Should men be able to express themselves in a relationship?

[Lanolin]

woah.
sorry you seem to have problems with women and taking it out on them?!

Ive always maintained that you need to cultivate your relationship with God FIRST.

 

[Lanolin]

huh pot calling kettle black about being random or expressing herself...I guess some men cant really handle randomness or women thinking about stuff too huh?

lol

 

[Encouragement]

woah.
sorry you seem to have problems with women and taking it out on them?!

Ive always maintained that you need to cultivate your relationship with God FIRST.

What are you on about?
Now your falsely accusing me of having problems with women and somehow taking things out on them?
Are you serious??
what what exactly are you implying by making that statement?...
...That I somehow abuse women?
Who do you think you are making such statements like that?

I think you don't like the fact that I have challeged you,and have to now resort to making false accusations against me of somehow having issues with women and taking it out on them.

I ain't gonna waste my time with you..
leave this thread.

 

[Encouragement]

huh pot calling kettle black about being random or expressing herself...I guess some men cant really handle randomness or women thinking about stuff too huh?

lol

You still here?

 

[Encouragement]

well going back to OP

innermost fears, traumas, concerns,
feelings sad anxious or worried...why should a woman expect a man to share those with her. A woman is not God. These things a child might go to their mother. or in prayer to God. But not to randomly to someone, even if they are in a relationship. Why because what would be the point?

do you expect someone to dump all their worries on you?
Even women dont go sharing that kind of stuff with men who wouldnt understand when they are PMSing. They cant do anything about it!

Ummmm..I have been checking you out and you seen to be someone here who seems to have offended various member here and you have already been reported to the moderators before..
I have kinda felt an unease about you for many weeks for there seems to be a degree of negativity about your comments on various threads..
So my suspicions have been confirmed about you whilst checking you out.
I would advise you to take heed the many rebukes you have received here by others Coz if you continue to be disrespectful (like you had been to me here...and disruptive)..then you could find yourself being banned here and you will have no ody yo blame but yourself.I have already reported you for those inappropriate remarks you made against me..

 

[shineyourlight]

You should always be able to express yourself in a relationship. When one party does not allow the other party to express, one has to look at the relationship as a whole and see if this is worth staying in. Yes, there's always work and changes CAN be made in a relationship, but it shows a huge character flaw of someone who doesn't allow another to communicate their wants or their needs.

 

[tourist]

or was it a different dr spock. I just know about the baby book author.

Maybe it was Mr. Spock? May we all, by the grace of God, live long and prosper.

 

[true_believer]

Men need to express emotions at appropriate times. But without self-control they won't be respected.

 

[Encouragement]

You should always be able to express yourself in a relationship. When one party does not allow the other party to express, one has to look at the relationship as a whole and see if this is worth staying in. Yes, there's always work and changes CAN be made in a relationship, but it shows a huge character flaw of someone who doesn't allow another to communicate their wants or their needs.

Hi yea very true..that other person is seeking to dominate the other one....

 

[Encouragement]

Men need to express emotions at appropriate times. But without self-control they won't be respected.

Hi thanks for popping by..
I guess it all depends in what emotion is being expressed..and also it can also be a reflection of the attitude of the who won't respect a guy too...like if family member died ect...some emotions like bereavement can be overwhelming and I have seen guys in bits at times....
Plus I know that some guys can be sensitive and certain things can trigger a wave of distress..
Even at a point in his life Jesus was in such a state of deep distress regarding going to the cross although he came through it in the end.

 

[HumbleOne]

I have no problems sharing my emotions. Might be lack of trust as our culture continues to change.

 

[Sculpt]

Hi folks just a pretty straightforward question really.
In a relationship do you think it's important for a guy to be able to express himself.Many guys in general can express anger for example which is a powerful forceful amount of emotional energy...what what about sharing his innermost feelings?Things that hurt him,fears,concerns ect..traumas?
Many women have been frustrated as their partner doesn't express how he really feels or thinks about certain things and therefore makes it difficult for her understand his point of view and if he feels sad,anxious or even worried about things in life.
Unfortunately various cultures as well a society can dictate how men express themselves mentally and emotionally and some can see expressing certain emotions as being unmanly or weak.Also in the home many fathers don't express themselves emotionally to their sons so many sons can grow up not being emotionally self aware.
Some men are lead to believe they aren't supposed to cry,be scared...be vulnerable ect...so many men at times seek to hide these things and put on a front which isn't a reflection of who they REALLY are.Many feel the constant pressure or demand to be strong,the leader....the warrior type figure...
Personally I have no problems expressing my emotions verbally e t because of having to go through counselling in the past and just being really aware of that's going on inside me.Anyway it be good to hear your thoughts on this matter.
Look forward to hear from you.
Just how important is it for a guy to be able to express himself in a relationship emotionally and mentally...coz some guys say they dont do emotions..

