SINGLE DIFFICULTIES, WHAT ARE THEY?
- Thread starter LeoForChrist
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Let's see greatest difficulties I'm not so sure but greatest temptations:
Isolation / Disconnection from community - seems like most social options are either kid focused or drunken party focused also there's just so much that doesn't directly affect you that it's easy to have a very narrow perspective
Thinking marriage will solve all your problems / putting life on hold - when I find someone it will be different type of thinking
Avoiding accountability - it's kind of built in when you live with a family but it's so easy to slack off when you're not hurting anyone but yourself (financially, morally, health wise) ... let's just not talk about my lack of consistent bedtimes or decreasing shower frequency since this whole pandemic / work from home thing started
Selfishness - because your world really does kind of revolve around you with little need to consider anyone else
Managing sex drive - more difficult for some than others but still there seems to be a stigma against single christian adults actually admitting that they have one and do want to have sex. I'm guessing it's mainly because there's no way for them to do so without sin in their current circumstances and so people can't hear the difference between I want this good gift from God that I'm currently denied and I want to go out and sin my life away.
And if I ever get all of those sorted out perfectly I'll come back with another list of challenges to being single.
Let's not forget the biggest difficulty: When you want to move something heavy, there's nobody to lift the other end with you. 
If you break an arm or pull a muscle, nobody is there to help you. If you get sick, you'd better have money saved up to cover that small (or missed!) paycheck.
If you break an arm or pull a muscle, nobody is there to help you. If you get sick, you'd better have money saved up to cover that small (or missed!) paycheck.
huh funny I dont understand the lack of showering, how is it different if you are not married? Isnt that just a personal hygiene thing and nothing to do with being single.
I think the difficulties of being single (and christian) would be
church busybodies assuming you always want to be married or asking you about it.
being dumped on with other peoples problems BECAUSE you are single i,e you are the default sober driver, the babysitter, the caretaker, the dog sitter, and the storage vault for everyones junk
assumed you have no life of your own because you are single
no place to sit in church if you come by yourself as all the seats are taken by families lol. Or there is a 'family service' but family is always assumed to be 'nuclear family' as if no other types of families exist.
I think the difficulties of being single (and christian) would be
church busybodies assuming you always want to be married or asking you about it.
being dumped on with other peoples problems BECAUSE you are single i,e you are the default sober driver, the babysitter, the caretaker, the dog sitter, and the storage vault for everyones junk
assumed you have no life of your own because you are single
no place to sit in church if you come by yourself as all the seats are taken by families lol. Or there is a 'family service' but family is always assumed to be 'nuclear family' as if no other types of families exist.
If you find a guy and marry him... you'll learn. Boy will you ever learn!
I solved that one for myself. Every service I sit on a random pew.
I learned a thing or two this way. I learned there are some corners of the church I should avoid. Not because the people there don't like me, but because they gossip so much during the sermon that it's hard to pay attention to the preacher.
I know this is not going to be received well on this forum so I probably shouldn't even reply.
But oh well, here it goes anyhow:
I have never heard anyone say that singles won't have temptations or that they are evil sinners because of temptation. Temptation isn't the problem. The way people deal with temptation is what counts.
Entertaining sexual thoughts and/or sitting around fantasizing about sex is not appropriate. It only leads to sin.
That is the God's honest truth and if people can't handle that then it is on them.
Getting hurt feelings and being upset with God because of it is...WRONG! I'm pretty sure that God is not going to bless anyone that has that type of attitude.
I'm not indicating that you or anyone else here is doing that....Just saying many of the threads I have seen in this forum on the topic seem to head that way.
But oh well, here it goes anyhow:
I have never heard anyone say that singles won't have temptations or that they are evil sinners because of temptation. Temptation isn't the problem. The way people deal with temptation is what counts.
Entertaining sexual thoughts and/or sitting around fantasizing about sex is not appropriate. It only leads to sin.
That is the God's honest truth and if people can't handle that then it is on them.
Getting hurt feelings and being upset with God because of it is...WRONG! I'm pretty sure that God is not going to bless anyone that has that type of attitude.
I'm not indicating that you or anyone else here is doing that....Just saying many of the threads I have seen in this forum on the topic seem to head that way.
