Hi everyone. My name is Michael Im 50. Does going to church make you feel awkward because youre single. All my single friends at my church all got married in the last few years and I am the last one. I feel so alone and awkward. I stopped going to church because of the lonelieness and awkwardness.
Single and lonely
- Thread starter Mporche31
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J
Jared_K
Guest
Hi Michael and welcome. Honestly? Same. I stopped going to my current one, too. You go to church, see all these couples married, with children. You can’t help but feel like the odd one out.
My church has segregated groups, so there was very little time to get to know people. 10-20 minutes twice a week at best. It’s not really a place to foster friendships and build connections unless you meet for special events outside of church every now and then. I’m planning on going to a new church, a bigger church. One where it’s far more likely to meet other singles.
Here’s the thing—the fact that you care means your heart is in the right place, Michael. The unfortunate truth is you’ll never meet someone if you don’t put yourself out there. Find a church with a singles group and get to know people. It‘s never too late. I’ve seen people at my church 60+ years old, missing teeth, overweight, using a cane, come in with his new girlfriend. I’ve seen 500+lbs dudes happily engaged. It’s just a matter of time. Talk to people. And who knows? You might meet a good Christian woman outside of church at a coffee shop or somewhere, too. Just be calm, collected and friendly without being overly pushy and eventually it’ll click. Don‘t let fear win. Don’t give up. Love is out there and when you least expect it, it’ll find you.
My church has segregated groups, so there was very little time to get to know people. 10-20 minutes twice a week at best. It’s not really a place to foster friendships and build connections unless you meet for special events outside of church every now and then. I’m planning on going to a new church, a bigger church. One where it’s far more likely to meet other singles.
Here’s the thing—the fact that you care means your heart is in the right place, Michael. The unfortunate truth is you’ll never meet someone if you don’t put yourself out there. Find a church with a singles group and get to know people. It‘s never too late. I’ve seen people at my church 60+ years old, missing teeth, overweight, using a cane, come in with his new girlfriend. I’ve seen 500+lbs dudes happily engaged. It’s just a matter of time. Talk to people. And who knows? You might meet a good Christian woman outside of church at a coffee shop or somewhere, too. Just be calm, collected and friendly without being overly pushy and eventually it’ll click. Don‘t let fear win. Don’t give up. Love is out there and when you least expect it, it’ll find you.
Be careful what you ask for, 50% of marriages end in divorce, and just think about the marriages that are barely manageable, but are filled with misery every day. lol. Sure, there are good marriages out there, but I haven't really seen many, that looked exceptionally good from an outside perspective. But what do I know?
I would encourage you to better your life every day, and when you become successful in life, woman will be drawn to you. It's just the natural order of things. I should probably shut up, I don't know your situation, so maybe I should add a different angle.
What about dating sites or asking family or friends if they know someone single. My mom has been trying to set me up all my life, it's a good thing I'm stubborn, or just plain lucky not to get trapped into one of those arranged situations. I think she tried to do this all the way from high school. Anyways...
Next time you goto church or talk to a married woman, ask if she knows someone. If you get a referral from another woman, that's like a reference in a job interview. Personally, I'm not sure I can deal with all the nagging, that comes from marriage, but what do I know.
You should read some of the horror stories in the family forum about divorce, if you think marriage is the fix, it may not be. It could fix you good if you know what I mean. I heard of an old classmate in high school, who wrote a book on how bad his ex-wife ruined his life. So, like I said, be careful what you ask for.
Good luck with finding your soul mate! And seek counseling, before you get married possibly..
I would encourage you to better your life every day, and when you become successful in life, woman will be drawn to you. It's just the natural order of things. I should probably shut up, I don't know your situation, so maybe I should add a different angle.
What about dating sites or asking family or friends if they know someone single. My mom has been trying to set me up all my life, it's a good thing I'm stubborn, or just plain lucky not to get trapped into one of those arranged situations. I think she tried to do this all the way from high school. Anyways...
