Sometimes I get doubtful

[M1chaeL]

I mostly live for God in a probably bad way.....

I feel like I've given up on things when I was atheist. It all seemed unworthy of the pain.

But then when I heard someone as big as God would love me, I felt so excited and I just threw myself onto Him and I felt as if the love was returned.

And then troubles came and I felt like I slowly got distant, BUT I wanted to hold on. I didn't know anywhere I could find hope besides Him.

So I felt like I didn't love Him, if I loved Him, I would follow His commandments better like I did before, but instead I go to Him as if He is a drug for me. I would use "God loves me, there is hope in Him" as a way to get myself to forget everything in the idea that someone as big as God loves me.
So even though I had troubled holding on, and felt guilty most of the time, I still wanted to just use Him like a water fountain in the way, just because I felt so needy and depressed.

And then sometimes I watch these videos atheists make, that would throw off my faith, but when I watch them, I don't care.
They say so many things that would cause me to doubt, but I guess I don't care, because God is like a water fountain to me, and nothing else could quench my thirst.

I'm a bad Christian in that I know I'm probably an addict wanting to get obsessed with something, but I chose to get obsessed with God and the idea of someone like Him loving me just gave me some sort of joy nothing else could.

But I guess I don't know if I have real faith. Sometimes I doubt, and I guess maybe I just go to God to feel some sort of sense of peace when I just feel like this world is unbearable to live on and is pointless.

I guess to me, I could just throw away my faith, but life is just so pointless an atheist, it all just seems like a big waste of time.


Maybe it's dumb I want to feel joy and some sense of peace.... maybe the faith I have is trashy, and I probably just want to feel peace, and even if i feel a bit doubtful, apart of me just really wants to believe there is a God who would love me and would want to guide me.

Nothing else could comfort me so I guess I'll keep going to Him like a water fountain.

 

[Kireina]

Hi! Lil bro. I don't usually come here because I am not a teen and this is a forum for teens...but I saw your post...


Michael, When everything feels heavy just like today and you feel like you tried everything already but still you can't find peace and comfort in your heart maybe stop for a while and Allow Him to carry your load as Jesus says in
Matthew 11:29
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

You are so right HE is the only one who truly can understand you and help you and can give you hope in this imperfect world. Rest in HIS power, His love and His promises because He cares for you ❤

🤗


God bless you ❤

 

[TimothyGirl]

Hi Michael,

I came across your post earlier. I am really blessed by your honesty and transparency.
I love the way you say you mostly live for God a probably bad way. Is there a good and bad way to live for God?

There’s something in me that connects with what you wrote: the doubt, the fear, the wondering if you’re doing this “thing” right? It’s all normal and part of our beautiful journey with Him.

One thing you have to remember is that as much as God is real and His love for you is real, so is the adversary that wants to cause you to doubt. Much of the struggle we face is as a result of this battle where the devil wants us to doubt that God really does care about us. Always remember that he is the father of lies. That’s what he uses to turn us from God. The lie that you’re not good enough; the lie that you are a disappointment to God… turn those thoughts that he bombards your mind with the other way around and you’ll discover the truth.

In your post you said that you feel like this world is unbearable to live on and is pointless. I can relate with that! It is Christ that gives this life meaning. Outside of God, there is no point. Like the Scriptures say, the mentality out there is “Let us eat and drink and be happy, because tomorrow we die.” I have to live for more than filling my belly and having a good time. I’ve discovered purpose and hope and destiny in God. That He CREATED me for a reason; He CREATED me for Himself: He CREATED me to have a RELATIONSHIP with Him. Go to Him as that fountain. Allow Him to drench you. Press in to the realization that He LOVES you!! Because He really does.

There’s this image that’s been burning bright in my heart the last few days. An image I want to share with you. It’s the image of Jesus entering this world. The image of God looking down from Heaven, seeing the heartache, seeing the chaos, seeing the hopelessness of His people who were no longer in relationship with Him. How? How could He convince us of His love for us? How could He convince us that He is GOOD and He wants to wrap His arms around us and LOVE us in our hurts?

