Hello friends,
I am sorry there is so much doom and gloom from me and I seriously would like to be more actively involved with this online community in a way that could help me make closer connections and establish more regular communication. I apologize for not yet responding to all of those wonderfully charitable people here who have taken the time to read anything I've posted here and shown such genuine care, kindness, support, compassion, advice, wisdom, Christ-like love, and for those who have prayed for me. All of this is deeply appreciated and I still want to find the time to acknowledge each of you. I am under a lot of stress right now. I'm basically broke as I have been in a desperate situation over the last year since I quit the teaching profession (for a litany of very critical reasons) and I've been struggling to find a new career, praying for God to direct toward His purpose.
A few weeks ago I started a part-time online ESL teaching job (someone on here had even recommended this idea). I had certain apprehensions about taking this kind of job but considered it a reliable last resort when push came to shove. And well, I have basically gone broke and I've been missing my car payments because of it, and basically not able to do much of anything. But I needed the $ so I took this job, teaching little kids in China on a crazy schedule that has forced me to readjust my sleeping habits and such (teaching often between 2 and 5am). It's far from an ideal situation, but I figured better than nothing-- I needed to earn something and start paying off my mounting debts. My world has crumbled. I'm desperate.
This job has demanded an unreasonable amount of commitment for what is not even remotely a livable salary. I knew this would be far from sufficient to support myself but I just needed to take what I could get at the moment to stop the urgent bleeding. I know there are many issues/concerns associated with online teaching companies, but the reviews I looked at suggested this company was reliable. Well now it turns out that even though I thought I would receive my first paycheck at this time, they are telling me I cannot receive my first payment for another month since I started training on May 25th and there would not be enough time to process my banking info for the June payment. This has come as a very distressing shock to me and it certainly was never clearly communicated to me before.
I wasn't putting a ton of high hopes in the first payment, but even if it had covered the days of training and first couple days of working it would've been something to help me. Right now I just feel so trapped and desperate. I never thought this would happen to me. I'm turning 34 years old on Saturday and this is just a dismal state for me to find myself in at this stage of my life. I know the Lord has blessed me with many gifts, generously so, but I am also a highly emotionally strung, depressed, lonely and impractical person with little idea of what to do with myself for my livelihood.
I don't know what to do. I cast my burden onto Christ. I want to collapse. I just can't picture when or how my life can get better than where it's been stagnating over the past year... Hardly anything has gotten any better over the last year and in fact I feel like I've just wasting away, going around in circles without even actually moving, banging my head into a wall, sending my SOS out over and over to the Lord.
I'm broken. Shattered. Stuck. Clueless. This is how I have staggered back toward the radiant refuge of Christ. I feel I have uttered failed life and that my entire life has been derailed and I'm just languishing in an abysmal dark void with no idea how to crawl out of it.
Please pray for me my friends. Please lift me up in prayer. I am in serious need of God's guidance for my life. My life is in dire need of fixing. I am starving for a radical reboot and transformation.
If you have anything to share with me please do. But most of all I ask for your prayer to our Lord. And additionally I would love to hear any of your ideas/suggestions for how to be more involved/connected with others on this site. I don't just want to be a debbie downer emo drama queen depressive eeyore melancholiac. there actually is a lot more to me than that. I'm just not in great shape right now.
Please pray for me friends.
Thank you. God bless you.
In Christ,
Daniel (who is starving in the Lion's den right now)
I am sorry there is so much doom and gloom from me and I seriously would like to be more actively involved with this online community in a way that could help me make closer connections and establish more regular communication. I apologize for not yet responding to all of those wonderfully charitable people here who have taken the time to read anything I've posted here and shown such genuine care, kindness, support, compassion, advice, wisdom, Christ-like love, and for those who have prayed for me. All of this is deeply appreciated and I still want to find the time to acknowledge each of you. I am under a lot of stress right now. I'm basically broke as I have been in a desperate situation over the last year since I quit the teaching profession (for a litany of very critical reasons) and I've been struggling to find a new career, praying for God to direct toward His purpose.
A few weeks ago I started a part-time online ESL teaching job (someone on here had even recommended this idea). I had certain apprehensions about taking this kind of job but considered it a reliable last resort when push came to shove. And well, I have basically gone broke and I've been missing my car payments because of it, and basically not able to do much of anything. But I needed the $ so I took this job, teaching little kids in China on a crazy schedule that has forced me to readjust my sleeping habits and such (teaching often between 2 and 5am). It's far from an ideal situation, but I figured better than nothing-- I needed to earn something and start paying off my mounting debts. My world has crumbled. I'm desperate.
This job has demanded an unreasonable amount of commitment for what is not even remotely a livable salary. I knew this would be far from sufficient to support myself but I just needed to take what I could get at the moment to stop the urgent bleeding. I know there are many issues/concerns associated with online teaching companies, but the reviews I looked at suggested this company was reliable. Well now it turns out that even though I thought I would receive my first paycheck at this time, they are telling me I cannot receive my first payment for another month since I started training on May 25th and there would not be enough time to process my banking info for the June payment. This has come as a very distressing shock to me and it certainly was never clearly communicated to me before.
I wasn't putting a ton of high hopes in the first payment, but even if it had covered the days of training and first couple days of working it would've been something to help me. Right now I just feel so trapped and desperate. I never thought this would happen to me. I'm turning 34 years old on Saturday and this is just a dismal state for me to find myself in at this stage of my life. I know the Lord has blessed me with many gifts, generously so, but I am also a highly emotionally strung, depressed, lonely and impractical person with little idea of what to do with myself for my livelihood.
I don't know what to do. I cast my burden onto Christ. I want to collapse. I just can't picture when or how my life can get better than where it's been stagnating over the past year... Hardly anything has gotten any better over the last year and in fact I feel like I've just wasting away, going around in circles without even actually moving, banging my head into a wall, sending my SOS out over and over to the Lord.
I'm broken. Shattered. Stuck. Clueless. This is how I have staggered back toward the radiant refuge of Christ. I feel I have uttered failed life and that my entire life has been derailed and I'm just languishing in an abysmal dark void with no idea how to crawl out of it.
Please pray for me my friends. Please lift me up in prayer. I am in serious need of God's guidance for my life. My life is in dire need of fixing. I am starving for a radical reboot and transformation.
If you have anything to share with me please do. But most of all I ask for your prayer to our Lord. And additionally I would love to hear any of your ideas/suggestions for how to be more involved/connected with others on this site. I don't just want to be a debbie downer emo drama queen depressive eeyore melancholiac. there actually is a lot more to me than that. I'm just not in great shape right now.
Please pray for me friends.
Thank you. God bless you.
In Christ,
Daniel (who is starving in the Lion's den right now)
-
2
- Show all