Next time you goto church or talk to a married woman, ask if she knows someone. If you get a referral from another woman, that's like a reference in a job interview. Personally, I'm not sure I can deal with all the nagging, that comes from marriage, but what do I know.
You should read some of the horror stories in the family forum about divorce, if you think marriage is the fix, it may not be. It could fix you good if you know what I mean. I heard of an old classmate in high school, who wrote a book on how bad his ex-wife ruined his life. So, like I said, be careful what you ask for.
Good luck with finding your soul mate! And seek counseling, before you get married possibly..
Are the members that are married making you uncomfortable? If so, I don't blame you for leaving that particular church. There are quite a few lonely members here so please know that you're not alone in this regard. Glad to have you onboard with us. Welcome to CC.
B
Blue155
Guest
I’m single, never married, and can and do lonely too, but here is what I have learned.
Paul said singleness is a gift from God (1 Cor. 7:7-8), as it allows undivided devotion to Him, (32–35). It allows you to serve and focus on things above, as we are to set our mind on things above (Colossians 3:2), specifically, Christ. It can cause us to grow closer to Him.
As lonely as I can get…I know I’m not alone in the storms, hurts, fears, and pains in life. There was a man who walked a perfect and sinless life, who went through His own feeling of loneliness by being abandoned and or feeling forsaken. He didn’t look forward to the cross, but He finished what He started…and in doing so endured unimaginable pain and suffering, yet through all that, He left us with a source of encouragement..knowing pain and suffering is never wasted or has the final word for the one who loves Him, and also gives us motivation. Knowing that He walked down a path of pain, suffering, loneliness, mistreated, etc etc out of love…so we wouldn’t feel like we are alone, and or have do it alone, then we ourselves can be sources of light in the midst of our own sufferings. We can be a shining light the way the light of the world was while on the cross, still radiating His love for mankind, reaching down with compassion out of love and mercy to even those who despised Him, even in His most agonizing state. Instead of allowing life to darken our light in our darkest moments, we need to try to be able to be the best example to others as Jesus was in His. The light of the world outshone the darkest moment in history by defeating death. If it takes us going through hard times to show His love to others, and in the process glorifying God through it all, then we are blessed to be able to do so.
Paul said singleness is a gift from God (1 Cor. 7:7-8), as it allows undivided devotion to Him, (32–35). It allows you to serve and focus on things above, as we are to set our mind on things above (Colossians 3:2), specifically, Christ. It can cause us to grow closer to Him.
As lonely as I can get…I know I’m not alone in the storms, hurts, fears, and pains in life. There was a man who walked a perfect and sinless life, who went through His own feeling of loneliness by being abandoned and or feeling forsaken. He didn’t look forward to the cross, but He finished what He started…and in doing so endured unimaginable pain and suffering, yet through all that, He left us with a source of encouragement..knowing pain and suffering is never wasted or has the final word for the one who loves Him, and also gives us motivation. Knowing that He walked down a path of pain, suffering, loneliness, mistreated, etc etc out of love…so we wouldn’t feel like we are alone, and or have do it alone, then we ourselves can be sources of light in the midst of our own sufferings. We can be a shining light the way the light of the world was while on the cross, still radiating His love for mankind, reaching down with compassion out of love and mercy to even those who despised Him, even in His most agonizing state. Instead of allowing life to darken our light in our darkest moments, we need to try to be able to be the best example to others as Jesus was in His. The light of the world outshone the darkest moment in history by defeating death. If it takes us going through hard times to show His love to others, and in the process glorifying God through it all, then we are blessed to be able to do so.
The topic was on my mind today. Here's one common example of what happened when some of those friends married or got a boost in their sociostatus.
I don't feel awkward or different than before friends got married, mostly in their 20s. It was a fact that most excluded me from our friendships from that day forward. This was also my friends who asked me to be a groomsman or best man . They asked me to help them move, drive the truck across country and risk my back lifting heavy furniture and appliances, many on my own and all without pay.
That's ok because we were good friends. There were many other risks I accepted at my expenses, risks without a second thought.
