Please pray for me. Yesterday I was a church feeling sick because of the heat. And speaker had said turn to your neighbor and say this. But I turned my head to the wall. And just stared at the wall. And I wanted to throw up. And walk out too. Then they had the altar call. And the deacon was anointing people with oil. And I am sitting in the front. And I have OCD. And I don't like being touched at all. And people are hugging and kissing. And it gives me the creeps. And I want to jump out of my skin. And I did not have anything for the offering. And people looking at me. Like a toxic white male. And knowing I got a real short fuse. And a soul full of anger. I had plans to go to my old home town. Because when I was a kid. I hated God. And I wanted to make my peace with him. But those plans fell through. Along with my planned trip to Baltimore. To see the Ravens play. To see Edgar Allen Poe, The Baltimore and Ohio Railroad Museum. And to see Vietnam Memorial. To say thanks and to pray for the fallen men and women. And I want to know. Why certain people are getting blessed with jobs, money, and cars. And the pastor pulls strings for certain members of the church. And they get jobs. And when they see people in jail. But they wouldn't see me. But when it comes to me. Oh no, you have to the unemployment office. And you are on your own. And oh no. We will not visit you in jail. And they get picked up from jail. And I got to hitchhike to a bus stop. And get the bus or train home. And they have certain members or family to play music. And they look at me. A very good bass player. And the deacon says. You are not playing. For this church or any other church. And I want to beat the ever-living snot. Out of the deacon and the pastor. Till they look like Billy Batts from Goodfellas. So I can go back. Where things make sense. Where I am an educated man and an important man. Out here in your world. I don't fit in. All I am is nothing. But a man of a certain age. And who likes women of a very very large size. And shape. And classic rock, soul, and r&b. And the crimes I did. That is my fault and I have only myself to blame. So I am thinking of leaving the church. And leaving the area I live. And go somewhere I belong. And I can relate to the song Behind Blue Eyes by The Who. I have spoken
Sven
Sven
