Pretty new. Curious about this thing though

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Stac37

Stac37

New member
#1
Mar 13, 2019
3
0
1
33
#1
Not sure if in here is the place to put this.. but here I go
So I'm a single mom. I know sex between a man and his wife is good. But what if I don't have a husband. Should I get married because I desire to masturbate? Or is that something I can do as it isn't harming others.
Im struggling a lot with this. Especially after I got baptized a couple weeks ago. Help?
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#2
Sep 17, 2018
4,058
3,172
113
#2
Stac37 said:
Not sure if in here is the place to put this.. but here I go
So I'm a single mom. I know sex between a man and his wife is good. But what if I don't have a husband. Should I get married because I desire to masturbate? Or is that something I can do as it isn't harming others.
Im struggling a lot with this. Especially after I got baptized a couple weeks ago. Help?
Click to expand...
When it comes to being a single Christian and sex, pardon the pun, but you're screwed.
Basically any sexually oriented behavior is considered a sin.
You could "attempt" to marry for sex, but that's a shallow and selfish basis for marriage marriage wherein your only concern is yourself and your needs and when it inevitably fails you'll be stuck in a bad marriage, and still not having sex.
Nearly 30 years and no answer.
But what you Can expect to hear a lot of is "pray, read your bible and focus on Jesus".
 
Didymous

Didymous

Senior Member
#3
Feb 22, 2018
5,047
2,101
113
#3
Subhumanoidal said:
When it comes to being a single Christian and sex, pardon the pun, but you're screwed.
Basically any sexually oriented behavior is considered a sin.
You could "attempt" to marry for sex, but that's a shallow and selfish basis for marriage marriage wherein your only concern is yourself and your needs and when it inevitably fails you'll be stuck in a bad marriage, and still not having sex.
Nearly 30 years and no answer.
But what you Can expect to hear a lot of is "pray, read your bible and focus on Jesus".
Click to expand...
Subhumanoidal said:
When it comes to being a single Christian and sex, pardon the pun, but you're screwed.
Basically any sexually oriented behavior is considered a sin.
You could "attempt" to marry for sex, but that's a shallow and selfish basis for marriage marriage wherein your only concern is yourself and your needs and when it inevitably fails you'll be stuck in a bad marriage, and still not having sex.
Nearly 30 years and no answer.
But what you Can expect to hear a lot of is "pray, read your bible and focus on Jesus".
Click to expand...
Stac37 said:
Not sure if in here is the place to put this.. but here I go
So I'm a single mom. I know sex between a man and his wife is good. But what if I don't have a husband. Should I get married because I desire to masturbate? Or is that something I can do as it isn't harming others.
Im struggling a lot with this. Especially after I got baptized a couple weeks ago. Help?
Click to expand...

I can't add much to what Sub said, but I've been there, and i'll pray for you.
 
Z

Zan

Member
#4
Mar 15, 2019
57
73
18
#4
Everyone falls short of the glory of God. Just do the best you can and keep an eye out for someone you are compatible with.
 
H

Hungry

Banned
#5
Nov 26, 2012
3,095
1,050
113
#5
Stac37 said:
Not sure if in here is the place to put this.. but here I go
So I'm a single mom. I know sex between a man and his wife is good. But what if I don't have a husband. Should I get married because I desire to masturbate? Or is that something I can do as it isn't harming others.
Im struggling a lot with this. Especially after I got baptized a couple weeks ago. Help?
Click to expand...
Welcome. To answer this question in a non judgmental way, the bigger question is why are you doing it and what thoughts are in your head at the time. There is a calming effect that can help with the stresses of single parenthood. It’s a chemical dependence, just one that is self sustainable. First when you program your mind with pleasure it causes a Pavlovian response. When you pleasure yourself the thoughts are programming your mind. Also the tools used can desensitize the areas and make it more difficult for a later lover to satisfy you.

Just like any addiction, usually the substance causes a high or a low. The greater the high or low, the more imbalance the brain has to adjust for. All addictions can escalate because a greater stimulus is needed to reach the same result. This is because the brain is trying to balance.

Find out why you need this stimulation and find other ways to avoid stressors. Just my advice.
 