Oddly, those friendships became one sided very suddenly.
They know of my full time Christian service that depends on God's people to provide, so I can reach the lost. Some of them pledged/ vowed to tithe and I am still waiting for them to keep their words. Some of them are now millionaires, so it's not as if they are having to cut off utilities to survive. They don't concern themselves with frugality for the Lord's work to go forward.
If they did what God told them to do and what they agreed to, they would store up riches in Heaven where no moth or rust will ever ruin/ corrupt it.
People would get saved from Hell as they support the ministry. They would have more than just the few short years on this Earth to spend it on junk and short term frivolous enjoyment. But that's what they chose, short term gratification they thought they'd loose by giving a small percentage to the Lord's work.
This goes to show that even though it's not good that man should be alone, marriage doesn't make a man virtuous or morally better. Singleness doesn't either, but I'm reminded of what Paul said,
"For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
I Corinthians 7
Id rather be alone like Paul and Jesus than like that infamous couple Ananias and Sapphira who had valuable property they sold and decided to not give it to the Lord's honorable work. How long did they enjoy that wealth?
>Ananias and Sapphira Sold Their Land<
I don't feel awkward or different than before friends got married, mostly in their 20s. It was a fact that most excluded me from our friendships from that day forward. This was also my friends who asked me to be a groomsman or best man . They asked me to help them move, drive the truck across country and risk my back lifting heavy furniture and appliances, many on my own and all without pay.
That's ok because we were good friends. There were many other risks I accepted at my expenses, risks without a second thought.
Oddly, those friendships became one sided very suddenly.
They know of my full time Christian service that depends on God's people to provide, so I can reach the lost. Some of them pledged/ vowed to tithe and I am still waiting for them to keep their words. Some of them are now millionaires, so it's not as if they are having to cut off utilities to survive. They don't concern themselves with frugality for the Lord's work to go forward.
If they did what God told them to do and what they agreed to, they would store up riches in Heaven where no moth or rust will ever ruin/ corrupt it.
People would get saved from Hell as they support the ministry. They would have more than just the few short years on this Earth to spend it on junk and short term frivolous enjoyment. But that's what they chose, short term gratification they thought they'd loose by giving a small percentage to the Lord's work.
This goes to show that even though it's not good that man should be alone, marriage doesn't make a man virtuous or morally better. Singleness doesn't either, but I'm reminded of what Paul said,
"For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
I Corinthians 7
Id rather be alone like Paul and Jesus than like that infamous couple Ananias and Sapphira who had valuable property they sold and decided to not give it to the Lord's honorable work. How long did they enjoy that wealth?
>Ananias and Sapphira Sold Their Land<
It's tough when your friends get married. They kind of disappear off the earth or at least into the secret kingdom of coupleland and either are happy to be alone together or else want to hang out with other couples (at least that's what it seems like). It's ok to feel and mourn that loss and know that it's not going to ever be quite the same again.
And for many of us, going to church as a single is just kind of awkward and there are plenty of things to rub the salt in the proverbial wound if you're already feeling the pain of singleness. It's part of the reason I've quit going to women's ministry events, because they don't seem to be designed for someone like me. But as singles we need the church and the church needs us. Because on both sides we need to be reminded that not everyone is like us and to be close enough to people who are different from us to empathize with their struggles and challenges. Beyond that, as a single I find I can be very disconnected from the community I live in and being part of a church helps give me ways to show God's love to the local community. And well, as others have pointed out, not many new people come wandering through our living rooms so we have to have some way of getting out and interacting socially and church is better than most of the other options.
What's helped me most is remembering that going to church isn't about being comfortable, fitting in, or being served and catered to; it's about obedience to God's command to gather with other believers ( and I've been through seasons where I wanted to quit church but God wouldn't let me) and advancing the kingdom of God. And in doing so he takes us outside of ourselves and our hurts and so weakens their power in our lives.