How does that work out in real life? Two single christians dating each other, getting serious, thinking about marriage.... do we really expect they should never have a sexual thought about each other? Are they supposed to deny the fact that wanting to have sex with each other is part of their motivation to get married? And if they don't think and talk about it before marriage, what do they do when they find out (on the wedding night, the honeymoon, 6 months in when they've finally gotten sick of keeping their polite faces on with each other 24/7) that their expectations around sex are wildly different?
And this isn't to say that sin is ok or that you don't need a super good accountability structure in place to keep you from acting on the tempations that will inevitably come up in such a situation, but rather what should be the principles to guide a Christian couple through those phases of relationship from total strangers to getting married and having sex. Because all I've ever heard from the standpoint of having godly relationships is "no sex, wait till you're married" and that's a super shallow and unhelpful view on such a deep and complex topic.
when two single christians are dating, wouldnt they be engaged if they were thinking of marrying each other, or is engagement or betrothal not seen as a thing or done anymore.
They can always break off an engagement. Its not like getting a divorce.
if you are a couple you are NOT single anymore.
They can always break off an engagement. Its not like getting a divorce.
if you are a couple you are NOT single anymore.
I recall a single friend told me she didnt shower everyday and I was a bit shocked cos it is a daily habit with me (or bath) . I dont know if married couples just do it together or whether they fight about it though.
I think it depends on the person...couples can live in squalor just as single people can..or not. not healthy but marriage doesnt always change peoples habits.
I think it depends on the person...couples can live in squalor just as single people can..or not. not healthy but marriage doesnt always change peoples habits.
sorry I meant couples can shower together although my parents do not, but they do shower or at least wash their faces. Though because my dad used to do night shift I dont know if he always showered every single night because...it would wake us, or the hot water would have run out. Depends.
It just something you do like brushing your teeth , washing your hands or going to the toilet. Why wouldnt you.
It just something you do like brushing your teeth , washing your hands or going to the toilet. Why wouldnt you.
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TheIndianGirl
Guest
Curious, questions for you both, why do you think loneliness is worse when you are older verses when you are younger? Also, what does older mean, 50+ or something else?
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TheIndianGirl
Guest
A lot of great points. Another one I would add is "fear of missing out". For a single person, married life w/ kids can sometimes appear a bit alien since we do not understand it all. We do not understand spousal relationships, other than what we have observed in our lives but that is outside looking in. Married life esp. w/ kids is a completely different world, so sometimes we do not relate that part of life and so can feel we are "missing out".
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TheIndianGirl
Guest
I think Christian couples should know rather quickly if their dating is heading towards engagement/marriage. The Christian couples I know all knew within the first few dates, if their relationship is headed towards marriage. They all dated, got engaged and married within a year.
Perhaps because being older you are more aware of the sands running out of the hourglass. The term 'older' would depend on one's perception of time. For me, in my early 40's I was starting to be aware that I was getting older.
The same was true for me also. You reach a certain point in your life where you either know what you want or you don't. I fully agree with you, if there isn't any sparks flying after a couple of dates then it probably was not meant to be. Exactly, date-engage-marry within a year. That is how I rolled 'em.
A habit is not the same thing as a character trait although it could reflect it. Marriage may not change one's character, but I know from experience that you can teach an old dog new tricks.
"Fear of missing out"? Now that I think about it there could be an element of truth to that. As you get older the chance of you missing out becomes greater.
T
TheIndianGirl
Guest
I think marriage can solve a lot of problems. The primary items I can think of are, 1) loneliness, some things in life are better when shared with someone else, 2) having kids/ descendants (if you plan to leave inheritance), 3) a combined income (if both spouses work), can increase quality of life, and 4) possibly most important, having someone nearby when you need some help (moving, in sickness, etc.).
However, this doesn't need to be said but marriage can cause/create new problems too. The primary items I can think of are, 1) not on the same page on important issues (sex, finances, kids, outlook, etc.), 2) shouldering/dealing with the sins of someone else (porn problems, gambling, dishonesty, etc., and 3) control/passive aggressiveness issues (when one spouse feels he/she should have his/her way and should not compromise).