depression.
Jesus can heal you. Pray for help, and repent sins to God. Faith is the key. Not enough information to go on. I hope this helps.
Psalm chapter 23
Good Shepherd can restore your soul.
Could be brain abnormalities or spiritual issues. If our souls are wounded, we can't think clearly. We see life through a distorted filter. Hebrew chapter 12:5 . Fear or depression.
Jesus can heal you. Pray for help, and repent sins to God. Faith is the key. Not enough information to go on. I hope this helps.
Hi again, Gemmy.
If I might add something to what daisyseesthesun said here, then I would ask you to please consider the words of Asaph who wrote the 73rd psalm.
Psa 73:1
[[A Psalm of Asaph.]] Truly God is good to Israel, even to such as are of a clean heart.
Psa 73:2
But as for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps had well nigh slipped.
Psa 73:3
For I was envious at the foolish, when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
Psa 73:4
For there are no bands in their death: but their strength is firm.
Psa 73:5
They are not in trouble as other men; neither are they plagued like other men.
Psa 73:6
Therefore pride compasseth them about as a chain; violence covereth them as a garment.
Psa 73:7
Their eyes stand out with fatness: they have more than heart could wish.
Psa 73:8
They are corrupt, and speak wickedly concerning oppression: they speak loftily.
Psa 73:9
They set their mouth against the heavens, and their tongue walketh through the earth.
Psa 73:10
Therefore his people return hither: and waters of a full cup are wrung out to them.
Psa 73:11
And they say, How doth God know? and is there knowledge in the most High?
Psa 73:12
Behold, these are the ungodly, who prosper in the world; they increase in riches.
Psa 73:13
Verily I have cleansed my heart in vain, and washed my hands in innocency.
Psa 73:14
For all the day long have I been plagued, and chastened every morning.
Psa 73:15
If I say, I will speak thus; behold, I should offend against the generation of thy children.
Psa 73:16
When I thought to know this, it was too painful for me;
Psa 73:17
Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then understood I their end.
Psa 73:18
Surely thou didst set them in slippery places: thou castedst them down into destruction.
Psa 73:19
How are they brought into desolation, as in a moment! they are utterly consumed with terrors.
Psa 73:20
As a dream when one awaketh; so, O Lord, when thou awakest, thou shalt despise their image.
Psa 73:21
Thus my heart was grieved, and I was pricked in my reins.
Psa 73:22
So foolish was I, and ignorant: I was as a beast before thee.
Psa 73:23
Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right hand.
Psa 73:24
Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.
Psa 73:25
Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.
Psa 73:26
My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.
Psa 73:27
For, lo, they that are far from thee shall perish: thou hast destroyed all them that go a whoring from thee.
Psa 73:28
But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.
Here, Asaph spoke of a time when his feet were almost gone out from under him, or when he had almost slipped into a very dangerous place (vs. 2). What was the cause of this or the reason behind it? He was envious of the foolish when he saw how the wicked were seemingly prospering (vs. 3). Whereas they were seemingly not in trouble as other men, nor seemingly plagued like other men (vs. 5), and whereas they were seemingly prospering in the world while increasing in riches (vs. 12), Asaph was being plagued all the day long, and being chastened every morning (vs. 14) while feeling that he had cleansed his own heart before God in vain (vs. 13). This was quite painful for Asaph (vs. 16) until the time came when he considered the end of the wicked (vs. 17) or how their final end would be to be cast down into destruction (vs. 18). When he came to this realization, he was grieved with himself in his own heart (vs. 21) as he realized how foolish and ignorant he had been to compare himself and what he was going through to them and what they seemingly never had to endure (vs. 22). In fact, he was grieved with himself to the point where he realized that he had been behaving himself like a brute beast or like an animal without any real knowledge or understanding (vs. 22).
