Should I leave my boyfriend?

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spiritualdaughter

New member
#1
Dec 15, 2020
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#1
A few months ago I was asked out by someone I knew and I agreed to be his girlfriend. However, over time I have been trying to read the bible more and apply what it says.

I don't watch the same type of entertainment, video games, and the types of people I talk to is changing. My boyfriend is very much into games and movies not Christians shouldn't watch. He has an online community with other gamers and spends lots of time growing it outside of work. I no longer like it there.

Last night he asked what I was doing and I said I'm reading the bible using the KJV bible app and if that was a JW thing. I said no Witnesses use the NWT. I asked him what bible his church use and he didn't know because he no longer goes. He's an ex catholic. He said he believes in God and says his prayers. But he doesn't read the bible.

How can you have a relationship with God without thinking about the bible at all? I'm noticing that my taste in things is changing. I think that maybe if I make God's standards something to look up to then I won't fall for so many things. It's not enough that my bf is "nice" and says I love you. Or sends kiss emoji all day. I want God in our relationship. To pray together and read encouraging scriptures.

I want to give him an ultimatum that if we have no spiritual goals then we shouldn't be together. I need to learn to be more bold spiritual wise and to not feel bad all the time but I'm not sure how.
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#2
Sep 17, 2018
4,058
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#2
spiritualdaughter said:
A few months ago I was asked out by someone I knew and I agreed to be his girlfriend. However, over time I have been trying to read the bible more and apply what it says.

I don't watch the same type of entertainment, video games, and the types of people I talk to is changing. My boyfriend is very much into games and movies not Christians shouldn't watch. He has an online community with other gamers and spends lots of time growing it outside of work. I no longer like it there.

Last night he asked what I was doing and I said I'm reading the bible using the KJV bible app and if that was a JW thing. I said no Witnesses use the NWT. I asked him what bible his church use and he didn't know because he no longer goes. He's an ex catholic. He said he believes in God and says his prayers. But he doesn't read the bible.

How can you have a relationship with God without thinking about the bible at all? I'm noticing that my taste in things is changing. I think that maybe if I make God's standards something to look up to then I won't fall for so many things. It's not enough that my bf is "nice" and says I love you. Or sends kiss emoji all day. I want God in our relationship. To pray together and read encouraging scriptures.

I want to give him an ultimatum that if we have no spiritual goals then we shouldn't be together. I need to learn to be more bold spiritual wise and to not feel bad all the time but I'm not sure how.
Click to expand...
spiritualdaughter said:
A few months ago I was asked out by someone I knew and I agreed to be his girlfriend. However, over time I have been trying to read the bible more and apply what it says.

I don't watch the same type of entertainment, video games, and the types of people I talk to is changing. My boyfriend is very much into games and movies not Christians shouldn't watch. He has an online community with other gamers and spends lots of time growing it outside of work. I no longer like it there.

Last night he asked what I was doing and I said I'm reading the bible using the KJV bible app and if that was a JW thing. I said no Witnesses use the NWT. I asked him what bible his church use and he didn't know because he no longer goes. He's an ex catholic. He said he believes in God and says his prayers. But he doesn't read the bible.

How can you have a relationship with God without thinking about the bible at all? I'm noticing that my taste in things is changing. I think that maybe if I make God's standards something to look up to then I won't fall for so many things. It's not enough that my bf is "nice" and says I love you. Or sends kiss emoji all day. I want God in our relationship. To pray together and read encouraging scriptures.

I want to give him an ultimatum that if we have no spiritual goals then we shouldn't be together. I need to learn to be more bold spiritual wise and to not feel bad all the time but I'm not sure how.
Click to expand...
No one can tell you what you should or shouldn't do in this situation, that is up to your conscience.
But I can say No Ultimatum. Such ideas when it comes to a partners lack of faith are horrible and ultimately manipulative. If you're going to date someone you have two choice
-accept them as they are
-leave them
Putting demands that other people confirm to being who you want them to be is bad I this situation.
The most likely responses are
-they will fake it to stay together, and eventually that will come out
-leave angry at you and God for trying to force them into being something they aren't.

A better, healthier and more mature way to handle it, if you choose to leave, is be open and honest and tell him that you're moving in different directions and end things and move on.

Bottom line, don't date someone with the goal of changing them, that's selfish. Date them because you accept them as they are.
And the same is true of staying in a relationship.

If a person isn't wanting to change of their own accord trying to coerce, threaten and manipulate them into it will never end well.
 
