I seem to have no idea that is desirous enough to perform that is not me doing it for the sake of it in a disheartening way of futile purposelessness. And I stay in bed all morning doing nothing, not even moving, thinking, "what's the point of getting up, I have nothing to do or live for and am blocked by God from doing any selfish hobbies or interests or gaming". So I ask for prayer on a solution and help to "do something" because it is depressing especially in winter where I miss all the daylight. There is no fun, joy, peace, help or future. What can I do if God does not give it to me as a work that is fulling to do, with meaning and not "for the sake of it"? Selfishness and lazyness seems to become deeper, and now bitterness and greed. It seems hopeless. I ask someone to pray for me. I know even this is selfish, as my prayer life is terribly repetitive.
I miss the old days. When I actually did something like college for a "potential hopeful purpose", but those things are gone and meaningless. Where did they end up. You see my problem. I have no hopes, no dreams, and heaven seems to be visualised as a "bunch of male and female monks not doing much". I do not see the "joy" in that, only "contentment to be content with little or nothing" like a "sheep". We see Jesus, but so did the apostles. What does that mean? We get new bodies, but to do what? I don't know. I wish I was more like "those happy christians" but I was raised expecting to "go and do something" in the "future". Now all that is gone, what is left? I pray for this to be solved in Jesus name Amen.
I miss the old days. When I actually did something like college for a "potential hopeful purpose", but those things are gone and meaningless. Where did they end up. You see my problem. I have no hopes, no dreams, and heaven seems to be visualised as a "bunch of male and female monks not doing much". I do not see the "joy" in that, only "contentment to be content with little or nothing" like a "sheep". We see Jesus, but so did the apostles. What does that mean? We get new bodies, but to do what? I don't know. I wish I was more like "those happy christians" but I was raised expecting to "go and do something" in the "future". Now all that is gone, what is left? I pray for this to be solved in Jesus name Amen.
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