Gemmy, we live in a greatly fallen world where things oftentimes seem totally upside down or backwards. In other words, we live in a world where, to the untrained eye, it often seems as if the wicked are being rewarded while the righteous are being punished. I know that you are going through a lot right now, but take comfort in the fact that God is primarily concerned with your eternal destiny. Peter said:
1Pe 1:3
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
1Pe 1:4
To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you,
1Pe 1:5
Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
1Pe 1:6
Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations:
1Pe 1:7
That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:
Gemmy, as Christians, we have a lively or living hope of eternal life in the kingdom of God which is to come that the wicked do not have. That hope is what needs to sustain us in times of great testing, and God has provided us with the helmet of hope (1 Thess. 5:8) as part of our spiritual armor which is designed to keep us from fainting in our minds (Heb. 12:3). As we just read, there are going to be times when, if need be, we are going to find ourselves in manifold temptations or many-sided fiery trials which are designed to perfect our faith in the same way that fire helps to bring forth pure gold. Jesus said that it is the pure in heart who will ultimately see God (Matt. 5:8), and as unpleasant as fiery trials can be, they do serve a Divine purpose.
Turning back to Asaph for a moment, here is what he finally concluded.
Psa 73:24
Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.
Psa 73:25
Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.
Psa 73:26
My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.
Psa 73:27
For, lo, they that are far from thee shall perish: thou hast destroyed all them that go a whoring from thee.
Psa 73:28
But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.
Gemmy, do not lose faith in God now. Instead, let him guide you with his counsel in this life that he might afterward receive you to glory in his coming kingdom. At times when you feel that your flesh and your heart are failing, allow God to be the strength of your heart as you meditate upon the hope of him being your portion FOREVER.
You are in my prayers.
You got this, girl!
If I might add something to what daisyseesthesun said here, then I would ask you to please consider the words of Asaph who wrote the 73rd psalm.
Psa 73:1
[[A Psalm of Asaph.]] Truly God is good to Israel, even to such as are of a clean heart.
Psa 73:2
But as for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps had well nigh slipped.
Psa 73:3
For I was envious at the foolish, when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
Psa 73:4
For there are no bands in their death: but their strength is firm.
Psa 73:5
They are not in trouble as other men; neither are they plagued like other men.
Psa 73:6
Therefore pride compasseth them about as a chain; violence covereth them as a garment.
Psa 73:7
Their eyes stand out with fatness: they have more than heart could wish.
Psa 73:8
They are corrupt, and speak wickedly concerning oppression: they speak loftily.
Psa 73:9
They set their mouth against the heavens, and their tongue walketh through the earth.
Psa 73:10
Therefore his people return hither: and waters of a full cup are wrung out to them.
Psa 73:11
And they say, How doth God know? and is there knowledge in the most High?
Psa 73:12
Behold, these are the ungodly, who prosper in the world; they increase in riches.
Psa 73:13
Verily I have cleansed my heart in vain, and washed my hands in innocency.
Psa 73:14
For all the day long have I been plagued, and chastened every morning.
Psa 73:15
If I say, I will speak thus; behold, I should offend against the generation of thy children.
Psa 73:16
When I thought to know this, it was too painful for me;
Psa 73:17
Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then understood I their end.
Psa 73:18
Surely thou didst set them in slippery places: thou castedst them down into destruction.
Psa 73:19
How are they brought into desolation, as in a moment! they are utterly consumed with terrors.
Psa 73:20
As a dream when one awaketh; so, O Lord, when thou awakest, thou shalt despise their image.
Psa 73:21
Thus my heart was grieved, and I was pricked in my reins.
Psa 73:22
So foolish was I, and ignorant: I was as a beast before thee.
Psa 73:23
Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right hand.
Psa 73:24
Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.
Psa 73:25
Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.
Psa 73:26
My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.
Psa 73:27
For, lo, they that are far from thee shall perish: thou hast destroyed all them that go a whoring from thee.
Psa 73:28
But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.
Here, Asaph spoke of a time when his feet were almost gone out from under him, or when he had almost slipped into a very dangerous place (vs. 2). What was the cause of this or the reason behind it? He was envious of the foolish when he saw how the wicked were seemingly prospering (vs. 3). Whereas they were seemingly not in trouble as other men, nor seemingly plagued like other men (vs. 5), and whereas they were seemingly prospering in the world while increasing in riches (vs. 12), Asaph was being plagued all the day long, and being chastened every morning (vs. 14) while feeling that he had cleansed his own heart before God in vain (vs. 13). This was quite painful for Asaph (vs. 16) until the time came when he considered the end of the wicked (vs. 17) or how their final end would be to be cast down into destruction (vs. 18). When he came to this realization, he was grieved with himself in his own heart (vs. 21) as he realized how foolish and ignorant he had been to compare himself and what he was going through to them and what they seemingly never had to endure (vs. 22). In fact, he was grieved with himself to the point where he realized that he had been behaving himself like a brute beast or like an animal without any real knowledge or understanding (vs. 22).