Belka

Belka

Junior Member
#3
Aug 24, 2017
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#3
First of all, I am so sorry that you're finding yourself in this situation, it's not an easy one.
Because I assume you really care about your boyfriend, and would like for things to work, but at the same time, the spiritual side of things isn't present, and you feel in your heart that it's a necessary element for you...

Like Sub above said, no one can tell you what to do (except for God); but I think you already know the answer in your own heart.

My advice is to pray about it as much as possible and then get quiet and listen to the Holy Spirit. If you're not used to listening/hearing the voice of the Lord, it might prove a little tricky and you may feel a bit confused, but in time you will get a strong impression on your heart as to what the right thing to do is. A kind of "knowing" that goes beyond words.

Though my impression is that you already know, and it is possible that the Lord is already leading you out of that relationship (as sad as that is). However, I can't tell you for certain, and definitely encourage you to seek the Lord on this and have a conversation with your boyfriend about it. I wouldn't suggest using "ultimatums" (for the reasons Sub listed) but rather simply presenting your current perspective, and see what he says.

I pray the Father gives you clarity and peace in this process in the name of Jesus. And for His perfect will to be done in your life.
Know that it is absolutely wonderful that you are getting closer to the Lord and your relationship with Him is by far the most important one in your life (and always will be).
People will come and go, but He will remain faithful until the very end. He loves you and He will lead you in every decision, every step of the way, if you just seek Him and put your trust in Him.

Be blessed & please do keep us updated if you feel like it.
 
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spiritualdaughter

New member
#4
Dec 15, 2020
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#4
I didn't mean to come off as manipulative but of course my bf is free to believe what he wants. Im not saying he has to believe the same way as I do or else he's doomed. But what I am saying is that I wish we had spiritual goals as a couple. That means his input is needed, not just mine. And if being spiritually minded isn't his thing then it becomes a deal breaker for me.

However, given his situation with being put off by the catholic church and his family not exactly setting the best example of what a couple does together in worshiping God, there are just things he doesn't know and will take time to learn. I don't fault him for not knowing how to do everything right. It takes time to learn how to do things.

In not sure how else to explain how I'm feeling. I have the patience and willingness to help him grow spiritually. But I'm not forcing him either. But all I know is that I'm going in a different direction than him in life.
And if things don't work out then that's OK. But I must learn to be clear with my intentions in relationship's and i sometimes find it hard because for so long I have been made to feel bad for saying how I feel.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#5
Jul 3, 2015
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#5
spiritualdaughter said:
I must learn to be clear with my intentions in relationship's and I sometimes find
it hard because for so long I have been made to feel bad for saying how I feel.
Click to expand...
This is a worthy goal and also a common problem, a problem that can be overcome
with practicing speaking your truths without blaming or shaming the other person.
Taking ownership of your feelings, which you have done, is a very good first step :)
Ultimately having shared life and spiritual values is of paramount importance.
 
SoulWeaver

SoulWeaver

Senior Member
#6
Oct 25, 2014
4,889
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#6
It appears like you two are going two separate ways right now. People of course can't tell the whole situation from the forum. Just saying, how it sounds from your post.
No matter what you ultimately decide to do, it would probably do you no good to suppress how you feel. Discuss it with him maybe? Then see what he says.
If he tries to twist things up, recall small records of past wrongs or tries to blame you for speaking up about your needs and feelings like you're crazy for having spiritual needs, or accuse you of not appreciating the relationship just because your needs are changing (nobody is 100% fixed) I'd take anything like this as a big red flag... maybe when you talk it over with him, you'll have a clearer idea what to do, his thoughts and feelings count too.
 
T

TheIndianGirl

Guest
#7
#7
spiritualdaughter said:
A few months ago I was asked out by someone I knew and I agreed to be his girlfriend. However, over time I have been trying to read the bible more and apply what it says.

I don't watch the same type of entertainment, video games, and the types of people I talk to is changing. My boyfriend is very much into games and movies not Christians shouldn't watch. He has an online community with other gamers and spends lots of time growing it outside of work. I no longer like it there.

Last night he asked what I was doing and I said I'm reading the bible using the KJV bible app and if that was a JW thing. I said no Witnesses use the NWT. I asked him what bible his church use and he didn't know because he no longer goes. He's an ex catholic. He said he believes in God and says his prayers. But he doesn't read the bible.

How can you have a relationship with God without thinking about the bible at all? I'm noticing that my taste in things is changing. I think that maybe if I make God's standards something to look up to then I won't fall for so many things. It's not enough that my bf is "nice" and says I love you. Or sends kiss emoji all day. I want God in our relationship. To pray together and read encouraging scriptures.