Word of advice to Brother Encouragement: In my experience all women are turned off, bigtime, when a suitor expresses any sort of weakness whatsoever. Men who want a woman therefore, must limit themselves to righteous indignation with a hint of determination. But sure, if a man meets some women friends that he's sure they will never want to date, go ahead and "express yourself". I guess married men can risk it... but proceed with caution.

 

[cinder]

Word of advice to Brother Encouragement: In my experience all women are turned off, bigtime, when a suitor expresses any sort of weakness whatsoever. Men who want a woman therefore, must limit themselves to righteous indignation with a hint of determination. But sure, if a man meets some women friends that he's sure they will never want to date, go ahead and "express yourself". I guess married men can risk it... but proceed with caution.

I think equating emotions with weakness is inaccurate. Good women don't want weak men, but they also don't want emotionless robots. I think it's something like a woman wants a man who is in touch with his emotions but isn't controlled or overwhelmed by them. Stability and communication are important. How expressive you are and how you express yourself is a matter of taste and preference, which is why some women can feel loved when they get expensive jewelry, but I start to be concerned that the person I'm with is financially extravagant and irresponsible.

 

[kaylagrl]

"Should" men be able to express their emotions within a relationship?

Yes.

Are they?

Typically, no. Two thoughts, by way of explanation...

Firstly, "emotions" is usually a euphemistic code for fear, sadness, and hurt. Few people have an issue with men expressing appropriate elation, surprise, irritation, or controlled anger. It's misleading and confusing to use a general term to mean a small range of the spectrum.

Men feel every emotion, just as women do, whether or not they have been trained to identify and recognize them. How they express them is often limited by societal or familiar pressure, and far too many men are trained to keep most emotions to themselves. These same men are not trained how to deal with the powerful emotions that they do feel, and many channel them into bullying, aggression, malice, and vengeance, both physical or mental.

Secondly, like it or not, many women are simply not attracted to men who express their negative emotions in the same ways women do, or will lose respect for those who do. Belka touched on this earlier; it's not a societal norm so much as a biological reality.
So what's the answer? Men, deal with your strong emotions (especially those in the realm of fear, sadness, or hurt) privately with God, or with other trustworthy men. It's better not to deal with them with your female partner (and definitely not with a woman other than your partner!). Instead, once you have dealt with them, you might share that you felt a certain way, but share the existence of the emotion, rather than expressing the emotion itself. Also, learn how to deal with powerful emotions in the moment, saving the 'dealing' for an appropriate time.

Well since someone raised this old thread to my attention I have to disagree a little brother, with men sharing emotions with their partners. I grew up with a father that showed only negative emotions anger being the main one. His family would rather die then show a positive emotion. Almost kill them to say "I love you". You had to pretty much be dying to get that. All my uncles would knock you in the shoulder with their fist and that would mean "I love you". You would swear their tongues were cut out of their heads. My aunt would literally stand at the door as they left and say to my uncle "tell your brother you love him"!! My father had two girls, myself and my sister, and you would have thought that would soften him, but it just hardened us, sad to say. Not that I don't love my father, I suppose in a way he loves me back. But that's what I grew up under. And my mother caved to my father.

Skip ahead to my husband who was raised by his mother. His father left when he was young. And honestly he expresses more range of emotions than I do. If something hurts him, he says so. If he feels saddened, he tells me. If he's had a bad day and feels overwhelmed he says so. From the time we met once we were committed and dating he would say I love you every time he hung up the phone with me. Every single time. For someone who grew up hearing that so rarely, I honestly found that hard. He was very affectionate, holding hands, hugs, kisses on the forehead. I was overwhelmed. It was too much. I had only been affectionate with my young nephews and telling them I loved them. My family did not hug, only at weddings and funerals. For me to start saying "I love you" as often as my husband did took time. I told my mother I was having trouble with terms of endearment, my parents called each other by their names. There was no honey, darling, love kind of thing. I had to break down and explain to my husband why I was having such a hard time expressing myself. He didn't stop being who he was and I learned to say "I love you" as often as he does. I learned to be affectionate and use terms of endearment, even though it sounded silly when I started. I learned to change.

