Hi, Kait24.
I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through, and I can definitely relate because I've been in situations very similar to yours for most of my own life. Rather than share any of my own horror stories with you, I'll seek to encourage you by telling you that regaining/retaining your sanity in the midst of such an abusive situation may be a lot simpler than you presently think it to be.
First of all, you need to know that Jesus Christ, your "merciful and faithful high priest" (Heb. 2:17) or the one through whom you have access to your heavenly Father, knows exactly what you're going through because he went through the same types of things repeatedly during his incarnation.
For example, people falsely accused him of having a devil or of being demonized even though he had the Spirit of God without measure, they called him a deceiver even though he is the very pinnacle of truth, and they basically sought to kill him everywhere that he went even though he's the very author of life itself.
How did he overcome such constant abuse and rejection?
Well, simply put, he looked up.
We read:
I Peter chapter 2
[19] For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.
[20] For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.
[21] For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:
[22] Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:
[23] Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:
[24] Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.
In the midst of all of the horrible and abusive things that people were saying about him or attempting to do to him, he looked up and committed himself to him, his heavenly Father, who judges righteously.
And what was his Father's assessment of Jesus in the midst of all of these things?
That Jesus was his beloved Son in whom he was well pleased.
There will always be people (and a lot of them) in this fallen world who will seek to tear you down and break you.
You cannot let their judgments of you become godlike by allowing them to replace what the one who judges righteously thinks about you.
And what does God think about you?
Well, if you've ever sold anything or purchased anything from Amazon, eBay, or some other online retailer, then you know that the value of something is determined by what someone is willing to pay for it.
And what price was God willing to pay for you?
The precious blood of Jesus Christ.
THIS is your true worth, and THIS is what you must keep your heart and mind focused upon.
It may not seem too easy initially, but I can tell you as someone who's had to put this in practice myself repeatedly throughout my own lifetime that it gets easier day by day. Take the first step, and look up. God loves you, and his grace is sufficient for you.
You spoke about moving out, and I would encourage you to do the same as soon as you are able to.
In the interim, allow these fiery trials to push you closer to God, and they'll actually have a purifying effect upon your life.
Gold is purified in fire, and your faith in God can similarly be purified in the midst of fiery trials like the one that you presently find yourself in:
I Peter chapter 1
[3] Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
[4] To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you,
[5] Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
[6] Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations:
[7] That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:
[8] Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:
[9] Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.
Again:
I Peter chapter 4
[12] Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:
[13] But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.
Unfortunately, sufferings are a very real part of life, but, again, they can have a purifying effect upon us if we keep our focus UPWARD in the midst of the same.
This I know, firsthand.
Whenever you encounter those in this world who seek to break you or to extinguish whatever flickering flame of life or hope which remains in you, know of a certainty that Jesus Christ is NOT numbered among them.
Matthew chapter 12
[18] Behold my servant, whom I have chosen; my beloved, in whom my soul is well pleased: I will put my spirit upon him, and he shall shew judgment to the Gentiles.
[19] He shall not strive, nor cry; neither shall any man hear his voice in the streets.
[20] A bruised reed shall he not break, and smoking flax shall he not quench, till he send forth judgment unto victory.
You're in my prayers.
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