I want to give him an ultimatum that if we have no spiritual goals then we shouldn't be together. I need to learn to be more bold spiritual wise and to not feel bad all the time but I'm not sure how.
Click to expand...
I would find out first about his core beliefs. Many people do not enjoy reading, and are not against the Bible. See if you can get to him to sign up for daily Bible verse/devotional emails, and both of you can discuss.
 
tourist

tourist

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#8
Mar 13, 2014
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#8
TheIndianGirl said:
I would find out first about his core beliefs. Many people do not enjoy reading, and are not against the Bible. See if you can get to him to sign up for daily Bible verse/devotional emails, and both of you can discuss.
Click to expand...
This is a very good suggestion. If anything, it may strengthen both of their spiritual understanding of scripture.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#9
Mar 13, 2014
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#9
I see that you have already receive some quality replies to consider. I am sure that one could very possibly have a relationship with God but it is only when you start to understand the language that the real conversation can begin. I pray that this situation works out for the best for the both of you. Glad to have you onboard with us. Welcome to CC.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#10
Mar 13, 2014
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#10
Magenta said:
This is a worthy goal and also a common problem, a problem that can be overcome
with practicing speaking your truths without blaming or shaming the other person.
Taking ownership of your feelings, which you have done, is a very good first step :)
Ultimately having shared life and spiritual values is of paramount importance.
Click to expand...
I believe that part about 'taking ownership of your feelings' is profound and I am in agreement that sharing life and spiritual values is of paramount importance.
 
Yamyleysse

Yamyleysse

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#11
Dec 16, 2020
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#11
spiritualdaughter said:
A few months ago I was asked out by someone I knew and I agreed to be his girlfriend. However, over time I have been trying to read the bible more and apply what it says.

I don't watch the same type of entertainment, video games, and the types of people I talk to is changing. My boyfriend is very much into games and movies not Christians shouldn't watch. He has an online community with other gamers and spends lots of time growing it outside of work. I no longer like it there.

Last night he asked what I was doing and I said I'm reading the bible using the KJV bible app and if that was a JW thing. I said no Witnesses use the NWT. I asked him what bible his church use and he didn't know because he no longer goes. He's an ex catholic. He said he believes in God and says his prayers. But he doesn't read the bible.

How can you have a relationship with God without thinking about the bible at all? I'm noticing that my taste in things is changing. I think that maybe if I make God's standards something to look up to then I won't fall for so many things. It's not enough that my bf is "nice" and says I love you. Or sends kiss emoji all day. I want God in our relationship. To pray together and read encouraging scriptures.

I want to give him an ultimatum that if we have no spiritual goals then we shouldn't be together. I need to learn to be more bold spiritual wise and to not feel bad all the time but I'm not sure how.
Click to expand...


I think that he isn't the right one for you.
 
Mii

Mii

Well-known member
#12
Mar 23, 2019
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#12
Start with speaking what is on your heart though first of course...I've met some people that are just poor at expressing their beliefs so that I can understand.

I mention this to a lot of people because I find it useful but it's not for everyone...writing a letter can help get your thoughts in order and work around the problem of face to face interactions.

For me, if I say some things point blank it's a bit heavy spoken out loud but in a letter, it gives them time to read it in their own voice and it's much "quieter" in some ways and louder in others. It is an option and you could even say that it's difficult to voice out loud and if he can read it and have a conversation with you about the contents perhaps?
 
Rosemaryx

Rosemaryx

Senior Member
#13
May 3, 2017
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#13
Mii said:
Start with speaking what is on your heart though first of course...I've met some people that are just poor at expressing their beliefs so that I can understand.

I mention this to a lot of people because I find it useful but it's not for everyone...writing a letter can help get your thoughts in order and work around the problem of face to face interactions.

For me, if I say some things point blank it's a bit heavy spoken out loud but in a letter, it gives them time to read it in their own voice and it's much "quieter" in some ways and louder in others. It is an option and you could even say that it's difficult to voice out loud and if he can read it and have a conversation with you about the contents perhaps?
Click to expand...
Good idea I think , because he can keep going back to the letter and re-read it , unless he tares it up , in which case , that would be an answer in its self...
...xox...
 
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spiritualdaughter

New member
#14
Dec 15, 2020
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#14
Rosemaryx said:
Good idea I think , because he can keep going back to the letter and re-read it , unless he tares it up , in which case , that would be an answer in its self...
...xox...
Click to expand...
He lives in a different state so I would have to mail him a letter lol. But we communicate primarily through Facebook messenger. I would like to thank everyone for their suggestions but continue to add if you like.
 
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SigP226

Guest
#15
#15
Send him packing
 
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