There was only one way. He would have to become a Man and love us from down here. In Jesus He wraps His arms around us; in Jesus we see His heart for even the smallest child. In Jesus we see God reaching out to us. He weeps over our hurts. He cannot walk past our suffering without being moved with compassion. He noticed the widow who put in the last of her money because she trusted in God. He went out of His way to talk to the outcast known as the Samaritan woman by the well. He sees the broken-hearted, the sinner and the leper, and He gets involved. He could not walk away from the funeral procession indifferently; He felt the pain of the widow who had lost her only son. He hurt. He loved. And then He responded out of that love. He loves you in the same way. He doesn’t require you to keep His commandments. He desires that you press into Him, that you get to know this God who gave everything to you and for you. And as you get to know Him, as you study His Nature and His heartbeat found in His Word, walking in His commandments will come naturally. Obedience is a response of love. Come as you are. He’s accepted you as you are. And He’ll clean you up as you walk with Him. Just let Him do it.

Believe it or not, you’re in a good place, because it leaves you pressing in to Him. And I pray, Lord, that you would open Michael’s eyes to the fullness of Your love for him. That you would give him a fresh encounter with you and continue to shower your love, compassion and mercy upon him. That he would live in the fullness of the exclamation of his name: “WHO IS LIKE GOD??!” Who loves us so very much….

 

[JoshlovesJesus]

I think you might be doing what I used to do. I used to over complicate things. think of it as you are muddy and you are always going to be muddy, you alone will never be clean in Gods eyes... but thanks to Jesus paying the ransom he has put a robe over you covering the mud on you, so now God only sees the clean robe and not the mud. you cant get yourself saved. You have to have Jesus, so just receive him and listen to what he needs. I recommend the Unashamed podcast. just search up unashamed it has given me a lot of clarity and ive grown a lot closer to God as a result

Make sure you read your bible and listen for what God is telling you and you. I will be praying for you

 

[Adstar]

I mostly live for God in a probably bad way.....

I feel like I've given up on things when I was atheist. It all seemed unworthy of the pain.

But then when I heard someone as big as God would love me, I felt so excited and I just threw myself onto Him and I felt as if the love was returned.

And then troubles came and I felt like I slowly got distant, BUT I wanted to hold on. I didn't know anywhere I could find hope besides Him.

So I felt like I didn't love Him, if I loved Him, I would follow His commandments better like I did before, but instead I go to Him as if He is a drug for me. I would use "God loves me, there is hope in Him" as a way to get myself to forget everything in the idea that someone as big as God loves me.
So even though I had troubled holding on, and felt guilty most of the time, I still wanted to just use Him like a water fountain in the way, just because I felt so needy and depressed.

And then sometimes I watch these videos atheists make, that would throw off my faith, but when I watch them, I don't care.
They say so many things that would cause me to doubt, but I guess I don't care, because God is like a water fountain to me, and nothing else could quench my thirst.

I'm a bad Christian in that I know I'm probably an addict wanting to get obsessed with something, but I chose to get obsessed with God and the idea of someone like Him loving me just gave me some sort of joy nothing else could.

But I guess I don't know if I have real faith. Sometimes I doubt, and I guess maybe I just go to God to feel some sort of sense of peace when I just feel like this world is unbearable to live on and is pointless.

I guess to me, I could just throw away my faith, but life is just so pointless an atheist, it all just seems like a big waste of time.


Maybe it's dumb I want to feel joy and some sense of peace.... maybe the faith I have is trashy, and I probably just want to feel peace, and even if i feel a bit doubtful, apart of me just really wants to believe there is a God who would love me and would want to guide me.

Nothing else could comfort me so I guess I'll keep going to Him like a water fountain.

Yeah i know how you feel about regret for not being a better Christian.. One we compare ourselves to the perfect standards of Jesus we all feel inadequate.. But that's exactly the kind of people Jesus came down to earth and laid his life down for.. Sinners like us..

Jesus is like a doctor..
The people who value a good doctor the most are people who are in critical condition..
The people who value the Atonement of the LORD Jesus Christ the most are the worst of sinners..

So it is only normal for a Christian who holds onto the hope that is in the Redemption of Jesus feels unworthy and a failure as a Christian..

But we must hold onto the truth.. And that truth is we are not saved because we are good enough.. If we where good enough we would not need Jesus to save us.. We are saved because we have acknowledged we have transgressed against the will of God and that we trust in the sacrifice that Jesus made to pay the penalty we where facing for our transgressions against the will of God.

 

[Trogicj]

I mostly live for God in a probably bad way.....