Now my hubby is a big guy. I'm not painting him as a cry baby. But he even says he was raised by a woman and shows emotion more than most men. And I needed that in my life. I needed a man that could tell me he was sorry. I don't think I ever heard a man say that till my husband did. A man can be a real man and express those emotions. I don't think any less of him. He's a big man with a soft heart and I love that about him. He'd defend me with his last breath. I don't see him as any less manly. I don't respect him less, in fact I respect him more. I needed a man that expressed himself, God knew that. He's even helped me understand my father a little better. I'm perfectly happy with my husband and I wouldn't be able to live with any other type of man. I appreciate who he is. He's taught me a lot about myself and helped me change and grow into a woman. I'm grateful for him.

 

[Encouragement]

Well since someone raised this old thread to my attention I have to disagree a little brother, with men sharing emotions with their partners. I grew up with a father that showed only negative emotions anger being the main one. His family would rather die then show a positive emotion. Almost kill them to say "I love you". You had to pretty much be dying to get that. All my uncles would knock you in the shoulder with their fist and that would mean "I love you". You would swear their tongues were cut out of their heads. My aunt would literally stand at the door as they left and say to my uncle "tell your brother you love him"!! My father had two girls, myself and my sister, and you would have thought that would soften him, but it just hardened us, sad to say. Not that I don't love my father, I suppose in a way he loves me back. But that's what I grew up under. And my mother caved to my father.

Skip ahead to my husband who was raised by his mother. His father left when he was young. And honestly he expresses more range of emotions than I do. If something hurts him, he says so. If he feels saddened, he tells me. If he's had a bad day and feels overwhelmed he says so. From the time we met once we were committed and dating he would say I love you every time he hung up the phone with me. Every single time. For someone who grew up hearing that so rarely, I honestly found that hard. He was very affectionate, holding hands, hugs, kisses on the forehead. I was overwhelmed. It was too much. I had only been affectionate with my young nephews and telling them I loved them. My family did not hug, only at weddings and funerals. For me to start saying "I love you" as often as my husband did took time. I told my mother I was having trouble with terms of endearment, my parents called each other by their names. There was no honey, darling, love kind of thing. I had to break down and explain to my husband why I was having such a hard time expressing myself. He didn't stop being who he was and I learned to say "I love you" as often as he does. I learned to be affectionate and use terms of endearment, even though it sounded silly when I started. I learned to change.

Now my hubby is a big guy. I'm not painting him as a cry baby. But he even says he was raised by a woman and shows emotion more than most men. And I needed that in my life. I needed a man that could tell me he was sorry. I don't think I ever heard a man say that till my husband did. A man can be a real man and express those emotions. I don't think any less of him. He's a big man with a soft heart and I love that about him. He'd defend me with his last breath. I don't see him as any less manly. I don't respect him less, in fact I respect him more. I needed a man that expressed himself, God knew that. He's even helped me understand my father a little better. I'm perfectly happy with my husband and I wouldn't be able to live with any other type of man. I appreciate who he is. He's taught me a lot about myself and helped me change and grow into a woman. I'm grateful for him.

Such a beautiful testimony...So touched reading this...

 

[Encouragement]

Word of advice to Brother Encouragement: In my experience all women are turned off, bigtime, when a suitor expresses any sort of weakness whatsoever. Men who want a woman therefore, must limit themselves to righteous indignation with a hint of determination. But sure, if a man meets some women friends that he's sure they will never want to date, go ahead and "express yourself". I guess married men can risk it... but proceed with caution.

I dunno about the kind of women you have come across this far but they most certainly don't represent ALL women that's for sure...Most women desire men with some degree of strength internally as a man...there are those who do see a man expressing his emotions as weakness..but that is just a really few who have completely the wrong views about men and warped expectations.
What about men who have mental health related issues such as bipolar ect who do Express anything from social anxiety to feeling low ect...that's not weakness...that's just stating fact.In fact there is far too much pressure on men to be a mixture of Rambo and superman I know how some men cannot verbalise their feelings due to there upbringing,wrong role models ect.
If a man who is married and expressed how he feels about stuff to his wife and she see's it as weakness or for some reason has an inappropriate perspective on it...then the most definitely need support as a couple.
On the flip side I know that some men can't handle their wife/gf emotions and either run away,switch off or just disregard them...

 

[kaylagrl]

Such a beautiful testimony...So touched reading this...