Gemmy, we live in a greatly fallen world where things oftentimes seem totally upside down or backwards. In other words, we live in a world where, to the untrained eye, it often seems as if the wicked are being rewarded while the righteous are being punished. I know that you are going through a lot right now, but take comfort in the fact that God is primarily concerned with your eternal destiny. Peter said:
1Pe 1:3
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
1Pe 1:4
To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you,
1Pe 1:5
Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
1Pe 1:6
Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations:
1Pe 1:7
That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:
Gemmy, as Christians, we have a lively or living hope of eternal life in the kingdom of God which is to come that the wicked do not have. That hope is what needs to sustain us in times of great testing, and God has provided us with the helmet of hope (1 Thess. 5:8) as part of our spiritual armor which is designed to keep us from fainting in our minds (Heb. 12:3). As we just read, there are going to be times when, if need be, we are going to find ourselves in manifold temptations or many-sided fiery trials which are designed to perfect our faith in the same way that fire helps to bring forth pure gold. Jesus said that it is the pure in heart who will ultimately see God (Matt. 5:8), and as unpleasant as fiery trials can be, they do serve a Divine purpose.
Turning back to Asaph for a moment, here is what he finally concluded.
Psa 73:24
Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.
Psa 73:25
Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.
Psa 73:26
My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.
Psa 73:27
For, lo, they that are far from thee shall perish: thou hast destroyed all them that go a whoring from thee.
Psa 73:28
But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.
Gemmy, do not lose faith in God now. Instead, let him guide you with his counsel in this life that he might afterward receive you to glory in his coming kingdom. At times when you feel that your flesh and your heart are failing, allow God to be the strength of your heart as you meditate upon the hope of him being your portion FOREVER.
You are in my prayers.
You got this, girl!
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Hi, Gemmy.
I wanted to mention something in my last response, but I ran out of space.
When I was going through my own fiery trials, and I still have fiery trials, by the way, but not nearly as intense as those I had to endure in the past, this 10-part series on "Hope" helped to see me through it. Each message is only about 10 or 11 minutes long, so it is not something that you would need to listen to in one sitting. If you are interested in checking it out, then here is a link to it.
I wanted to mention something in my last response, but I ran out of space.
When I was going through my own fiery trials, and I still have fiery trials, by the way, but not nearly as intense as those I had to endure in the past, this 10-part series on "Hope" helped to see me through it. Each message is only about 10 or 11 minutes long, so it is not something that you would need to listen to in one sitting. If you are interested in checking it out, then here is a link to it.
I am sorry to make three posts in a row, but you know what they say:
The third time is a charm.
Then again, they also say:
Three strikes...YER OUT!!!
Oh, well. I will take my chances. In an attempt to inject a little humor into a very non-humorous situation, GIRL, WHAT IS UP WITH THAT CLEVELAND INDIANS JERSEY?!?
https://christianchat.com/christian...cture-of-yourself.203603/page-47#post-5381235
Are you an Indians (Guardians, now) fan? If you are, then you truly know a lot about suffering!
Did that make you laugh (my hope)? I didn't make you angry, did I?
MOMMMMMMMMMMMMM...!!!
The third time is a charm.
Then again, they also say:
Three strikes...YER OUT!!!
Oh, well. I will take my chances. In an attempt to inject a little humor into a very non-humorous situation, GIRL, WHAT IS UP WITH THAT CLEVELAND INDIANS JERSEY?!?
https://christianchat.com/christian...cture-of-yourself.203603/page-47#post-5381235
Are you an Indians (Guardians, now) fan? If you are, then you truly know a lot about suffering!
Did that make you laugh (my hope)? I didn't make you angry, did I?
MOMMMMMMMMMMMMM...!!!