I feel like I've given up on things when I was atheist. It all seemed unworthy of the pain.

But then when I heard someone as big as God would love me, I felt so excited and I just threw myself onto Him and I felt as if the love was returned.

And then troubles came and I felt like I slowly got distant, BUT I wanted to hold on. I didn't know anywhere I could find hope besides Him.

So I felt like I didn't love Him, if I loved Him, I would follow His commandments better like I did before, but instead I go to Him as if He is a drug for me. I would use "God loves me, there is hope in Him" as a way to get myself to forget everything in the idea that someone as big as God loves me.
So even though I had troubled holding on, and felt guilty most of the time, I still wanted to just use Him like a water fountain in the way, just because I felt so needy and depressed.

And then sometimes I watch these videos atheists make, that would throw off my faith, but when I watch them, I don't care.
They say so many things that would cause me to doubt, but I guess I don't care, because God is like a water fountain to me, and nothing else could quench my thirst.

I'm a bad Christian in that I know I'm probably an addict wanting to get obsessed with something, but I chose to get obsessed with God and the idea of someone like Him loving me just gave me some sort of joy nothing else could.

But I guess I don't know if I have real faith. Sometimes I doubt, and I guess maybe I just go to God to feel some sort of sense of peace when I just feel like this world is unbearable to live on and is pointless.

I guess to me, I could just throw away my faith, but life is just so pointless an atheist, it all just seems like a big waste of time.


Maybe it's dumb I want to feel joy and some sense of peace.... maybe the faith I have is trashy, and I probably just want to feel peace, and even if i feel a bit doubtful, apart of me just really wants to believe there is a God who would love me and would want to guide me.

Nothing else could comfort me so I guess I'll keep going to Him like a water fountain.

Hi. God DOES love you and he actually EXPECTS us to "use" him. He died on the cross for your sins...because you needed a Savior. You NEEDED him to save you. He wants you to trust what he has done for you and rely on him as your Savior from hell. To not "use" him, is to reject what he did for you. He didn't die for you only to tell you that you can't benefit from what he did for you. He EXPECTS you to benefit from it. And it's not about your love for God, but rather about his love for you. He gives salvation as a free gift. There is NOTHING wrong in taking the gift. He wants you to. And he IS a fountain of living water. To drink of this water is not offensive to him... He knows he is the water you need. To drink is to acknowledge he is what you need. That glorifies him. It certainly does not make him upset. It makes him happy.

 

[M1chaeL]

Hi Michael,

I came across your post earlier. I am really blessed by your honesty and transparency.
I love the way you say you mostly live for God a probably bad way. Is there a good and bad way to live for God?

There’s something in me that connects with what you wrote: the doubt, the fear, the wondering if you’re doing this “thing” right? It’s all normal and part of our beautiful journey with Him.

One thing you have to remember is that as much as God is real and His love for you is real, so is the adversary that wants to cause you to doubt. Much of the struggle we face is as a result of this battle where the devil wants us to doubt that God really does care about us. Always remember that he is the father of lies. That’s what he uses to turn us from God. The lie that you’re not good enough; the lie that you are a disappointment to God… turn those thoughts that he bombards your mind with the other way around and you’ll discover the truth.

In your post you said that you feel like this world is unbearable to live on and is pointless. I can relate with that! It is Christ that gives this life meaning. Outside of God, there is no point. Like the Scriptures say, the mentality out there is “Let us eat and drink and be happy, because tomorrow we die.” I have to live for more than filling my belly and having a good time. I’ve discovered purpose and hope and destiny in God. That He CREATED me for a reason; He CREATED me for Himself: He CREATED me to have a RELATIONSHIP with Him. Go to Him as that fountain. Allow Him to drench you. Press in to the realization that He LOVES you!! Because He really does.

There’s this image that’s been burning bright in my heart the last few days. An image I want to share with you. It’s the image of Jesus entering this world. The image of God looking down from Heaven, seeing the heartache, seeing the chaos, seeing the hopelessness of His people who were no longer in relationship with Him. How? How could He convince us of His love for us? How could He convince us that He is GOOD and He wants to wrap His arms around us and LOVE us in our hurts?

