I have been lost in what to do without any direction at all. I feel as if my life is meaningless and have made no or very little progress as a Christian in 10 years roughly. I am tired and weary nearly every day of the drudgery of inactivity that has seemingly led me to be "less of a Christian" with nearly no "zeal or effort" to do anything. All hope seems lost and I have no future to look forward to except made up guesses and fantasies of a false "heaven" or "heaven on earth" that seems not very active or interesting to live like a "sheep" without thoughts and desires, because our desires are non-existent in "heaven" etc, they are "God's desires / will" and so forth.
I have no decent job to occupy my mind, i'm stuck at home all my life, my family isn't Christian, is loud, and I have to deal with being a loser as person and a Christian at an older age, with an empty dead church of nice people, but nearly no-one.
What the heck am I supposed to do with this limited poor-ish inskilled miserable life of no resources and no visible or felt direction of what God is leading me to if at all? I feel like all I am being led to do is overcome addiction to "doing stuff" and am to sit like a "monk" with no mind at all "dead but living". With no desires. I have lost nearly all will to live, but am Christian so can't do the bad stuff etc, otherwise I would have left a long time ago from this inactive life of nothingness. There is no support except to pray and continue for another decade guessing if I'm going anywhere, supposed to stay still, or who knows?
So I pray and ask for life to not be a miserable pointless existence, otherwise what am I to ever evangelise with except "you won't go to hell and burn forever"? Sometimes I get glimmers of peace of mind, but only like a "sheep" or baby not thinking or worrying. The way I used to be before I "grew up" and became useless and miserable. All education seems a waste and not of "job usage" as courses are not present anymore. The world is at war and dying, and everything I used to do to "chill" is anti-christian, or at least God seems to have pushed/dragged me away from them (gaming / movies / music / fun and addictive stimulation I suppose is sinful potentially clinging to the "world").
What does a Christian do except be silent and wait? What do I do in an empty church? What do I do alone when I have lost zeal to read or study anymore except on a "good day". I'm probably "sinfully bored" of what seems like "inactive dull Christianity".
Therefore I ask and pray for others also to pray for me to overcome my addictions to wanting to do, because it seems that is what "greedy feeling" I have to overcome, also I ask that I actually have a "regular meaningful" reason to live, as well as a direction in the will of God "with my understanding and not guessing every day and night with constant worry / panic / confusion as to not doing the correct thing". I pray for rest and not this constant fear of not doing enough, because i'm once saved always saved, but still have no direction or HOPE, because life, heaven and everything, seems meaningless and unfulfilling with no idea or picture of what to hope for? "A boring eternity?".
So yeah, any help appreciated, and I know this is a lot of stuff, but it backs up when you have no-one to talk to who answers etc.
Selfishly, I wish my life was more interesting, and I also feel I missed out big time. I pray I get over this also. In Jesus name , Amen.
I have no decent job to occupy my mind, i'm stuck at home all my life, my family isn't Christian, is loud, and I have to deal with being a loser as person and a Christian at an older age, with an empty dead church of nice people, but nearly no-one.
What the heck am I supposed to do with this limited poor-ish inskilled miserable life of no resources and no visible or felt direction of what God is leading me to if at all? I feel like all I am being led to do is overcome addiction to "doing stuff" and am to sit like a "monk" with no mind at all "dead but living". With no desires. I have lost nearly all will to live, but am Christian so can't do the bad stuff etc, otherwise I would have left a long time ago from this inactive life of nothingness. There is no support except to pray and continue for another decade guessing if I'm going anywhere, supposed to stay still, or who knows?
So I pray and ask for life to not be a miserable pointless existence, otherwise what am I to ever evangelise with except "you won't go to hell and burn forever"? Sometimes I get glimmers of peace of mind, but only like a "sheep" or baby not thinking or worrying. The way I used to be before I "grew up" and became useless and miserable. All education seems a waste and not of "job usage" as courses are not present anymore. The world is at war and dying, and everything I used to do to "chill" is anti-christian, or at least God seems to have pushed/dragged me away from them (gaming / movies / music / fun and addictive stimulation I suppose is sinful potentially clinging to the "world").
What does a Christian do except be silent and wait? What do I do in an empty church? What do I do alone when I have lost zeal to read or study anymore except on a "good day". I'm probably "sinfully bored" of what seems like "inactive dull Christianity".
Therefore I ask and pray for others also to pray for me to overcome my addictions to wanting to do, because it seems that is what "greedy feeling" I have to overcome, also I ask that I actually have a "regular meaningful" reason to live, as well as a direction in the will of God "with my understanding and not guessing every day and night with constant worry / panic / confusion as to not doing the correct thing". I pray for rest and not this constant fear of not doing enough, because i'm once saved always saved, but still have no direction or HOPE, because life, heaven and everything, seems meaningless and unfulfilling with no idea or picture of what to hope for? "A boring eternity?".
So yeah, any help appreciated, and I know this is a lot of stuff, but it backs up when you have no-one to talk to who answers etc.
Selfishly, I wish my life was more interesting, and I also feel I missed out big time. I pray I get over this also. In Jesus name , Amen.
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