Thank you, I try to be as honest about my life as possible. In doing so I hope to help other people who may be going through a similar situation.

 

[Encouragement]

Thank you, I try to be as honest about my life as possible. In doing so I hope to help other people who may be going through a similar situation.

Well it's a real blessing then.The transformation that took place in ur life because of the kind of man your husband was...was just beautiful to read.
Things could of turned out so so differently...
You could of just remained emotionally unavailable to him and resented his emotional openness and self awareness which could of greatly affected the marriage dynamic for the worst.
..But praise God that wasn't the out come..
Great marital testimony of personal growth and acceptance for change...praise God..

 

[Pipp]

Hi folks just a pretty straightforward question really.
In a relationship do you think it's important for a guy to be able to express himself.Many guys in general can express anger for example which is a powerful forceful amount of emotional energy...what what about sharing his innermost feelings?Things that hurt him,fears,concerns ect..traumas?
Many women have been frustrated as their partner doesn't express how he really feels or thinks about certain things and therefore makes it difficult for her understand his point of view and if he feels sad,anxious or even worried about things in life.
Unfortunately various cultures as well a society can dictate how men express themselves mentally and emotionally and some can see expressing certain emotions as being unmanly or weak.Also in the home many fathers don't express themselves emotionally to their sons so many sons can grow up not being emotionally self aware.
Some men are lead to believe they aren't supposed to cry,be scared...be vulnerable ect...so many men at times seek to hide these things and put on a front which isn't a reflection of who they REALLY are.Many feel the constant pressure or demand to be strong,the leader....the warrior type figure...
Personally I have no problems expressing my emotions verbally e t because of having to go through counselling in the past and just being really aware of that's going on inside me.Anyway it be good to hear your thoughts on this matter.
Look forward to hear from you.
Just how important is it for a guy to be able to express himself in a relationship emotionally and mentally...coz some guys say they dont do emotions..

I don't know how one can have an honest relationship if both the man and woman arent being open about all these important things. COMMUNICATION is sooo important....

 

[Pipp]

Well since someone raised this old thread to my attention I have to disagree a little brother, with men sharing emotions with their partners. I grew up with a father that showed only negative emotions anger being the main one. His family would rather die then show a positive emotion. Almost kill them to say "I love you". You had to pretty much be dying to get that. All my uncles would knock you in the shoulder with their fist and that would mean "I love you". You would swear their tongues were cut out of their heads. My aunt would literally stand at the door as they left and say to my uncle "tell your brother you love him"!! My father had two girls, myself and my sister, and you would have thought that would soften him, but it just hardened us, sad to say. Not that I don't love my father, I suppose in a way he loves me back. But that's what I grew up under. And my mother caved to my father.

Skip ahead to my husband who was raised by his mother. His father left when he was young. And honestly he expresses more range of emotions than I do. If something hurts him, he says so. If he feels saddened, he tells me. If he's had a bad day and feels overwhelmed he says so. From the time we met once we were committed and dating he would say I love you every time he hung up the phone with me. Every single time. For someone who grew up hearing that so rarely, I honestly found that hard. He was very affectionate, holding hands, hugs, kisses on the forehead. I was overwhelmed. It was too much. I had only been affectionate with my young nephews and telling them I loved them. My family did not hug, only at weddings and funerals. For me to start saying "I love you" as often as my husband did took time. I told my mother I was having trouble with terms of endearment, my parents called each other by their names. There was no honey, darling, love kind of thing. I had to break down and explain to my husband why I was having such a hard time expressing myself. He didn't stop being who he was and I learned to say "I love you" as often as he does. I learned to be affectionate and use terms of endearment, even though it sounded silly when I started. I learned to change.

Now my hubby is a big guy. I'm not painting him as a cry baby. But he even says he was raised by a woman and shows emotion more than most men. And I needed that in my life. I needed a man that could tell me he was sorry. I don't think I ever heard a man say that till my husband did. A man can be a real man and express those emotions. I don't think any less of him. He's a big man with a soft heart and I love that about him. He'd defend me with his last breath. I don't see him as any less manly. I don't respect him less, in fact I respect him more. I needed a man that expressed himself, God knew that. He's even helped me understand my father a little better. I'm perfectly happy with my husband and I wouldn't be able to live with any other type of man. I appreciate who he is. He's taught me a lot about myself and helped me change and grow into a woman. I'm grateful for him.

This is precious!! I'm so glad God knew what you needed and gave you just that ♡