There was only one way. He would have to become a Man and love us from down here. In Jesus He wraps His arms around us; in Jesus we see His heart for even the smallest child. In Jesus we see God reaching out to us. He weeps over our hurts. He cannot walk past our suffering without being moved with compassion. He noticed the widow who put in the last of her money because she trusted in God. He went out of His way to talk to the outcast known as the Samaritan woman by the well. He sees the broken-hearted, the sinner and the leper, and He gets involved. He could not walk away from the funeral procession indifferently; He felt the pain of the widow who had lost her only son. He hurt. He loved. And then He responded out of that love. He loves you in the same way. He doesn’t require you to keep His commandments. He desires that you press into Him, that you get to know this God who gave everything to you and for you. And as you get to know Him, as you study His Nature and His heartbeat found in His Word, walking in His commandments will come naturally. Obedience is a response of love. Come as you are. He’s accepted you as you are. And He’ll clean you up as you walk with Him. Just let Him do it.

Believe it or not, you’re in a good place, because it leaves you pressing in to Him. And I pray, Lord, that you would open Michael’s eyes to the fullness of Your love for him. That you would give him a fresh encounter with you and continue to shower your love, compassion and mercy upon him. That he would live in the fullness of the exclamation of his name: “WHO IS LIKE GOD??!” Who loves us so very much….

Thank you for this post! I struggled with things for awhile, and looking back at this helped…

I want to rest in His love, so that I would love Him. I just second guess myself a bunch about if I’m doing things right.
(I think it’s 1.I follow God’s commandments if I love Him. 2.I love Him due to His love for me.
I think it’s all about a relationship with Him….)
I just worry if I have to do something special to rest in His love or something or if I just hear it…. I think I know thihgs already but I second guess myself so much….

I’m sorry this is random, but I partly worry that things depend on my view of Him and it is about me viewing His love positively instead of Him helping…

I know I rested in Him so well in the past. Just by realizing He cared, I had a sense of security due to knowing He cared, and since He cared He’d be there for me…. It seemed more about the truth than a view I had… due to this I in a way saw Him like a person, I felt safe He was there and I felt bad for doing things against Him, kinda like I would a family member, it was just natural…. I had so much fulfillment realizing cared….

This and me second guessing how I should do things with God, is what has made me struggled to rest in Him….

 

[Beckworth]

I mostly live for God in a probably bad way.....

I feel like I've given up on things when I was atheist. It all seemed unworthy of the pain.

But then when I heard someone as big as God would love me, I felt so excited and I just threw myself onto Him and I felt as if the love was returned.

And then troubles came and I felt like I slowly got distant, BUT I wanted to hold on. I didn't know anywhere I could find hope besides Him.

So I felt like I didn't love Him, if I loved Him, I would follow His commandments better like I did before, but instead I go to Him as if He is a drug for me. I would use "God loves me, there is hope in Him" as a way to get myself to forget everything in the idea that someone as big as God loves me.
So even though I had troubled holding on, and felt guilty most of the time, I still wanted to just use Him like a water fountain in the way, just because I felt so needy and depressed.

And then sometimes I watch these videos atheists make, that would throw off my faith, but when I watch them, I don't care.
They say so many things that would cause me to doubt, but I guess I don't care, because God is like a water fountain to me, and nothing else could quench my thirst.

I'm a bad Christian in that I know I'm probably an addict wanting to get obsessed with something, but I chose to get obsessed with God and the idea of someone like Him loving me just gave me some sort of joy nothing else could.

But I guess I don't know if I have real faith. Sometimes I doubt, and I guess maybe I just go to God to feel some sort of sense of peace when I just feel like this world is unbearable to live on and is pointless.

I guess to me, I could just throw away my faith, but life is just so pointless an atheist, it all just seems like a big waste of time.


Maybe it's dumb I want to feel joy and some sense of peace.... maybe the faith I have is trashy, and I probably just want to feel peace, and even if i feel a bit doubtful, apart of me just really wants to believe there is a God who would love me and would want to guide me.

Nothing else could comfort me so I guess I'll keep going to Him like a water fountain.

Romans 10:17 says we get faith from God’s word—the Bible. So read the Bible stories in the Old Testament. Wonderful stories about battles (Joshua) and the great flood(Noah), the plagues of Egypt.( Exodus 1-12 you will get to know God, his character and His power. You will be “built up.” It’s the only way to get faith and grow stronger as. Christian.