Stac37

Stac37

New member
#6
Mar 13, 2019
3
0
1
33
#6
Subhumanoidal said:
When it comes to being a single Christian and sex, pardon the pun, but you're screwed.
Basically any sexually oriented behavior is considered a sin.
You could "attempt" to marry for sex, but that's a shallow and selfish basis for marriage marriage wherein your only concern is yourself and your needs and when it inevitably fails you'll be stuck in a bad marriage, and still not having sex.
Nearly 30 years and no answer.
But what you Can expect to hear a lot of is "pray, read your bible and focus on Jesus".
Click to expand...
Thank you . That's a good and well expected answer :)
 
Stac37

Stac37

New member
#7
Mar 13, 2019
3
0
1
33
#7
Hungry said:
Welcome. To answer this question in a non judgmental way, the bigger question is why are you doing it and what thoughts are in your head at the time. There is a calming effect that can help with the stresses of single parenthood. It’s a chemical dependence, just one that is self sustainable. First when you program your mind with pleasure it causes a Pavlovian response. When you pleasure yourself the thoughts are programming your mind. Also the tools used can desensitize the areas and make it more difficult for a later lover to satisfy you.

Just like any addiction, usually the substance causes a high or a low. The greater the high or low, the more imbalance the brain has to adjust for. All addictions can escalate because a greater stimulus is needed to reach the same result. This is because the brain is trying to balance.

Find out why you need this stimulation and find other ways to avoid stressors. Just my advice.
Click to expand...
I can appreciate this. Never thought of it in a chemical thing going on in my brain. Which actually makes sense looking back. Thanks !
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#8
Sep 17, 2018
4,058
3,172
113
#8
Stac37 said:
I can appreciate this. Never thought of it in a chemical thing going on in my brain. Which actually makes sense looking back. Thanks !
Click to expand...
There is validity in this concept, but it cannot be accepted as the only option. To consider this possibility you need introspection to spot a pattern first. Some people just naturally have higher drives, so you should ask yourself if the strength and frequency of such desires have changed, or is this consistent for you.
And even separate from stressors we have to keep in mind sex is often connected with intimacy. It may be that as a single parent it's less about sex than closeness (with sex being somewhat the ultimate closeness). I find this to be a more common reason for single parent desires, than stress, among those i have encountered.
Likely all three aspects play a part, natural desire, intimacy and stress. Finding which is the biggest influencer and dealing with that one is likely the ideal approach, rather than picking one at random and assuming that's the problem.
Good things to look out for is if you feel lonely shortly before such desires arise. Or if you are dealing with stressful finances or situations with your kids that are stressful, before it shows up. Even time of day, it's more likely a loneliness issue if it comes out after the kids are in bed and your house is quiet and lonely. If you feel it more during 'business hours (haha)' it may be stress related.
 
L

LadyInWaiting

Guest
#9
#9
You have to kill your flesh. Don't let your body tell you what to do. Tell your body that you're going to follow Jesus no matter what it costs. The life of a Christian is very difficult...but it's worth everything.
 
H

Hungry

Banned
#10
Nov 26, 2012
3,095
1,050
113
#10
Subhumanoidal said:
There is validity in this concept, but it cannot be accepted as the only option. To consider this possibility you need introspection to spot a pattern first. Some people just naturally have higher drives, so you should ask yourself if the strength and frequency of such desires have changed, or is this consistent for you.
And even separate from stressors we have to keep in mind sex is often connected with intimacy. It may be that as a single parent it's less about sex than closeness (with sex being somewhat the ultimate closeness). I find this to be a more common reason for single parent desires, than stress, among those i have encountered.
Likely all three aspects play a part, natural desire, intimacy and stress. Finding which is the biggest influencer and dealing with that one is likely the ideal approach, rather than picking one at random and assuming that's the problem.
Good things to look out for is if you feel lonely shortly before such desires arise. Or if you are dealing with stressful finances or situations with your kids that are stressful, before it shows up. Even time of day, it's more likely a loneliness issue if it comes out after the kids are in bed and your house is quiet and lonely. If you feel it more during 'business hours (haha)' it may be stress related.
Click to expand...
Good insight. Sometimes it could be the programming we watch could ramp up the libido.
 
J

JustEli

Well-known member
#11
Dec 23, 2018
1,374
983
113
50
#11
this is my schedule: resist, resist, resist faceplant! sometimes in the opposite order.
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#12
Jun 30, 2015
25,412
13,760
113
#12
Stac37 said:
Not sure if in here is the place to put this.. but here I go
So I'm a single mom. I know sex between a man and his wife is good. But what if I don't have a husband. Should I get married because I desire to masturbate? Or is that something I can do as it isn't harming others.
Im struggling a lot with this. Especially after I got baptized a couple weeks ago. Help?
Click to expand...
There is a Ladies Forum that is more appropriate for this question. Ask an Admin or Mod about it. :)

And... welcome to CC!
 
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