If you think that single Christians in churchVery few.So have you triedLooking for a Christian partner online?Although it is not realistic, maybe you can try it if you really feel lonely.You need a partner. You can try it. But pay attention to safety and make sure that you won't be cheated, because onlineThere are too many liars.Please protect your own.safe.And I am also a single female Christian.I don't have much experience in making friends online.soI can't give you much advice.But You can write to me if you like.I hope I can help you.God bless you.Good luck!
A good marriage can cure loneliness and sadness.A failed marriage.Not only can't provide people withHelp makes people fall into more loneliness, so only God.A blessed marriage is.Beautiful and happy.So I think whether you get married orBeing single, I think everything is necessary.Follow God's guidance and seek God's will.Then you will have real peace and joy.God bless you and Good luck!
Do you otherwise like the assembly you're in except for feelings of loneliness and awkwardness? If so, I wouldn't stop going there just because all your friends have married. Your feelings are coming from within yourself and must be confronted and dealt with. Peace and blessings.
It depends on why you go in the first place.
I go to my job to make money. It's uncomfortable and I don't like a couple of the people there and I have to do stuff. But I don't go there to be comfortable. I go there to earn money.
I go to the store to buy stuff I need. There is nowhere to sit down and everybody else is there trying to get their stuff and they get in my way and the place takes money away from me. But I don't go there to be happy. I go there to get stuff I need.
If I want to be happy and comfortable I stay at home. I wouldn't go to church for that. I am inherently lazy and insular.
But I don't go to church for me. I go to church because, like going to my job and to the store, there is something I want to accomplish.
Dear please can you talk it through with God in prayer? Church is truly truly a place we submit and allow ourselves grow. and the focus is not on men but on God. it's true you may feel awkward but sticking there for the sake of Christ is a sacrifice worthy of His person. At my church I am in the youths group because they have refused to form single groups. I can't join the women because I don't relate to their world. Pathetic right, yes but I am in Church and I am very busy at church to even notice I am single.
remove any inferiority complexes, self doubt, low self esteem, insecureness & inadequacy with the help of Jesus Christ. train yourself a new condition response to these characteristics: calm, loose & relaxation. this may take 100's of repetitions in your subjective & objective minds. how a person feels translates to how they look. people can read someone's thoughts & feelings quite quickly. you are "not guilty" of being single, you just are. a sallow dour faced appearance can equal guilt, a joyous appearance always equals brightness in character. get Jesus on the job immediately, He's the best doctor ever & He never charges!!!
Hey Michael!
I'm almost 50, widowed for over 9 years and have 5 children.
I have felt this in the past more so than now but thank the Lord I am at a church where I am connected and wanted. As far as I know there are no other singles my age.
I still have those moments when I feel lonely while surrounded by church friends, long time life friends, family and even my kids.
But God has blessed me so much and I need to stop and thank him for all His blessings to me. It helps.
But I understand the desire for closeness/ intimacy with someone.
Just my few thoughts!
I myself have spent most of my life dreaming about a wife who would also be my best freind. The desire has swallowed me up much for most of my life. For a period of time I was at peace, praising the lord for how he made me, then I met this beautiful egyptian lady online who liv(ed)(s) in canada. I don't even know if she's still alive, and for a ling time after she left me, I've only been praying ro the Lord every day to bring her back, and thinking about her every day.
How the Lord deleivers me from such oppression, I can't exactly say. I'm still all alone in the flesh, but now finding my fellowship and peace through the spirit. All I've done is plead with the Lord, petitioning and asking him continually to help my heart turn fully to him, no matter what was on my mind, and he does it for me. My the Lord do the same to you too.
Good evening Michael. I am a man Around your age also and have felt the same feelings you have. Allow me to encourage you. It may not feel this way but being single Is a gift That can be so wonderful beyond description of Words. You can devote your Whole life to Christ in which married men are divided because the other half of their attention is on their wives. You belong at church even if your the only married man who attends. Truth is we are all Married to Jesus Christ and belong to him. YES...even men are married to Jesus. Try not to allow this to discourage you. I can emphasize, truly I can. I will pray for you. Whether your married or unmarried you belong with other believers.